Wapsi Square Forum

/thud/

Wolf-who-watches wrote:He has fallen off his sit-thing again . . .

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Al, of all these fanfics, that is by far the funniest single segment yet.

Warrl wrote:Al, of all these fanfics, that is by far the funniest single segment yet.

... I ... concur... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

FreeFlier wrote:/thud/

Wolf-who-watcvhes wrote:He has fallen off his sit-thing again . . .

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I did too...and laughed until I cried. My child threatened to ground me if it did not cease...

One suspects that Smokey has been to the local Victoria's Secret before . . .

Wolf-who-watches wrote:Males are so silly about those things . . .

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--FreeFlier

Warrl wrote:Al, of all these fanfics, that is by far the funniest single segment yet.

Thanks. I love writing comedy. There is plenty of room for pathos and serious subjects in the 'Verse, not to mention the occasional madcap bit like this.

Y'know, it probably never even occurred to Al that a T-shirt or a simple tunic would have worked - though it would have been a lot more likely to shift in testing. Nah, the bodice was the right move...despite the emotional capital it's going to cost him.

Trying to put Monica at ease on the way down to dinner, Sterling asked,

"So, the SIX15 has more...haute cuisine and fancy drinks and Rare Steak & Sushi sounds like yuppy mixed with Texas steak house.
Seriously. 'All you can eat sushi'? Those cooks never met up with Jet's bottomless abyss of a stomach. What?"

Jet and Monica began to laugh. "Monica here has the same style of eating...and a stomach that's a bottomless abyss."

"Good Lord! Okaaay. Steak and sushi it is. I have to at least try the food here before sending out for what I really want."

Once seated, they perused the menu.

"If only it were spicy..." Sterling sighed, looking at the Mussels Diablo appetizer.

"Oh yeah, Sterling is a chili freak. Always looking for the ultimate fire," Jet answered at Monica's confused look.

As the waiter took their orders, Jet and Monica ordered comfort food--half pound burgers and fries, Monica going for an 18 year Macallan, Jet a simple local IPA, and Sterling, frustrated that they had nothing spicy and couldn't make an Aviation, pouted over a very dirty martini, while telling the waiter to inform the chef to 'just surprise me'.

Said waiter also mentioned to the chef overhearing that the patron has had overall lackluster dining experiences, loved spicy, flavourful dishes, and could not eat strawberries, kiwi, or roe.

The sushi chef was delighted. When the meals came out, they were masterfully presented.

Sterling grinned at the artful presentation of appetizers and meal as she saw a few mussels, though not quite Diablo, smelled spicy enough to make her breathe deeply. Beautifully crafted unagi, tako, several beef tataki that were works of art, something called, 'dynamite', and tekka maki, which was spiced, 'just so'.

One bite, and she smiled. "Tell the chef this is heavenly. Not as spicy as I am used to eating, but each flavour is so artfully layered that to add more fire would be a sin.

I'll take some warm sake to go with this. Another martini would ruin it."

The chef beamed while watching the dish being presented, and again when she insisted on personally praising his artistry.

The rest of dinner passed pleasantly with good food, fine alcohol(except for the sake, but not everything can be perfect), being with friends old and new, and pleasant conversation, with lots of talk of fond old memories.

Lily was watching the antics of her youngest granddaughter in the living room of their home... her free time was often spent with her new family these days. Atsali was grinding out homework in her own room while Castela was busy flying 'Corn Husk Maiden' to Lily's amusement, giving Katherine a little freedom to deal with domestic efforts about the house (she preferred doing quite a bit of the housework, even though Buck insisted they had more than enough budget for in house domestics).
Lily's phone signaled the presence of text. Languidly, she picked it up to see who the sender was.
"Mother, who's that?" Asked Katherine as she walked by on her way to the kitchen to put away the wax she had just finished the hallway floor with.
"Hmpf! Your Mother-in-law," she answered as she pulled up the text and read, "something about what your Stepfather-in-law is up to... seems there's pictures,"
She pulled up the first one.
Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped.
She sat like that for about eight heartbeats, then closed and covered her mouth. Her eyes remained wide.
She pulled up the next picture... and started to giggle.
"Mother...? What's Al up to...?" Kathy queried as she lost interest in the kitchen ... something about Lily's giggles ...
When one woman giggles, any female who hears it will respond with a sudden case of ADD, forgetting everything else to find the source of merriment... I am not about to claim that the male of the species is above such behavior, for they are not- but they are not part of the discussion right now, so the focus is on the ladies...
Lily was openly laughing by now- Katherine looked over her shoulder and saw the image on the screen. Her eyes got big enough to show some white and her jaw also dropped. Castela quickly zeroed in on this development and started to wander in the direction of the phone.
"BACK YOU GO, YOUNG LADY!" came the official 'Mommy voice' from two generations. Startled, the little tumbleweed sulked away, not sure what she had done wrong... she then sought the sage advice of her older sister.
"What the hell is he doing?" whisper/giggled Lily as image after bizarre, ribald image was explored.
"Is that thing anatomically correct?" Katherine whispered.
Lily looked at it, then at Kathy- "I don't think so," she whispered back, "but if it where, I'm thinking Daisy would have pointed that out... no! See the yellow and black..." it suddenly dawned on her why Kathy asked the question- "You perv!" she exclaimed while slapping Kathy's shoulder, reducing both women to further giggles.

In Atsali's room, Castela plodded up to the lanky, top-heavy teen- " 'Sali... Momma an'- an' Gramma chased me away 'cause- 'cause they was laughing about sumpin' an- an' I did nuthin' wrong,"
"They probably got tired of your prattle, stinkweed- now leave me alone, this Geometry is a pain..."
Atsali considered her circumstances- then she acted.
"CORN HUSK MAIDEN DOESN'T LIKE GRUMPY PEOPLE!!" she yelped as she smacked Atsali in the back of the head with her doll.

And it was on!

Scrambling around a corner, Castela slipped and fell, partially disassembled but managed to do a galloping vine routine before she pulled herself back into human form. Atsali was right behind, having just as much trouble with the treacherous slippery floor. Growling with anger and frustration, holding her bustline to avoid a concussion, she vowed tortures of the Spanish Inquisition as her temper got shorter and shorter.
"DARNIT CASTELA!! I'M NOT BUILT FOR RUNNING!!!"
"SO STOP CHASING ME!!!" she replied as she led the chase right into the living room.
"Where did he get that 'Merry Widow' anyway?" Lily asked between gasps, " and why is it done up with Christmas lights? You know... HEY YOU TWO!!!"

The resulting convoy careened directly into the couch where Lily was seated- the collision knocked everything ass over teakettle

Wolf-who-watches wrote:Chaseplay!

--FreeFlier

Taking notes from Messrs. Howard, Fine and Howard?

FreeFlier wrote:

Wolf-who-watches wrote:Chaseplay!

--FreeFlier

AmriloJim wrote:Taking notes from Messrs. Howard, Fine and Howard?

You think that's amusing, try seeing that at toodarnearlyoclock!

I barely had enough time to get outside and into my car as my brain processed this and before I woke my son up!

AmriloJim wrote:Taking notes from Messrs. Howard, Fine and Howard?

You have NO idea....on many, many levels.

Just Old Al wrote:

AmriloJim wrote:Taking notes from Messrs. Howard, Fine and Howard?

You have NO idea....on many, many levels.

I wish I could claim relationship, but they used the name 'Howard' to deal with the anti semaizm that existed in that day- their real name was Horowitz

Just Old Al wrote:

AmriloJim wrote:Taking notes from Messrs. Howard, Fine and Howard?

You have NO idea....on many, many levels.

By any chance, has Rosalita been baking a very large number of creme pies today?

Dave wrote:

Just Old Al wrote:

AmriloJim wrote:Taking notes from Messrs. Howard, Fine and Howard?

You have NO idea....on many, many levels.

By any chance, has Rosalita been baking a very large number of creme pies today?

To Dave:
"Your pie, sir."*splut!*

"Sooooo...just remind me. Did you two dorks drive here? 'Cause I just saw a few of our fans gathering in th' lobby." Sterling said, wobbling just a bit.

Jet and Monica, more than mildly buzzed, sang together, "We took a cab!"

"Well, unless you know a way out of here that bypasses all known exits, yer stuck."

"I do...but it might scare you, so I guess you can show me to the couch," said Monica, with surprising clarity, and a sultry smirk. If she were anyone else, it might have been intimidating.

"Jet, you got me the best suite, and this bed could sleep six, so grab a pillow."

"Got 'em," she said impishly.

"Goodnight my dorklings. I need to work this buzz off first," Sterling said, rolling her eyes as she got into stance.

They both climbed into the immense bed and watched Sterling glide through her workout, weaving, kicking, punching, whirling, and even flips moving so light and quick it was like she was floating, so graceful it may have been a dance instead of Taolu, Kata, or whichever forms or patterns she flowed into next, they seemed to blend together as one.
They soon found themselves nodding off, and Sterling turned off the light and finished the last bit of her workout in complete darkness, then showered before flopping on the couch to wind down.

The other half of her routine could wait until she was alone, and not thinking about things like why Monica was nervous only after touching the bodice, or how she could leave the hotel without using any exits.

This was going to be a looooong night.

Sgt. Howard wrote:I wish I could claim relationship, but they used the name 'Howard' to deal with the anti semaizm that existed in that day- their real name was Horowitz

I was aware of that, friend. (Caught myself from using "sir" there.)

Meanwhile, back at the Alexander Estate...

Katherine was flat on her back from the impact with Lily sprawled on top of her upside down. Both were clear of the overturned couch, which was partially draped with Atsali while Castela lay to the left of the Mommy/Grandma pile. While the other three groaned back to function, Castela noticed the cellphone- it was still displaying the images that Mommy and Grandma were giggling about.

"Success!" she thought to herself.

She snatched up the phone and looked at the picture... all it showed was Grampa Al and Mr. Smokey putting wires on some Lady's funny looking black bathing suit. The Lady's face looked like she was a robot. Castela couldn't quite figure out why this was funny. It was odd, but not really funny.
Slowly, Atsali started to come back into focus- she recognized her sister and remembered why she was chasing her-
"MOTHER!!! THIS LITTLE DOOFUS SMACKED ME WITH HER STUPID DOLL!!!"
"CORN HUSK MAIDEN ISN'T- ISN'T STUPID!!!" Castela retorted, "Mama, why is- is Grampa Al teaching a Robot how to- to swim?"
Katherine was laying underneath Lily- Lily looked up and realized what Castela was holding. Instinctively, her hand shot out to grasp the phone- Castela pulled her hand away from her Grandmother's, causing a beep, whereupon Atsali snatched it from her sister, causing another beep. Somewhere in the exchange, buttons got pushed- when Atsali looked at the phone, her face went blank.
Lily looked on in horror- "Uh, Atsali, that's ... well, there's an explanation there... let me have the phone..."
"I don't understand," Atsali said as she handed the phone back. Lily looked at the screen.
The picture was no longer there- instead, there was text of an action taken.

It read, "Sent to All"
Lily started to laugh and cry at the same time.

Glytch felt his phone buzz and instinctively pulled it out. It was a message from Lily. When he had altered everyone's phones during the build-up to the Battle of Pillsbury, he had entered his number into everyone's contact list.

"What the hell? I'm not even sure what's going on in this..."

"Is she sleeping?" whispered Monica.

"I think so. She always snored like that when she's asleep. Are you sure about this?" Jet whispered.

"I see no other choice. The place is crawling with paparazzi, and fans. You two dorks really are superstars. Besides, I remembered where I saw that desk monkey, and he's had this and more coming for a looong time. I left her a note, let's go. Ready?"

"What? Where? Why are y..." as they disappeared, an audible *POIT* reverberating around the now emptier by two.

"Wow Jet. I should not be surprised, as I had said you would were destined for an interesting life, but that is most impressive; it surprised even me, who was expecting unexpected." she whispered to the air, still vibrating with the power of that teleportation.

Smirking, she got back up and prepared to begin the second part of her workout in earnest, first resetting the protections against spying, and adding a veil of darkness so that nothing could be seen or heard if the curtains and doors were opened.

"What is it about tall buildings that store so much extraneous energies without a set shielding in place?" she muttered in disgust, feeling the chaotic swirl of magic flooding the room...probably the whole building.
"You would think they actually WANT a God to show up and demand obeisance."

Beginning with a cleansing prayer, Sterling decided to postpone briefly her workout, and drew the energies until glutted, correcting this oversight.
She layered protections, visualising the buildings skeleton, and wrapped the spell into it, allowing passive magic users to tap into it, to heal, or refresh themselves but malicious ones a nasty shock. The more they try to take, the bigger the shock.

Sterling then cast a hiding spell and slipped out to do the next part.

Gliding past the obvious tabloid people, she crept to the roof, and added more protections, chanting the incantations in her mind so she could remain hidden.

One final setup was for all who came here for respite to feel peace, and a ward against evildoers, or with malicious intent. Those would feel unwelcome, as it should be.

Returning to her room, she unpacked her jian, unsheathing it, and did her sword forms, both to strengthen her personal shielding, and to ground and return unused energies back into the glorious old hotel, now a safe haven for those in need of respite.

The jian was a gift from her old martial arts instructor, who taught her that martial arts and magic worked as one to hone the body into a powerful tool that flows harmoniously with the users desires, and not as a mere tawdry weapon, fit only for chaos and destruction.

No, the body is a temple.

As she finished her last movement, she spun and faced South, presenting her jian respectfully towards where she guessed her instructor to be.

Wiping it clean with a cloth retrieved from her case, she sheathed it, wiping this as well, then returned it reverently to her case, closing it and locking it with a spell.

Finished with her workout, in which she did not even break a sweat, she showered anyway, and returned to the couch to rest, just in case they returned. This time, the snore was real.