Lipstick on a goat

[Sgt. Howard]

Nudge was bored. Horribly bored. Even her most devious pranks held no appeal. She actually went to the 'Input" pile to see if there was anything interesting there, an act that she would normally lift her nose at, were it suggested as an alleviation of boredom.


There on top of the pile was a 'Victoria's Secret' catalogue- intrigued, she started leafing through the pages... thus exposing herself to a selection of skimpy little 'nothing' items precariously draped on svelte, silicon-enhanced Ladies in provocative poses with 'apex predator' levels of desire shining from each face. She found this quite... alluring... without understanding (or even wondering) why this might be the case. Immediately, she struck out for the nearest bathroom and reduced to her human form.


Looking at the reflection in the mirror and comparing it to the images in the catalogue, the contrast couldn't be more depressing- the models were megaton-rated weapons of mass seduction, photoshopped to perfection by the finest professionals the trade had to offer- Nudge came off as lukewarm oatmeal by comparison. The models sizzled with sex- nudge was plain. A high standard of standardness. She turned to show her body profile- yes, there were lady bits and they were all present and accounted for- they were where they needed to be, and were of reasonable proportions. She was, by all accounts, an Irish Catholic graduated Schoolgirl with curly brown hair, brown eyes, fair skin and freckles, standing 5'5". There was just enough belly to say that it existed, with a slight measure of charity added to the bust and butt. Cute. Cuddly. Not at all in the same class as the fare offered by the catalogue.


"Well... shit..." she muttered as she appraised her human form- "... I will have to DO something about that..."

Perusing a myriad of women's magazines left Nudge thoroughly confused- THIS one stated that her ass was too fat- THAT one assured her it was too skinny. Then there was the articles about hair... have it long, have it short, dye it fuchsia, shave it all off... and it didn't matter if they meant the top of her head or... whatever... and BOOBS! BOOBS are EVERYTHING!!! or NOTHING!!! Go braless, go topless, wear an underwire 'A' cup on 'C' cup boobs, wear your bra over your shirt... everything but wear it backwards, it seemed. The more she looked for a pattern, the less sense it made...

… and being who she was no there was no close friend to guide her. For the number of stunts she had pulled over the eons, she would suspect retribution to be a factor in any advice she got. She then considered- what result does she want? Does she WANT guys drooling over her?

OH YES!!! But only if they never find out who she is... THAT would be fun! But how to do this? More research is clearly in order...

.......................................------------

(several weeks later)

Neil came home from his teaching position to his loving wife and grumpy cublet- (who was teething)-
Kissing her in their kitchen, he started snuzzeling her neck- she responded by softly pushing his advances aside and intoning, "I need you to behave for a moment."
"I am behaving- I am behaving as your husband." he saucily replied.
"I am serious- there's something going on and I need your analysis of the matter."
He became quite sober and attentive- "What has you so worried?"
"Not really worried, I think- well, yes- worried- but only because I can make no sense of it." she turned directly to her husband- "I saw Nudge, in her human form, wearing make-up this afternoon."
There was a brief pause... "... Make-up, you say?... my word... Dearheart, I think she's old enough to be dating..."
"You don't understand! Why now? What could she possibly want to wear make-up for?"
"I... think you might need to ask HER that question... I don't have the slightest idea... seriously, why is this even an issue?"
"I don't trust her!"
"You've never forgiven her for that shotgun episode, have you?"
"Forgiven, yes... forgotten, never. The idea that she might be attempting to seduce a mortal has me VERY concerned!"
"My dear sweet Phix- has she EVER fully 'gotten away' with ANYTHING? Her worst stunts tend to backfire on herself. Whatever she is involving herself in, the one at greatest risk is herself. I am not interested enough in her affairs to want to strike that tar baby- and you would be wise to follow suit. Now, as I recall, I was busy attempting to molest you when this topic came up..."

.........................................................

The makeup didn't last long- all she got were strange looks. Either she had botched the effort, or too many people recognized her and thought it odd. Off it came, and a new angle was devised- she would change her glamour into something 'smoking hot'. Something where make-up was unnecessary.

Pouring through the glamour spell book, particularly the sections on 'modifications', Nudge was comparing the spell commentaries with a few Vogue Magazine images. She could emulate on herself nearly any image she was presented with... but which one, and what combination of assets did she want to portray? It was most confusing.

Basically, too many choices.

Then the idea hit her- certainly, there are websites where males could use computer programming to 'construct' an image of their ideal, perfectly stunning beauty- and as these ideas are based on actual male phantasy, there ought to be SOME valid level of appeal! Possibly perusing the forum of such a site would be worth the effort.
Finding such sites was child's play. Logging in was even less effort.

Making sense of what she found was another matter entirely.

Most of the images showed women who needed a wheelbarrow to carry their boobs. Some even had a matching butt. Perusing the images until she found some that looked ... realistic... she saw several common denominators:

1) at LEAST 'D' cup boobs
2) tight waist
3) round butt
4) fair complexion
5) full lips
6) small nose

She also noted that the majority of these 'realistic' ones were either blond or redheaded, with blue or green eyes. Using her bogus ID (alias "Big Richard"), she started 'crafting' her own variant to see what manner of feedback she got. it only took her fifteen minutes to throw together a 5'5" fair-skinned bimbo with curly red hair, green eyes, D-cups, bubble-butted with an angelic face. Throwing it up on the forum, she figured she would check in a week to see if anybody...

"BODIP!" went the computer as a 'thumbs up' appeared. "BODIP! BODIP! BODIP! BODIP! BODIP!...."

Messages started appearing. 'Likes' were 'bodipping' almost continuously. All comments seemed VERY positive. One fellow confessed to a nosebleed! Things like "I would take THAT home to meet Mom!", "DAYUM! I think I KNOW that girl!", "HOOOBOY! I would drink her bathwater!"... and some that were explicit. VERY explicit!

Astonished, Nudge closed out of the site after saving the images she created. These she printed out and promptly erased from the computer. She then picked up the spell book that showed how to create what she wanted.

"Paydirt!!!" she muttered to herself as she scampered back to her lair.