Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $349)

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Fairportfan
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Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $349)

Post by Fairportfan »

She’ll Be Thankful for the Memory
MATT RICHTEL/The New York Times wrote:FLASH memory drives come in many odd forms — disguised as plastic sushi pieces, Swiss Army knives and Hello Kitty figures. Now, a contender for the oddest: a vibrator.

An erotic toy with built-in flash memory is the latest addition to a growing, evolving industry. The toy’s maker is Crave, a new San Francisco company begun by a Stanford University designer-engineer whose Duet vibrator started showing up this year in stores like Good Vibrations in San Francisco and Babeland in New York and recently hit a handful of boutique retailers around the country.

The Duet Lux looks like a sleek tuning fork, with a silicone tip and a gold-plated band. Open it up and discover a USB port with 8 gigabytes of memory (for $219), or pay $349 for 16 gigs and a gold-plated base.

The obvious question: Why computer memory? Has multitasking jumped the shark?

Including memory was not Crave’s original intent. The idea was simply that the device’s USB port would be chargeable by computer, eliminating the need for cords or batteries.

But “a bunch of the testers asked: ‘Can we store stuff on this?’ ” said Michael Topolovac, a co-founder of Crave and a Stanford graduate who has founded two previous start-ups, one building underwater cameras and the other cloud computing software.

Mr. Topolovac said testers and others explained that they would like to use vibrator memory to store private material — not just erotic files, but documents. Users can remove the vibrating part at the top, he said, and be left with what might pass at a Starbucks as just a fancy flash memory stick. “I use it for my V.C. presentations,” he added.

More broadly, the Duet looks to be an exception that proves the rule. The exception: Mr. Topolovac said there do not appear to be other vibrators on the market with a built-in computer memory, though there are a growing number that can be charged through via USB ports.

The rule proved by the exception: a lot of design and innovation is coming to the vibrator category, reflecting a growing mainstream retail market. Last year, for instance, Walgreens began carrying Trojan-made vibrators, alongside other personal items like lubricant. In the third quarter of 2012, Trojan said, it sold 273,000 vibrators at food, drug and mass retailers (like Walgreens, CVS and Duane Reade), citing Nielsen, a market research firm.

Last year, Brookstone started selling a line of Pleasure Objects, vibrators made by a company called Lelo. It, and other companies, have been pushing luxury and design-centric vibrators, hoping to keep moving the business from one with a reputation for novelty toys toward lifestyle brands.

In the case of Crave, adding computer memory to a sex toy is just the beginning of the innovation.

“Next year, we’ll be introducing products with memory and wireless capability,” Mr. Topolovac said. Wireless? “To control the device,” he said vaguely, but declined to elaborate as to exactly how that might work or why it would be useful, citing that Silicon Valley standby: fear of divulging intellectual property secrets before their time.

Crave draws not just its ethos but its heroes from Silicon Valley. Crave’s other co-founder, Ti Chang, is a woman with an industrial design background who Mr. Topolovac insists can become to vibrators what Jonathan Ive, the design guru at Apple, is to user-friendly computing.

“On my best day, I’m a mediocre Steve Jobs,” he said, “and her regular day, she’s a Jony Ive.”
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Julie
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Julie »

My first thought was "This is ridiculous." My second thought was "Well, I guess it's nice that they were trying to avoid needing batteries." My third thought was "Huh...I suppose storing personal documents and files in a vibrator would probably be a bit more secure than just on your computer since not many snoops would think to look there." I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that my next line of thought involved analysis of the cost benefits of buying such a device just to store my writing in a "safer" place. :oops:
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Fairportfan »

I am resolutely not perpetrating the several Bad Jokes that the phrase "in a safe place" brought to mind...
Not even duct tape can fix stupid. But it can muffle the noise.
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Peace through superior firepower - ain't nothin' more peaceful than a dead troublemaker.
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Julie
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Julie »

Fairportfan wrote:I am resolutely not perpetrating the several Bad Jokes that the phrase "in a safe place" brought to mind...
EWWWW!!!
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And see that life is beautiful."
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by shadowinthelight »

You would figure the tech world would be abuzz with excitement at the news of such an unusual gadget.

*drops a fresh pack of batteries into the pun jar*
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Fairportfan »

Julie wrote:
Fairportfan wrote:I am resolutely not perpetrating the several Bad Jokes that the phrase "in a safe place" brought to mind...
EWWWW!!!
...and that's why.
Not even duct tape can fix stupid. But it can muffle the noise.
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Peace through superior firepower - ain't nothin' more peaceful than a dead troublemaker.
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Dave »

Fairportfan wrote:
Julie wrote:
Fairportfan wrote:I am resolutely not perpetrating the several Bad Jokes that the phrase "in a safe place" brought to mind...
EWWWW!!!
...and that's why.
.. and the equilibrium and comfort of your readers will be entirely maintained, as long as they do not think of a green elephant (or the current location of Adira Tyree, for that matter).
cansodabar
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by cansodabar »

"ONLY"??? Lol. In any case, not a very useful feature, especially for that outrageous price...

I'd rather just buy a more cost-friendly vibrator and then a USB stick on the side for a fraction of that cost ;)

not to mention that no one cares about gold-plated anything these days haha.

[edited by Bookworm to remove URL]
ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by ShneekeyTheLost »

cansodabar wrote:"ONLY"??? Lol. In any case, not a very useful feature, especially for that outrageous price...

I'd rather just buy a more cost-friendly vibrator and then a USB stick on the side for a fraction of that cost ;)

not to mention that no one cares about gold-plated anything these days haha.
FIVE YEAR necropost... I think that may well be a record.

And, being as that was posted FIVE YEARS ago, the price of USB drives has significantly dropped, and the size of USB drives have significantly increased since then.

[Edited by Bookworm to remove URL]
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by GlytchMeister »

How did you even manage to get this far down the list of topics? I know I never lurked that deep before. I am impressed.
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by GlytchMeister »

FC0D30CB-9CB7-4CFB-8157-83984E230D8E.png
FC0D30CB-9CB7-4CFB-8157-83984E230D8E.png (244.78 KiB) Viewed 17793 times
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
Alkarii
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Alkarii »

I just stole that pic. There's nothing you can do about it now.

Mwa. Ha. Haaaaaaa.
There is no such thing as a science experiment gone wrong.
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by GlytchMeister »

Oh I’m pretty sure I could do something about it if I really wanted to, but I don’t mind. Have fun with it :P
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Dave »

GlytchMeister wrote:Oh I’m pretty sure I could do something about it if I really wanted to, but I don’t mind. Have fun with it :P
Very good, GlytchMeister. I do respect anyone who exhibits the strength of character to not click on the "release death-demon from image" button.

I know it's tempting to use it, but the risk of collateral damage is just so terribly high... you never know when the miscreant image-stealer might have a puppy or kitten in the house.
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by GlytchMeister »

Nah, if I was that concerned about it I’d enlist my real hacker buddy and he’d make the target computer release all it’s magic blue smoke. :twisted:
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Chaise Murphy
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Chaise Murphy »

GlytchMeister wrote:Nah, if I was that concerned about it I’d enlist my real hacker buddy and he’d make the target computer release all it’s magic blue smoke. :twisted:
Someone who knows what they're doing can find out the street address of your average troll. A really good way to make them leave you alone is to send them flowers...
ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by ShneekeyTheLost »

Chaise Murphy wrote:
GlytchMeister wrote:Nah, if I was that concerned about it I’d enlist my real hacker buddy and he’d make the target computer release all it’s magic blue smoke. :twisted:
Someone who knows what they're doing can find out the street address of your average troll. A really good way to make them leave you alone is to send them flowers...
That can also cause you to receive a visit from the feds and have a conversation with you about your behavior. I know, kinda picky of them, but hey, their job is pretty much 'no, you can't have any fun'.
Alkarii
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by Alkarii »

Can you not send the flowers anonymously? That's what I would do, if it were possible.
There is no such thing as a science experiment gone wrong.
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by GlytchMeister »

Alkarii wrote:Can you not send the flowers anonymously? That's what I would do, if it were possible.
Anonymously as far as the recipient goes, but if the FBI gets involved, you’d have to take several precautions;

Take non-traceable transport to a distant (1 hour drive at least) convenience store.

For example, find a family that is on vacation and steal their car while they’re gone, wearing two pairs of surgical gloves (replaced every five minutes because skin oils will go through and start leaving fingerprints), a surgical mask (breathing and talking can spread DNA via spit), hairnet (hair. Duh.), and a cotton outfit bought that day at a goodwill that is distant from both the car and your home that will cover all of your skin (to contain sloughed off skin cells and body hair). Then, find another vehicle of the same make, model, and color as your stolen car and swap the plates. Try to make sure you can put the plates back at the end of the day before it’s noticed.

Drive your re-plated stolen car to the chosen convenience store (CVS, Walgreens, whatever) and buy a visa gift card while keeping your face hidden from cameras (hoodies are good for this as they don’t conceal the face from people and are less memorable and suspicious than a ski mask... unless it’s really really cold out) Slouch and limp a little, too - this disguises your height, and your gait can be used as an identifying feature. Buy an ankle brace and maybe some ibuprophen as well, so the cashier is less likely to remember your face - cashiers really couldn’t care less, but you stick out less in a Walgreens if you buy something that matches your limp. Makeup is optional but helpful if it’s good. Contouring is especially helpful, as it uses optical illusions to change how your bone structure looks. Do not be especially grumpy OR pleasant. Be an average joe.

PAY CASH. Do not use any rewards program.

Go to a library.

Browse books until someone leaves a computer unattended but logged in, and sit down. Libraries usually require people to give an ID to get on a computer nowadays, but the average layperson won’t be so concerned about it. Most libraries are ghost towns, but college libraries are still usually fairly active.

If possible, plug in a flash drive and use the portable version of Tails (by Tor). If not, try to just use Tor from the flash drive. If that still doesn’t work, you should still probably be ok as long as your face isn’t seen on cameras at the library and as long as you use private browsing so your history isn’t saved locally.

Register your card under a fake name and a random nearby address chosen on google maps.

Now, use the card to order the flowers. As soon as you have the confirmation, close your tabs and open a new non-private one, during google to type in some innocuous book-related searches, and then leave the computer as you found it - hopefully you can get this done before the registered user comes back. If not, play it off like you haven’t been to a library in a while, and say you didn’t mess with any of their stuff. The user might check the history and will only find the innocuous searches.

Next, use a powerful magnet, kept away from your card by a couple pieces of paper, to scramble the read strip (rub the card back and forth in several directions over the paper and magnet). Cut the card into confetti. Throw it away.

Return the swapped plates. Return the car. Go home.

Take your goodwill outfit and burn it thoroughly. Flush the ashes. Clean your toilet.

Do not make any statements that reveal prior knowledge of the flowers online to the person who annoyed you. Wait. If they make no comment, do not fall into their trap. Do not check if the delivery went through, and do not call the flower shop or visit the shower shop’s website.

Behave as though nothing happened. If the mark does comment on the flowers, wait for several other users to respond (but don’t be last) before making a similar response to theirs.
Last edited by GlytchMeister on Sat Feb 10, 2018 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Vibrator w/16 gig memory (and gold-plated base), only $

Post by GlytchMeister »

Watch as I am added to, or at least double-checked to make sure I’m already on, several law enforcement watch lists. :roll:
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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