Mad Science
Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 5:20 pm
Glytch, somehow, was bored. None of his various projects seemed to entertain him. And without that spark, his work was sub-par and slow... Unacceptable. After spending trying in vain to get into a project and ignite some interest, Glytch heaved a deep sigh, sat at his desk, closed his eyes, and meditated.
Most actual meditation Glytch had ever heard of focused on clearing one's mind. What Glytch did was completely different. The problem he was wrestling with was the fact that his mind was too empty. Glytch usually had several thoughts going at the same time. On a normal day, he would be focusing on one project or another, while another in the middle thought was constantly comparing stimuli and thoughts in the front of his mind with background thoughts and memories... Whenever a similarity came up, the relevant thought or memory was brought up to the middle and looked at more closely to find connections. Background thoughts occupied the rest of Glytch's mind... Everything from to-do lists to half-baked ideas and thoughts simmering on the "back burner" so to speak.
But today, his mind couldn't seem to get a good grip on any of the background thoughts, so every time he tried to focus, that main thought would invariably return to the background level.
What Glytch sought to do by 'meditating' was to focus on all of those background thoughts at once. In doing so, he could usually spot a weird connection or find some crazy idea that caught his fancy.
Maybe isolate the minds in the Insanity Gem? Separate sections and give them individualized voices? I need to do laundry soon. I miss Eme' and Safyr. I miss the whole family, really. Huh. That's weird. Never really had a yearning to go see my family. I guess this is how it's supposed to work. Pontiac sound system still not playing nice with the computer. Maybe audio compression is messing stuff up. Gotta save weight... Maybe replace the roof with lighter stuff? Would also lower the center of gravity, which is always good. Puke Ray didn't work on the blind dude. Maybe I can go practice archery. Am I hungry? I could go for some Jimmy John's. Maybe. Dubstep Gun was such a cool weapon. Kinda like an LRAD. But flashier.
Wait. Dubstep gun. Noise. Sound. LRAD. Blind people focus their sensory cortex on other senses to compensate. I bet an LRAD would work on that blind dude.
Glytch opened his eyes and smiled wide, showing a few too many teeth. "Let the bass cannon kick it."
----------
"Why do you want a long-range acoustic device?" Glytch could hear the suspicion in Brandi's voice loud and clear through the phone.
"Remember the bit during the battle when I used the Puke Ray?"
"Yeah... It even made me dizzy. You used it a couple of times. So?"
"Well, the second time, it didn't work like I needed it to. I was fighting some kind of being that was completely blind."
Brandi was silent for a heartbeat. Then: "OH! I see where you're going! Ok... I like that idea. I'll put a few on the request list. What size?"
Glytch chuckled. "Actually, I'll be going a little beefier than the handheld Puke Ray this time. Something shoulder-mounted."
"Ooooh... That's gonna pack a wallop."
"Indeed...
About three weeks later, Glytch had finished tearing apart the LRAD and putting it back together as a shoulder-mounted device, adding a small Lanthian fusion core as a power source. and went to the MIB range to test it out, taking a few of his willing interns with him. A few of them were blind.
"Alright, I'm gonna slowly ramp up the intensity first. Don't wait to run away if it becomes uncomfortable... I don't want you getting hurt. Remember to run sideways - this produces a sonic beam, so running straight back won't be as effective. Got it?"
All of the interns nodded.
"Ok. Let's see what this puppy can do." Glytch flashed them a dangerous smile and walked twenty paces away, hoisted the Bass Cannon, and pulled the trigger, holding it down.
Bvvvvoooooooooommmm...
All of the interns flinched slightly. Glytch, however, could barely hear the sound... The beam was very focused.
"Ready?"
Everyone nodded.
Glytch flipped open a panel and turned a knob.
Oooooommmmmwwwrrraaaaaaaaoooouuuuuuummmm...
The first blind intern fled.
"Are the rest of you OK?" Glytch shouted over the thrumming bass.
The remaining interns nodded, and Glytch ramped up the volume again.
UuuuuummmmmhhhVVVVVOOOOOOOOOMMMM...
Half of the interns scattered, including the remaining two blind ones. The remaining interns, Glytch realized, were either older or fans of heavy, loud music.
Glytch threw up an "OK" hand signal. The remaining interns responded in kind.
Glytch turned the volume up again, and added a treble element to the sound.
DUNUNUNUNWOOMWOOMWOOMWOOM...
Rrrrreeeeeeeemmmm
Everyone scattered this time.
Glytch turned off the Bass Cannon and laid it gently on the ground as the interns returned to him. "Alright, how was it?"
"I think if you played a mixture of sounds, it would be more effective. Some people and species have different frequency ranges." Paula suggested.
"You know how the Puke Ray switches frequencies faster than the eye can adjust?" Glytch bit at his lip thoughtfully. "Maybe that could be applied to the Bass Cannon..."
"Most sentient creatures can... Choose to ignore consistent noise. I suspect the more capable a species is to produce and appreciate music, the harder it will be for them to resist listening to a sound with musical properties." Saul rumbled as he pushed his glasses back up his nose.
"Roy, you ran first. I know your hearing isn't anything supernatural, you're simply a blind human. Was it the tone, or the volume?"
"Definitely the volume, though I agree with Paula and Saul. I bet if you had a more musical and complicated mixture of tones, I probably would have ran at the first level."
Glytch nodded and plugged his phone into the Bass Cannon. "Ok, I'm gonna play some songs, see how that works."
The interns assembled downrange again as Glytch selected a particular trilogy of songs to play:
{Author's Note: Some adult language is used in these songs...}
UKF Dubstep Tutorial
UKF VIP Dubstep Tutorial
Not Another UKF Dubstep Tutorial
Setting the volume at the first level, Glytch pressed "Play" and waited gleefully for the first drop... Which not only made Roy and one other blind intern flee, must also put wide smiles on a few other interns. Saul, however, did not seem impressed with the music.
The next level (switched as the second song began to play) made all but Paula flee. In fact, Paula withstood the Bass Cannon right up to about three minutes into the third song.
As the interns returned, some now sporting pained expressions due to headaches, Paula was grinning with a wild look in her eyes. "You know what you need to do now, right?"
Glytch took one look at her expression and immediately broke out in a crazed grin. "Combine it with the Puke Ray."
Saul stomped forward. "You owe me three pills of ibuprofen. And, if we're going to be combining this with the Puke Ray... Why not add another Ray to this abomination?"
Glytch cocked his head to the side. "Something to assault another sense... Oh, that is evil, Saul. You are an evil, evil Sasquatch. I love it!" Glytch cackled. "Add the Active Denial System!"
Paula's eyes went wide. "Wow. That... That would be extremely effective... Also really really unpleasant..."
"I know, right?!?" Glytch chuckled. "Alright... I'm done testing today... And I doubt any of you want to volunteer for the finished product, right?"
The "NO!" Glytch received was unanimous.
----------
It was another month before Glytch had managed to minimize the ADS component of the Triple Sensory Assault Beam Cannon. The use of the Lanthian Fusion Core helped a lot, as there was no concern about power supply. However, focusing the microwaves of the ADS into a beam turned out to be a challenge. Eventually, Glytch turned to his first MIB project and found the solution there; altered, flexible Faraday grilles that could be adjusted to create varying beam widths. The power of the ADS would be set very low and would turn on and off according to the rhythm of the song Glytch was creating for the LRAD component, the beat of which was determined by the Puke Ray's frequency switch speed. The LRAD was also used to create subsonic sound that resonated with eyeballs. The overall effect was atrocious... Any unfortunate victim would simultaneously be assaulted by light, sound, and heat, all at a fluctuating rate too fast for the brain to keep up with, causing debilitating headaches, extreme vertigo, nausea and occasionally diarrhea, hallucinations and blurred vision, extreme itching, intense pain from heat... And possibly some out-of-body experiences and sensations of impending doom at higher power levels.
Most actual meditation Glytch had ever heard of focused on clearing one's mind. What Glytch did was completely different. The problem he was wrestling with was the fact that his mind was too empty. Glytch usually had several thoughts going at the same time. On a normal day, he would be focusing on one project or another, while another in the middle thought was constantly comparing stimuli and thoughts in the front of his mind with background thoughts and memories... Whenever a similarity came up, the relevant thought or memory was brought up to the middle and looked at more closely to find connections. Background thoughts occupied the rest of Glytch's mind... Everything from to-do lists to half-baked ideas and thoughts simmering on the "back burner" so to speak.
But today, his mind couldn't seem to get a good grip on any of the background thoughts, so every time he tried to focus, that main thought would invariably return to the background level.
What Glytch sought to do by 'meditating' was to focus on all of those background thoughts at once. In doing so, he could usually spot a weird connection or find some crazy idea that caught his fancy.
Maybe isolate the minds in the Insanity Gem? Separate sections and give them individualized voices? I need to do laundry soon. I miss Eme' and Safyr. I miss the whole family, really. Huh. That's weird. Never really had a yearning to go see my family. I guess this is how it's supposed to work. Pontiac sound system still not playing nice with the computer. Maybe audio compression is messing stuff up. Gotta save weight... Maybe replace the roof with lighter stuff? Would also lower the center of gravity, which is always good. Puke Ray didn't work on the blind dude. Maybe I can go practice archery. Am I hungry? I could go for some Jimmy John's. Maybe. Dubstep Gun was such a cool weapon. Kinda like an LRAD. But flashier.
Wait. Dubstep gun. Noise. Sound. LRAD. Blind people focus their sensory cortex on other senses to compensate. I bet an LRAD would work on that blind dude.
Glytch opened his eyes and smiled wide, showing a few too many teeth. "Let the bass cannon kick it."
----------
"Why do you want a long-range acoustic device?" Glytch could hear the suspicion in Brandi's voice loud and clear through the phone.
"Remember the bit during the battle when I used the Puke Ray?"
"Yeah... It even made me dizzy. You used it a couple of times. So?"
"Well, the second time, it didn't work like I needed it to. I was fighting some kind of being that was completely blind."
Brandi was silent for a heartbeat. Then: "OH! I see where you're going! Ok... I like that idea. I'll put a few on the request list. What size?"
Glytch chuckled. "Actually, I'll be going a little beefier than the handheld Puke Ray this time. Something shoulder-mounted."
"Ooooh... That's gonna pack a wallop."
"Indeed...
About three weeks later, Glytch had finished tearing apart the LRAD and putting it back together as a shoulder-mounted device, adding a small Lanthian fusion core as a power source. and went to the MIB range to test it out, taking a few of his willing interns with him. A few of them were blind.
"Alright, I'm gonna slowly ramp up the intensity first. Don't wait to run away if it becomes uncomfortable... I don't want you getting hurt. Remember to run sideways - this produces a sonic beam, so running straight back won't be as effective. Got it?"
All of the interns nodded.
"Ok. Let's see what this puppy can do." Glytch flashed them a dangerous smile and walked twenty paces away, hoisted the Bass Cannon, and pulled the trigger, holding it down.
Bvvvvoooooooooommmm...
All of the interns flinched slightly. Glytch, however, could barely hear the sound... The beam was very focused.
"Ready?"
Everyone nodded.
Glytch flipped open a panel and turned a knob.
Oooooommmmmwwwrrraaaaaaaaoooouuuuuuummmm...
The first blind intern fled.
"Are the rest of you OK?" Glytch shouted over the thrumming bass.
The remaining interns nodded, and Glytch ramped up the volume again.
UuuuuummmmmhhhVVVVVOOOOOOOOOMMMM...
Half of the interns scattered, including the remaining two blind ones. The remaining interns, Glytch realized, were either older or fans of heavy, loud music.
Glytch threw up an "OK" hand signal. The remaining interns responded in kind.
Glytch turned the volume up again, and added a treble element to the sound.
DUNUNUNUNWOOMWOOMWOOMWOOM...
Rrrrreeeeeeeemmmm
Everyone scattered this time.
Glytch turned off the Bass Cannon and laid it gently on the ground as the interns returned to him. "Alright, how was it?"
"I think if you played a mixture of sounds, it would be more effective. Some people and species have different frequency ranges." Paula suggested.
"You know how the Puke Ray switches frequencies faster than the eye can adjust?" Glytch bit at his lip thoughtfully. "Maybe that could be applied to the Bass Cannon..."
"Most sentient creatures can... Choose to ignore consistent noise. I suspect the more capable a species is to produce and appreciate music, the harder it will be for them to resist listening to a sound with musical properties." Saul rumbled as he pushed his glasses back up his nose.
"Roy, you ran first. I know your hearing isn't anything supernatural, you're simply a blind human. Was it the tone, or the volume?"
"Definitely the volume, though I agree with Paula and Saul. I bet if you had a more musical and complicated mixture of tones, I probably would have ran at the first level."
Glytch nodded and plugged his phone into the Bass Cannon. "Ok, I'm gonna play some songs, see how that works."
The interns assembled downrange again as Glytch selected a particular trilogy of songs to play:
{Author's Note: Some adult language is used in these songs...}
UKF Dubstep Tutorial
UKF VIP Dubstep Tutorial
Not Another UKF Dubstep Tutorial
Setting the volume at the first level, Glytch pressed "Play" and waited gleefully for the first drop... Which not only made Roy and one other blind intern flee, must also put wide smiles on a few other interns. Saul, however, did not seem impressed with the music.
The next level (switched as the second song began to play) made all but Paula flee. In fact, Paula withstood the Bass Cannon right up to about three minutes into the third song.
As the interns returned, some now sporting pained expressions due to headaches, Paula was grinning with a wild look in her eyes. "You know what you need to do now, right?"
Glytch took one look at her expression and immediately broke out in a crazed grin. "Combine it with the Puke Ray."
Saul stomped forward. "You owe me three pills of ibuprofen. And, if we're going to be combining this with the Puke Ray... Why not add another Ray to this abomination?"
Glytch cocked his head to the side. "Something to assault another sense... Oh, that is evil, Saul. You are an evil, evil Sasquatch. I love it!" Glytch cackled. "Add the Active Denial System!"
Paula's eyes went wide. "Wow. That... That would be extremely effective... Also really really unpleasant..."
"I know, right?!?" Glytch chuckled. "Alright... I'm done testing today... And I doubt any of you want to volunteer for the finished product, right?"
The "NO!" Glytch received was unanimous.
----------
It was another month before Glytch had managed to minimize the ADS component of the Triple Sensory Assault Beam Cannon. The use of the Lanthian Fusion Core helped a lot, as there was no concern about power supply. However, focusing the microwaves of the ADS into a beam turned out to be a challenge. Eventually, Glytch turned to his first MIB project and found the solution there; altered, flexible Faraday grilles that could be adjusted to create varying beam widths. The power of the ADS would be set very low and would turn on and off according to the rhythm of the song Glytch was creating for the LRAD component, the beat of which was determined by the Puke Ray's frequency switch speed. The LRAD was also used to create subsonic sound that resonated with eyeballs. The overall effect was atrocious... Any unfortunate victim would simultaneously be assaulted by light, sound, and heat, all at a fluctuating rate too fast for the brain to keep up with, causing debilitating headaches, extreme vertigo, nausea and occasionally diarrhea, hallucinations and blurred vision, extreme itching, intense pain from heat... And possibly some out-of-body experiences and sensations of impending doom at higher power levels.
