Wapsi Square Forum

Opus the Poet opined that this was absent, so I thought I would trigger the episode...


The battered old Sgt. once more wandered into the dusty, drab room with peeling wallpaper and cracked plaster. A table festooned with generation's worth of graffiti dominated the room, with a cluster of miss-matched chairs as a garland. A small table off to one side held a coffee maker that was Walmart garbage when it was new. The carafe had 1/2" layer of road tar fused to it's inner bottom. The overhead neon fixtures were in their typical fits of buzz and grumbles, giving a seizure inducing spasmodic illumination to the place. No windows, of course- never had, never will.

"Yup." Greg muttered to himself, "...just like I remember it."

Knowing others would soon be arriving, he decided to work his own particular form of magic to make the place more... hospitable...

He took a deep breath and squinted his eyes shut as he held the door open- immediately, a decade's worth of dust was syphoned out the door and to the nearest exit, where it found escape to the outside world. Once the noise abated, he opened his eyes to see that if nothing else, the place was clean. Dusting himself off, he looked up at the low bid light fixture...

"Hmm... inadequate... let's..do..this!"

Two antique bronze ceiling fans of decent size with luminaires took position where once was the ends of the 8' neon nightmare. The ceiling itself became swathe in chalk-white painted tin tiles. Looking at the walls, he quickly erased them to a blank surface- while debating his next move, he spotted the coffee maker. With a quick spell, he opened a hole in the wall, exposing a startled crew of office workers on the other side. Before they could properly react, Greg caused the coffee maker to leap through the hole in the wall and shatter the carafe. One of the women was screaming over the astonished outcry as Greg sealed the wall.

"Building super's gonna hear about that, no doubt," Greg muttered to himself as he created new wallpaper and wainscoting.

Then he viewed the table and chairs...

"Nope," he spoke with a finality, "such are sacred to the memory. They remain as is."

Looking around and feeling content, he pulled his phone and dialed a number in Minneapolis.

"Hi, Becky- Boss Lady around?... yes, please, if you would be so kind...TINA! So tell me, how's business?... yea, I thought as much... well, let's face it- Pablo is in a funk, so the city went dead, right?.... I know, I know... not fair at all... actually, I have a gig for you... nothing big, but at least you'll be busy.... shit, just close it down for the day, you're not missing any traffic, are you?... put a note on the door... Hell, I don't know, say whatever you want- say your goldfish broke an arm and had to be taken to the ER, see if that works... you've never been here, but the Library has an access. Yea- full service caffeination and Becky's magic stuff... in quantity, if you can... Hell, I'll extend the walls if I have to, THAT'S never and issue... right... see ya in a bit little..."

A shambling zombie riding a bicycle appears with a cane tied to his handlebars. "Finally found the place," he exclaims. "Heck of a ride to get here," he says as he unties the cane and leans against it. "I hope there's coffee around here somewhere, I'm desperate for hydration and caffeine," the zombie mumbled, "And I need a Bearclaw, too."

"Well," Greg responded, "th' last dregs o' coffee from 'bout ten years ago jus' got Martin-Baker'd into an adjoinin' office- you'd have t' drill & blast t' use it internally... but take heart, for th' Cavalry is coming! Tina should be showing up here momentarily with a goodly assortment o' merchandise- make yerse'f at home there, m' good man," - his ever present drawl now returning.

As if on cue, a door (that wasn't there previously) opened on the far side of the room, and Tina came through, pushing a large cart that had several tools of her trade set up and ready for power.
"I'll need about six outlets for 120 and two for 240- can we juggle that power load in here?- OH! Look at that!" she exclaimed as the wall where the coffee machine table had been suddenly moved out by ten feet and now sported two four clusters in 120 and a four cluster in 240 volts- more than enough for her needs.

"Impressive," she stated while admiring the result- "I don't suppose you could do the same for..." at this point, she noticed the un-caffeinated zombie, "OH CRAP!!! BECKY, CODE RED!!"
In short order, Opus was sitting in a corner with one liter of industrial grade cranial kickstart hung IV. "Set that for a medium drip until he starts looking human... " Tina inform Becky, "... but don't finish that unit on him- if he gets that full unit, he will be able to thread a sewing machine while it is running. I figure about half that and shut it down- I'll go ahead and finish with the set-up".

To Greg's astonishment, a goat, standing upright and wearing robe, yarmulke and shawl, walked into the room.

"AHAH! Sargent Howard! It seems I DO have the right place! And Tina, Becky... who or what is this unfortunate soul?"

"Ah ahm reas'nbly sure this here is 'Opus th' Poet', but Ah 'spects we maht hafta wait 'n' see once he caffinates..." Greg replied, "whut all bring YEW here?"

"I have found myself remarkably idle... this is never a good thing for me... or anyone else, for that matter. I heard that you were ... how was it explained?... OH YES! "Alleviating a doldrum", or words to that effect- am I correct?"

"Yew got thet on th' square, Nicodemus- dead on th' square!"

The was a moment where the Old Rabbi mentally translated the words- then smiled- "Most fortunate- if I am to understand also, I have a chance to meet some of the extended readership in this room?"

"Yer 2 fer 2 there Rabbi! Les' see who else walks thew thet door,"

OK that's approaching "better", might I get a pastry of some description? Dehydrated on top of decaffeinated and needing a carb load is a terrible combination. I thought I heard someone else come in but I didn't hear who it was.

Ah, carbs. How I missed you...

Stan was awoken by a stirring in the Force.

He'd been in dormant mode for awhile, regenerating from a recent adventure and wasn't sure what had brought him back from the Deep...

The drone of an aircraft engine could be heard over the noise of the brewing coffee and general commotion going on in the room. A couple thumps were heard from the ceiling, followed by a slight shower of dust. The engine noise roared once and then coughed to a stop- something had apparently landed on the roof.

The muffled sound of footsteps heading across the roof were followed by a "thud" just outside the door which opened suddenly to reveal a gangly character standing at the threshold, brushing dirt and debris from his duster while trying to remove a pair of goggles that had slipped below his nose.

"I thought I recognized this place!" he exclaimed as he stepped inside. "Weirdest thing, there I was- cruising along at about 2500 ft altitude enjoying a ride when the wind picked up and blew me this direction. Didn't matter how much ballast I dropped, gas I released, or direction I turned the rudder, it was like a big hand was pushing me. And damn, that coffee smells good!"

He pulled his flying helmet off, dropped it and the goggles on a table as he shucked the duster off and draped it over a chair- that he carefully side-stepped. Dances-with-chairs had arrived.

"'Dances with Chairs'! Glad ye could make it- Tina, Ah'm footin' th' bill on this- jus keep a tally an' Ah'll square it 'for it's over." Greg announced with the appearance of the newcomer.

DWC turned and shook hoof and hand, "Rabbi, Sarge! Good to be here again, seems like it was just last week when we were here last. Time sure flies whether you're still a working stiff, retired, or between gigs." He turned to Opus and gave him a quick pat on the shoulder and a "Howdy, good ta see ya!" The resident poet gave a quick nod and grin in reply, he was recovering nicely.

Tina and Becky accepted a big smile along with murmured thanks of "Y'all are too good to us, both a sight for sore eyes, we don't deserve you" followed by a quick hug each before DWC moved to pour a cuppa joe and grab a pastry.

The first liter of coffee consumed the zombie gradually assumed a more human demeanor. "Hey guys, what's been shaking? I'm still building that car and trying to rehab the old injuries, because I had to go back to the cane even in the house. If there are any apple fritters on the pastry cart I feel the need to take a bite out of the pastriarchy."

"Two apple fritters, coming up!" Becky announced as the delicacies were brought to Opus on a paper plate. Greg just finished with water supply hook-up and drainage as he started eyeing the pastry shelves.

"Americano with a dollop of molasses!" she announced in her perky fashion as she watched the old Sgt. "... and a French press Columbian with honey and spearmint for the Rabbi!"

"Excellent! A perfect call! How could you possibly...?... oh, of course ... you're Tina... what else would I expect?" Nicodemus chuckled to himself.

"Hansontoons, a frothy cappuccino, grande- am I correct?"

"Uh... well, yes... that would... she really CAN read auras, eh?" he asked Greg as he verified the order..

"Does tend t' startle ye at fust... ye gets used t' it in tahm..."

How's everybody doing? They stopped using me as a lab rat for new meds and started just studying me since they found out I survived getting hit by a truck going 60 MPH. Turns out I might be the key to a cure for osteoporosis, and other calcium disorders. Probably not but they won't know until they give the the five-over. I feel like Chekov in that one episode of TOS trying to figure out why he was the only one not to get accelerated aging, "I think if I live long enough I will run out of samples."

And I don't recommend getting hit by a truck going 60 MPH. Even if it doesn't kill you right away it will make you hurt pretty much forever.

Dudes, I hate to say this- but it seems right now THIS thread is the only one of the forum that is active... and barely at that. Opus, Hansontoons- you and I are the only ones here. I highly doubt anybody else is even checking the forum. Even at the writer's guild, there is no interest in sending anything here... which in turn could well shut down the guild, as this is our sole outlet.

I am only writing because snow and sleet and other effects of "Global Warming" has shut down outdoor activities and I am bored... I appreciate your fanship with this effort, but I feel as though I am trying to light a wet log. If anybody else is reading, please comment so that I have the inspiration to continue... I am an applause junkie, I'll admit it. As a result, it is difficult to preform for a near empty theater.

Sincerely,
Gregory F. (the Old Sgt.) Howard

I've been contemplating maybe bringing in a character from a different universe... she's already met Dawn, in yet a different pocket-universe (the Crosstime Cafe, at a holiday party).

Lately I've been busy with a non-Wapsi webcomic-crossover story... the file for the Wapsiverse story I have in progress was damaged, so I'm having to open a database file in a text editor to salvage the pieces...

I keep the Wapsi forum on an always-open tab in my browser, and check it regularly, even though I don't post often. I do plan on posting a new thread eventually about my new computer, as a follow up to my thread of hard drive difficulties with my old computer, but I don't have all that much time to participate.

I am reading this thread with interest, but do not have the time needed to give it the level of commitment it would need for me to join in.

I do hope it continues, though.

(Applause, applause, I guess?)

I was happy to see this pop up, it has been very quiet since Pablo decided to take an extended break. I’ve been able to participate in this vignette, but only haphazardly the last few days since work, life, and my ladyfriend all compete for my time. There have been a good number of views on the cap/goggle pic so folks are looking.

I’ll continue to contribute, maybe this evening if I get a break. Or tomorrow if I don’t.

Gimme a moment- I will be posting tonight

Sgt. Howard wrote: ↑Sun Nov 07, 2021 4:29 pm Gimme a moment- I will be posting tonight

I'll even give you two moments... or even three, if necessary...

(Aren't I generous... )

With a small CRACK a portal opened in greens and browns - and a familiar figure stepped through.

Portly, khaki-clad and showing most but not all of his years Al looked around. "Been a bit. Come to think of it been a long while - and not only in time in this Universe. I can see the Sergeant has been busy - can't say I care for the aircraft engines mounted to the ceiling, but needs must given the amount of hot air that's been generated here over time."

"TINA! My usual please - and make it a large - I am sorely bereft of your magical caffeine compounds. Add a pair of chocolate croissants, please, and 'gie us a shout when it's ready, please." A shout of affirmation from the back of the room and he nodded, satisfied that he would soon be enjoying Tina's finest.

He pulled up a chair at the table and had a look about. Grinning, he greeted all of the regulars.

"First things first - Rabbi, very good to see you. I do hope Eternity is treating you well." With that the Rabbi nodded but said no more.

"Opus, good to see you lad - especially given what happened. Hanson old cock, you really need to tether your toy better - it's making an awful mess of the gravel on the roof. " With a muttered curse Hansontoons ran for the stairs and disappeared.

"He'll be back in a minuite, no doubt - needs to tighten his tethers so that baby elephant he's flying doesn't trample about in the breeze. Lake, mon ami - good to see you again! Haven't made it up into your part of the continent in two years and I miss it dearly."

"Warrl, looking good as always - travel suits you well. If you happen to chat with Donna Morris I suspect that she and our resident Healer will have a lot to talk about."

Tina bustled out and set down a plate and a tall cup, steam wafting from the top. Al sniffed appreciatively and took a sip, savouring the taste. "Perfect as always, luv." He reached for his pocket, but TIna stopped him. "I'll run you a tab - catch me on the way out."

Nodding, Al returned to his coffee, enjoying the fragrant steam a bit more before another sip. That out of the way, he began to speak.

"Now, one of the reasons I dropped in was to clarify the Sergeant's comments on the writer's board. It has been quiet - far too quiet, and I will not at all argue - however, it's not as dire as he states.

"I for one have 250 pages of the third chapter of Sterling's travels nearly complete - it requires another 50 or so that I, for various reasons, have not been able to craft. I know of at least two - no, three - items in process I am not at liberty to speak of as I am not the primary author of these missives.

"This time's been damned hard on all of the writers, myself included. I understand well our host's need for a hiatus and I wish him well - but to misquote Monty Python "We're not dead yet."

"The writer's board is going nowhere - the lights are not going to go out there until I say so - I'm controlling the entropy in that particular pocket Universe. Not giving any more away - just remember the Monty Python quote above and "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life!""

"Sergeant, I return the floor to you - and apologies to you for going on so long." He sipped his coffee again and took a bite from one of the croissants.