Too Many Sparks

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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Sgt. Howard »

" 'Batman'? Whut in thunder's he talkin' 'bout?" the Sarge asked Glytch.
"It's sort of like a military butler," commented Agatha, "...but, that's not really your station, is it?"
"HELLNO!!! He ain't no military and I ain't no butler! Who's that fancy slicker think he is, anyways?"
"... not again..." whimpered Glytch
"EXACTLY what I am, I don't think- I KNOW!!"
" 'n' Ah don't think you know either!!! 'Cept you gotta be the most puffed up steambilly that ever swaggered 'cross a rug!"
"WHAT did you just call me, cretin?!?"
"OH! Did Ah juss call you a 'steambilly'? I DO apologize..."
"I should think so,"
"YOU ARE A JACKASS!!"

The silence was deafening.

"I can cure your ignorance," the Brigadier stated calmly as he poised with his riding crop, sizing up the man in front of him.
"Y'all be welcome t' try- " Greg responded, "But I doubt yew can,"
The crop slashed furiously at Greg- each strike he fended off to one side or the other with a pass of his hand. Finally, he grabbed it and snagged it away in one clean motion and tossed it aside. Surprised, the Brigadier took a moment to re-appraise his opponent.
"Were you t' hit me with that, I'd get righteously pissed," Greg growled.
"Pain makes you drunk?"
"Uh," Glytch volunteered, "I think he means 'angry' "
"I see- then... "Queen's rules"? I don't suppose that registers with you, does it?"
"Don't know no Queen,"
"Well... as long as we understand each other..." and the Brigadier took a swing. Greg slapped it aside and threw a swift jab that the Brigadier caught with his right open hand. Greg then struck the inside of the Brigadier's right wrist with his right open palm and again went for a jab with the left. Sir Richer slapped it aside and threw his own jab, connecting just behind Greg's right temple. Greg then exploded with a series of punches, many of them landing- the brigadier also made a few connections.
"Dimo- shouldn't we stop them?" asked Agatha.
"Naw... eet vill settle kvick enough vitout us messing vit eet- besides, Hy dunt likes eider vun off dem," the old Jager replied.
Emily Looked over at Glytch- "How long you suppose those two will be? Seems you know the old Confederate,"
"Until something goes 'crunch' usually... or he gets tired. He's damn near sixty-two years old, and the mileage is a little high on him,"
"Well... it's entertaining and all, but it's also wasting time.. say, looks like they're slowing down,"
"Y'all hit lak an old man," Greg jeered.
"I AM an old man, what is YOUR excuse?"
"heh... son, Ah'm every bit of 62 this August."
"The HELL you say! I should think you would have enough sense by now to AVOID this sort of activity at your age!"
" 'Parrently not... an' yur one t' talk,"
The two looked at each other, appraising and appreciating. It was the Brigadier who spoke first.
"Now see here- this has been a lovely little diversion, but we really have bigger fish to fry and I say we need to get moving. Are you with me on this?"
"Boots & saddle- lock & load, Sir," Greg responded, "We kin always pick up war we left off later..."
"Indeed we can," Smiled the Brigadier.
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
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Just Old Al
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

We have established constants:

THe speed of light
Gravitation
Greg and Al despite the Universe will tangle at least once.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

"Oxidation acceleration ray. Fancy, but it is close to impossible to properly modulate all three dimensions of the energy propagation." Glytch said, giving his head a light shake to displace the rust flakes from his hood. "It's rather like the Uncertanty Principle. The more finely controlled any dimension is, the less controllable the others become. Most OA Rays settle for either being a shotgun-like device, being a bomb, or being a rifle with extreme accuracy and a level of penetration determined solely by the power source... And since the quanta associated with that particular wavelength have a rather high minimum power requirement, most rifle-type OA's have almost unmanageable range and penetration."
Everyone looked at him, caught quite by surprise.
"The trick is to find multiple energy wavelengths with much lower minimum power requirements, synchronize them, and funnel them through a prism that cannot be oxidized. The constructive interference will result in a lower-power OA beam. You can even, given the right formula of gain medium, create several settings, determining the stimulation of the medium that determines the wavelengths emitted, which in turn determines the end power output and thus the range of the beam." Glytch made a series of sharp, clearly defined gestures with his right hand.
Gil narrowed his eyes. "Neural implants?"
"Musculoskeletal implants, too. I use the Neural implants to determine intent. It's a safety measure, so I don't accidentally teleport when I'm taking a bath or something."
*VORP*
"WHAT IS THAT?" The Brigadier and Tarvek both exclaimed as they stared at the device Glytch had just summoned.
"Whull... Thass a... It kinda looks like a Pontiac... But i's floatin..."
Glytch smiled. "This, my friends, is my automobile. It's a Pontiac G6 hardtop convertible coupe. The drivetrain has been replaced with a Vimana power plant and thrusters. I spent a good seventy years reverse-engineering that old warbird we had to figure this out. Multiple-scenario Head's Up Display, linked to my glasses, as well as an onboard computer that would ordinarily be networked to my Behemoth. Unfortunately, the signal doesn't seem to be getting through at the moment. It's also equipped with plenty of toys of my design. And it still seats four." Glytch smiled a dangerous smile.
Agatha squinted at it. "It doesn't seem very threatening to me."
"Neither does an assassin at first glance. Violetta?"
The Smoke Knight was backing away very slowly from the floating, sleek black car.
Glytch grinned. "I think that's as good an answer as any." Glytch vaulted into the drivers seat and fired up the main thrusters, shut off the parking hover jets, and beckoned to Agatha. "I need to have a conversation with you lot about what you did. Agatha, Gil, Tarvek, you're with me. Fill me in on the way. Violetta, Zeetha, Krosp, you'll have to take a steam truck. Jägers and Sarge, you can take the other steam truck. I'm sure you four will get along like a house on fire... Just don't set anything we want to keep on fire. Brigs and Emily can take the lead in his truck. I'll bring up the rear."

"Excuse me, but I believe I introduced myself as Doctor-"
"Spare me. I'm five hundred or so years old and the multiverse is falling apart. I don't have time for formalities, so if you'll excuse my abrupt behavior, I'd appreciate it. Now let's haul ass!"

Once everyone had finally piled into the vehicles, Glytch reached down under his steering wheel and flipped a guarded switch. The trunk of the Pontiac split down the middle and opened to each side, taking with it the folded roof, revealing a slowly unfolding remote-controlled turret featuring a multitude of barrels and focusing dishes.

"Remember the Lion you used to kill the Castle?" Glytch glanced back at his turret. "That's just one of the many fun and interesting things I can do with that."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
FreeFlier
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by FreeFlier »

Just Old Al wrote:We have established constants:

THe speed of light
Gravitation
Greg and Al despite the Universe will tangle at least once.
Dunno about constants . . . one out of three isn't bad, though.
Writer's block wrote:Moo.
Shuddup, you.

--FreeFlier
chicgeek
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by chicgeek »

Emily sniffs. "What an obnoxious young man. Bossy, too. 500 years old my a-uh, ...aspidistra. Inter dimensional travelers think one will believe anything."
She settles herself comfortably as the convoy starts on its way. "Al, I'm going to keep working, if you don't mind. When something needs to be shot, nudge me. Got more than one weapon." With that, she pulls out a delicate looking tool and resumes fiddling with the metal to rust ray. Grumbles. "He has a decent grasp of the theory, but there's other workarounds..."
Let the young'un in the flashy flier plot and plan with the other flibbertigibbets, royalty though they may be. She and the Brigadier will have to be the sensible ones. *remembers Al and Grey butting heads like a pair of goats*
....Perhaps mostly sensible will do.
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

[Sidious] Yesssss... Good... Good... Give us conflict and we shall weave a good story indeed... [/Sidious]
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
chicgeek
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by chicgeek »

*grins* All in good fun, Glytch!
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Dave
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Dave »

GlytchMeister wrote:[Sidious] Yesssss... Good... Good... Give us conflict and we shall weave a good story indeed... [/Sidious]
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chicgeek
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by chicgeek »

Hee! Cute, is that you and your youngin'?
Makes me wish I had taken a picture of my husband and our girl fencing with fly swatters.
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Dave
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Dave »

No, not me or family... just the result of web trolling for "nerf battle" images.

He wanted conflict, let him have conflict ;)
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

That is the most comfortable simple rocking chair I have ever seen. I mean, most lazy-boy-style chairs rock, but it's all due to a complicated hinge mess. That just uses a round surface on the bottom. And it's making me smile.
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

Yes, yes I have been called Darth Glytch before. Why do you ask?

Also: SQUIRREL!

And finally: Yeah, conflict is the driving force behind stories. To me, a story without conflict... Isn't. Like that Arby's commercial/tshirt: "A sandwich without meat... Isn't."
:)
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

(Every time I see my post with the Sidious tags on it, I reflexively want to hit the edit button to see what is making the tags not work)
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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jwhouk
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by jwhouk »

Antagonist/Protagonist/Obstacle. Older than the hills.
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin
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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Sgt. Howard »

jwhouk wrote:Antagonist/Protagonist/Obstacle. Older than the hills.

Still works
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

Glytch gently pulled on the steering wheel to raise the Pontiac about a meter off the ground while equally gently depressing the accelerator. With a sigh, he realized the steam trucks were built for durability first, reliability second, and speed dead last. "I should have known. Dunno why he's so taken with obsolete tech... Even a Baba Yaga Wagon could go faster." He turned to Agatha, motioning toward the touchscreen. "I have already patched some of my programs to the Aethernautical Bombardment Fleet. You should be able to bring up a map on this screen that can guide us to Mechanicsburg."
Agatha stared at the screen. "But... Where are the buttons? Knobs?"
With another sigh, Glytch blindly tapped the screen, navigating to the Navigation suite by memory.
"Well, that's boring. Not even a little bit of metal grinding. What sort of Spark are you?"
"Nothing like you've seen in this universe, I assure you." Glytch glanced down at the screen. "No, the icon up there, 'Sat Feed.' There you go. See?"
"Ahhh..."

Tarvek and Gil were both watching intently as Agatha worked with the touchscreen on the console. "So what's the plan?" Tarvek spoke first. "Why are we going to the Castle?"
"Because the Castle has previous experience in this subject. One of your ancestors," Glytch pointed at Agatha, "Unleashed the Dreen. Then Baron Dumbass made it all worse and woke up an All Seeing Eye." Glytch rolled his eyes. "And of course, your puffed-up ancestor commissioned a bunch of robots from a man who had been screwing around with Enigma herself-"
"Uh, 'screwing around?'" Gil asked, clearly lost.
"Fiddling and meddling, in this context." Glytch translated, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, King Nincompoop was using Temporal manipulation for most of his rule - he was named for the electrical flux generated by temporal inconsistencies."
Something beeped on the screen and Glytch put a hand on an extra joystick near the gear shift.
"The Castle hasn't been around for that entire time, though," Agatha read the notification at the top of the screen. "Um, Glytch?"
"Ignore it, I'll take care of it. You're right, though. The Castle wasn't around for the Storm King. But some of the books in that library of yours were." Glytch looked up and spotted what was making his computer beep. "Anybody know what that is?"
Gil looked up. "Not one of mine."
Tarvek shrugged. "Nobody I can recognize."
A flash announced the launching of a missile at Emily's and Brigs' truck.
Glytch grinned, pressed a few buttons on his steering wheel, and pulled the trigger.

An immense explosion sounded from behind them as a trio of massive shotgun barrels fired at once. The Pontiac's thrusters compensated for the incredible recoil. Almost immediately after leaving their barrels, arcs of lightning sprang up between each pellet. The air surrounding the mass of electrified pellets heated to a bright glow before striking the craft and vaporizing the missile.

The smoldering wreckage rained down in a nearby field.

Faintly, Glytch heard one of the Jägers shout "Hy VANT von ov dose!"
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Just Old Al
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

Seeing the incoming missile, the Brigadier had activated his anti-projectile cannons, but the Pontiac's defenses were faster...and far messier.

"What are these Sparks coming to nowdays - no finesse, no skill, simply obliterate it and move on." the Brigadier grumbled. "Em, such a display!"

"Indeed," she said, continuing to tinker. "One might almost think that they'd never seen a missile attack before - or the more traditional ways of negating one. Does this Doctor Glytch think us children, to be defended? Paugh!"
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by GlytchMeister »

"Hey! You're WELCOME!" Glytch called at the unappreciative elders. "Or do you want me to get off your lawn?"
"Don't you think we could've maybe gotten useful parts off that clank?" Agatha tried to guide Glytch toward understanding why Brigs wasn't nearly as thankful as the hooded man had expected.
Glytch was already ahead of her. "If we stopped to pick up parts from every two-bit clank we encounter along the way, this vehicle will end up slower than those rustbucket rattletraps. That was probably some backwoods spark's creation."
Tarvek held up a small part while Gil eyed it carefully.
"Close, Glytch. It belonged to a minor spark from Beetleburg. His breakthrough device was a terribly inifficient ornithopter backpack. After it blew up, we last saw him gliding into the mountains. I suppose he's been living a hermit lifestyle since."
"How-? Oh. Dammit Tarvek! When you're done playing please toss that out, I want to keep my power-weight ratio as high as possible."
Tarvek did so, but not without asking "Why?"
"Because-" Glytch pointed to the north, at the summit of a distant mountain near Mechanicsburg, then he quickly plugged his ears and opened his mouth.
*ZZT*
*KA-THRAUM*


A bright blue flash erupted from nowhere, followed by a shockwave that bent the grass and trees and made ears ring. The Pontiac bucked slightly before the gyroscopic systems compensated for the wave.
"Where we are is hostile territory... And when we are is hostile time."
Gil breathed in sharply. "It's... That's the thing that-"
Glytch tapped his glasses, and his voice pumped loud and clear through his car's speakers. "Ladies and gentlemen, what you see before you is an All Seeing Eye. If you thought the Dreen were bad, you'd best change into your brown pants now before you embarrass yourself.
I don't know where it's headed, but I can almost certainly assure you it would love nothing more than to destroy me, and I don't have the intel I need to fight back, so I suggest we make haste for the Castle." Glytch spoke clearly and calmly, as though he were simply making an administrative announcement.
Slowly, inexorably, the Eye rotated in it's socket - first to peer at Mechanicsburg, then... It turned toward Glytch. Even with the immense distance between them, Glytch could tell they had made eye contact.
"You may think the best way to save the multiverse is to destroy the damaged universes, but I have other ideas." Glytch said to the Eye. "I am not going to allow millions of realities to die needlessly. My offer still stands - if I fail, you can have your way. But until then, I will fight you and your ilk to defend these universes and all of the lives within. Do you accept my terms?"

The convoy waited in silence, wondering if the All Seeing Eye would even respond. Just when the Brigadier had decided Glytch was delusional and the creature didn't even care enough to answer such a puny creature, a tooth-rattling bass note shuddered through the air and pounded through the ground, raising dust and causing the various little creatures within to cry and squeak in alarm.
"Very well. Say "Hi" to Enigma for me, bastard."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
chicgeek
Posts: 241
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Post by chicgeek »

AS the shockwave dies away, Em lifts an eyebrow. "Flashy. But effective," she adds grudgingly.

Em looks at her Rust-Ray with a critical eye, and nods. "Good enough for now. Especially since it's not all I have with me. Let's see..." Sheathing it, she rummages through her pockets. A Skifander tourist guide merits a brief shake of her head. "Why do I still have outdated thing?" A chocolate bar in a gold foll wrapper embossed with a pair of capital W's is quickly broken, and half handed to the Brigadier.
He raises an eyebrow at the next find.
"Em, is that a...?"
"Jaeger tooth? Yes. One of them got a bit too fresh, and I was forced to deck him." A quick smile at the memory crosses her face. "Of course, I was many years younger then."
"Harump!" The Brigadier clears his throat. "Bally cheek. Served the blighter right. But...didn't that just encourage him? Those fellows live for a good scrap."
"Well, I didn't think of that at the time, obviously! Made my first weapon after that....Aha!" With a satisfied smile, Em pulls out an ornate brass telescope, and extends it.
"Hmm...Al, looks like there's more where that came from-take a look."
"Blast!" He carefully aims the scope and scrutinizes the approaching ship. "I recognize that style. Up to no good, as usual Em, m'dear, we need to show that young upstart how it's done. Shall we?"
She grins, wolfishly. "Let's."

(Edited a bit, just saw your post!)
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Just Old Al
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Re: Too Many Sparks

Post by Just Old Al »

With that, the Brigadier reached to his right (right-hand-drive, you know) and pulled a lever at the back of the control panel of the vehicle.

The vehicle stopped, and steam jacks dropped to the ground to stabilize the body and negate torsional effects. The roof of the vehicle rolled back to each side, and with a hiss of steam the barrel of a Gatling gun rose into the air.

Along with that, control panels rose from the floor in front of the two occupants of the vehicle's front seat.

"Em, meduck, you have the aiming - women are better at that than men - and I have the firing mechanism. Walk the crosshairs over the targets - we've got multiples comin' in, and I daresay we'll work to get them all."

He pulled his goggles over his eyes, as Em did.

"Ready?"

"Do, Let's!"

With that, fire erupted from the roof of the steam lorry as the steam Gatling went into action. The boiler tender now loader kept feeding the Gatling clips of ammunition as between the Brigadier and the Doctor they rained lead-lined Hades on the incoming missiles. Just as it looked as one might slip through, the pair finished the last, with shrapnel bouncing off the front of their vehicle from the last exploding clank.

During all of this, the occupants of the Pontiac sat, mesmerized by the elderly pair working as a finely-tuned death machine, clawing the missiles from the sky one by one.

The Gatling whirred to a halt, all barrels smoking. The loader resumed his tasks and restoked the boiler, whose pressure and water level had been dramatically diminished by the needs of the Gatling.

With a press of the same buttons, the Gatling was withdrawn, the controls re-stowed and the jacks raised.

Goggles raised, faces smoke-grimed from the action, the Brigadier turned to his companion and said," Dr. Lopez-Viktor - shall we proceed?"

"Brigadier, I do believe we should. The children will become impatient otherwise."

With that, the engine was engaged and the convoy of steam lorries began to move again, leaving behind ground littered with the bright glint of cartridges from the Gatling.
Last edited by Just Old Al on Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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