Too Many Sparks

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GlytchMeister
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Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

This is totally non-canon to the current fabric... But its fun and I wanna write, so here this is:
Sgt. Howard wrote:
Catawampus wrote:
*ponders the notion of Hayao Miyazaki's "Princess Monocricket's and Atsali's Delivery Service Visits Castela's Moving Castle"*

Klaus Wulfenbach wants you to know that 'Castela's Moving Castle' is in HIS airspace and has 30 minutes to vacate...
Heh heh heh heh heh...

Who are you to speak on matters of time, old man Baron? I seem to recall you damn near annihilated the world with a temporal gizmo.

To whom are you speaking to, you ask?

Allow me to introduce myself, mindwarper, and maybe you'll understand just how big a mistake you've made. I am GlytchMeister, master of Murphy's Law, Surfer of Waveform Probabilities, Technomage of Earth, Shrouder of Sol, Harnesser of the Void and Limbo, and Reverser of Clarke's Third Law.

And you. Bother. Me.

You have until five minutes ago to start vacating my airspace.
Sgt. Howard wrote:Damn!!! I never knew 'Castle Wulfenbach' could move like that...
"Ha, they dropped their ballast and went into full vertical thrust. He means to high-altitude bomb us.

Too bad I have a fleet of sattelites primed for orbital bombardment. Airships aren't armored very much on the top, you see."

*beep!*
*EEEEEEEEETHWIP-POW!*

A small chunk of semi-molten tungsten fell from the sky and pierced the top of Castle Wulfenbach, punching through several skin layers, support superstructures, and even a few inhabited floors before it came to a rest.

Moments later, the Wulfenbach fleet scattered like frightened roaches. "Muuuch better."
jwhouk wrote:"Dem. I think youse may have just made Lady Heterodyne med."

"Vot?"

"Remember - Dot's her boyfriend."
"Klaus ain't her boyfriend, buddy. Gil's the one manning the main Aethric Bombardier. He... Kinda hijacked it just for the chance to put a hole in dear old dad's ego... And who am I to argue? I was gonna send him up there anyway."
"You strapped him to a ROCKET?"
"Well, yeah, how else was I gonna get him into space?"
"And you sent him into OUTER SPACE?!?"
"Well, not really. Geosynchronous orbit isn't really outer space..."
"What could possibly have convinced you this was even REMOTELY a good idea?"
"Hey, we do this sort of thing all the time in my native universe. Countries have whole organizations devoted to space exploration. You should come visit some time, I bet you'd get a kick out of the Saturn V."
"You... This is routine for you?"
"Well, not really. But I knew it can be done."
"Your universe is strange..."
"And some people juggle goslings." Glytch felt his phone buzz and answered.
"Yeah? Hey Mal, how's it- uh, no, I was- ok! Ok, I'm not gonna drag you into this mess! I promise! Yeah, I'll see if any of the junkyards here have one lying around. Ok, see ya."
Agatha was staring at Glytch.
"What? Hey, you brought this on yourself, missy! You hijacked the Muse of Time and mucked everything up, I got stuck with cleaning up after it all. Damned Dreen can never figure out how to fix even the smallest mess..."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Sgt. Howard »

Meanwhile, Krosp was eyeing Glytche's ankle while twitching his tail...
"Hy dunno, poozy katz- he seems a bit too sparky for vatch choo is tinkink," Dimo cautioned him in a whisper.
With a flash of white fur, Krosp sprang into action- only to fly some forty foot perpendicular off the toe of Glytch's boot.
Landing with a harsh WHOMP! against a wall, he turned on his adversary and snarled, "Oh this is SOOO not over," and launched another attack. Running full force, he leapt at Glytch- and got caught by the knap of his neck. Glytch lifted the cat to face level and snarled, "I know recipes for the likes of you,"
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

"You call this cleaning up? Do you know how many diplomatic arrangements you've just destabilized? Wars you've started?" A supremely well-dressed redheaded man with glasses appeared behind Glytch.
Glytch slowly rounded on the man, grinning dangerously from under his hood. "I have no concern for your petty wars, Tarvek Sturmvorous."
"Oh, please, don't bore me. I can do that too, Ja-"
*WOOSH* Glytch closed the distance between himself and Tarvek in a flash and grabbed him by the throat, his rock-climber grip keeping him from uttering the name. "I don't know how you did that, and I don't care. All I know is if you don't forget that name now, you won't enjoy..."
Faster than the eye could see, Tarvek vanished from Glytch's hand and reappeared right behind Glytch.
Or, at least, that was the plan.
Glytch, however, was faster.
*VORP*
The moment Tarvek reappeared, he found a wicked black dagger pressed gently against his throat from behind. "...what will happen to you if you don't cooperate."
Tarvek's eyes bugged out and he gulped audibly. "Got it!"
*THOOM!*
Gil stepped out of an orbital drop shock trooper pod, calmly brushing an imaginary mote of dust from his shoulder. "Don't mind Tarvek. He is gifted with a supreme talent of getting off on the wrong foot with everyone he sees. I suspect it might have something to do with either his... winning personality or his weaselly eyes."
"Why you little-"
"Oh, come on! Focus, you two! We've got serious problems and you two are bickering again?" Agatha yelled over the two men incredulously.
"Reminds me of a couple of old soldiers back home..." Glytch mumbled. "Thank you, miss. And sorry about the anklebiter, I don't have time to-"
"MUH."
Glytch grimaced, suppressing an instinctive urge to flee. "Drat. I'd forgotten about the bears."
"Heh heh heh heh... Not so big an-" Krosp smirked
*CTHUUUUUL...* Glytch had pulled a device from his bag. "I suggest you stand down, bears..." Glytch slowly turned to look up at the ten-foot-tall mountain of animal towering over him. "This here's a Nightmare Bomb. I designed it using data from how the Jaguar Girl finds worst fears as well as how some deities can exert their will on the minds of mortals... And it seems to have a fondness for H.G. Wells."
"Muh. You won't blow self up."
"I have defenses against mind warping. You don't." Glytch smiled. "So tell me... Do ya ever want to sleep again?"
The bear glanced at Krosp, who was making "Back Off!" Signals as emphatically as he could.
"Muh. Don't hurt boss."
"Only if he cooperates. I ran out of patience when I found out about these damn holes." Glytch turned to the rest. "I've got a lot to do and no time to do it. If things work out right, I can get your timeline back on track with a minimum of Chaotic Interference. If they don't... Well, we can cross that bridge when we get there."
"Hoy... You sed 'when.' No 'if?'"
"Murphy's Law, Dimo. I'm only a master of it in that I can use it to my advantage sometimes. It still does whatever the hell it wants."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

Sgt. Howard wrote:Rolling out from underneath on a creeper with a spanner in hand, Greg looked up at the assembled party-
"Did I hear someone say... TARVEK?!? TARVEK STURMVORAUS?!? You two-bit snake-oil merchant- YOU STILL OWE ME FROM THAT POKER GAME AND I'LL HAVE IT OUTTA YOUR HIDE!!"
"GAH How the hell did you get here!?!" Glytch leapt up and got between Sarge and Tarvek. "I got pulled in by Wild Magic, did the portal get you too? Or..." Glytch visibly paled. "Oh, no... Please tell me the Universii aren't already colliding!"
Just Old Al wrote:"Very well then, my good man, we simply will not tell you."

Stepping out from behind the drop pod was Al - but an Al Sarge or Glytch had never seen. Bedecked in polished leather knee boots, immaculately pressed khakis, a linen shirt and vest, he topped it with his fedora and a leather coat. Goggles sat on the crown of his hat with brass fittings agleam.

"So do tell - what are we hunting today? I have my Webley, so we are not bereft of firepower. My bearers have the proper weaponry - one simply can;t go about Europa these days without some means of self-defense."

"Al, what's with the getup?" Greg asked, momentarily diverted from his quest. Glytch just goggled - there was something decidedly wrong here.

"Al? I am sorry, my good man, I cannot permit such liberties. Brigadier Smythe-Richer, at your service. With all of this shouting I assumed we were after big game - or is it Sparks on the card today? Either way, I am ready to assist."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

Glytch and Greg looked at one another, then back at Al... Or... Uh... Not-Al. Brigadier. Then they looked back at one another.
"That CAN'T be good..." Glytch looked at the Brigadier and narrowed his eyes. "Whaddaya mean by 'bearers'? And... Are you some sort of... Manhunter? And you're ok with hunting Sparks? Have you by any chance heard of-"

"OTHAR TRIGVA-" An overly loud voice shouted from above.
Glytch made a quick gesture with his right hand, and a device teleported into his palm, with witch he unceremoniously shot the falling gentleman adventurer. *FZAK!* "Oh, no you don't!"

Othar stopped mid-air. "What?"

"I will NOT let you stampede through here and screw everything up even more." Glytch snarled.

"But... I am a hero! I wish to help!"

"You wanna help? Leave." *FZAK!*

Othar began to slowly float up, higher and higher at a steady pace. "FOUL!"

"...You know that works better when you're moving away faster." Glytch said, unimpressed by Othar's parting line.

"Yes... I think I'll just focus on how to get myself out of this predicament... Don't mind me."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Just Old Al
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

"Oh, NO sir. I am NOT a hunter of men. Strictly in it for the sport - not the kill. My means of immobilization is entirely electrical - would never do at all to kill unnecessarily." The Brigadier's visage darkened and he continued, "However, it is sometimes necessary to...permanently dissuade shall we say...a beast be it two or four-legged - though this as a last resort."

"As for my bearers, they will be along with my arsenal wagon shortly." He turned to Greg, still not quite up to speed on the events after having been distracted from his quarry. "You look like a man who has heard a bullet say 'wheat' past his ear on the battlefield a time or two. Might I offer the loan of a proper weapon or two - as you seem to be distinctly underdressed at the moment?"

Greg and Glytch looked again at each other, and Greg said, "Yes, That would be absolutely capital. Topping, indeed." while trying extremely hard not to laugh. If they got home Al was NEVER going to live this down.

The sarcasm flew completely over the Brigadier's fedora as he answered, "Splendid! Now do tell - what IS on the card for today? Has to be Sparks, considering that loathsome product of northern climes was sullying the grounds with his bellowing."
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

"Underdressed? Oh, I think you'll find me to be a surprising guy." Glytch refocused. "We aren't really after sparks... We're after spatial, temporal, and inter-universal distortions and tears. We're trying to fix what Agatha, and to a lesser extent, Klaus, have already done."
The Brigadier narrowed his eyes at Agatha. "Your reputation precedes you, Lady Heterodyne..."
"Aaaaand she is here to help! There were some extenuating circumstances surrounding her meddling with time, there is no need to immobilize her." Gil spoke quickly, understanding the danger in the Brigadier's statement. Tarvek was visibly irritated that Gil was quicker to react.
Glytch pulled out his phone and studied it for a moment. "We're in a hot zone, so we're likely to run into more phenomena as we go. Agatha, where can I find some quality reality-bending machinery? I don't want to have to depend on something cobbled together on the fly."
"Well..."
"Ugh... Not again..." Tarvek pinched the bridge of his nose. "Our best shot would be in Castle Heterodyne. She had Van Rijin's secret lab sent there for further study. And after the fragment of the Castle's psyche from Paris was returned and reintegrated with the main mind, the Castle has been even more obsessed with traps than ever."
Glytch blinked a few times. "You... You gave the Castle access to that stuff?"
"Ah, well, I needed the extra power-" Agatha said in a mollifying tone.
"Great!" Glytch actually smiled. "The Castle knows what's up with this sort of thing, it's probably the best entity native to this universe you could have given that machinery to!"
"Eh? Oh, um... Mechanicsburg is at the center of what seems to be a battle... It's been flooded with Dreen and worse, and the Castle is trying to keep them from tearing it apart with Van Rijin's machinery."
"Dreen? Maybe I could talk some sense into those idiots..."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
FreeFlier
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by FreeFlier »

Somewhere in spacetime . . .

The big man winces despite the earmuff as the big fly-cutter screeches on a particularly recalcitrant spot . . . “Damn . . . maybe next time I need to pay to have the raws annealed better.” The screech fades, allowing him to hear the oddly muffled thump just before the shop’s back door swings open.

Erect glossy black ears aren’t . . . they’re laid firmly back against the noise.

“What – oh no, not in here! Outsi-“ the protest is abruptly cut off.

<This id impor’ant.> The black wolf responds, half-around a squealing struggling mouthful. <You ‘eed t’ see this.>

Grimacing, he grabs an empty bucket, pauses, and switches it for a metal bucket . . . as soon as it hits the floor, the complaining captive thunks in and scurries frantically around trying to hide.

He stares into the bucket in disbelief. “WHAT the-! Is that a . . . ?”

<yes.> she nods firmly. <Should not be here. The world/tree/wall{s} are leaking . . . someone has meddled in things-that-should-not-be-meddled!>

The flycutter squeals more abruptly this time, but stops sooner too.

<One does not like that noise.> Flattened lupine ears manage to convey a desire for paws over them too.

“I can’t stop right now, it’ll notch the casting and then it will warp too . . . as much as that cost, I’m not going to ruin it unless I have to.” Stepping back to the ancient horizontal mill, he brushes a bit of fluid from a can onto the dark bulk . . . the cutter quiets a bit. “So what’s the problem and what can we do about it?”

<The world/tree{s} are leaking . . . someone has meddled/injured the world/wall/tree{s}, and now the drill-tooths-that-are-not chew again . . . the tree{s} heal but this time is too much hurt.>

“Has this happened before?”

<Two-legs always meddle in things-that-should-not-be-meddled.>

“Only two-legs?”

< . . . mostly two-legs. . . . MUST be unmeddled!>

“Monkey curiosity . . . When this cut finishes, I’ll have to cut the other face or it will warp out of shape . . . maybe an hour for the flip and another rough-cut to equalize. So – what needs to be done?”

<Something has injured the worldtree{s} – they can heal if more hurts are not made. Drill-tooths-that-are-not help mostly, but too many hurt.>

“So . . . “ The strange-sided half-audible conversation trails into arcana as the mill growls and screeches through the cast-iron lump, and the machinist adds an improvised water dish and grain mixed with peanuts to the bucket, commenting that “with a nose like that, sucking up water shouldn’t be any problem . . .”
Last edited by FreeFlier on Mon May 30, 2016 9:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

Note to all: this is entirely for shits n' giggles, I have no plan, and pretty much anything goes. So feel free to jump in and wreak havoc!

:D
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
chicgeek
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by chicgeek »

A bony finger pokes Glytch firmly in the back. "Young man!"
He casually turns around to find a grey haired woman glaring at him. She's wearing a sensible leather labcoat, scorched and stained and mended in places, lined with many pockets. Practical boots, a toolbelt, dark trousers, a soft purple shirt, a pair of goggles pushed up on her forehead, and a pair of stylish ray guns at her side.
The bony finger now pokes him in the chest. "Are you responsible for all this tomfoolery and noise?"
He resists the urge to smack himself on the forehead. Another one? How many dimensional travelers are going to be cluttering up the place? He has work to do!
"Ma'am, I-"
"Because I don't appreciate being yanked out of my lab like this. You silly young adventurers, think nothing else could *possibly* be as important as your crisis du jour." She sighs. "Suppose you'll be needing a hand. All right then, but only so we can get this over with."
She glances up at the rapidly vanishing Othar. "Too far away to take a shot at. Drat." Then strides over to the Brigadier.
She eyes him speculatively, and nods once, sharply.
"You seem a sensible sort. Dr.Emily Lopez-Viktor. Em's good enough for now. I've been itching to try out the metal to rust gun. We have a target yet?"


(glytch, you did say feel free to jump in... :D )
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

Glytch blustered for a moment before collecting himself. "I didn't cause this! I'm trying to fix it!"

(Yes, I did, and thank you for jumping in... This is going to be a helluva ride... Weeee!)
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Just Old Al
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

The Brigadier preened slightly, but noticeably. Dr. Viktor's visage assumed a slightly amused expression as he said, "Capital, absolutely capital. Someone wth the sense to equip themselves for a hunting expedition!. Metal-to-rust, you say - depending on how they work out, I might be interested in a brace of those to add to my wagon."

"And here it comes now!" With that, a wheezing steam powered lorry arrived, snorting and leaking steam from random spots. It was driven by two swarthy gentlemen attired much as the Brigadier was, though slightly less ostentatiously. Each was equipped with a sidearm on one side, and the sheathed pommel of a curved knife at the other.

"Em, my dear, you'll be riding with us, I assume? Clara isn't the equal of a royal carriage of Europa, but she will take us anywhere we want to go - like Castle Heterodyne."

With a word, Al sent his bearers scurrying away, while the fire tender watched the boiler of his lorry. "They're off to hunt us up some transport - a few steam wagons should do the job for us. Then, we're off to find the source of these wretched strangers, eh, Doctor Glytch?"

He held out his hand, palm uppermost. "Until then, Em, and please call me Al - may I offer you the comforts of a cup of tea and a scone? One must have tea - it makes things civilized."
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
chicgeek
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by chicgeek »

Fussy, ostentatious, overly polite...proud as a peacock if I don't miss my guess. Still, seem a capable sort. I've fought with worse.
Dr.Viktor-Lopez doesn't allow that train of thought to show on her face. She quickly reaches out her own hand to take his upturned one, and pumps it once in a firm handshake. What am I, a schoolgirl to blush prettily as I have my hand kissed? Bah. Still, nice manners...
"Tea? Don't mind if I do. Seems we have a minute."
Ignoring the spluttering Glytch, she makes herself comfortable.
"And I daresay you would like a brace of the new toy. But, I don't share out anything that could be used against me, or that some smart bugger could reverse engineer. Before you know it the plans have spread like wildfire and then where would we be?" Flashes a quick grin. "No offense."
"None taken. m'lady."
"Oh, I'll do what I can to help and all that. But it still needs testing. Hmm..." Setting down her tea, she begins to rummage in her pockets. Among the items scrutinized and replaced are a battered letter with an unidentifiable royal seal, pliers, a petrified sandwich-"So that's where that got to!"-a tiny metal bird, and a demitasse spoon before she grunts, "That'll do."
Pulling out an oversized bolt, she tosses it into the air with her left, while smoothly drawing the gun with her right.
BZZAP!
A shower of rust flakes down as she hits the bolt dead on.
Faint cursing is heard from above, as a hole a foot in diameter appears in a low flying airship.
At this point the bearers return, expertly maneuvering two steam lorries behind Clara. One rapidly disembarks, and unfolds a bumbershoot over the two old sparks, keeping the rust fragments wafting down from settling upon them.
"Drat. Need to adjust the range. That bit's being fiddley." Shaking her head, she goes to holster it when the Brigadier holds out his hand.
"Extraordinary! May I?"
"Suppose." She hands it over carefully, and as the Brigadier admires the bronze fittings around the green glass cylinder, she can't help but smile.
"All right then! We need to get this motley crew in motion. Al, it doesn't take hours to fire up the boiler, does it? Looks sturdy enough. " She quickly drains her teacup. "This lot'll sit and yammer all day if we let them. Time to move on, you fill me in on the way. I've got serious work waiting back at my lab!"
Last edited by chicgeek on Tue May 31, 2016 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Dave
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Dave »

chicgeek wrote:Setting down her tea, she begins to rummage in her pockets. Among the items scrutinized and replaced are a battered letter with an unidentifiable royal seal, pliers, a petrified sandwich-"So that's where that got to!"-a tiny metal bird, and a demitasse spoon
Surely she would be carrying something more appropriate to the story line?
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Sgt. Howard »

"Ch'all mind horribly iffen I gets out frum unnerneath this here contraption fust?" drawled Greg, looking quite the counterpoint in his patched bib overalls and 'Little Abner' boots, "Only thing is, yer pressure regulater done blew a seal- thass whar this boiler compound crud is building up frum... 'sides, Ah'm du fer coffee,"
Tarvak looked on in astonishment- "Did WHAT to a seal?!? What seal are we talking about?"
"Gowan look fer yersef- Ah'm gitten coffee- " the old Sgt. rambled as he headed for the totally refigured percolator. Agatha was quite helpful as he approached- "Sugar and cream, Sir?"
"Molasses iffen y' gots it- an I ain't no 'Sir' ("Obviously" muttered Sir Richer), Ah works fer a livin'!"
"What? What was that he just said?" Sir Richer asked, somewhat flustered...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
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Just Old Al
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

Dave wrote:
chicgeek wrote:Setting down her tea, she begins to rummage in her pockets. Among the items scrutinized and replaced are a battered letter with an unidentifiable royal seal, pliers, a petrified sandwich-"So that's where that got to!"-a tiny metal bird, and a demitasse spoon
Surely she would be carrying something more appropriate to the story line?
One NEVER, EVER uses one of those wretched things to stir one's tea. THe points will scratch the cup.

The demitasse spoon is indeed the proper implement.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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Dave
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Dave »

Just Old Al wrote:One NEVER, EVER uses one of those wretched things to stir one's tea. THe points will scratch the cup.
Ah, I see your point (to coin a slightly unfortunate phrase).

I will remember this, and never speak of sporks to a spark.
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Just Old Al
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

Dave wrote: I will remember this, and never speak of sporks to a spark.
Ya just hadda go there....sigh. I am going to turn on my Teasmade now and try hard to drown my sorrows in a proper cuppa.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

"Now that we have something resembling a plan and that...individual with the nearly incomprehensible speech has exited from his burrow can we consider getting the safari in motion?

Lady Heterodyne, you and your entourage can have the first steam lorry - sorry, the bears will have to fend for themselves. Doctor Glytch, you and your batman in the overalls along with your furry associate can have the second lorry. The good Doctor and I will be traveling with my beaters in my lorry. WOuld you prefer we lead - as no doubt between the Doctor's Rust Ray and my own not incosiderable aelectrical apparatus we can defend the column against nearly all comers."
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
chicgeek
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by chicgeek »

Glytch, see what you set in motion?
*Hums* a hunting we shall go...
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