The elixir

[Sgt. Howard]

For an ancient culture under foreign rule, Egypt was not too bad off financially as a vassal of Babylonia.The Saite king installed by Nebuchadnezzer II, like his predecessors, kept taxes and services at practical levels and encouraged foreign trade as much as possible- a proven formula in any era.
Of course, they had no clue that Persia would invade and claim this ancient land as it's own in a little over twenty-five years... but that's another story...
Wandering through the capital of Sais, a thirty- something well-to-do Greek staggered in a seemingly distracted manner... a dangerous thing to do in any big town... reading signs, asking questions, trying to understand the local language... and then moaning and cupping the left side of his face with his hand.
Herodotus, the aspireing historian and learned one, was suffering from a toothache.
Eventually his rambleings and actions caused him to be directed to a barber... one that spoke reasonable Greek at that. After several minutes of haggleing and debate (where the barber let the tooth carry most of the argument), a price was agreed upon and the professional went to work. First, poppy juice mixed with strong wine- enough to render the patient more... pliable... the offending tooth was identified, then one of the barber's assistants held the patient's arms while another forced open the mouth. In less time than it takes to describe, the tooth was removed and a folded cloth placed in the vacancy- Herodotus was greatly relived by this. The practitioner then sat him down in his stall to let the medications wear off, a precaution against skullduggery in a big town.
Eventually, Herodotus became talkative- and as the Barber had no other clientel at the moment, he indulged.
"Thahnk yuooth," he managed through the rag (a dialect that the barber was quite familiar with).
"Not at all, oh learned one- but I will ask- you are quite a way from home, and not a merchant- what brings you to the ancient land of Pharo?"
"Wisthdom, knowlethge an' histhtory,"
"Then you are most fortunate," the crafty old barber continued, " for I know many that can increase your understanding... but one, one in particular, who... if she cannot answer your question, it is likely none can. But... she is not without risk, for she has a high standard of whom she deals with... but from her you can learn much, much indeed,"
"Who isth thisth woman?"
The barber regarded him- "You are Greek, so you might not wish to meet her- I had not thought of that,"
"What do youth mean?"
"She goes by the Arabic word for her species- 'Phix'- it means 'Sphinx'"

[Sgt. Howard]

A few days later, in a less than upscale part of town, Ashmael (the Barber) led Herodotus (I want to say the pigeon) to a secluded dead-end of questionable worth. At a door that looked less than inviting, Ashmael held out his hand.
"One drachma," he stated. Herodotus was very agrieved at the sum- this was a day's wages for a working man- yet he had agreed to it before they left for this address.
He regretted it now.
The coin was fished out of his purse, dropped into the barber's open hand and dissapeared into his cloak. Herodotus turned to open the door- as he did so, he asked, "This Sphinx REALLY knows a lot, then?"
There was no answer. He turned back to see the barber had dissapeared like the coin. Taking a deep breath, he entered.
As soon as his eye adjusted to the dark, Herodotus became aware of shelves loaded with scrolls... hundreds of shelves with THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of scrolls! Each scroll had a printed label on the endcap... presumably saying what the scroll was about, but the script was unfamiliar to him. He went scroll to scroll looking for something he could recognise when he heard a light 'swoosh' with a solid 'flump!' right ahead of himself. He looked up.
She was massive. Sitting on her haunches, she was easily six foot to the shoulders. Her mouth was big enough to swallow him without chewing. The hand were insanely large and tipped with dagger-like claws. Her canines were quite visible.

So was the malice in her eyes...

"A Human! Well, we don't see your kind here very often... tell me, human- do you seek ... knowledge?... or... Adventure?"

"Ah.. uh... I, uh... I seek knowledge,"
"Indeed? Tell me then- are you up to a riddle? You who speak Dionian Greek, are you up to a riddle? My guess is, you don't have to be told the terms..."

Herodotus was in a cold sweat- yes, he knew the terms. Get it right and live. Get it wrong, or try to walk out...

"Ask your riddle,"

"I am greater than all of creation, smaller than you can see, I reach farther than the rays of the sun, but cannot touch what is in front of me, the most powerful say that I can kill them, and say that they fear me, and all call me by name- who am I?"

He could not belive this- "You are NOBODY! ... THAT is your RIDDLE? I grew up with that one..."
"Yes, I know...

[Sgt. Howard]

He looked at her in astonishment- "How ... how could you know...?"
"It is an old Dionic riddle- very old... you certainly grew up with it, " she padded over and sat right next to him, "... along with you silly notions about Sphinxes... I thought I would have some fun playing your prejudices against you," she broke into a mischevious smile.
"Now... what are you looking to learn?"
She was hard to be angry at- she certainly understood what Greek society thought of her kind. Herodotus had been properly embarassed by his cultural bigotry in a manner most fitting- with a blush, he announced-
"I wish to assemble a history of the known world... at least, as much of the world that I am aware of. I have seen too many 'histories' that end at the local horizon... I want something more... encompassing, a broader view that will expand the reader's knowledge... I also want to verify what I can, and state as hearsay what I cannot,"
"Quite the project... what languages DO you speak or read?"
"Greek, Persian, Assyrian, Semite, Aramaic and some Egyptian... no, do not bother with Egyptian unless you know a good translator,"
"She smiled, "Oh, I think we can manage that..."

...much later...
".... what is this 'tree of life' I keep reading about among the Hebrews? I can find no difinitive answer..."
She looked at the text, "They struck in from their own records about twenty years ago to prevent the Babylonians from taking it during the fall and exile... but nobody seems to know anything about it. As I understand it, the exiles have returned and are building or have built the new temple- you might go there and ask,"
"Why wouldn't I find it here?"
"unless it is scriptural or the law, they do not write much down... to be honest, it is likely an allegorical referance. Theirs is an odd religion,"
"Hmmm... I see... well, no need to worry about it then... thank you, you have been a tremendose help,"
"Not at all... and, by the way, you would be wise to omit me from your notes- your countrymen do not like my kind, remember? You speak well of me and you will loose your market,"
WHAT?!? After all the help you have been? THAT would be a rude turn-around,"
"Trust me, they will not want to know,"

[Sgt. Howard]

Herodotus was 53 years old when he publicly recited 'The Histories' at the Olympic Games... to great applause and reception. Written in Ionian Greek (as opposed to his own Dorian Greek), it became quite the seller and soon a team of scribes were engaged in it's publication. Thus secure in his old age, he then sought a riddle that had perplexed him since that day at the Library in Sais... the 'tree of life' mention in the Hebrew scriptures. It was given passing mention in their story of creation, and here and there private writings spoke of it- but other than that, it was as if it never existed. Such a thing was too tantalizing to ignore...
He had all but given up the quest when he stumbled across some accounts given in Assyrian as to the means by which Philistines... 'made'... giants- and reading between the lines, he realized that the events took place in territory that was Hebrew before the Children of Israel moved to Egypt. One described how a little girl had found a sapling trying to grow from a dead stump, how the sapling grew when she watered it by cupping her hands to carry water from the well to the tree... for three years... and the fruit was found to be toxic, but the juice would heal wounds and reduce age. Then, one of their sages did something dramatic- he took a slave boy, age sixteen, and forced a sharpened reed into the boy's belly and forced an amount of the juice into the cavity.
The boy grew to eight feet tall... and killed the sage. Then he killed his master... and his master's children, in-laws, brothers, the head overseer, two of the master's private guards, the prize stallion and most of the pigs... It took seven armed men the better part of a day to bring him down and kill him.
So the remaining sages looked at this and wondered what would happen should your subject NOT have a grudge against those around him? A boy from one of the poorer families was selected, the situation explained to him, with the understanding that nobody fully understood the risks involved- he consented, and grew to twelve feet tall. He also became quite simple. He enjoyed violence, but would not harm his own... usually... and given a club or sword, he was a fierce enemy indeed.
He also ate like a platoon.
These giants, never more than three or four in number (usually more like one or two) became the main reason for Philistine military prowess- few enemies would even DARE face them.
Then came David. Once David killed their giant Goliath (according to the other account), the Philistines cut down their tree and retreated. Figuring to create another giant (Goliath was the only one of his kind at that time), they stored juice from the fruit and brought it with them along with seed. Upon re-location, they replanted the seed and again attempted to create another giant.
Nobody realized that the juice changing color as it did might be an issue... but whoever wrote the account mentioned that the juice was now green.
Their 'giant' went into convulsions and died a short time after injection... his family mourned his death, crowded around the body. Then the boy moved- he sat up, looked at his family with glazed-over eyes and let out a loud moan. He bit his little sister, his Mother and two cousins before he was restrained by his Father and Uncle. The four bitten died... only to rise again. Here the account tells of running out of the structure and seeking shelter or assistance.
And nothing else...
Now, Herodotus had clues that the tree existed... and was quite dangerous... but also, quite powerful.

He was intrigued.

[Sgt. Howard]

"You are a long way from home, good sir," the old woman rasped as she listened to Herodotus' questions.
"Indeed I am- but you have not told me what I am asking," he replied.
"Indeed I have not- nor will anyone here. That which you seek is dead and gone, never to grace our people again.. or serve to amuse the gentiles with their experiments. There has been much done with the tree of life that was never intended- so it is now that it has been removed,"
"But ... your people then have removed it from yourselves! How does THAT profit you?"
"It was of the great "I AM", it was desecrated, it has been returned- what is that to you? You have lived your life without it, so you will continue as any other mortal. Know the truth and be satisfied,"
Far from satisfied, Herodotus continued around Jerusalem in search of somebody who might know about the tree or it's seeds... and a rather difficult effort it was. The whole population was re-building the walls of this ancient city, or so it seemed- young and old, man and woman, rich and poor until all were made equal by dirt and sweat. Supposedly the efforts of the wine-bearer of Nebuchadnezzar the second's court, it amounted to all all-out war against... time? The effort was of such a nature that visible progress was apparent to Herodotus in the short time he had been here.
But nobody would speak much of the 'Tree of Life'- the crone he had just spoken to gave more than anyone else. The Hebrews were not giving up their secrets- he would have to go elsewhere. Probably to the site of the Philistine camp where grew the tree- and water another sapling? Well, first get a meal, ponder the situation, maybe go back home...
Nebuchadnezzar's wine bearer? ... unless he was greatly in error, that means that Nehemiah would have to be a eunuch...

[Sgt. Howard]

He had been seven years chasing down the elusive 'Tree of Life' when he returned to Athens where he owned a modest villa... but there he found plague had struck the city. Most of his servants already dead, the few remaining were already showing symptoms- he helped to inter the dead, dig new graves for the living, gathered a few essentials and left on foot alone. That he traveled FROM a plague town assured his safety from bandits, as those who plied such a trade abandoned all roads leading to and from Athens. He continued to northern Israel in search of the site of the Philistine settlement where the tree once grew.
Unknown to him, A wandering tramp came to his residence in Athens and made himself at home once he buried the remaining dead. He bathed in the grand bath, wore the historians' robes and gathered fruit from abandoned fields... until plague claimed him too. Once the disease ran it's foul course, those who cleansed and reclaimed the city found a body, black and bloated, in the vestments of Herodotus... they buried him with honors. There was no need to hire professional mourners at the funeral, for he was well respected among the learned.
The only problem was that he wasn't dead.

[Mark N]

Unknown to him, A wandering tramp came to his residence in Athens and made himself at home once he buried the remaining dead. He bathed in the grand bath, wore the historians' robes and gathered fruit from abandoned fields... until plague claimed him too. Once the disease ran it's foul course, those who cleansed and reclaimed the city found a body, black and bloated, in the vestments of Herodotus... they buried him with honors. There was no need to hire professional mourners at the funeral, for he was well respected among the learned.
The only problem was that he wasn't dead.

Now there is a twist to mess up a Sphinx.

[Sgt. Howard]

It took Herodotus two years to find the old Philistine encampment... what he found was an old, abandoned well, remnants of a few stone buildings and a dead stump. Clearing out the well, he followed the instructions he had put together from several years of searching. Cupping his hands, he drew water from the well and brought it to the stump, in hopes that there was enough life left in it to revive... then he tried to figure out his own survival.
He had water... there was small game and forage around the area and there was enough rubble to build up one structure for shelter. Assuming he could cause the tree to sprout, it would be three years before he could harvest and experiment.
He had already heard news of his death- as a childless widower, he had no one to worry over. Far from civilization, he would have to fend for himself in ways that he had not envisioned... but the lure of the tree encouraged him. With it, he might open up a new life for himself.

Now it was all about what would happen in the next week... and from there, the next three years...

[jwhouk]

...Someone came wandering out of the wilderness?

[Atomic]

Absolutely loving the way you've brought so many historical threads together.

Applause applause applause!

[Sgt. Howard]

Absolutely loving the way you've brought so many historical threads together.

Applause applause applause!

Between google, wiki and the Bible itself, the story is already there... for the most part... thank you.

[Sgt. Howard]

The first bud showed itself in seven days- by the second month, there was enough of a stalk to see the bark and the beginnings of the first leaf. Winter did not slow progress at all, except to make the getting of water more demanding. In the meanwhile, Herodotus was starting to feel his age- foraging for food was certainly not a natural thing to him. Snares caught a goodly number of rabbit, and he had fashioned a weighted net to capture the quail that scurried year-round this area... but the effort involved was remarkable to the now 61 year old man. Two and a half more years of this? He wondered if he would make it... and to make matters worse, he would not know if he had the right tree until it bore fruit.
Day after day, he hobbled down the steps of the well to where the water could still be found, cupped his hands and dipped them, carried the precious cargo to the thirsty tree... sometimes as much as seven cupped handfuls a day. Come Spring, the path was easier as the water level raised closer to the surface, but still it was demanding for now the ground became thirstier than the tree itself. With Summer, the watering took up most of the early morning and as much again of the late evening. Then came the fall, when the water level dropped and made the trek longer. All the while, he gathered and trapped, netted and cooked and ate as circumstances would allow. There were days without food. There were nights without sleep. Gathering wood also became an issue, as he had to travel farther and farther to have even a small fire going. During the Summer, he would often let it go out and subside on what he could eat raw... but all the while he knew he could NOT run out of wood during the Winter and kept building up his wood pile. He also managed to dry fruit and flesh during the Summer to allow easier survival during the winter... as well as cure several rabbit pelts to sew together to replace his now threadbare blanket. He had found a salt deposit, as well as an outcrop of obsidian- from the one he dries meat, and with the other he fashioned crude tools. He even attempted to shave himself... but found his skills lacking. He settled for a trim using an obsidian blade against a split of wood.

By the time Three years had passed, he bore no resemblance to the educated man he was- on occasion, travelers would come his way only to be turned back by his frightening appearance. He took a perverse pride in this- not that he wanted to be a hermit, but he knew he had to keep the tree secret if he would learn anything about it. A patch of white clay near the well served him nicely in this effort- he would paint his face and hands with it and yell- "Leprosy! Unclean! Stay Away!"

It worked rather well.

Then came the day that the fruit turned golden- he picked the first one and squeezed a few drops into a cup. He drank this... and watched in amazement as some recent injuries healed before his eyes! He then waited until the next day when he slashed his own flesh and drank a few drops more- again, the wound healed!

He had found the tree! He had truly found the Tree of Life!

[Sgt. Howard]

Going through the one set of notes that the Philistines used in creating giants, Herodotus saw that an 18 year old given one fifth of a log of juice would re-cut all his molars and (usually) one set of canines- on the average- as he entered his second growth. When he first made this discovery, he knew immediately what it meant- the boy's body was re-set to age eight! Thus, ten more years of growth was added to the child's existing mass! One fifth of a log (approximately 6cc) is equal to a decade of youth! Thus, four fifths of a log (24 to 25 cc) equals forty years of youth! Much younger and he would risk growing some more... but to reduce his physical age to twenty... he would be the classic combination that could never be achieved- an old head on young shoulders!
Quickly, he set up the experiment- his rough table was propped up on one end and a loop of rope was tied to the high end. A dried reed was sharpened and filled with the carefully measured dose. This was set on a stand next to the table. With it was a short bladed obsidian knife. He got on the table, looped the rope around his feet and lay back, head down, on the table. He then stabbed himself, mid-line, just below the navel- into the cut, he inserted the reed until he felt it 'pop'and up-ended it's contents into his belly.
He immediately wanted to vomit, but that might have just been the pain... hard to say... he pulled out the reed and got off the table.
The first thing he noticed was that his wound no longer hurt- he looked down just in time to see it disappear. Then he was hungry. Very hungry. And very thirsty as well. He grabbed some dried fruit and wolfed it down ... now he was INCREDIBLY thirsty! He ran to the well... he had not run in decades, but he was running now! Down the steps he went, right to the water's edge and started cupping water into his mouth as fast as he could swallow... some went down the wrong pipe and he choked and spluttered for a time. Having recovered, he put his face over the water again... and stopped. He stared at the face in the ripples, waiting for the water to sooth. And it did sooth...
Somewhere between his shanty and the well, his whiskers had fallen out. His chin and cheeks were naked... and without wrinkles... his great belly was deflating, his neck lost it's extra flesh... and things were happening inside as well... but what?
Suddenly he had to get to the bivy... he certainly needed to get away from the well. Up he ran, pulling up his rabbit fur robes and casting them aside for protection, he made it... for the most part.
The next few days were an orgy of eat, drink, poop and pee with little else- he finally passed out and awoke in a pile of his own defecation and urine. After a scraping and a puddle bath, he went back to the food-in, food-out cycle for another week...

Then it all came to a halt- he ate a whole rabbit and felt full. Stuffed. Actually uncomfortably stuffed. He drank some water and looked at himself in the surface- he looked like eighteen, maybe nineteen years of age! His memory was fully intact- as was his reasoning. He knew of a river, two and a half day's walk to the northwest- he would bath there, then see to his good fortune after he tended to some loose ends here.

It worked! He had no clue what his next move would be, but it worked!
He, Herodotus, had solved the mystery of eternal life!
Now, if he could just figure out how to capitalize from it...

[Sgt. Howard]

Three weeks later, at the Library...

The new works showed up in the usual fashion- Phix went to browse through them to see what new thoughts were populating the world. There was a discourse on dragons from China... most of the information was wrong... the Greeks were playing with numbers again.... nothing astounding there... a love story out of Crete... looked promising... another study of turning lead into gold- THAT's always good for a laugh... ranks right up there with perpetual motion... and a codex. A codex by... Herodotus.
Phix stopped dead in her tracks with that- she had read about the man's death some time back. This was a bound book, coarse in construction and awkward to use. Inside was cuneiform writing, the words appear to be Assyrian... and random. There was a companion book... but it was blank pages, and moth-eaten at that.
Somebody's idea of a joke? Seemed like a lot of work just to get a laugh... the codex was ten pages, as was the companion book.

Whatever... she took the love story and padded over to a sunny spot to read...

[Sgt. Howard]

The time- Four months after Neil's accident. The place- Bonneville Salt Flats, Tooele County, Utah.

Neil was sitting in the shade of the awning of an Airstream trailer, sipping a Dr. Pepper. His face smooth, his hair a light sandy blond with an 'S' wave flip in the front, his frame rather lank and rawbone... he was only 138 pounds... holding a pair of binoculars to his face.
Sitting next to him was Phix, in human form... and looking MUCH younger than the library matron she normally portrays. She had resurrected the charm that kept her in human form, from when she had born and raised little Brian Wahnee, Shelly's Father. She had, in fact, been a teen-aged girl the past three months just so she could do teen-aged things with Neil.
It was an intoxicating world she had never known.

Off in the distance, a dust cloud arose on the flats. Neil studied it through the binoculars. Suddenly, a shock wave eliminated from the cloud, visible at that distance.

"INCOMING!!! OPEN MOUTH, COVER EARS," he bellowed. Phix followed suit.

Bud zipped by the trailer on modified inline skates- which turned out to be ALL she was wearing. Not that modesty was much of an issue at the speed she was travelling, for there was only the barest (pun intended) glimpse of her before she was gone and the shock wave rocked the trailer and two pseudo- teens. One strut of the awning pulled free of the trailer, causing a partial collapse. The folding table got knocked over. The blast of the slipstream nearly unseated the two. And there was a sharp 'Crack' to accompany the loud 'BOOM' of a hole punched in the sound barrier.
Neil dropped his hands off his ears- he looked around at the damage. He looked at Phix, who was giggling like a mad thing.
Brandy stuck her head out of the trailer-"Sounds like she did it- you two alright?"
"Well, I spilled my soda, we gotta repair the strut over there... CRAP!- look at that window!"
One side window had a crack going top to bottom. THAT will cost some money...
Several minutes later, while Neil was re-bolting the awning strut to the trailer, Bud rolled in- still naked.
"My shorts and top blew off at some point, I'm pretty sure they are trashed- Brandy, can I borrow your robe?"
"Good thing this wasn't a public event- I doubt you will find summer wear rated for Mach I or beyond," Brandy replied as she rummaged through the closet. Phix was slowing gaining control over her laughter, the whole event seemed so ludicrous to her.
"We ought (snort) to name you (snerk) Wile E. ( hahaha) Coyote... Bwahahahahaha...!"
"Here nature girl," Brandy threw her a robe,"Get yourself decent," she was also amused by the situation.
"Shame it will never make the Guinness book," commented Neil.

The next morning, in a small hotel just outside of Rock Springs, Wyoming, Phix woke up to Neil snoring in her ear. He was holding her from behind, her body spooned into his. It was a delicious moment, one to savor for years to come... his arms wrapped around her, the warmth of his flesh, the sound of his snoring... she snuzzeled her backside into him, he responded by grasping a breast with one hand and her belly with the other-
... and then she had to puke! She bolted out of the bed and JUST made it to the toilet where she blew her belly in a loud technicolor yawn. Neil was awakened by this, and stumbled out to see what the fluster was all about.
"Phix, darlin', what ails you?"
She could not respond- her mind was totally scrambled.
She doesn't vomit. That just doesn't happen. Certainly... oh wait- yes, that's right... when she carried little Brian, she would get sick in the morning... that's how they found out...

The implications struck her dead between the eyes. She had been in human form for three months. Humans go into heat every twenty eight days, not twice a year like Sphinxes.

She had not yet experianced a menstrual cycle!

"Neil, honey... we gotta talk..."




... and THAT will be ANOTHER story at ANOTHER time!

[lake_wrangler]

[lake_wrangler]

Something just occurred to me, as I was going to bed:

Will Shelly now get to meet her grandfather?

[Sgt. Howard]

Something just occurred to me, as I was going to bed:

Will Shelly now get to meet her grandfather?

I only found out that her Father's name is Brian a few days ago- the name or status of Grampa is unknown at this time... of course, Neil is her... "Step grandfather" ... pending...
Can't you just see the news being brought to Shelly- "You're gonna have a brand-new baby uncle or aunt!"

[Sgt. Howard]

Epilogue (I couldn't leave this one hanging...)

They walked, both lost in thought, to the greasy spoon diner adjacent to the motel- he needed coffee and she was willing to risk oatmeal. The bombshell actually was something of a quiet affair- yes, they were teenagers... physically... but both were old enough not to go ballistic over such a thing as pregnancy. Phix's time as a 'wild carefree teen-aged girl' became more along the lines of 'careless' now- never had the two had to worry about birth control before, as Phix would simply avoid sex when in heat as a sphinx... or never stay human long enough to conceive.
Inside the diner was busy- truckers, families, couples, travelers of all stripes and strata were ordering, arguing, laughing, joking and chowing down. Bacon and eggs, hotcakes, hashbrowns, sausage, ham, biscuits and gravy, omelets and enough coffee to float a battleship and the orange juice to sink it! Right in the middle of the window booths was an opening, and a perky forty-something waitress led the two solemn looking teens to it. Phix ordered oatmeal- Neil told the waitress to crack an egg in it and bring some peanut butter... then he ordered coffee.
"An egg? A RAW egg?" Phix questioned, " ... and peanut butter?"
"Trust me... it'll settle you stomach and taste good- I learned this some time ago..."
Phix looked unconvinced, but did not argue. The waitress, eyebrows slightly raised, took the order and went her way.
"This whole thing is stupid," Phix whispered at last, " We should have known better- I should have known better. The last thing I need right now is to be stuck with a cub,"
"You're making it sound like the end of the world- look, if you were TRULY a kid, and me as well... yea, THAT would be a big hurtle to jump. Look at me Phix- you and I both know this is only a facade. YOU'RE NOT some goofy teen cheerleader with an incomplete education- I am NOT some lowbrow jock with charges of underage drinking. We can handle this- ... did you say 'cub'?"
She giggled- "Yes... we ARE different species, remember?" she drew a big sigh, "Actually, it would be a human with latent sphinx DNA- or should be- there's not a great deal of study on this subject,"
"... I ... see... well, I guess what I am asking is, why not? How would a little one mess things up right now?"
She looked at him with those dreamy bedroom eyes and drew another big sigh- "Oh Neil, I JUST GOT YOU BACK! FOR A SECOND TIME! And I want you to myself... I am being selfish, I know it- but I can't help it. A cub right now... allright... A BABY (she said that a little louder than she wanted to, and during a lull in the conversation of the diner. The waitress was bringing a cup of coffee as she spoke) right now just... well, it's not what we planned, now is it?"
"We can easily afford it- you and I are gainfully employed, we have the support of many friends, hell- even NUDGE has accepted me- besides, you'll be a wonderful Mother,"
The waitress delivered the coffee to Neil as he spoke. Phix still looked unconvinced. Neither one noticed the glances from other tables.
"Well, it can easily be resolved," she at last whispered, "if I change back to my native form, I will spontaneously abort, as I am not in season..."
"NO!"
The whole diner was now absorbed with the two sullen teens at table five- they themselves were oblivious to the fact.
"What do you mean, 'NO'? I have a choice in this!"
"Phix, listen to me- this is a part of you and a part of me that has come together to create a living person- no. we didn't plan this. Most of the people here were not planned. If only planned babies happened, there would be a lot less people in the world. How long have we been trying to get together? How many obstacles have we faced? Two months ago I was at death's door! Do you know what kept me alive? I FINALLY FOUND YOU! ALL THESE YEARS, AND I FINALLY FOUND YOU! And now you are giving us a life that represents us both... I am not ready to give that up. Not now, not ever. Shit..." he got out of his chair and dropped to one knee beside her.
"Marry me," his voice was as firm and resolute as she had ever heard.
"... wha... what?"
"Marry me,"
Her eyes started to wet, her breath was a bit ragged, "... get up, you idiot..."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to barf all over you... "
He got up and stood before her. The whole diner collectively held their breath. She stood up, put her arms around his neck and said,
"Of course I'll marry you," and kissed him.
There was some kind of noise... a thunderstorm, maybe a freight train or artillery barrage, or tornado.. or avalanche... something... but it was far away and of no consequence to Phix and Neil as they kissed in that greasy spoon diner. Minutes... or hours... or days later, time lost all meaning, their lips parted... and they became aware that the whole diner was cheering, clapping, whistling, stamping their feet and throwing napkins in the air.
Embarrassed, Phix buried her face in Neil's chest- there was a collective "AWWWW!" from the gallery. Neil blushed, tears rolling down his face, but smiling without shame or hesitation he acknowledged the crowd as he held his prize, his love- his TWO loves, it turns out.
"Alright, you two," came the voice of the waitress, "Here is oatmeal with a bracer for the little Mama, and YOU sir, need to order something substantial if you're gonna support your family. I recommend the 'Denver Omelette' with hash-browns and I expect you to finish the plate,"
"Yes, Ma'm,"
Breakfast was a carousel of congratulations and well-wishers that finally ended with many handshakes and hugs and kisses as the two got into their car and drove back to St. Paul. Phix was lost in a daydream while Neil drove the endless miles of prairieland.
"How will we tell Shelly?" she finally asked.
"Let her know that she will soon have a baby Aunt or Uncle... but personally I'm willing to bet she already knows,"
"How so? OH! She can SMELL me! Of course!... but... then, why didn't she SAY something?"
"Humans usually don't confront their mothers on such matters... you know who else knows? - Nudge,"

Phix executed a perfect face palm.

Neil bit his lip... enough to draw blood...

but he did NOT laugh...

[MerchManDan]

...wow. Bravo, Sarge. That's a fantastic story.

(sniff) Ah jeez. Stupid mega-happy endings.