Some seasonal filk

[Dave]

I have a confession and an apology to make.

Years ago, I made a pun in the comments section of a Wapsi Square strip. (I realize that most of you will be shocked by this).

After being fairly judged, and condemned to death-by-suffocation in the Pun Jar for my crime... I punned again. I insisted on the singing of a particular hymn at my wake.

I really do feel that I need to apologize, in that I didn't provide the Gentle Readers with the full libretto of the hymn. As the Christmas season is here I thought I should correct that. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find an official copy of the lyrics anywhere... I suspect that MIB may have erased the online versions, after an enraged mob burned the last of the palimpsests.

So, I've had to try to recall it from memory. I think what follows is close to correct (for some strange values of "correct", that is).

Punsters, We Have Seen Them Try

♫ Punsters, we have seen them try
♫ twisting words 'till brains do fry.
♫ Shaggy-dog tales lurking near,
♫ snarling Pun Jar they must fear.

♫ Glooooooooooria, an asphyxis day, oh!
♫ Glooooooooooria, an asphyxis daaaaaay, oh!

♫ Twisted jokers, brilliant fools,
♫ double meanings are their tools.
♫ Warpéd humor they do bear,
♫ There's no pun that they won't dare.

♫ Glooooooooooria, an asphyxis day, oh!
♫ Glooooooooooria, an asphyxis daaaaaay, oh!

♫ In the Pun Jar they must go,
♫ Verbal peace we soon shall know.
♫ Jar them up and seal the lid.
♫ Of their jokes we'll soon be rid.

♫ Glooooooooooria, an asphyxis day, oh!
♫ Glooooooooooria, an asphyxis daaaaaaaaaaaay, oh!

Now, imagine this as it's properly supposed to be sung: by Ted Cassidy.

[Atomic]

I'm not sure if that deep, resonant, rhythmic sound is the Pun Jar tapping it's metaphorical foot to keep time, or the rising bile as it readies to surge towards you!

[Typeminer]

Ted Cassidy could sing? Sadly, I'm at my dad's place, and HughesNet is too slow for casual YouTubing. Must check that out when I get home.

Last verse of that filk is most droll. There ain't enough brain bleach, Dave. *Salute*

[DinkyInky]

Dave, how about some seasonably appropriate filk(that way I can wind up the bard{Shneekey} and get him to make some new Holiday filk because I'm bored) please and thank you?

[Dave]

I'm not sure how seasonal it is, but it's reasonably topical.

As you may have heard, California voted to decriminalize and regulate marijuana, a year or so ago. It had been legal for medical purposes, with a doctor's recommendation, for a couple of decades, and there was what amounts to a grey market of growers serving medical users. It's now been legalized for recreational use, with a different and inconsistent set of regulations for its growth, sale, and use.

Many of the medical-market and grey-market growers have been trying to "go legit" in the new state-regulated marketplace, but most of them are having a difficult time getting the necessary permits, arranging for inspection of their greenhouse and fields, having their products tested and certified for freedom from pesticides and molds, and so forth. It's apparently quite a hassle.

I visited an old hippie farm collective up in the Anderson Valley that's been trying to make the transition. It's gotten some of them pretty frazzled. One lady I know was so wound up that I found her out by the dairy, cussing at the cows.

"There must be some kind of way out of here"
said the grower to the beef.
"There too much distraction,
I can't get any sleep.
Big businessmen, they think it's fine
to profit from the Earth,
but this is sacred medicine,
and they don't know what it is worth!"

"No reason to get uptight, darlin'”
her husband lit a smoke,
"There are those who buy it from us
who think that pot is just a toke.
But cannabis is more than that,
its healing strengths are great,
We'll bring to the city soon
to ev'ry patient and their mate.

All the plants we watch flower
are now in the queue
to make some tasty edibles,
CDB oil too.
It's safe out in the sheds drying,
watchdogs set to prowl."

Two buyers were approaching.
The dogs began to howl.

[GlytchMeister]

Goddamnit Dave.

[Warrl]

Sorry, not placing the tune/poem.

Over on another board, there's a meta-filk of Bohemian Rhapsody.

[GlytchMeister]

Sorry, not placing the tune/poem.

Over on another board, there's a meta-filk of Bohemian Rhapsody.

All along the watchtower, Jimi Hendrix

[Dave]

All along the watchtower, Jimi Hendrix

Bob Dylan, originally, although the Hendrix version is far better known and was the one I was thinking of when I filked.

(I realize that I may have poisoned some peoples' cherished memories of youth in doing this. Please accept my perfunctory apologies for doing so. I can only plead that the topic is appropriate, since this particular song is very strongly associated with clouds of reefer smoke. )

[Hansontoons]

strongly associated with clouds of reefer smoke. )

What does Dylan or Hendrix have to do with a smoking railcar? I can't see the cargo being able to catch fire, or maybe the bearings on one of the trucks are going out?

[Dave]

What does Dylan or Hendrix have to do with a smoking railcar?

That has no bearing on the matter.

[GlytchMeister]

All along the watchtower, Jimi Hendrix

Bob Dylan, originally, although the Hendrix version is far better known and was the one I was thinking of when I filked.

...H-WHAT?

...

...well... shit...

EDIT: Oh sweet merciful Stephen Fry, that harmonica needs to be dunked in ClF3. Please. Ugh. I much prefer Jimi’s version.

Yuck. Dylan’s is “nails on chalkboard: harmonica edition.”

[Dave]

Oh sweet merciful Stephen Fry, that harmonica needs to be dunked in ClF3. Please. Ugh. I much prefer Jimi’s version.

Yuck. Dylan’s is “nails on chalkboard: harmonica edition.”

Well, Dylan is one of the premiere folk-songwriters of our day... but his voice and singing style are, perhaps, an acquired taste. (for which a vaccine is available, and is routinely administered during early childhood by loving and responsible parents.) Hendrix... ah, his music is in our blood.

Imagine, though... a dream lineup for a folk-music band. Bob Dylan on vocals and harmonica. Washboard Chaz on backing vocals and (of course) washboard. Yma Sumac as the guest baritone, alto, soprano, and whistle-register vocalist. An accomplished group of enthusiasts playing bagpipe, shawm, gyaling, radung, and Groaci nose-flute. (I didn't say what kind of dream, did I?)