The elixir

[GlytchMeister]

Hey, Sarge,
I'm gonna cross a couple threads with this one, but what accent does Neil have? I just checked my Contemporary Accents, Ancient Beings thread and the question suddenly popped into my head.
...
(Rereads the fist page)
Waaaait. Did I miss out on a previous adventure with Niel? Anybody got a link to it?

[Sgt. Howard]

Hey, Sarge,
I'm gonna cross a couple threads with this one, but what accent does Neil have? I just checked my Contemporary Accents, Ancient Beings thread and the question suddenly popped into my head.
...
(Rereads the fist page)
Waaaait. Did I miss out on a previous adventure with Niel? Anybody got a link to it?

Gaius Cornelius Antonia started his life speaking Latin, Aramaic and Assyrian. He has learned virtually all European languages, many middle-eastern, a few far-eastern as well as a smattering of Native American- to describe his... 'dialect'... he truly doesn't have one. He is a verbal chameleon, capable of repeating whatever dialect he hears. This gift has enabled him to fit into any society he finds himself in.
Just remember this- we, as a species, have about six to ten decades to figure out our existence and what we are to do with it. Our nature is to get a serious clue at age thirty and continue to learn from there- and of course, there are exceptions in either extreme. Some figure it out right away. Some never figure it out. Those who decide they need learn no further basically encounter mental death. The truly wise never graduate.

Neil has been surviving on wit and grit for over two millennium. His language skills, like his martial skills, would be considered awesome by any standard. He has seen virtually any interaction that humans are capable of, good bad or indifferent.

I actually have a brief outline of his existence in my head and might well publish it as a full story... THAT is on my bucket list... the current era is the one thing that would stymie his existence as creating a new identity is near impossible nowadays.

[DinkyInky]

I always use memory metal frames, full-rim around the lenses, with some kind of shatter-resistant material for the lenses.

(Must be a habit I picked up from being a Boy Scout, a martial artist, playing baseball and football, and having several gym teachers who must have really liked dodgeball.)

Anyway, I never seem to have much trouble with corrosion with that stuff. I once owned a pair for so long the outer layer started coming off, but that's it.

I have moderately severe base metal allergies. My list is nickel free, or argentium silver, some pewters, gold, platinum, titanium, niobium. Those are safe to wear. Anything else gets pitted or worse.
My mother can't even wear argentium silver. I had to cast from pure silver bullion for her allergies to not destroy it.
Posted a pic, not sure if the detail is clear, but the peridot ring is platinum, and the pink one turned out to not be silver, but a rhodium silver plated copper, which came off not long later, which I then buffed and then I have to lacquer weekly, or it turns black once the lacquer cracks, which is what all the dark patches are. Only reason I do so is my son got it for me as a present.
If I can find some of my other ones I have not refinished yet, I'll photograph and post so you can see.

[Sgt. Howard]

How do you react to fillings?

[DinkyInky]

How do you react to fillings?

My fillings are a composite resin ceramic mixture.

The first(and last) time I got a "silver" amalgam, I ended up in the ER later, with a specialist who had me pumped full of antibiotics, adrenaline, and antihistimines.
Then I got to ride in a hambulance(ambulance full of comedic EMT's trying to cheer up me and my hysterical parents) to the dental hospital for surgery to remove one now bad tooth, and two drill and refills. I also was told no braces, so I still have my crooked smile. Nowadays I hear they have all sorts of nifty non metal versions, but I got used to things as they are.
I'm rather glad my son's smile is perfectly straight, and that the porcrlain mixture is almost as strong as metal, as I do not think I could subject my son to an ordeal like my parents and I had.
Metal allergies are awesome...

[GlytchMeister]

Outside of idiopathic anaphilaxis, your metal allergies are the most hardcore, terrible allergies I've ever heard of.

[Sgt. Howard]

Hambulance!!! THAT is priceless!!! LOL!!!

... I am thinking of doing the wedding- the whole concept has been rattleing around inside my head for days now

[jwhouk]

There's a barista in Northampton who wants to be the flower girl!

[Sgt. Howard]

HER WE GO AGAIN, FOLKS!!!

In the deeper sanctums of the library a court (of sort) was in session- the question was one of authority and power had been raised... challenged, actually... by several of the Apos once Phix's condition became known. As a human female, she could not defend her status- should she revert to her natural form, she would loose the baby.
One of the stronger Apos decided the pecking order needed adjustment.
"She her weakness? She would have us believe SHE has ANY authority over ANY of us! Yet there she is- fettered by her own choice!!! YOU are WEAK, Phix! And even with the bastard in you, there is not enough to give me even a snack!"
Phix stood,resolute, as the pack circled around her. She said nothing, but the defiance in her eyes spoke volumes as she kept track of the superpredators that threatened her very life- she might die, but she would not die in fear. Even the loss of her child could not allow for that- it only meant that if she DID change back to sphinx, she would make sure that THIS particular Apo had a slow, painful death.
Neil appeared in the midst of it all- conjured by the Library itself by the looks of it. And prepared- he wore cargo shorts, hiking boots and a fisherman's vest.
In his hand was an ancient gladius.
"You see fit to threaten my mate? I challenge ANY of you to combat, you spineless mange-piles! ME a MORTAL!! I challenge you!!!"
Snarling at this intrusion, the noisy Apo sneered," Have you ever seen anything more pathetic?!?"
"YES!!" bellowed Neil, "YOUR MOTHER WHEN I GOT HER PREGNANT WITH YOU!!!"

The claws flew through the air, but Neil was quicker- he sliced the pads with the gladius as he ducked the blow, then rolled over to the creature's right haunch and jabbed the thigh deeply. She let out an unearthly howl and tried to catch Neil with her other paw- but she was too slow. Neil was already on her back, having stabbed both rump muscles in rapid order and now was on her withers. In his left hand he held an iron chain- with one quick swing, he wrapped it around the creature's neck and clamped the fastener shut.
"Now you will stop!" he ordered.
The Apo was still, her face confused. She could not resist him. She could not even touch the iron chain.
"WHAT... WHAT HAVE YOU... WHAT HAVE YOU...?"
"What have I done? I JUST BOUGHT YOU, YOU STUPID WASTE OF LIFE!!! ... now, revert to human,"
"But... but if I..."
"REVERT TO HUMAN!!!"
She did, and Neil found himself holding a chain around the neck of a comely woman... who was bleeding from her right hand, right thigh and both naked butt-cheeks. She was confused, lost for words at this.
"Iron," Neil said, "Iron around you neck makes you belong to ME now. You are now my slave, my property. You have no choice but to do as I say,"

[GlytchMeister]

1) Yay! Story time!!!

2) So. It seems Niel is a BAMF by not only human standards, but by paranormal standards too. I wonder why he had a gladius and a chain with him when he was fishing? Or did the Library tell him...
Wait...
Phil cannot be harmed in the Library. Or did I miss something? Because she could punch Bia through a wall, when normally Bia far outranks her in terms of power and immortality.

3) props to Niel for putting together a "Yur Mom" joke, aiming it at a paranormal apex predator, and not choking.

[Sgt. Howard]

I assume that Apos can hurt each other in the library, as there was the one that taunted Phix and wound up with a side order of fries as a "rib tartar" special- she only would have exasperated Phix IF SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD BEST PHIX IN COMBAT!!! And that was in the library.
Again, Neil has many centuries' of experiance in martial arts- speed is his primary advantage... PLUS, Phix would have told him about iron retainers. A fishing vest has multiple pockets- separate pieces of chain clink less in separate pockets. And I would venture to say that the Apos have not dealt with a mortal human in so long they forgot some of the particulars... like SOME humans have a SHARP LEARNING CURVE.

[Sgt. Howard]

"Wha.. what do you...what do you want of me?" the frightened creature whimpered.
"You challenged Phix- I challenged you. You lost the challenge. If I gave you a knife right now and ordered you to slice your legs off, 6 inches at a time, you would have no choice but to do it. If I told you to mount your head and hands in a public stock so that a herd of satyrs could wear you out, you would do it. As it is, I am going to teach you some humility. Bend over and grab your ankles,"
She did.
"Library? May I have the Campbell Junior High School 1967 Board of Education here?"
An oddly shaped plank of plywood, 30 inches long, 6 inches wide and 3/4 inch thick suddenly appeared. One end was narrowed to a 2 inch width by 7 inches long while the larger portion had a pattern of 3/4 inch holes. Neil picked it up from the narrow end and walked back over to the bent Apo. He lined up on the Apo's left side and did a deliberate, slow swing to judge the distance, much like a batter standing at the plate.
"You will not cry out- once I strike you, you will respond, "Please Sir, may I have another?"- is that clear?"
The Apo was horrified to understand what was about to happen... she did not respond.
Neil gave her butt a light slap with the board.
She stiffened, then said (in a terrified voice) "Yes, I understand... please... sir... may I... have another...?" the last bit was almost a whisper.
Neil wound up with full might and swung- the resounding KRACK! resembled a rifle shot. The Apos face came up with big eyes and open mouth. She was in too much pain to respond immediately. The shock of the blow was unlike anything she had ever experienced prior.
The other Apos, forced to watch this, were becoming uncomfortable with the total humiliation. One of them cried out, "ENOUGH!!!"
"YOU WANT TO TAKE HER PLACE?" Neil bellowed back. He returned his attention to the one before him.
"I am... waiting. You do NOT want to make me wait,"
"Please sir may I have another?"
"KRACK!!!"
"HUMMMMM!!! PL... PL... PLEASESIRMAYIHAVEANOTHER?"
"KRACK!!!"
"NNNUUUUOOOGH!!! PLEASESIRMAYIHAVEANOTHER?"
"KRACK!!!"
"NNGMAAAHHH!!! Huh, huh, huh, huh... please... sir... may... I... have ... another?"
"KRACK!!!"
"MWAH!! huh, huh, huh, huh... please... sir... may... I ... have... another...?"
Neil stopped and looked at her fiery red ass- bruises and welts, following the pattern of the holes in the board, were quite visible at a glance. He sauntered over to her right side and sized up his stroke with a left handed swing that only touched her buttocks, causing her to flinch.
"I did not say you can move," he stated in a quiet, threatening tone. She was shaking in rage, humiliation and pain, silently sobbing while tears rolled down her face.
Suddenly he wound up and struck a very forceful blow,
"KRACK!!!"
"NNNNGGGH!!! pl... please..... sir... ma... may ...I ... have..."
"Nah- I'm bored already. Phix, shall we slaughter this stupid trash pile and freeze her? That way, we have something to eat at the birth of the little one..."
"Neil, darling- may I see that board? I think that rump roast needs more tenderizing... what do you think?"
Neil handed her the board and got down at eye level with the unfortunate Apo.
"Alright, it is unnecessary for you to respond ("KRACK!!!- whimper"), but you need to hear me and understand- ("KRACK!!! whimper") that from this moment on, I can do with you ("KRACK!!!- whimper") pretty much whatever I feel like. You ("KRACK!!!- whimper") are property now. I can ("KRACK!!!- whimper") sell you, kill you, torture ("KRACK!!!- whimper") you and you are power ("KRACK!!!- whimper") less to do anything about it. Mind you, ("KRACK!!! whimper") I will ALWAYS SUMMON your SISTER APOS here to watch how fully humiliated ("KRACK!!!-whimper") you have become. Phix, dearest- I need her attention just yet, and I fear you might be distracting her too much- could you hold off for a bit?"
Phix stood down the board- "OK, but I was having fun with this,"
Neil smiled back at her- "No doubt," he commented, "Now... where was I? Oh yes- you give your oath of fealty to Phix and I, in front of all these witnesses, and I will remove this iron chain and set you free. Otherwise, I will call these Apos and most other creatures of this library to witness your continued humiliation, reminding them that a mere mortal put you in chains... then you WILL be killed and offered up as Phix's junk food once she no longer has to keep human form. You see, you didn't just threaten her, you threatened my baby inside of her- I don't handle that well. THIS is a taste of what I do when I can't handle something well... AND ALL OF YOU," here he addressed the other Apos, "OUGHT TO TAKE NOTE. I CAN HAVE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU CHAINED TO A WALL IF I FEEL LIKE IT- AND THAT OF MY OWN EFFORTS!!!"
He glowered at the now frightened beasts that had (up to that moment) considered themselves the ultimate predators. They were fidgeting and looking for routs of egress as they considered this mortal in their midst. None could maintain eye contact for more than a glance... and face by face, he stared into each one to prove the point.
Then, in a quiet, deadly tone, he finished, "And I haven't even gotten creative yet,"
He turned on his captive.
"What will it be?"
She had been silently blubbering the whole while. She looked up with red, wet eyes and an anguished face- sobbing, she asked, "May... I... stand up... please?"
"You may," he sounded a trifle bored. Slowly, painfully, she stood upright.
"I... swear... fealty to ... Phix and to... yourself, Gaius Cornelius Antonia... in... exchange... for my... life"
Neil removed the chain. "Now, get out of my sight... ALL of you,"
Two of the Apos took their humiliated sister in tow, the rest slunk away.
Phix pouted a little- "Really, I was having fun with this,"
Neil considered his love for a minute- "I fear I have created a monster," he commented, "Some 'bridal shower', eh?"
"Quite a chance you were taking there, slick- suppose she fought the iron? It is not as fool-proof as you might think,"
Neil reached into the left side of the vest and produced a 1911 Colt pistol. With a quick pop and drop, he showed Phix the top of the magazine.

Nestled in the feed lips was a .45 acp Black Talon, sitting on top of six others.

"I thought those were made illegal," Phix commented.
"Depends on where you are, who you know and if you get caught," Neil replied.

[TazManiac]

So, how many shades then?...

Addendum, one day later; Watching 'Elementary' in the background- an un-rated version of 50 shades (not really drawing too close a tie to the ongoing story here, just a happenstance...)

[jwhouk]

Only seven by my count.

The "bridal shower " comment sells the whole thing.

EDIT: Funny how this little throwaway scene led to at least two more stories...

[GlytchMeister]

O.o

Well, that went to a weirder place than I was expecting. I'm gonna have to go process this...

And that's not an insult, just a comment. I'm pretty certain that was waaaay better writing than those 50 Shades books. (Never read them, but seeing as they are described as glorified BDSM Twilight Fanfics, I think I'm quite safe in this assumption)
And hey, if those got successfully published, maybe you oughta look into that sort of thing.

[TazManiac]

Well, I did, and I can tell you; baby ain't got nothin on Sarge.

That stuff should have had a picture of Fabio on the dust jacket.

(I might just watch the movie though, for academic reason, you understand..)

Corporal Punishment
General Chaos
Major Discovery

(Can you tell I have insomnia?...)

[Sgt. Howard]

I have to admit, I was a bit worried as to how many readers might find this last segment... arousing... but I was crafting a situation where an Apo (in fact, ALL of them) were conquered NOT by death (as Phix did when Shelly's heritage was exposed) but by humiliation- a far more frightening fate than mortality to a proud species. I need to give this particular Apo a name, but I am not sure what name to give her- she will play an important role later...
Given the nature of these creatures, and the fact that Phix is one of them, this confrontation was unavoidable. Neil had already bested a Sphinx in combat (think about that), so referring to him as a 'BAMF' isn't quite the same as we understand it. He simply knew how to do it. AND by besting this particular Apo in front of the rest of them, he shamed them all- thus the total victory.
Knowing how to defeat an individual- tactics.
Knowing how to defeat an Army through the defeat of an individual- strategy.

Neil knows war on an intimate basis. It is what he has done for two millennium. He is good at it. As soon as he has an adversary, he is in his element.

... I DID fail to mention that he had a 1911 in an M-7 holster loaded with black talon rounds just in case- ANOTHER reason he wore a fishing vest. You can hide ANY hand cannon in a shoulder rig with a fishing vest, and they are common enough apparel to not raise and eyebrow... and have plenty pockets for magazines... packing a "Plan B" is just plain common sense.

[Sgt. Howard]

Well, I did, and I can tell you; baby ain't got nothin on Sarge.

That stuff should have had a picture of Fabio on the dust jacket.

(I might just watch the movie though, for academic reason, you understand..)

Corporal Punishment
General Chaos
Major Discovery

(Can you tell I have insomnia?...)

... actually, it is "Major Disaster"

... and you forgot "Private Parts"

[Sgt. Howard]

June. June always had a magical air to it, even to the most mundane of human mortals. Since the earliest days of human civilization, weddings would be postponed to the early part of Summer for good fortune. Plantings in the northern climes were finished (for the most part) and there was a brief lull in the cycle that allowed for the festivities of a wedding... to say nothing of the fact that a pregnancy conceived in June would carry though the Winter months and produce a child in March was seen as easier than sweating through the torrid Summer with a swollen belly added to the allure.
Unfortunately, Phix was already five months along and showing.
There was a great deal of 'fuss and feathers' (literally) over what the couple should wear- it seemed that what Neil and Phix wanted was of secondary concern to all parties. Each species seemed intent that THEIR particular customs be observed... Except the Apotropaic Sphinxes. They had no customs for marriage... and even if they did, for some reason they felt no need to intrude their prejudices...
In the middle of all this commotion, Atsali found Neil one Saturday reading in a quiet corner of the Library- she had been seeking his advice for a while.
"Uncle Neil?... Uh... wow... Like, I don't mean to be insulting, but that just sounds WEIRD seeing as you only look a couple years older than me,"
"Heh- trust me, young lady- the idea of having family again... PERMANENT family... is equally weird to me- Just call me 'Neil', that works as well as anything else- what can I do for you?"
"Hmm... Neil... you've been... in love... before, haven't you? I mean, all those centuries, there's been a few women you've been.. close to?"
"Yes, THAT's no secret- I was a widower when I met your Aunt Phix. My wife, Alestria, had died some years prior... you know, in many ways I STILL love her... and there were more than a few ... hmmm... 'situations'... between here and there- why do you ask?"
"How do you... well... If you were looking for... but you're not anymore, are you? Uh... How... um..."
"How do I find someone to love? Is that what you are asking?"
"Uh... yea,"
Neil chuckled a bit at the question, shaking his head slightly- "My dear child, even with two thousand years of experiance, I have no more idea how to 'track down and snag' a lover than you do. I CAN tell you a bit of what you might be looking for, but my best advice is- stop looking,"
"What?!?"
"Stop looking- you will trip over each other, trust me,"

[Sgt. Howard]

Only seven by my count.

The "bridal shower " comment sells the whole thing.

Sixteen once you add what Phix did... Instead of "50 Shades of Grey" what we have here is "16 shades of Black and Blue"... wanna sign the registry?