The elixir

[Hanineal]

This story has gotten so good I now find myself going to it first instead of reading the daily comic and joining it's discussion.

That's unprecedented for me since I discovered Wapsi Square.

[Sgt. Howard]

This story has gotten so good I now find myself going to it first instead of reading the daily comic and joining it's discussion.

That's unprecedented for me since I discovered Wapsi Square.

... I consider that the ultimate praise.

[Sgt. Howard]

Vows were exchanged, Nicodemus pronounced them, the happy couple kissed, and the library erupted in joyous noise. Immediately the other traditions began, with all the eligible females who wished to marry gathering in one spot- in their midst was Brandi, Jin, Shelly, Tsillah and Bia- and in the midst of this cluster was Bud.

She had been told that the one who caught the bouquet won a free pitcher of Margarita.

Allan collared Kevin- "Hey, isn't that Bud out there?" Kevin looked- sure enough, Bud was among the throng of anxious females gathering in front of the bride and groom. Phix executed an 'about face' (Neil having shown her how) and prepared to throw.
"Zero azimuth?" he whispered.
Phix looked straight ahead- "The column at the end of aisle seven," she responded in near silent tones.
Neil looked behind to 'set his compass'
Phix asked, "Bearing?"
Neil looked at the crowd- "One-seven-three"
"Range?"
"Nine meters- fire for effect,"
The bouquet flew true to it's mark, while Brandi, Shelly, Jin, Tsillah and Bia threw up their arms to block any potential competition. Bud caught the flowers, and, jumping up and down started yelling, "I WON!!! I WON!!! I WON!!!"

Kevin watched, slack-jawed, as Bud scampered over to him and asked "Wanna share my prize with me?"

All conspirators were doubled over with hysterics- the other girls, realizing they had been 'had', started demanding a re-trial. Kevin noticed this- soon enough, so did Bud.
"What... what just happened? I don't get it- why...?"
"Bud- what prize are you talking about?"
"A... a pitcher of Margarita...?"
Those who were close enough to hear this conversation snorted with laughter. Gently, Kevin took the Bouquet from Bud and handed it to an angry looking Nymph who had just stormed over to them. The throwing of the bouquet was again set up to happen, while Kevin explained to a wide-eyed Bud the significance of the tradition... then offered to buy her a margarita. Slowly, she recovered from her shock and started to laugh with the rest of them.
Some young satyr caught the garter, and was immediately swamped by about eight females, who in turn went full cat-fight against each other. The apos sorted it out without too much bloodshed. Then the buffet was again in full progress, a band started cranking out dance music, and Neil and Phix trotted out to a slow romantic waltz. Soon other couples started onto the floor...
Katherine watched the floor with an amused smile- a hulking minotaur had tiny Castella balanced on his feet and gently holding her hands so that she could dance to the music. It was the sort of thing one would expect at a wedding... at least, one where minotaurs are present. Allan and Jin where out on the floor, intimately whispering and giggling as they swayed to the music. Justin and Shelly were out there too. Katherine took a deep breath and let out a long sigh...

"... ah... pardon me, ... might I have this dance?"

Startled out of her dreamlike state, Katherine looked up at the source of the deep, melodious voice-
He was every description of a 'STUD'- showing through a partially open shirt was a broad, flat, hard chest, a rippled belly you could strike a match off of, arms built to hold up a car while you changed the tire, a strong, pleasant face- the nose went straight up into his forehead, odd but not unattractive. The eyes... those eyes... dark, penetrating, hypnotic- a girl could drown in them. And the mouth- firm, strong lips. Katherine blushed just to look at them. The hand extended was large, somewhat callused with long, large fingers. Katherine's heart went full flutter.

"Wa.. ah... er... well, I, ah... yes, I believe you might," she finally stammered out.

[Dave]

Katherine watched the floor with an amused smile- a hulking minotaur had tiny Castella balanced on his feet and gently holding her hands so that she could dance to the music. It was the sort of thing one would expect at a wedding... at least, one where minotaurs are present.

Gawd, Sarge... that little snippet of a scene is absolutely worthy of having Pablo do a commissioned drawing. Canon or not, it's priceless!

[lake_wrangler]

Once again, you've outdone yourself! I am impressed by Bud's innocence. You have really captured her essence well.

Out of curiosity, does one normally have a "rippled" belly, or a "ripped" belly? I actually don't know.

Having said that, I am curious to see how things turn out with Katherine. Of course, once you get close to the more primary character, your hand is tied a bit more, as you can't really invent stuff that would affect Wapsiverse canon... But it will still be interesting to see where you go with that.

[lake_wrangler]

Katherine watched the floor with an amused smile- a hulking minotaur had tiny Castella balanced on his feet and gently holding her hands so that she could dance to the music. It was the sort of thing one would expect at a wedding... at least, one where minotaurs are present.

Gawd, Sarge... that little snippet of a scene is absolutely worthy of having Pablo do a commissioned drawing. Canon or not, it's priceless!

I concur!

[Atomic]

Katherine watched the floor with an amused smile- a hulking minotaur had tiny Castella balanced on his feet and gently holding her hands so that she could dance to the music. It was the sort of thing one would expect at a wedding... at least, one where minotaurs are present.

Gawd, Sarge... that little snippet of a scene is absolutely worthy of having Pablo do a commissioned drawing. Canon or not, it's priceless!

I concur!

Thirded!

[Sgt. Howard]

Gawd, Sarge... that little snippet of a scene is absolutely worthy of having Pablo do a commissioned drawing. Canon or not, it's priceless!

I concur!

Thirded!

Hmmm. I might just ask Paul about that...

[Dave]

Gawd, Sarge... that little snippet of a scene is absolutely worthy of having Pablo do a commissioned drawing. Canon or not, it's priceless!

Hmmm. I might just ask Paul about that...

I hope you do... and if he does make one, I hope it'll be published on the site so I can order a print.

And, if you don't, please give me permission to discuss it with Paul myself.

[Sgt. Howard]

Katherine and the hunk stepped out onto the floor just as a lively C&W tune struck up. "Ah... I'm not sure how to... uh... dance to this..." she stammered.
"There's nothin' to it- you double step backwards with your right foot when I double step forwards with my left,"
"Huh?"
"One-and-one,two...one-and-one, two...one-and-one... it's called the 'Texas Two Step', c'mon, millions of cowboys figure it out, it can't be THAT hard,"
"One-and-one,two...one-and-one,two... one-and HEY! I'M DOING IT!!!"
"Told you,"

"Ms. Nudge, I believe that you have had enough- you may finish that drink but you will get no more,"
"YOU DON NO WHUT CHER SAYIN- AYM JUSH FAYN,"
"You are NOT just fine, you are drunk. In fact, I dare say you are so thoroughly ossified as to be unable to hit the floor with your hat if you were given three tries,"
"AY RUN DISH PLAYSH!!! YU CANT TELL ME THAYT!!! I WANNANUTHER DRINK, DAMMIT!!!"
"Could I have an apo over here, please?"

Bud and Kevin found their way to the dance floor, and their movements were fluid enough to gather looks from many of the guests of the wedding. Kevin's lessons (at Bud's hands) showed rather well.
Among those watching was Monica- she had a full circus of emotions at the sight, not knowing how to react she wandered over to the espresso bar that Tina had set up- there she met Brandi.
"Hey," she offered as salutation.
"Hey- where's Georgette? She couldn't make it?"
"No," Monica dropped her face, "I... well, that is... you see- I was uncomfortable with the idea of her here... she understands... but I'm not sure what I'M doing here... I mean, there's Kevin and Bud... and it's the smartest thing that could happen... but here I am, and I'm not ready to see that, I guess... I am just such a damn screw-up,"
"YOU?" Brandy tipped Monica's face up with one finger, "YOU, a screw-up? Aren't you the one who helped Bud, Jin and Myself through what WE'VE been through? Is there ANYONE here who can even RELATE to that? And what about a certain young fey, who you are teaching to respect, to trust, to live... I suppose ANY screw-up can do that, right? AND LET'S NOT FORGET THAT YOU YOURSELF HAVE BEEN A VICTIM!!! OK- if that means you've got stuff to learn, well we ALL have stuff to learn... and sometime you hurt people along the way... not that you mean to, but it happens. If you are uncomfortable here, then make your exit- but don't go blaming yourself for your weaknesses, lean to deal with them!!! I mean look, over there... there's Katherine, the eternal wallflower, and she's dancing with a damn hot studmuffin... wait... is that BUCK?!?... oh crap!"
"WA?-huh? 'Buck'- what's wrong with Buck?"
"He's a centaur!"
"OK... he's a centaur... what's wrong with centaurs?"
"You know how Atsali cannot make her boobs smaller when she turns human? Centaurs have a similar problem,"
Monica squinted at Buck, "... but... I don't see where he has any boobs,"
"I MEAN HIS DING-DONG, YOU DING-DONG!!! He could easily be three inches..."
"Uh... Brandi... three inches is not very long for humans, actually... it is quite small..."
"DIAMETER, M- not long, but ACROSS! I'm telling you, he's packing horseflesh enough to split Katherine like a chump of firewood!!!"

[Sgt. Howard]

"Arania- I have something for you," said Dreyali.
"And what would that be, and why should I care?"
"Make your hands human first," the older apo instructed.
Arania did so- whereupon she was presented with leather gauntlets.
"And what use have I of these? Do you seek sport of me?"
"Hardly- just put them on- you will need them to handle this- " She held out a leather satchel.
"What are you about?" Arania asked suspiciously.
"Put on the gauntlets and reach in the bag," Dreyali instructed.
She did so, and pulled out a length of chain.
"It is iron,"
"So it is- but it is useless- the mortal holds my fealty, and the chain will not affect him- and I cannot enslave Phix while the mortal lives,"
"The mortal dies soon- it has been foretold- get to where you can capture your prize. Your sisters are ready to cleanse this hall once you have power,"

"... I see..."


INTERRUPT HERE AND GO TO "A HAPPY WEDDING"


Atsali had just noticed the commotion at the bar... seems like Auntie Nudge had a little too much to drink... and she decided to see if she could calm things down. Nudge was arguing with an apo about why she should have one more round... the apo was getting ready to slap Nudge around a little bit. Atsali thought she could diffuse the situation.
Then Nudge pulled a shotgun from under her skirt and fired it into the air! It sounded more like an artillery piece than a small-arm. Guests and apos scattered. Neil had dropped Phix to the floor and was on top of her, covering her and looking for the source of the noise. The band left their instruments and ran for cover. Those on the dance floor panicked and nearly trampled each other- Buck grabbed Katherine and held her over his head to keep her safe. The Minotaur did the same with Castella. Atsali just stood there, shocked... and near deaf.
"YEEEEHAAAAH!!!" yelled Nudge as she FINALLY got to play with her new toy. She dumped another round, just to see people's reaction.
Neil got up and ran towards Nudge to disarm her. She had her back towards him as she cracked the barrels to re-load. Just as Neil was about to grab her, she spun around and fired.

The top half of Neil's head disappeared in a pulpy, red splash. His body rolled back from the impact and lay motionless across the floor.

Phix saw this... then an iron chain slipped across her neck and snapped into place.

A coarse voice whispered, "You belong to ME, now... and things are going to change,"

The apos went berserk. Jin and Allan were disemboweled and left to die where they dropped.

Tina was torn to pieces without warning. Buck was fatally bitten by one apo while another slowly and deliberatly beat Katherine to death.

The minotaur was attacked from behind- he dropped Castella, who in turn was sprayed with something that left her choking. Soon, she stopped moving.

Bud was smacked back and forth like a tennis ball until she lost all control and blew fire around her to clear the area... when it cleared, she saw the cooked remains of Kevin. She crawled into herself and remained there.

Monica had been torn to shreds by four of the apos... every effort to revive was met by more violence.

Shelly was locked in combat with two of the apos- eventually, she succumbed. Justin was in the process of being eaten... alive...

Nudge saw all that happened- she quickly became sober, turned the gun around to place the muzzel in her mouth, whereupon she pulled the remaining trigger. Her lower jaw was all that remained on her neck when she fell over.

"Now, let's see how well YOU handle discipline... stand up, and grab your ankles..." Phix turned around to see what Arania was holding- it was a 1x4 with nails in it.

She had no choice but to obey.

This was not happening. This could not be happening. Yet there was the screaming bleating of Nicodemus as an apo tore off his hind leg and started eating it. Atsali had been viciously knocked down... an apo was at her neck... there was a snap...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

It was dark- why was it dark? What happened? Where am I?

WHY CAN'T I SEE?

Phix reached up to her face with trembling hands... and found her night blinders. She pulled them down- she was in her own quarters, her own bed. But where was Neil? Wait a minute... WHO was Neil? She looked at the calender- Monday, December 8th, 2014. She looked at the clock- 08:12. She had slept very late. She looked at her belly- nothing surprising there... she looked at herself in the mirror. Damn... she was kinda hoping she looked like a teen again... but that dream! WHAT a DREAM! Six months of existence compressed into one night?
She brewed herself some tea and started her morning routine, still a bit shaky, trying to remember all the crazy details of this wild dream. There was a man, a human, and she was in love with him... absurd, but the memories filled her with warmth and joy.
And who the hell was Nicodemus?!? THAT made no sense whatsoever.

Finally shrugging off the dream... sorta.. she went out about her daily rounds.

There was the standard 'new intruder' warning- she flew to observe the trespasser.

There he was- middle aged, six foot, about two hundred pounds, winter lined slacks, snow boots, leather bomber jacket and leather driver's cap... all earth tones.
She dropped down behind him and said, "I smell a human,"

He spun around, wide eyed and mouth open. For a moment, he couldn't speak or move.
"Do you seek knowledge? or adventure?"

He just stared at her.

"SPEAK UP- what do you seek?"

"Well... a bathroom would be lovely right about now- I damn near crapped my pants..."

She accompanied him to the facilities, waited outside until he was finished then asked who he was.

"Greg Howard- everybody calls me 'the old Sargent' on account of my time in the Army, you see,"

She looked him over closely- he looked EXACTLY like the man in her dream. "Quite a handsome specimen- but I see a ring on your finger-"

"Yes, I'm married... my word, I've just been flirted with by a sphinx!"

"Yea, well... keep it to yourself if you know what's good for you... what were you looking for anyway?"

"Well, I am looking for blueprints to a 1912 Harley Davidson- I am building a facsimile, you see..."

"Library- technical drawings of the 1912 Harley Davidson, Please,"

"Single or double?" asked the library- Phix looked at the Sgt. who replied, "Oh.. uh, single... and chain drive..."

A soft 'flump' and the papers were there in front of him.

"Enjoy," Phix stated as she sauntered off to other concerns.

Ever the limriker, Sgt. Howard penned in his notebook;

"The old Sargent once took a vacation
to the library- he sought education
twas there he met Phix- she pulled one of her tricks
and cured the old phart's constipation"


Fini

[GlytchMeister]

Buh... Wha...?

All just a dream?
...
Awwww, man. *sigh*

Very good read, very heart wrenching end. Might have issues sleeping tonight. Bravo!

[Dave]

Man, Sarge... when you decide to have everybody be run over by a bus, you pick one hell of a big bus to do it with!

[GlytchMeister]

Man, Sarge... when you decide to have everybody be run over by a bus, you pick one hell of a big bus to do it with!

You know those steamrollers they use in landfills? The ones with all the spikes? I think this was less of a bus and more like a Mad-Max-ified version of one of those spiky steamrollers.

[jwhouk]

Red Wedding.

All that for the blueprints for a 1912 Harley? Good God, man, just come to Milwaukee and get a copy!

[Sgt. Howard]

It was more along the lines of this- Back in November of last year, I had drawn a cartoon of Phix scaring the crap out of me in the library- then I wrote the Limerick that you saw. Having done that, I started comparing Phix's qualities with those of the sassy redhead who is my everlovin' and saw enough similarities to envision a seduction of the big critter... but of course, it could not be ME per se. Gaius Cornelius Antonia is a character in a WIP called "The Gospel of Ishmay" and I thought HE could be my rogue stud... after a bit of play, I realized I was hijacking Paul's universe to my own ends- THAT made me nervous... it is quite a rude thing to do, you know. Sooooo... terminate it with a bloody bang-up and a scary wake-up, and Paul is handed back his universe unmolested.
I will incorporate a great deal of this into what I am doing, but minus all references to Paul's characters and settings. That is not hard to do. I will give credit to Paul for the inspiration his strip gave me for a goodly amount of material.
My own impression of the 'grand bloodbath orgy' is that I can tell I was tired when I wrote it. There is much I left out, like Nudge seeing what she had done and sticking the barrel in her mouth to pull the trigger... there was also the minor dissertation as to what a 'Black Magic' blank is, and why they are so dangerous (Most 'blanks' can kill, if you are close enough- 'Black Magics' are downright RUDE)... several deaths and tortures were neglected and Phix's subsequent wake-up I feel is sloppy and incomplete.

I have often wondered about publishing online- the readership this particular effort generated has me convinced that this is the way to go about business. Strategic adds at various webcomics will guarantee publicity where a suitable audience already exists, and hardcopy sales will provide income.

As always, thank you for your readership... and Paul, thank you for your wonderful playground- I hope I didn't abuse it too terribly,

[Atomic]

Applause, applause!

If there's a quibble with the Who Shot JR ending, might I suggest you put a lot of effort into setting it up early on and occasionally reference the setup during the tale.

"She'd been having nightmares again. This time, she woke up with bloody hands." Etc....

Happy editing!

[Sgt. Howard]

Red Wedding.

All that for the blueprints for a 1912 Harley? Good God, man, just come to Milwaukee and get a copy!

... and who's to say there's not an access to the library from Malott, Washington? You actually enter an outhouse in Roger Oyler's Northern most alfalfa field, but don't look down as you enter...

[jwhouk]

No, I kinda meant going here:

[Sgt. Howard]

No, I kinda meant going here:

I would love to... but the outhouse in question I can see from my back window while THAT place is a bit more than walking distance...
(Actually, I've been in contact with them online and they have been very user-friendly and helpful)

In my avatar, you notice the bicycle?- If you look closely, you will notice a motor. Currently building exactly as I described, but decided not to use the HD logo- instead, it will be a "Howard and Sons"