Bestiaries...

[Dave]

Just ran across this gem while researching squonks.

https://ia802702.us.archive.org/5/items ... oxgoog.pdf

[GlytchMeister]

...Why... Would you be researching Squonks?

[Dave]

I ran across a reference to Squonks on another web page today (not even sure now which one it was... something on TvTropes, perhaps). I had previously heard of them only in the lyrics of a song by (Collins-era) Genesis, back in the late 1970s, and hadn't realized that they were actually a "real thing" in American mythology. Digging around out of curiosity I came across the bestiary in question.

It's obviously not just the Old World which has an interesting collection of cryptids, monsters, and things that go bump in the night. American loggers seem to have had very vivid imaginations.

Either that, or they were getting into too much of the sasquatches' stash.

[AmriloJim]

1974: Steely Dan release the Pretzel Logic LP, with the track, "Any Major Dude Will Tell You."

Released as the B-side to "Rikki Don't Lose That Number," this fairly obscure song has become a crowd favorite. In an interview with Rolling Stone during Steely Dan's 2009 tour, Donald Fagen talked about this song: "When we moved out to L.A., people called each other 'dude,' which we found funny. We were trying to speak their language."

I never seen you looking so bad my funky one
You tell me that your superfine mind has come undone

Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you my friend
Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again
When the demon is at your door
In the morning it won't be there no more
Any major dude will tell you

Have you ever seen a squonk's tears? Well, look at mine
The people on the street have all seen better times

Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you my friend
Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again
When the demon is at your door
In the morning it won't be there no more
Any major dude will tell you

I can tell you all I know, the where to go, the what to do
You can try to run but you can't hide from what's inside of you

Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you my friend
Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again
When the demon is at your door
In the morning it won't be there no more
Any major dude will tell you

Regarding the lyrics, "Have you ever seen a Squonk's tears," a Squonk is a mythical woodland creature who has the ability to dissolve in its own tears. Steely Dan came across the word in a book by Jorge Luis Borges. Genesis also makes mention of this animal in their song "Squonk," from their 1976 album A Trick of the Tail.

[Dave]

When the demon is at your door
In the morning it won't be there no more

Quite right!

It'll be right by your bed.

Dude.

[Jabberwonky]

Well, that explains the movie "Dude, Where's My Squonk?"

[chicgeek]

The books about Silver John, or John the Balladeer, by Manley Wade Wellman are full of supernatural beasties and legends. All in the Appalachians. No Squonks, though!

[Sgt. Howard]

...Why... Would you be researching Squonks?

I have recipes...

[DinkyInky]

...Why... Would you be researching Squonks?

I have recipes...

You seem to have a recipe for everything.

How would you prepare a Reliant Robin, and a Pontiac Aztek?

[AmriloJim]

How would you prepare a Reliant Robin, and a Pontiac Aztek?

Step 1: Crush to a fine consistency.

[Sgt. Howard]

How would you prepare a Reliant Robin, and a Pontiac Aztek?

Step 1: Crush to a fine consistency.

DAMN! BEAT ME TO IT!!!

[GlytchMeister]

Reliant Robin: season with magnesium powder and C-4 on inner areas. coat outer surfaces with thermite paint and sear to seal in the flavor. Then, place in an omelette maker and put on high heat - flip regularly until well done.

[Sgt. Howard]

Reliant Robin: season with magnesium powder and C-4 on inner areas. coat outer surfaces with thermite paint and sear to seal in the flavor. Then, place in an omelette maker and put on high heat - flip regularly until well done.

Magnesium powder? Really? Sounds wonderful... never tried that before....

[Hansontoons]

How would you prepare a Reliant Robin, and a Pontiac Aztek?

Step 1: Crush to a fine consistency.

DAMN! BEAT ME TO IT!!!

I'd get a backhoe and start excavating a deep hole...

[jwhouk]

I'm sorry, destroying a Pontiac Aztek is physically impossible, since it's hard to distinguish between the vehicle in a destroyed state and in its "just off the assembly line" state.

[Hansontoons]

I'm sorry, destroying a Pontiac Aztek is physically impossible, since it's hard to distinguish between the vehicle in a destroyed state and in its "just off the assembly line" state.

Bwaahahahahhaahhaaaaa...choke, gurgle, hhahaahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

[ShneekeyTheLost]

I'm sorry, destroying a Pontiac Aztek is physically impossible, since it's hard to distinguish between the vehicle in a destroyed state and in its "just off the assembly line" state.

So like an old Nova?

Used to be a joke down in Texas, where a smattering of being bilingual in Spanish is nearly unavoidable. Nova, in Spanish, is No-Vah, or 'no go'. Which is pretty descriptive of the dang car. At least the one my parents had.