Bad Jokes II
Moderators: Bookworm, starkruzr, MrFireDragon, PrettyPrincess, Wapsi
- Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3340
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Bad Jokes II
How do you tell a drunk from a stoner at a stop sign?
Drunk blows right through it.
Stoner stops and waits for it to change to green.
Drunk blows right through it.
Stoner stops and waits for it to change to green.
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
Re: Bad Jokes II
Iz OK I post some George Carlin?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
'Where's the self-help section?'
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
'Where's the self-help section?'
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
- jwhouk
- Posts: 6053
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- Location: The Valley of the Sun, Arizona
- Contact:
Re: Bad Jokes II
"And as George Carlin once said, 'You should never trust quotes found on the internet'." - Abraham Lincoln
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin
Re: Bad Jokes II
Don't let other peoples limitations become your constraints!
My Deviant Art scribbles
The Atomic Guide to Basic GIMP Stuff
My Deviant Art scribbles
The Atomic Guide to Basic GIMP Stuff
- lake_wrangler
- Posts: 4300
- Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:16 am
- Location: Laval, Québec, Canada
Re: Bad Jokes II
Found this on someone's imgur blog:
Re: Bad Jokes II
"New math!"
- Just Old Al
- Posts: 1684
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- Location: Wilderness of Massachusetts
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Re: Bad Jokes II
Dave wrote:"New math!"
You can't take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the tens place.
Now that's really four tens,
So you make it three tens,
Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones,
And you add them to the two and get twelve,
And you take away three, that's nine.
Is that clear?
Tom Lehrer - New Math
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
- Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3340
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Bad Jokes II
Edgar Allen Poe's "the Raven" condensed to a limerick
by Gregory F. Howard
(clears throat)
A man in a cold and dark room
saw an ebony vision of gloom
when asked of 'Lenore'
it croaked 'nevermore'
....so he beat it to death with a broom...
...thank you...
by Gregory F. Howard
(clears throat)
A man in a cold and dark room
saw an ebony vision of gloom
when asked of 'Lenore'
it croaked 'nevermore'
....so he beat it to death with a broom...
...thank you...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
- GlytchMeister
- Posts: 3733
- Joined: Wed Oct 16, 2013 2:52 pm
- Location: Central Illinois
- Contact:
Re: Bad Jokes II
...ugh... You... You did NOT just limerick The Raven... Ugh... You did... Bleargh... I think I'm gonna be sick...
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
-
- Posts: 807
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:34 pm
- Location: Pennsylbama, between Philly and Pittsburgh
Re: Bad Jokes II
I was corrupted by the illustrated version, from those raven maniacs at Mad, and never could take that Poe boy seriously again.
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.
Re: Bad Jokes II
Would you prefer haiku?
Black bird taps window.
December night, full of loss.
Love comes nevermore.
Black bird taps window.
December night, full of loss.
Love comes nevermore.
Re: Bad Jokes II
I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.
- GlytchMeister
- Posts: 3733
- Joined: Wed Oct 16, 2013 2:52 pm
- Location: Central Illinois
- Contact:
Re: Bad Jokes II
I have a crowbar. I sharpened it for purposes of combat, long story, anyway: after a while, somebody went and carved "Nevermore" into the shaft.
So now it's no longer a crowbar. We call it the Raven. (Unique crowbar, +3 blunt and sharp damage, -1 initiative, +2 fear, +1 to grapple checks)
So now it's no longer a crowbar. We call it the Raven. (Unique crowbar, +3 blunt and sharp damage, -1 initiative, +2 fear, +1 to grapple checks)
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
-
- Posts: 807
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:34 pm
- Location: Pennsylbama, between Philly and Pittsburgh
Re: Bad Jokes II
Well done.Warrl wrote:I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.
About 15 years ago, a crow, who was obviously used to people, started showing up at my house in the morning. My ex would give the squirrels peanuts, and the crow wanted in on the action. We always had NPR on when we were getting ready to go to work, too. So we named that corvid Coleman.
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.
Re: Bad Jokes II
A Winter Haiku:Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?
- Oh, I am cold now!
Fresh snow has gone all slushy
and my socks are wet.
Don't let other peoples limitations become your constraints!
My Deviant Art scribbles
The Atomic Guide to Basic GIMP Stuff
My Deviant Art scribbles
The Atomic Guide to Basic GIMP Stuff
- Hansontoons
- Posts: 998
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:22 pm
- Location: Houston, TX
Re: Bad Jokes II
A Crow flies into a bar, lands in front of the barkeep, and says "Caww?"
Barkeep replies, "Not for another hour."
Crow says, "Awright, a cowd taww one, pwease."
'Toons ducks the first two empty beer bottles winged his way, deftly snags the third one that is almost full... "Score!" thinks he.
Barkeep replies, "Not for another hour."
Crow says, "Awright, a cowd taww one, pwease."
'Toons ducks the first two empty beer bottles winged his way, deftly snags the third one that is almost full... "Score!" thinks he.
-
- Posts: 609
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:45 pm
Re: Bad Jokes II
Oh, you wanna do Haiku, do you?Atomic wrote:A Winter Haiku:Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?
Thank you, thank you, try the fish.
- Oh, I am cold now!
Fresh snow has gone all slushy
and my socks are wet.
- You have made a chair
that into which I can fit
Therefore, do I sit
- Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3340
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Bad Jokes II
Haiku is a form
of poetry that does not
rhyme in any way
of poetry that does not
rhyme in any way
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
- lake_wrangler
- Posts: 4300
- Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:16 am
- Location: Laval, Québec, Canada
Re: Bad Jokes II
Still it's great to read
lovely examples of it
on a good forum
lovely examples of it
on a good forum
- Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3340
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Bad Jokes II
-Somewhere in the afterlife there is a Haiku master screaming in agony over what us 'big nose round eye GAIJUNS' have done to his art form!!!
.... or laughing hysterically, I'm not sure...
.... or laughing hysterically, I'm not sure...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.