Oh Noes 2016-04-29

[Sgt. Howard]

What if we come in peace?

Come in peace, thass fine. Come an' raise a stink, y'all will leave in pieces...

[illiad]

What if we come in peace?

Come in peace, thass fine. Come an' raise a stink, y'all will leave in pieces...

I'm sure if you come in peace, bearing Agua dente, you will be fully welcomed!!! I know Portuguese, but I'm not sure of the similarity to Mexican!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aguardiente

[AnotherFairportfan]

Bear eats bag of Hershey's Kisses, goes to bathroom.

bearkisses.jpg (51.42 KiB) Viewed 9893 times

[TazManiac]

http://thirstybear.com/brewery#history <--- Thirsty Bear, read the Genesis...

[AnotherFairportfan]

bwhiz.gif (146.89 KiB) Viewed 9878 times

'It's in the water"

[illiad]

well I believe it eating the hersheys, but... :p

Not sure about the beer though..
'take a whiz' by urbandictionary

[TazManiac]

Hey, hey, hey! My Bear link is about a Bear who bum-rushed some picnic tables and ate the lunch and drank the beer of the surprised patrons, I don't know from any 'flavour enhancements'...

[AmriloJim]

attack.jpg (21.36 KiB) Viewed 9843 times

[GlytchMeister]

Well I guess I'll be moving to Mars when the shipping lanes open up.

[Dave]

Moving outwards towards the cooler region is probably wise. To the left of the region in green, there is still some nonzero chance of a bear attack.

And, in that zone, the bear would probably be on fire when it attacked you. Ursa ignis has a terrible temper.

[illiad]

well, I have heard the some Martian beasts make 'huge grizzly' look like a puppy dog.....

[Catawampus]

Moving outwards towards the cooler region is probably wise. To the left of the region in green, there is still some nonzero chance of a bear attack.

And, in that zone, the bear would probably be on fire when it attacked you. Ursa ignis has a terrible temper.

On the other paw, the further towards cold climates you go, the more carnivorous a bear's diet and behaviour tends to be.

So: head in towards the sun, and you'll meet flaming bears who will plunge down at you like a guided missile with the force of the sun's gravitational pull. Head out from the sun, and you'll meet what are to our polar bears what Megalodon is to the common guppy. Hang out on the opposite side of the sun in the Earth's orbit, and you'll be hit by off-course kinetic flaming bear missiles that will knock you into the midst of the outer-planet bears.

[Alkarii]

Or you could just carry a gun, make noise when you walk so they aren't startled when they see you, and stand your ground when you do encounter one. Running or acting scared makes them think you're a prey animal, and startling any animal is a good way to get attacked.

I also read that talking to it in a low, monotone voice can help calm the animal, though I don't know if this works on bears. With bears, assuming you have a gun with you, I'd aim at the head, and if it moves closer, start shooting.

[GlytchMeister]

Unless you have big, heavy, high-velocity armor-piercing bullets, aiming for the head is more likely to hurt you via ricochet.

And those techniques only work so well. Sometimes the bear is just really gorram pissed off.

I'd rather stick to constructive cowardice, thanks.

[lake_wrangler]

Or you could just carry a gun, make noise when you walk so they aren't startled when they see you, and stand your ground when you do encounter one. Running or acting scared makes them think you're a prey animal, and startling any animal is a good way to get attacked.

I also read that talking to it in a low, monotone voice can help calm the animal, though I don't know if this works on bears. With bears, assuming you have a gun with you, I'd aim at the head, and if it moves closer, start shooting.

You can always carry two sticks, and hit them together...

Oh, wait: that's not for bears, that's to keep mountain lions away...

[GlytchMeister]

Yeah, a bear would see that and think "ooh, it has toothpicks included!"

[Dave]

With bears, assuming you have a gun with you, I'd aim at the head, and if it moves closer, start shooting.

"Oh, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him you'll just make him mad."

(said the Waco Kid, to Sheriff Bart, about Mongo)

[AnotherFairportfan]

With bears, assuming you have a gun with you, I'd aim at the head, and if it moves closer, start shooting.

"Oh, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him you'll just make him mad."

(said the Waco Kid, to Sheriff Bart, about Mongo)

Anything under a .44 Magnum - and i'd prefer the AutoMag, if i could get one, because it his harder and recoils less - yeah, pretty much.

I mean, the bear might well die.

Second.

[GlytchMeister]

There was something in one of the Artemis Fowl books... I think it was when Butler was fighting a troll, and he remembered how someone he knew was attacked by a pissed-off chimpanzee or gorilla or something. They guy shot it full in the face several times and shot it in the chest many more times than he did the face, and the ape killed him and ripped him apart "before it realized it was dead."

[TazManiac]

Lots of references to that, including 'Mononoke Hime' of all places;

- Don't forget; even severed, a Wolf's Head has one more bite in it..."

(disclaimer, I almost never quote verbatim...)

Secondly- All this talk of killing bears has me commenting: Leave the Bears Alone. And if you must Kill Something, at least make use of the remains.

That said, if you intend to Eat Bear youd better burn the hell out of it. There are documented cases of medium rare cooked bear meat having enough viable parasites to kill human beings. dead.

Not talking like un-cooked Pork here (which most factory raised pigs aren't infected these days anyway) but Wild Bear Can Kill You, even after you cooked it.