Wapsi Square Forum

Atsali looked crestfallen- THAT was not the response she wanted. She drew a deep sigh.
Neil looked her with interest- "What ... happened?"
She closed her eyes and blushed- "oh... I don't know... it's just... I asked a boy out... and he... he broke a date with me... to date another boy. I... I think I chased him away- I might have turned him gay, I don't know,"
"You silly goose! You did no such thing!" Neil snorted, trying to control his laughter. Atsali was now wide eyed by this remark and feeling somewhat offended.
"And... just HOW can you possibly know that?" she blurted out.
"Because my dear- ANY male human or humanoid species that DOESN'T see you as physically, intellectually and emotionally desirable NEVER HAD any interest in females! Your 'Gaydar' is faulty, not your personage- you got blindsided assuming that you were dealing with a heterosexual, that's all," Neil assured her.
She looked at Neil with some doubt in her face, "Are you sure? I guess, now that you mention it, I've never worried about somebody being... you know, gay. Has that ever happened to you?"
Neil laughed- "Of course it has- there have even been a few instances where I thought I was dealing with a woman and proved myself wrong... It can happen to anyone. I shouldn't worry too much about it,"
She slumped- "... it's all so frustrating. I'll never be right for anybody..."
"First, you gotta be right for you," Neil responded, ".. THEN you will be right for somebody else. But if you're constantly trying to be something desirable to somebody else, you will loose the very quality you are trying to achieve. Set your standards for YOU- just keep on improving who and what YOU are, to YOUR satisfaction- you will find what you are looking for without looking,"
She thought about this as she looked off into space- finally, she turned directly to face Neil-
"How did you and Phix meet?"
"HAH! Now THAT is an interesting story, indeed- amazingly enough, it is true- you got a minute?"

Sgt. Howard wrote:... I DID fail to mention that he had a 1911 in an M-7 holster loaded with black talon rounds just in case...

Black Talon rounds? Jeeze, Niel doesn't mess around. Good gravy.

Sgt. Howard wrote:...Neil had already bested a Sphinx in combat (think about that)...

I'm thinking, and all I can think of is Oedipus. And I'm not sure Niel married his mom. Seeing as not a single joke has been directed at him regarding the matter.

Did I miss yet another thing? I seem to have a knack for that.

GlytchMeister wrote:

Sgt. Howard wrote:... I DID fail to mention that he had a 1911 in an M-7 holster loaded with black talon rounds just in case...

Black Talon rounds? Jeeze, Niel doesn't mess around. Good gravy.

Sgt. Howard wrote:...Neil had already bested a Sphinx in combat (think about that)...

I'm thinking, and all I can think of is Oedipus. And I'm not sure Niel married his mom. Seeing as not a single joke has been directed at him regarding the matter.

Did I miss yet another thing? I seem to have a knack for that.

He COURTED Phix- what do you suspect that involves?

Sgt. Howard wrote:

GlytchMeister wrote:

Sgt. Howard wrote:... I DID fail to mention that he had a 1911 in an M-7 holster loaded with black talon rounds just in case...

Black Talon rounds? Jeeze, Niel doesn't mess around. Good gravy.

Sgt. Howard wrote:...Neil had already bested a Sphinx in combat (think about that)...

I'm thinking, and all I can think of is Oedipus. And I'm not sure Niel married his mom. Seeing as not a single joke has been directed at him regarding the matter.

Did I miss yet another thing? I seem to have a knack for that.

He COURTED Phix- what do you suspect that involves?

Convincing it not to eat you after a very bad pickup line? And by convince, I mean ensure it knows you are harder to eat than your av-ar-age Sphinx?

GlytchMeister wrote:Convincing it not to eat you after a very bad pickup line? And by convince, I mean ensure it knows you are harder to eat than your av-ar-age Sphinx?

... not far from the truth- to gain the love of a sphinx, you must gain it's respect- to gain it's respect, you have to prove you can whip it's ass. This is a proud, noble race (read; arrogant, disdainful, haughty, impatient, self-righteous bullying toe-rags) - as such, they have certain criteria as to who they accept as equals.

... in other words, if you can knock the little mama on her butt, you can drag her home. She might kick and scream a little, but that's only because she is expected to do so.

There are human women like that- I have always tried to avoid them, personally...

- and yes, .45 ACP Black Talons... for sphinx, I would consider that right on the edge of adequate.

Gaius Cornelius looked at the structure he was directed to- a "Portal to greater wisdom than any one man can absorb," he was promised. Dedicated to the Goddess Minerva, it was actually a modest affair... to Cornelius' eye it couldn't contain near as many scrolls as was described to him. Tourism propaganda, in all probability... just another hook to draw in the crowd.
Whatever- there might be SOMETHING in there worthy of note. He sat at the bench and unlaced his marching bootlets and replaced them with interior sandals from his kitbag- the iron shod "caligulai" would destroy the marble floor. Getting back up, he mounted the stairs to the front door.
Stepping inside, he realized that the description given him was a gross understatement- the building was FAR LARGER inside than out... in fact, it was massive. The whole of Caesarea would fit inside without too much strain. He certainly found the right spot.
A whoosh and flump announced the arrival of ... something. Cornelius turned to see a Sphinx- she was eyeing him in a malevolent manner.
THIS he had not been told about.
"A Human! Your kind is generally not allowed here- you are too disruptive and violent a thing," she purred.
"... and you are not?" he asked in surprise.
The purr went to a snarl- "I am a guardian! I am here to protect this knowledge and those civilized creatures that seek it!"
"Indeed... then am I to leave?"
"No... you are to answer a riddle- get it right, you may remain unmolested... assuming you do not become a problem... get it wrong... or try to get away... " she slowly licked her lips, showing her long sharp canines, "... I am quite hungry right now, and you look like a proper meal for me..."
Neil had not counted on this at all- Sphinxes were not to be messed with, to the best of his understanding... and here he had been essentially set up to trip over one.
"Ask your riddle, cat,"
The sphinx drew up her full height and glared down at the Centurion- "... I am not a... 'cat'... as you put it, puny mortal- as you will find out when I slowly tear you apart- " She put her face right up to Cornelius'- "It's whole, it's seventh, it makes thirty-two- what is it?"
Cornelius stood there, unblinking, unmoving, staring into her face the whole time. At length, he replied, "Twenty Eight- now may I browse?"
The Sphinx was stunned by the swift reply- "Who told you?" she demanded.
"You gave me everything I needed to know," he replied, "It's whole, it's seventh, it makes thirty-two. It's seventh plus it's whole make eight sevenths- eight sevenths equals thirty-two. Thirty- two over eight is four- four is one seventh- seven fours is twenty eight... may I browse now?"
She knew not what to say- this human had correctly solved the riddle... and made it sound simple. She was about to come up with another challenge when he said, "now, YOU add up all the numbers between one and one hundred, WITHOUT an external tally, and let me know what you find... I will be browsing, should you need me,"
And with that, Cornelius turn on his heel, leaving behind a rather angry and frustrated Phix.

Heh... it's about 50-50 she gets it wrong if she tries to do it in her head.

Dave wrote:Heh... it's about 50-50 she gets it wrong if she tries to do it in her head.

Just remember those numbers you just quoted... heh heh heh heh...

Sgt. Howard wrote:

Dave wrote:Heh... it's about 50-50 she gets it wrong if she tries to do it in her head.

Just remember those numbers you just quoted... heh heh heh heh...

I didn't pick those exact odds out of a hat, my friend!

Sgt. Howard wrote:

jwhouk wrote:Only seven by my count.

The "bridal shower " comment sells the whole thing.

Sixteen once you add what Phix did... Instead of "50 Shades of Grey" what we have here is "16 shades of Black and Blue"... wanna sign the registry?

Sure, but what do you get the immortal who has everything?

A gift certificate for Mucho Mocha?

Try as she might, Phix could not do the long messy addition that Cornelius described without writing it down. She would be a goodly distance into it and loose track... or get interrupted... or realize she did something wrong. Finally she hunted down the man and confronted him.
"Something vexes you?" he asked sweetly.
"I will shower you with tortures of the damned!!! It cannot be done!!! Not without a tally!"
"Wrong- what's more, I will talk you through it- even a Sphinx can do this,"
"WATCH YOUR MOUTH MORTAL!!! I SAY IT CANNOT BE DONE!!!"
"Perhaps... not by you..."
She swung immediately- he vaulted into her arm, clutched it and placed a well-aimed kick directly into her nose, breaking it. She wailed in surprise and pain, covering her nose while he dropped and rolled to one side. Her eyes already blurry from tears, she sought him out before her vision was completely ruined. He announced his whereabouts by running up her spine and throwing a strangle-hold around her neck. She tried to grasp him and realized she couldn't... she dug at his arm, causing it to bleed freely- but he did not let go. She couldn't make a sound. She couldn't breath. The blood supply to her brain was dropping in volume. She saw sparkly lights, blue clouds and was aware that she was falling down... but blackness came before she hit...

... she came to with a fierce headache and a puffy face. Neither eye would completely open, nor could she breath through her nose. Her throat was raw on the inside, bruised on the outside. She vomited bile and felt a wet rag pressed against her face to clean it up.
"You have my eternal thanks, whoever you are," she murmured.
"Considering I am the one who put you here, I appreciate that," Cornelius answered.
She looked up at him- "You're an odd one- do you normally show quarter to your victims?"
"Do you intend to fight me further?"
"...no..."
"Then I see no reason to not give you aid,"
She was silent for a bit-
"How do you do it?"
"I could teach you my technique, but I think you should heal first..."
"No... how do you add all those numbers?"
He chuckled- " ah... yes... you will be very angry when I tell you... right- create, in your mind, a square rod- two fingers by two fingers by two hundred fingers- got that?"
"... uh... yes?"
"Now, place lines every two fingers and number the spaces one through one hundred- got that?"
"... uh... yea, how will...?"
"Cut it in half, right at 50-51... fold it over like there's a hinge at the cut... the numbers that have been flipped, turn them over so you can read them- now, at the non-hinged end, what numbers are you seeing?"
"... uh, well... that's one and one hundred,"
"and that adds up to...?
"One hundred and one, but..."
"Add the next column,"
"Well, that's ninety-nine and two... One hundred and -" she looked right at Cornelius, shock registering on what remained of her face, "ONE! AND AT THE OTHER END, FIFTY PLUS FIFTY-ONE IS ONE HUNDRED AND ONE!!! SO I HAVE FIFTY PAIR OF NUMBERS THAT EQUAL ONE HUNDRED AND ONE!..." there was a moment of silent calculation, "Five thousand and fifty- THE SUM IS FIVE THOUSAND AND FIFTY!!!" as this sunk in, she realized she had been set up with what amounted to a child's riddle.
"I SHOULD HATE YOU!... but for some reason I cannot fathom, I don't... go away, before I change my mind..."
"Shall I set your nose for you? I would hate to see your pretty face marred by such an injury,"
"You are disgusting, you know that, right?... huh- get it straight, or I will hurt you,"
"Like you just did?"
She glowered at him- "Shut up and set my damn nose..."

Dave wrote:

Sgt. Howard wrote:

Dave wrote:Heh... it's about 50-50 she gets it wrong if she tries to do it in her head.

Just remember those numbers you just quoted... heh heh heh heh...

I didn't pick those exact odds out of a hat, my friend!

... then you know the answer is 5050?

jwhouk wrote:

Sgt. Howard wrote:

jwhouk wrote:Only seven by my count.

The "bridal shower " comment sells the whole thing.

Sixteen once you add what Phix did... Instead of "50 Shades of Grey" what we have here is "16 shades of Black and Blue"... wanna sign the registry?

Sure, but what do you get the immortal who has everything?

A gift certificate for Mucho Mocha?

A teething ring for the baby- solid brass, approximatly 20 pounds...

Sgt. Howard wrote:.. then you know the answer is 5050?

Yup. I remembered a "brain-teaser" way of computing the sum quickly.

1+100 = 101
2 + 99 = 101
3 + 98 = 101
...
49 + 52 = 101
50 + 51 = 101

So, there are fifty pairs of numbers, with each pair summing to 101, so the total sum is 50*101, and that's a very easy product to do in your head.

The same basic trick works for summing up any number of ascending integers, starting at any number you like.

EDIT: and I didn't need my nose broken to remember it

Nicodemus was strolling to his favorite reading corner when he heard a sharp snarl and saw a Faun go skittering out of an aisle just ahead of him and run past as fast as his scrawny little legs could carry him.
"Feh!" he muttered to himself- he decided to investigate as the snarl sounded like the librarian herself.
"Phix, my dearest- whatever did that foul creature do to- OY!! OY!!!" he reacted.
Phix was looking directly at him with two blossomed black eyes, a swollen nose and fading bruises around her neck. Her expression was beyond sullen, she certainly didn't seem in the best of moods...
"Ah, excuse me- I can see that you are busy, I will talk to you at another time, I beg your pardon, ah, that is to say..."
"Nicodemus, please stay- I think I need to talk and you might be who I need to talk to,"
"... who did this to you...?"
She looked at him and tried to smile... but that hurt... so she just sighed.
"That doesn't matter- what matters is I get back to business. And here lately I can't... there's a man, a human mortal, using the library... I am constantly thinking about him. It has drained me of all responsibility. I do not understand why..."
The goat looked at Phix in wonder- "He did this to you- this fellow you are thinking of, he bloused your eyes and blacked your neck? Do not think about him, go kill him and get it over with- what is there to talk about?"
"He did this because I attacked him- and he... subdued me... "
"He subdued you... did he... that is to say... have you been...?"
"Violated? No... he choked me until I passed out... then he washed my face and set my nose..."
"After he broke it?"
"after he broke it... and I can't stop thinking about him..."
Nicodemus stared at Phix, trying to wrap his mind around what he was hearing. None of this made sense. Yet the signs were there- she had been affected deeply. There was no error there.
"Phix... your people... your society... I cannot even begin to understand... "
"What does that have to do with it?"
"You- you're... you're in love. There's no way around it, you are attracted to this guy. SEVERELY attracted. You should have killed him when you had the chance,"
"I TRIED TO KILL HIM!!! IT DIDN'T WORK, ALRIGHT?" she resumed her sulk, "So... now what do I do?"
"I... I do not know- I do not know what would be prudent here. If you approach him in human form, things could get real messy rather quickly. I advise you stay away..." he paused as he saw Phix in human form, in a loose toga with gold bullion trim and her hair in the braids and tresses of a noble woman. Without a backward glance, she walked out into the library in search of Cornelius, black eyes and all.
"This... this is not good. This is not good at all. Why do they ask for my advise and then do the exact opposite? She is only headed for trouble... well, it is a mortal- they don't last long... things could be worse..."

"Well, it is a moral, they don't last long..."

That, ladies and gentlemen, is called tempting fate.

Definitely in the "So, what could possibly go wrong?" category.

Phix found Cornelius going through a selection of scrolls, using a small disk made of wood- in the center of the disk was an opening that held a thin sheet of hammered lead. In the center of the lead was a tiny hole. Cornelius could read as a result of looking through that tiny hole.
"What, exactly, are you looking for?" Phix asked.
Cornelius looked up from what he was doing and stared at lady before him- "Are you... the sphinx...?"
"The one you clobbered, yes- my name is Phix- and what is that device you are using?"
"This?" he held up the disk, "this is a 'seeing hole', an interesting bit of magic from Egypt- my eyes cannot see well enough to read anymore, but with this device I can,"
"How does it work?"
"Simple enough- you look through it at what you want to read... sometimes you have to hold it close, and you always need good light... but you will be able to see better with it than without it. It can be slow, but it is worth it just to read- here, have a look,"
She looked through the hole at a script- in all honesty, she saw no advantage. Then she looked at the device itself. It was as described- she detected no magic, just a thin sheet of lead with a pin hole in it. She gave it back to Cornelius.
"So... what are you looking to find?"
"Interesting," he commented to himself, "So... how come now you are helpful?"
"I have been bested- and not by fluke, but by design. How did you come to learn so much about sphinxes?"
"You are the first one I have ever encountered- other than you, I have heard what others have said... most of that is contradictory... you're being helpful because I beat you in a fight?"
"You have proven yourself, yes- now, what are you looking for?"
"You will not be deterred, I see- I am looking for information about the 'Elixir of Life'. It supposedly comes from the 'Tree of Life'

Again, kudos for a most enjoyable read!

I knew the 101 method... Roman numerals do not easily support witticisms; try working "MMMMML" into conversation.

AmriloJim wrote:try working "MMMMML" into conversation.

I'd say that would depend entirely on just whom one was having just what sort of conversation with!