Joke du Jour

[Atomic]

An elderly Chinese couple were in line at the bank.

"Wow -- 2013 already. The year of the Pig," he says, shuffling his paperwork.

"Yes indeed," she replies, "and I'm still putting Dog on my checks."

[Jabberwonky]

[Atomic]

The farmhand finally finished his chores for the morning, and looked forward to going to town for a Saturday movie matinee. He cleaned his boots, put on his best overalls, got his good coat for the autumn chill, and, of course, brought his pet duck, Rupert. Rupert hadn't seen a movie, ever, so this was a good time to bring him.

"One please."

"I'm sorry, you can't bring the duck in the movie theater."

"He's very polite!"

"No. No ducks."

The farmhand was disappointed, but hatched a cunning plan. Away from the ticket booth, he opened his coat, put Rupert inside his overalls, closed up the coat, then got back in the ticket line again.

"I found someone to watch my duck. One please."

"Good. Enjoy the movie!"

The ruse worked! The farmhand entered the crowded theater and found a seat toward the back, next to a pair of little old ladies. Others filled in the rows around them. Rupert was being calm, for the moment at least.

The lights dimmed and the movie started. Now, in the darkness, he could open his coat and let Rupert stick his head out of the overalls to watch the movie. Things were going well.

"Gladys! Gladys!" whispered one lady to the other.

"What is it, Mable?"

"The guy next to me! His coat's open and he's got his thing out!"

"His thing? You're a grown woman, Mable. You've see a man's thing before, haven't you?"

"Yes, but this one's eating my popcorn!"