Wapsi Square Forum

Please listen to this song by Loudon Wainwright first.

I am going through one of the longest-ever of my periodic fits of depression - no surprise to those who have seen my last few zines.
{That is, people in the Amateur Press Alliance SFPA}
This is one of the worst ever.

It includes fits of rage and periods of mental/emotional near-paralysis.

And i don't even have the option i once had, of just getting in the car and driving a few hundred miles to a random destination to try to relieve the depression.

We only have one car, and i can't just take it away for a day or two.

And i can't afford the gas.

And i can't leave Kate alone here.
And i can't cry.

I literally cannot cry.

I can feel tears in the corners of my eyes ... but i cannot cry.

I can rage.

I can yell at Kate, who doesn't deserve it.

I can yell at Maggie and Natalie, who deserve it even less.

I can slam doors.

I can punch the wall, at least partly in hopes that if i do it hard enough or often enough i will break my hand to punish myself for being a useless loser.

I can bang my head against the wall when i am particularly upset.

But i cannot cry.
I

Cannot

Cry

(still love ya anyway...)

Hugs, as and when needed.

I think that I'm of a somewhat different temperament than you, and the troubles that I've had in life are different from those you've had, but what's helped me in the hard times of my life is to focus more on the things that I could do at the moment. Even if they were things that couldn't fix the problem, at least they could maybe help prevent future problems.