Bad Jokes II

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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard » Tue Oct 11, 2016 12:48 am

How do you tell a drunk from a stoner at a stop sign?

Drunk blows right through it.

Stoner stops and waits for it to change to green.
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.

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TazManiac
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by TazManiac » Thu Oct 13, 2016 5:35 pm

Iz OK I post some George Carlin?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
'Where's the self-help section?'

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin

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jwhouk
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by jwhouk » Thu Oct 13, 2016 8:20 pm

"And as George Carlin once said, 'You should never trust quotes found on the internet'." - Abraham Lincoln
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin

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Atomic
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Atomic » Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:55 am

Image
Don't let other peoples limitations become your constraints!

My Deviant Art scribbles
The Atomic Guide to Basic GIMP Stuff

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Fri Nov 11, 2016 12:50 pm

Found this on someone's imgur blog:
i9AbYZr.jpg
i9AbYZr.jpg (40.43 KiB) Viewed 4671 times

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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave » Fri Nov 11, 2016 1:04 pm

"New math!" :lol:

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Just Old Al
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Just Old Al » Fri Nov 11, 2016 2:46 pm

Dave wrote:"New math!" :lol:

You can't take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the tens place.
Now that's really four tens,
So you make it three tens,
Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones,
And you add them to the two and get twelve,
And you take away three, that's nine.
Is that clear?

Tom Lehrer - New Math
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."

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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard » Sat Nov 12, 2016 2:56 am

Edgar Allen Poe's "the Raven" condensed to a limerick
by Gregory F. Howard

(clears throat)

A man in a cold and dark room
saw an ebony vision of gloom
when asked of 'Lenore'
it croaked 'nevermore'

....so he beat it to death with a broom...


...thank you...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.

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GlytchMeister
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by GlytchMeister » Sat Nov 12, 2016 3:15 am

...ugh... You... You did NOT just limerick The Raven... Ugh... You did... Bleargh... I think I'm gonna be sick...
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!

Typeminer
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Typeminer » Sun Nov 13, 2016 11:45 pm

I was corrupted by the illustrated version, from those raven maniacs at Mad, and never could take that Poe boy seriously again. :mrgreen:
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.

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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave » Mon Nov 14, 2016 12:26 am

Would you prefer haiku?

Black bird taps window.
December night, full of loss.
Love comes nevermore.

Warrl
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Warrl » Mon Nov 14, 2016 1:16 am

I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.

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GlytchMeister
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by GlytchMeister » Mon Nov 14, 2016 1:51 am

I have a crowbar. I sharpened it for purposes of combat, long story, anyway: after a while, somebody went and carved "Nevermore" into the shaft.

So now it's no longer a crowbar. We call it the Raven. (Unique crowbar, +3 blunt and sharp damage, -1 initiative, +2 fear, +1 to grapple checks)
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!

Typeminer
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Typeminer » Mon Nov 14, 2016 6:35 pm

Warrl wrote:I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.
Well done.

About 15 years ago, a crow, who was obviously used to people, started showing up at my house in the morning. My ex would give the squirrels peanuts, and the crow wanted in on the action. We always had NPR on when we were getting ready to go to work, too. So we named that corvid Coleman.
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.

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Atomic
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Atomic » Tue Nov 15, 2016 12:40 am

Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?
A Winter Haiku:
  • Oh, I am cold now!
    Fresh snow has gone all slushy
    and my socks are wet.
Thank you, thank you, try the fish.
Don't let other peoples limitations become your constraints!

My Deviant Art scribbles
The Atomic Guide to Basic GIMP Stuff

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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons » Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:18 pm

A Crow flies into a bar, lands in front of the barkeep, and says "Caww?"

Barkeep replies, "Not for another hour."

Crow says, "Awright, a cowd taww one, pwease."

'Toons ducks the first two empty beer bottles winged his way, deftly snags the third one that is almost full... "Score!" thinks he.

ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by ShneekeyTheLost » Wed Nov 16, 2016 4:44 am

Atomic wrote:
Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?
A Winter Haiku:
  • Oh, I am cold now!
    Fresh snow has gone all slushy
    and my socks are wet.
Thank you, thank you, try the fish.
Oh, you wanna do Haiku, do you?
  • You have made a chair
    that into which I can fit
    Therefore, do I sit

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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard » Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:40 am

Haiku is a form
of poetry that does not
rhyme in any way
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Wed Nov 16, 2016 11:31 am

Still it's great to read
lovely examples of it
on a good forum

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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard » Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:00 pm

-Somewhere in the afterlife there is a Haiku master screaming in agony over what us 'big nose round eye GAIJUNS' have done to his art form!!!


.... or laughing hysterically, I'm not sure...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.

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