Holiday Comments Section

[AmriloJim]

I see a need for closure here... some way of letting the mayor know how their 'cover' was compromised and to reassure the townsfolk that this was not the vanguard of a centaur hunt.

[jwhouk]

Kath and Tina are pretty much it, with Atsali and Castela as tangential.

I do have a coda for the whole thing: Buck pulls into Building 2 after you get home, bringing it in for an oil change; he says something about a problem he had with the fog lamps when he first drove it - and now, suddenly, it's working.

[lake_wrangler]

Where exactly is Lockehaven? I tried looking it up, and can only find a Lockeport, not Lockehaven. Google Maps does not know of any such town, anywhere... (Lockeport, on the other hand, is indeed located just a bit off Highway 3, in NS.)

Also:

“Full blown military ambulance – Land-Rover. Still had all of its markings though it looked freshly repainted. Minnesota plate MSCLARA. Damn good looking truck – the back was modified with cabinetry to be an efficient one-man camper. I saw the interior when he stowed his food.”

“Bien. Assez. Attendez un minute, s’il vould plait.” The man behind the desk picked up the telephone and dialed a number by heart.

The highlighted part should say: Attends une minute, s'il vous plait.

"Attends", because they are obviously on familiar terms, no formality, so using the 2nd person singular is the usual form used in that case. "Une", because the word "Minute" is feminine, and "vous", simply because of a typo, I guess.

I see a need for closure here... some way of letting the mayor know how their 'cover' was compromised and to reassure the townsfolk that this was not the vanguard of a centaur hunt.

Not only that, but I find the whole scene rather incredible. I can understand being spooked. I can understand wanting to appear cold and unwelcoming, to discourage sticking around. But to downright be unpleasant, to the point of being rude and offensive? And for the onlookers to cheer this behavior on? Those centaurs are taking a very big chance! If Al really was after them, if he wasn't actively trying to relax, this might have been the beginning of something big... He could have purposely stuck around, and documented the misbehavior towards him, which would have given munitions to whoever would have been behind such a hunt. That could have ended badly for that community.

In fact, it would have made sense for Al to push things, at this point, to see just how far they were willing to go to run him out of town, only to have a heart to heart with the Mayor, afterwards, to show him how silly their reaction was, and how it could have caused the very opposite reaction they were hoping for from Al.

All in all, it's still a very pleasant read. You manage to draw us in and leave us wanting more.

[FreeFlier]

BTW, the claim that it was the largest non-nuclear explosion ever is highly dubious . . . there are quite a few explosions that make that claim.

And there are enough different ways that their size can be defined and measured, that they possibly could all be correct.

The Halifax explosion, estimated to be 2.9 kilotons, was almost certainly the largest *up to that time*, but for sheer energy release it has been beaten several times.

On the other hand, as it happened basically in the middle of downtown Halifax it may remain the most devastating non-nuclear single explosion. The property damage and fatalities...

And for strictly accidental explosions it's probably the second-biggest energy release behind a Soviet rocket-launch failure in 1969.

Even those are doubtful . . . large, yes, but Texas City, Brest (IIRC), Port Of Chicago, and Oppua (sp?) are also in contention.

Humans can really screw up in a spectacular fashion.

--FreeFlier

[Sgt. Howard]

Not only that, but I find the whole scene rather incredible. I can understand being spooked. I can understand wanting to appear cold and unwelcoming, to discourage sticking around. But to downright be unpleasant, to the point of being rude and offensive? And for the onlookers to cheer this behavior on? Those centaurs are taking a very big chance! If Al really was after them, if he wasn't actively trying to relax, this might have been the beginning of something big... He could have purposely stuck around, and documented the misbehavior towards him, which would have given munitions to whoever would have been behind such a hunt. That could have ended badly for that community.

In fact, it would have made sense for Al to push things, at this point, to see just how far they were willing to go to run him out of town, only to have a heart to heart with the Mayor, afterwards, to show him how silly their reaction was, and how it could have caused the very opposite reaction they were hoping for from Al.

All in all, it's still a very pleasant read. You manage to draw us in and leave us wanting more.

If you have ever seen horses respond to a perceived threat as a herd, it makes perfect sense- not that it makes tactical sense, granted... but when a herd is threatened, they do the most ballsy bluster if they simply cannot escape (and often enough the worst offender is the Alpha Brood Mare).

[Sgt. Howard]

Y'know, when Glytch did a separate section for commentary I kinda wondered why... whelp, then I went back and read some of the earlier work and realized how the commentary interspersed with the story was a bit disruptive- and how the storyline stripped of the commentary flowed smoothly.

Ongoing education, I guess...

[Just Old Al]

Where exactly is Lockehaven? I tried looking it up, and can only find a Lockeport, not Lockehaven. Google Maps does not know of any such town, anywhere... (Lockeport, on the other hand, is indeed located just a bit off Highway 3, in NS.)
.

All in all, it's still a very pleasant read. You manage to draw us in and leave us wanting more.

Thank you for the compliment, and if you think I'm going to actually tell you where to find my little enclave of centaurs you're stoned.

All of these places exist...that is all I will say - and I have been in them.

Al

Note: I knew you were going to pick on my French.

[jwhouk]

I know exactly how it's going to blow over, of course...


...and I ain't tellin', neither.



Meanwhile I got my own horse story to work on...

[Just Old Al]

I know exactly how it's going to blow over, of course...


...and I ain't tellin', neither.



Meanwhile I got my own horse story to work on...

SHUDDUP, YOU!

[Just Old Al]

[quote="
If you have ever seen horses respond to a perceived threat as a herd, it makes perfect sense- not that it makes tactical sense, granted... but when a herd is threatened, they do the most ballsy bluster if they simply cannot escape (and often enough the worst offender is the Alpha Brood Mare).

You saying Mavis and m'Sieur Le Maire are an item? Possible...interesting thought.

In any case, watch out for flying pastry.

[AmriloJim]

Y'know, when Glytch did a separate section for commentary I kinda wondered why... whelp, then I went back and read some of the earlier work and realized how the commentary interspersed with the story was a bit disruptive- and how the storyline stripped of the commentary flowed smoothly.

Ongoing education, I guess...

We had some fanfic development over at my board... we found the separate comment thread greatly improved readability.

[Dave]

You saying Mavis and m'Sieur Le Maire are an item? Possible...interesting thought.

In any case, watch out for flying pastry.

It's just fortunate that Al ran into a village of centaurs rather than a town full of werewolves. As canidae they'd have an even stronger group response to a threat from an outsider.

It wouldn't have been just a half-pint of cold coffee from a hostile herd. It would have been about a quart of very hot coffee from the Alpha Wolf... a duodecimal espresso.

He'd have been dealing with the liter of the pack.

[Just Old Al]

You saying Mavis and m'Sieur Le Maire are an item? Possible...interesting thought.

In any case, watch out for flying pastry.

It's just fortunate that Al ran into a village of centaurs rather than a town full of werewolves. As canidae they'd have an even stronger group response to a threat from an outsider.

It wouldn't have been just a half-pint of cold coffee from a hostile herd. It would have been about a quart of very hot coffee from the Alpha Wolf... a duodecimal espresso.

He'd have been dealing with the liter of the pack.

Did you REALLY have to go there? REALLY?

PUN JAR. NOW.

[lake_wrangler]

Where exactly is Lockehaven? I tried looking it up, and can only find a Lockeport, not Lockehaven. Google Maps does not know of any such town, anywhere... (Lockeport, on the other hand, is indeed located just a bit off Highway 3, in NS.)
.

All in all, it's still a very pleasant read. You manage to draw us in and leave us wanting more.

Thank you for the compliment, and if you think I'm going to actually tell you where to find my little enclave of centaurs you're stoned.

All of these places exist...that is all I will say - and I have been in them.

Ah. One of those places so small, they don't even register on the map... I've seen some, in the past...

Al

Note: I knew you were going to pick on my French.

Qui, moi?


All things considered, you did pretty well. There were a few other things that could have been said differently, but were still perfectly adequate, so I didn't mention them. These were the only actually incorrect ones.

[lake_wrangler]

If you have ever seen horses respond to a perceived threat as a herd, it makes perfect sense- not that it makes tactical sense, granted... but when a herd is threatened, they do the most ballsy bluster if they simply cannot escape (and often enough the worst offender is the Alpha Brood Mare).

I have worked with horses, but never happened to run into that kind of situation before. I was thinking more on a human relationship/tactics point of view indeed.

[Dave]

Did you REALLY have to go there? REALLY?

PUN JAR. NOW.

Gotta generate my Minimum Daily Adult Requirement of outrage... I've been a bit under-quota lately.

(Dave donates a nice French press coffee maker to the Pub Jar, in trust for Al who might find it a convenient accessory for his Teasmade.)

[Sgt. Howard]

I would like to retract my thought process from earlier- each story we have been telling is built upon the stories that precede it. In 'Holiday', we do not have any overt message that Al's wife is a centaur until well into the story- without that information, there are certain references that make little sense. In reading my own work, I now understand I am equally guilty of the same fault- a good deal of background information is assumed on the part of the readership. In the seven Harry Potter' books, the author gives redundant information in the first three or four paragraphs- the end result is that one can pick up book four without having read any other book and find it enjoyable on it's own... or any other book for that matter. 'Holiday' is immensely enjoyable- to those who have read 'Thicker than Blood', 'It happened at Mucho Mocha', 'The Sphinx and the Centurion', 'Bringing up a Baby Sphinx' and several others... and all these works suffer the same issue- even 'A visit to Phix' jumps in with no explanation of who anybody is, or what they are.
Here I will repeat what I have said many times earlier- most of what we are putting out is first draft. Very few creditable authors would do this, even in the limited fashion that we are doing. I also will remind myself (as well as all of us) that we have Paul's permission to use his characters provided we supply links and credit. Perhaps what we ought to consider is to tell the WHOLE STORY sequentially, narration/vocals with illustrations/sound effects, and see what happens. This will be the easiest means of doing it properly- I will need to tone down or eliminate Phix's noisy orgasms as well as Buck and Kathy's first go-round... but I DO need her tonsils to be damaged... THAT will be a fine dance... I'll figure it out...
Understand- I am as new to this as anyone here. I'm figuring it out as I go. Lately I have been greatly concerned about income, as unemployment turned me down- and I've not heard from Social Security... that has been a weight on my mind that yesterday's interview took care of. Al, continue with your tale- it is wonderful. The informational inserts I am referring to are actually quite easy to do and can be quite fun in their own right.

After all, how many human males have a centaur Dam as a spouse? And can satisfy such a creature?

But we need not worry about that now...

PS- in the daily commentary, one disgruntled reader (Hey, it happens) described the current storylines as ' Harry Potter with lesbians'... I am trying to envision the plot of book eight to that series.... "Harry Potter and the Witches of Lesbos" ... and everything I come up with is totally smutty...

... I'll start the first draft tonight...

[jwhouk]

That way lies madness, Sargent...

[Just Old Al]

I would like to retract my thought process from earlier- each story we have been telling is built upon the stories that precede it.

And I intended it to be nothing else. This is the close of a story arc - beginning in TTB with Al getting his life blown out from under him, through the subsequent few years, and then showing Al's return from the exhaustion and madness that had engulfed him and his final acceptance that he is indeed home. TBH, this as a story would make little sense without the familiarity with the earlier works.

[jwhouk]

And all it took was a look under the bonnet.