Oh Noes 2016-04-29

[illiad]

My major problem: I always thought bears were omnivores - and most DEFINITELY "predators."

Those are *real life* bears... and many stories are Hollywood myths... and the common bear is *only* as much a 'predator' as YOU are!! (except they don't have guns and all the other stuff!! )

http://blog.nwf.org/2013/12/5-myths-about-bears/
http://www.bearsmart.com/play/bear-encounters/

[FreeFlier]

Bears and cougars, huh... So many jokes about large, hairy gay men and older women, but I'll be mature and be serious.

I don't have any problem being in the same area as either, so long as I have my gun.

Oh, for the love of... That ALSO leaves an opening for jokes...

"This is my rifle . . ."

/flrrd/

--FreeFlier

[GlytchMeister]

So you're not planning on visiting me anytime soon?

Nope.

And I don't care if bears normally run away from humans. I have no desire to come anywhere near an animal that outweighs my car and comes equipped standard with disemboweling claws and big teeth and can run faster than I can bike.

"Anywhere near" = "Within 25 miles of their natural territory and not separated by a moat, electric fence, and/or a thick layer of strong metal bars or high-grade bullet resistant glass."

I have no misconceptions about how little chance of survival I have in a fight with a bear.

[AnotherFairportfan]

"Anywhere near" = "Within 25 miles of their natural territory and not separated by a moat, electric fence, and/or a thick layer of strong metal bars or high-grade bullet resistant glass."

That leaves out Atlanta (or North Georgia generally), much of North Carolina, bits of SC, and parts of Virginia, West Virginia, California, Montana ...

[GlytchMeister]

"Anywhere near" = "Within 25 miles of their natural territory and not separated by a moat, electric fence, and/or a thick layer of strong metal bars or high-grade bullet resistant glass."

That leaves out Atlanta (or North Georgia generally), much of North Carolina, bits of SC, and parts of Virginia, West Virginia, California, Montana ...

"Leaves out" or "includes"?

What you just described is bear country. That would be where I really prefer not to go. I also prefer to stay out of Canada and Alaska, too. Which is totally ok.

I'm not as twitchy about mountain lions because they are much easier to kill with a bullet. Most bullets just annoy bears.

[GlytchMeister]

If I might suggest it, however, you should give some thought to the virtue of constructive cowardice.

I have. I am not ashamed of being afraid of grumpy furry not-a-morning-person half-ton tanks with big claws and teeth that can open up a vehicle like an aluminum foil packet.

[Catawampus]

A few months back the bear I ended up naming Annoying Bear kept trying to steal my lunch while I was sitting eating on a mountainside here. I'm actually a bit concerned about him, as he was being a bit too complacent about walking up to a person. I've been tracking him a bit, though, and haven't seen any signs of him making a habit of it.

I'll refraining from sending him to visit Peoria.

[lake_wrangler]

[quote="GlytchMeister"What you just described is bear country. That would be where I really prefer not to go. I also prefer to stay out of Canada and Alaska, too. Which is totally ok.[/quote]Hey now! That's a pretty big, sweeping generalization! Not all parts of Canada are "bear country", you know...

[TazManiac]

every.single.bit

[GlytchMeister]

What you just described is bear country. That would be where I really prefer not to go. I also prefer to stay out of Canada and Alaska, too. Which is totally ok.

Hey now! That's a pretty big, sweeping generalization! Not all parts of Canada are "bear country", you know...

Alright, fine... 90% of Canada is bear country.

[Hansontoons]

What you just described is bear country. That would be where I really prefer not to go. I also prefer to stay out of Canada and Alaska, too. Which is totally ok.

Hey now! That's a pretty big, sweeping generalization! Not all parts of Canada are "bear country", you know...

Alright, fine... 90% of Canada is bear country.

And 100% "Eh!".

[Alkarii]

Wasn't the Fonz Canadian?

[FreeFlier]

So you're not planning on visiting me anytime soon?

Nope.

And I don't care if bears normally run away from humans. I have no desire to come anywhere near an animal that outweighs my car and comes equipped standard with disemboweling claws and big teeth and can run faster than I can bike.

If a bear outweighs your car, you need a bigger car . . . one that actually meets collision standards.

The largest black bear ever recorded was estimated to weigh 1100lb/500kg, a size so far out of line as to raise the suspicion it was a black bear/brown bear hybrid, since normal weights are 125lb/60kg to 550lb/250kg.

Brown bears are larger . . . up to 1500lb 680kg.

Every current car I know of weighs over 2000lb/900kg . . . even the old VW bug exceeded that.

"Anywhere near" = "Within 25 miles of their natural territory and not separated by a moat, electric fence, and/or a thick layer of strong metal bars or high-grade bullet resistant glass."

So you're not ever going to leave Hawaii?

Everyplace in North America has wild bears closer than that.

I have no misconceptions about how little chance of survival I have in a fight with a bear.

Hugh Glass killed a grizzly with a knife, then survived his companions abandoning him in the Rocky Mountain wilderness. Granted, that was exceptional.

--FreeFlier

[lake_wrangler]

What you just described is bear country. That would be where I really prefer not to go. I also prefer to stay out of Canada and Alaska, too. Which is totally ok.

Hey now! That's a pretty big, sweeping generalization! Not all parts of Canada are "bear country", you know...

Alright, fine... 90% of Canada is bear country.

And 100% "Eh!".

Now now, that's another generalization! Not all Canadians end their sentences with "Eh"...

At the very least, most Québecois don't... (Inasmuch as most Québécois speak French... )

[AnotherFairportfan]

"Anywhere near" = "Within 25 miles of their natural territory and not separated by a moat, electric fence, and/or a thick layer of strong metal bars or high-grade bullet resistant glass."

That leaves out Atlanta (or North Georgia generally), much of North Carolina, bits of SC, and parts of Virginia, West Virginia, California, Montana ...

"Leaves out" or "includes"?

What you just described is bear country. That would be where I really prefer not to go. I also prefer to stay out of Canada and Alaska, too. Which is totally ok.

I'm not as twitchy about mountain lions because they are much easier to kill with a bullet. Most bullets just annoy bears.

Right. I was listing places you'd have to leave out of travel itineraries.

[AnotherFairportfan]

Every current car I know of weighs over 2000lb/900kg . . . even the old VW bug exceeded that.

The Spridget (Austin-Healey Sprite/MG Midget) ran somewhere under 1600 lb curb weight, depending on what mark we're talking about.

The Mk I - "Bugeye" or "Frogeye", depending on whether the Atlantic was west or east of you - had a kerb weight of 1460 lb.

The Mk IV (the last model) was 1579 lb.

[Just Old Al]

The Spridget (Austin-Healey Sprite/MG Midget) ran somewhere under 1600 lb curb weight, depending on what mark we're talking about.

The Mk I - "Bugeye" or "Frogeye", depending on whether the Atlantic was west or east of you - had a kerb weight of 1460 lb.

Had one of those - a Mk II I believe. The first of the rationalized ones with the new body design that actually had a trunk lid (the Mk. I did not).

Wonderful little car - that tried to kill me on a hill when its braking system failed out both sections.

Alan

[AnotherFairportfan]

The Spridget (Austin-Healey Sprite/MG Midget) ran somewhere under 1600 lb curb weight, depending on what mark we're talking about.

The Mk I - "Bugeye" or "Frogeye", depending on whether the Atlantic was west or east of you - had a kerb weight of 1460 lb.

Had one of those - a Mk II I believe. The first of the rationalized ones with the new body design that actually had a trunk lid (the Mk. I did not).

Wonderful little car - that tried to kill me on a hill when its braking system failed out both sections.

If it had dual-circuit brakes, it was probably a Mk III - did it have wind-up windows or bolt-in side-curtains?

(Side-curtains would be a Mk II)

[Dave]

If a bear outweighs your car, you need a bigger car . . . one that actually meets collision standards
...

Every current car I know of weighs over 2000lb/900kg . . . even the old VW bug exceeded that.
--FreeFlier

Male grizzly bears are reported to weigh up to 1700 pounds.

The Smart Car weighs in at around 1800, and it seems to do pretty well in collision tests. It's a bit heavier than a grizzly, but not all that much so.

I suspect that a grizzly would probably be able to take a Smart two falls out of three, or better, in either Greco-Roman or MMA.

Years ago, a co-worker told me of her camping trip into Glacier National Park, which is definitely bear territory. Camping there is highly regulated, for the safety of the campers. You have to have a specific authorization to be at each back-country campsite you will use, on specific days, and follow specific precautions with your food and supplies. You're given a permit tag for each site, which you must attach to your tent ropes each night. Rangers come through regularly, checking tags, making sure you are authorized to be there, are safe, and that your food is in the supplied "bear boxes" or slung up in a tree as required. No permit tag? Wrong site? Food stored incorrectly, or outside of storage when you are not actually preparing and eating it? Out you go, same day, no excuses!

Arlene said everything went well for the first few nights. Then, at about two in the morning, they heard something big come pushing through the brush and walk up to the tent. There was a bunch of snuffling, the tent shook as something struck the ropes. The side of the tent bulged inwards, showing the shape of a large clawed paw ("about the size of a dinner plate"). The tent relaxed, the bear moved away a bit, there was a bunch of furious noise for a while, and then it faded away.

At first light they got out of the tent and checked their site. Their food bag had been pulled down from the tree-and-rope and torn open, and most of their food was gone.

The bear had also torn the permit tag off of the tent rope and (apparently) eaten it as well.

"We packed up, hiked all the way out in one day, and I'm never going back to Glacier!" was the end of the story.

[AnotherFairportfan]

So a group of hikers were getting a briefing before they headed out.

"Okay," says the ranger. "We have black bears and we sometimes have grizzly bears around here.

"Black bears really don't want to mess with people in good ties - which this is; plenty of easier food to get. They'll usually back off if they know you're coming. So you need to wear these little jingle bells that warn the bears you're coming.

"Now, occasionally, a black bear will get feisty anyway and look as if he's planning to attack, or start to attack. In those cases, this special pepper spray you'll be carrying will generally send them packing."

He paused.

"Now, the way to tell if bears are around is that you'll see bear scats - they look like this.

"If you see regular scats, just be alert, make sure your bells are sounding as you walk, and keep your pepper spray handy."

He paused again.

"Now, if you see grizzly scats, un-ass the area quickly."

One of the hikers asked "How will we tell the difference?"

"Grizzly scats smell like pepper and have bells in them."