Wapsi Square Forum

"It's Not about the Nail"

Study and learn....

Can't listen. A part of my brain is screaming "IT'S THE NAIL IT'S THE NAIL IT'S THE NAIL IT'S THE NAIL"

I...I've got a claw-hammer right out in the garage...

Yeah...that lady's a special kind of crazy.

That said, there is something exceptionally comforting in having someone listen instead of instantly trying to fix things for me. I'd like to think that the problems that drive me to this kind of conversation with my husband don't have as obvious a solution as this nail-in-the-head situation...but chances are that he keeps thinking "just do this...just do this...just do this" over my emotional out-pouring. In any event, I appreciate being given ideas for how to fix things...but only after I'm done being emotional and "stupid."

The best explanation I've heard on the difference between men and women was a exercise involving the nastiest dollar bill we could find in our pockets. It was placed on the table, ratty, torn, and stained, and the conversation went like this:

• As a guy, I'll look at it, pick it up, and notice how grubby it feels. But, hey, I can wash my hand.
  
  As a girl, I'll look at it, see how icky it looks, and doesn't smell very good. But am I going to put this in my mouth? Heck no!

The point was than men are external - they can take a risk, but wash it off afterwards. Women are much more internal - how will something affect them, not just in the short term, but long term as well. You can't just wash away a horrible event.

Understanding that internalization goes a long way to better dealing with women, and others in general!

YMMV

Atomic wrote:"It's Not about the Nail"

Study and learn....

It's about the nail if I am the one holding the nail gun(and I have used it as a threat before...it was totally justified, trust me...).

That said, there are days when all I want is for someone to bloody listen to me rave like a lunatic...yanno, just to get it out of my system, but guys(most, not all) want to "fix" it, while girls will let me rant-o-rama to get the toxic crap out of my system. Sometimes I KNOW what is wrong, and need to vent. It's nice to have that every once in a while.

DinkyInky wrote:

Atomic wrote:"It's Not about the Nail"

Study and learn....

It's about the nail if I am the one holding the nail gun(and I have used it as a threat before...it was totally justified, trust me...).

That said, there are days when all I want is for someone to bloody listen to me rave like a lunatic...yanno, just to get it out of my system, but guys(most, not all) want to "fix" it, while girls will let me rant-o-rama to get the toxic crap out of my system. Sometimes I KNOW what is wrong, and need to vent. It's nice to have that every once in a while.

This. Definitely this. We have to vent the "toxic crap" in order to even start handling the problem/feeling better.

That is to say, it's not about the nail, it's about the person. Would be a very different film if it were just a guy arguing at a nail.

I once came across my young doorman having one of "those" conversations on the phone with his lady. He begged off the call because I was there, but then he asked me what it was about how women think and how to avoid fights. I had to be succinct, so told I him they say listening is good, but that goes for all conversations between people. What he had to remember was that a relationship isn't a wrestling match. You're not opponents. You're on the same team.

They have a kid now. I had nothing to do with that, and they everything, but I like to think that was Nature helping to prove my point.

Julie wrote:We have to vent the "toxic crap" in order to even start handling the problem/feeling better.

Oh, to have known this long ago enough to have made a difference....

...sigh...