Wapsi Square Forum

Hey, Dinky:

Been missing your posts, and am sad to hear of your loss. I think most of the regulars here have shared this pain.

It seems your brother stepped over easily, though. There are much worse fates, much as it hurts the survivors, and maybe you can get a little comfort from that.

I know it came too soon, and it always sucks.

I'm opening a bottle of the 2015 Summer Red from my cellar to toast your brother. (A DeChaunac/Chambourcin juice blend, fermented anaerobically. Somewhat tart but with sweet fruit flavor, and a little effervescent, best served cool, and made to appreciate in the summer, before it fades.)

**tone of crystal stemglasses touching rims reverberates across the infinite tavern of Valhalla**

Still processing things. My son is having trouble sleeping.

I overheard him say to Mr. Pettibone(his plush Marmalade Tabby) he needs to make sure Mommy stays put.

So here I am, unable to sleep, because he's afraid to sleep, afraid of losing me.

There's not enough...I cannot even begin to understand how to deal with it.

...

Words aren't quite versatile enough to encompass and trash it what I'm trying to say, so... *hugs*

Indeed.

Know that you are loved by us all

DinkyInky wrote:Still processing things. My son is having trouble sleeping.

I overheard him say to Mr. Pettibone(his plush Marmalade Tabby) he needs to make sure Mommy stays put.

So here I am, unable to sleep, because he's afraid to sleep, afraid of losing me.

There's not enough...I cannot even begin to understand how to deal with it.

Love. Hugs. Ice cream. Just time together doing things that make you both happy. Watch the favorite movie. At my place it would be either Fifth Element or The Mummy (B. Fraser version). Both can almost be spoken verbatim. One or two notes of the music can identify the movie.

Show him you are there but don't smother. Mess with him, but smile to show it's all fun.

Worked with my daughter when she had the bad feels.

Hansontoons makes a great point- the comfort of routine.

Its sound ridiculously simplistic, therefore how could it be effective?, but the simple, and yet familiar things can be a rock to hang onto with the waves crashing all about.

Simple things, things almost not worth noticing, in fact not bringing attention to them seems key; just the simple act of them in themselves, yeah. I think I'm on to something here.

Also, as a parent, I'm going to council some quiet time for yourself. Don’t take this for granted, but often as you might, find some time to just sit and be still.

No expectations, no particular goal. Its not to avoid anything but it's important to not give into the (natural) impulse to think 'I must be Doing Something, Right Now!', all the time.

You are stronger than you know, so recharge from time to time. And know that you are not alone.

And if you DON'T take out time for yourself, I might have to show up with a wriggle* of NINJA PUPPIES!!! They will knock you to the floor and not ONE of them can hold their likker....

*- that's about two litters...

TazManiac wrote:Hansontoons makes a great point- the comfort of routine.

Its sound ridiculously simplistic, therefore how could it be effective?, but the simple, and yet familiar things can be a rock to hang onto with the waves crashing all about.

Simple things, things almost not worth noticing, in fact not bringing attention to them seems key; just the simple act of them in themselves, yeah. I think I'm on to something here.

Also, as a parent, I'm going to council some quiet time for yourself. Don’t take this for granted, but often as you might, find some time to just sit and be still.

No expectations, no particular goal. Its not to avoid anything but it's important to not give into the (natural) impulse to think 'I must be Doing Something, Right Now!', all the time.

You are stronger than you know, so recharge from time to time. And know that you are not alone.

Seconded!

Ninja Puppies? How about just plain Puppies?

Enjoy, and consider yourself hugged!

Wishing you the happiest birthday that it's possible for you to have, DinkyInky... and I'm very sorry indeed that this probably isn't wishing for very much, under the circumstances.

I hope your next birthday is a much happier one.

Sgt. Howard wrote:And if you DON'T take out time for yourself, I might have to show up with a wriggle* of NINJA PUPPIES!!! They will knock you to the floor and not ONE of them can hold their likker....

*- that's about two litters...

Bring it.

Dave wrote:Wishing you the happiest birthday that it's possible for you to have, DinkyInky... and I'm very sorry indeed that this probably isn't wishing for very much, under the circumstances.

I hope your next birthday is a much happier one.

It was quiet and uneventful(I was too damned broke to do anything but hug my Tiny Human). I cried a lot.

Today is my brother's daughters birthday. I've been crying off and on about it.

Still trying to find a way back to some semblance of normalcy.

(pssst- who wants 'Normal' anyway?...) We'll take ya how we gets ya, and be happy for it.

Dink- you belong to us just as we belong to you. That's family.

TazManiac wrote:(pssst- who wants 'Normal' anyway?...)

Normal? That's a washing-machine setting, right?

Two months.

People are a double edged sword.

I've never wanted more to just beat someone black and blue.

We're not robots. Grief doesn't just disappear overnight.

But no, we're supposed to just la-dee-da about like a regular day.

I hope they enjoy bubbleland.

I'm still kickin', and while Murphy kicks back...hard, I'm not throwing in the towel.

We love you Dink

DinkyInky wrote:We're not robots. Grief doesn't just disappear overnight.

But no, we're supposed to just la-dee-da about like a regular day.

Everyone's an idiot occasionally. Some people seem to be professionals.

ok, here we go- Yeah. You're going to have to cut them a break. For your own sake, not theirs.

Some of them might even think they are doing the right thing- but they're just people.

Some times I just cant stand, 'just people'...

and what Sarge said.

DinkyInky wrote:We're not robots. Grief doesn't just disappear overnight.

But no, we're supposed to just la-dee-da about like a regular day.

I hope they enjoy bubbleland.

I recall some advice about relationships and breakups... that it tends to take people somewhere about a month of time, per year of the relationship, to mostly kinda get over a love affair.

I don't see why losing a close family member would be any easier or quicker... and you had decades of good family time with your brother. If the 1:12 relationship rule holds, yeah, it's going to hurt for quite a while.

The bubbleheads... I guess a combination of ignorance, and hidden discomfort (the secret fear that such pain could afflict them, too) accounts for at least some of it.

I'm still kickin', and while Murphy kicks back...hard, I'm not throwing in the towel.

((Hugs)). "This, too, shall pass." But you needn't pretend that This doesn't hurt like hell while it's here. It's better for you and those you love, I think, for you to be true to what your really feeling.