Oh Noes 2016-04-29

[GlytchMeister]

"De-Ass the area with a quickness"

(Bomb-expert's plan for what to do if the oil drum they are filling with match heads goes off with them nearby)

[jwhouk]

Wasn't the Fonz Canadian?

No, he was from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And NO, for the LAST TIME, WE ARE IN AMERICA.

The curb weight of a Tesla Roadster was about 2,877 lbs.; the vaunted Tesla Model S P85D weighs in at 4,936 lbs.

[GlytchMeister]

Wasn't the Fonz Canadian?

No, he was from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And NO, for the LAST TIME, WE ARE IN AMERICA.

Beat me to the punch

[Sgt. Howard]

If a bear outweighs your car, you need a bigger car . . . one that actually meets collision standards
...

Every current car I know of weighs over 2000lb/900kg . . . even the old VW bug exceeded that.
--FreeFlier

Male grizzly bears are reported to weigh up to 1700 pounds.

The Smart Car weighs in at around 1800, and it seems to do pretty well in collision tests. It's a bit heavier than a grizzly, but not all that much so.

I suspect that a grizzly would probably be able to take a Smart two falls out of three, or better, in either Greco-Roman or MMA.

Years ago, a co-worker told me of her camping trip into Glacier National Park, which is definitely bear territory. Camping there is highly regulated, for the safety of the campers. You have to have a specific authorization to be at each back-country campsite you will use, on specific days, and follow specific precautions with your food and supplies. You're given a permit tag for each site, which you must attach to your tent ropes each night. Rangers come through regularly, checking tags, making sure you are authorized to be there, are safe, and that your food is in the supplied "bear boxes" or slung up in a tree as required. No permit tag? Wrong site? Food stored incorrectly, or outside of storage when you are not actually preparing and eating it? Out you go, same day, no excuses!

Arlene said everything went well for the first few nights. Then, at about two in the morning, they heard something big come pushing through the brush and walk up to the tent. There was a bunch of snuffling, the tent shook as something struck the ropes. The side of the tent bulged inwards, showing the shape of a large clawed paw ("about the size of a dinner plate"). The tent relaxed, the bear moved away a bit, there was a bunch of furious noise for a while, and then it faded away.

At first light they got out of the tent and checked their site. Their food bag had been pulled down from the tree-and-rope and torn open, and most of their food was gone.

The bear had also torn the permit tag off of the tent rope and (apparently) eaten it as well.

"We packed up, hiked all the way out in one day, and I'm never going back to Glacier!" was the end of the story.

Uncle Ed (the 'Crazy Howard') invited me to hunt Griz in Montana- back then there was a Spring season as well as a Fall season for Griz. He had a .308 turnbolt and offered me a 95 Marlin in .45-70. Either one of these are competent cartridges for big game. He spotted a big sow tearing into a carcass in a glacier melt and planted one right into the boilerworks. Bear got up on it's hindquarters and sniffed. You see, she knew she was hit, but it didn't register in her mind as fatal- she was trying to see where it came from. Without thinking, I levered one up and dropped it into the same area- had I not done that, she would have internally bled out while we waited- but now she knew where the bullet came from.
She came up the hill at us at a full gallop.
Uncle Ed kept bolting and I kept levering until my hammer fell with a click and nothing else. Screaming with fear, I stuffed a handful of cartridges into the loading gate and finally got one up her nose- she fell twenty feet away from us. Uncle Ed kicked her snout to see if she was merely stunned- then said-
"Greg, gimme a hand here, we need to gut and skin her-"
I said back, "Do what you like, I'm going home and changing my pants."

I had actually managed to load one round into the rifle backwards- had I tried to chamber it...

[Dave]

Beat me to the punch

The last I heard, Canada is a 100%-American country. So are Mexico, Chile, and Bolivia.

They just aren't part of the United States.

Uncle Ed (the other 'Crazy Howard')

Fixed that for you

[Sgt. Howard]

Uncle Ed (the other 'Crazy Howard')

Fixed that for you

Actually... at the time, Uncle Ed WAS the 'Crazy Howard'... under his tutelage, I dropped my first plunger at the tender age of nine... 35 sticks of Number six DuPont on ACME caps fired by a CLIMAX (no, I am not joking) detonator. Took a 15 foot diameter stump out of the ground by a good three feet. I was so proud... that was before I learned about BIG explosives...

[Warrl]

The largest black bear ever recorded was estimated to weigh 1100lb/500kg, a size so far out of line as to raise the suspicion it was a black bear/brown bear hybrid, since normal weights are 125lb/60kg to 550lb/250kg.

There are no confirmed instances of a black/brown hybrid bear surviving to adulthood, and very few instances of live births. In fact what is apparently the most recent well-documented report of such was cited by Charles Darwin.

My guess for a black-colored bear of that size is that it's a brown bear with an unusual coat color, perhaps a mutant. Brown bears routinely come in a wide range of fur colors mostly varying by subspecies, from a pretty dark brown through a creamy white to, believe it or not, transparent. And every variety of bear *other than* brown bears has a significant amount of black in the typical fur. So it isn't hard to imagine that a brown bear with black fur would turn up.

(Brown bears had, relatively recently, an effectively contiguous range from Morocco across Europe, Asia, and North America. Normally-black bear species are more isolated, although in captivity it appears they can - possibly aside from pandas - still interbreed with each other.)

[Catawampus]

No, he was from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And NO, for the LAST TIME, WE ARE IN AMERICA.

That's just what They want us to think!!!

I had actually managed to load one round into the rifle backwards- had I tried to chamber it...

That one was so that it would be pointed in the right direction while you're in the process of running away.

The last I heard, Canada is a 100%-American country. So are Mexico, Chile, and Bolivia.

They just aren't part of the United States.

That's why you should simplify things and avoid confusion by referring to all residents of the United States as "Yankees". Especially when you're in the Southern US.

[lake_wrangler]

I had actually managed to load one round into the rifle backwards- had I tried to chamber it...

That one was so that it would be pointed in the right direction while you're in the process of running away.

Interesting concept... care to test it out for us?

The last I heard, Canada is a 100%-American country. So are Mexico, Chile, and Bolivia.

They just aren't part of the United States.

That's why you should simplify things and avoid confusion by referring to all residents of the United States as "Yankees". Especially when you're in the Southern US.

I'm sure that would go over real well...

Again, why don't you test it out for us, to see if it does indeed make things clearer?

[AnotherFairportfan]

"USAian"

[lake_wrangler]

"USAian"

Back on the CRFH!!! forums, there was this German guy who kept insisting that's what we should call people from the US.

[GlytchMeister]

When in Mexico, one should never respond to "where are you from" with "I'm from America."

Especially when asked this question by your taxi driver. If you say you are from America, they will be more likely to dro you off at a nasty polluted beach instead of the pristine one only the locals know about. Waitstaff might garnish your food with sneezes, etc.

Why?

Because people from Mexico are from "America" too. North America.

The proper response is "I'm from the United States." That may endear yourself to the locals - it shows you know the US isn't the only country worth knowing about on the continent. You aren't belittling their country when you put it this way.

And you get bonus points if you say this in Spanish. Tourists who can speak the local language can also sometimes avoid getting ripped off at stores, and you will be much more able to properly navigate the country - allowing you to find the really cool places.
Bonus bonus points if you can nail the proper accent and dialect.

[AnotherFairportfan]

"USAian"

Back on the CRFH!!! forums, there was this German guy who kept insisting that's what we should call people from the US.

It was standard on the rec.arts.sf-fandom group.

[Catawampus]

That's why you should simplify things and avoid confusion by referring to all residents of the United States as "Yankees". Especially when you're in the Southern US.

I'm sure that would go over real well...

Again, why don't you test it out for us, to see if it does indeed make things clearer?

I do every now and then, actually. Since I'm usually rather obviously "not from around here", I manage to get away with it because they figure I'm just some ign'rant furriner who don't speak proper American.

[Alkarii]

The USA is not the only United States in the world, either. Ever heard the translation of Mexico's full official name?

[Hansontoons]

And 100% "Eh!".

Now now, that's another generalization! Not all Canadians end their sentences with "Eh"...

At the very least, most Québecois don't... (Inasmuch as most Québécois speak French... )

Pardon!

I should have included the version with accent mark: "Éh".

[lake_wrangler]

And 100% "Eh!".

Now now, that's another generalization! Not all Canadians end their sentences with "Eh"...

At the very least, most Québecois don't... (Inasmuch as most Québécois speak French... )

Pardon!

I should have included the version with accent mark: "Éh".

Cute.

Inaccurate, but cute.

In French, we do have a word that comes up often, just like the "Eh", but it's "hein" (pronounced somewhere between "han" - though without pronouncing the 'n', and "huh").

But as far as the anglos' "eh" goes, most Québécois who learned to speak English in school will most likely not have learned the habit of saying "eh" at the end of their sentences, so they won't have gotten into the habit of saying it.


(Anglos is short for anglophones, as in, people who speak English...)

[FreeFlier]

The USA is not the only United States in the world, either. Ever heard the translation of Mexico's full official name?

Yes, actually. United Mexican States.

And I believe it's not the only one . . . seems like Brazil was another, at least at one time . . . Yes, from 1889 to 1967. More inf

--FreeFlier

[oldmanmickey]

That's why you should simplify things and avoid confusion by referring to all residents of the United States as "Yankees". Especially when you're in the Southern US.

I'm sure that would go over real well...

Again, why don't you test it out for us, to see if it does indeed make things clearer?

I do every now and then, actually. Since I'm usually rather obviously "not from around here", I manage to get away with it because they figure I'm just some ign'rant furriner who don't speak proper American.

Not at all if i may point out. We well understand the difference between a yankee and a damnyankee. A yankee is one who is still above the mason-dixon line. A damnyankee is one who come south to mess with us.

[GlytchMeister]

What if we come in peace?