Wapsi Square Forum

I just couldn't deal with the day-to-day.

I'll try to post more often, but right now, I'm wrecked.

I'm hiding my post behind a cut in case it's not allowed.

Going to go hide in my blanket fort again.

Dear lady... I am so sorry for your loss.

In the above post there is a gofundme for the welfare of the young man's family. I've donated to it - I suggest that showing your love that way is a very good thing.

Mr. Moderator, if I have overstepped my bundaries by saying this, please inform me and I will edit the post. Apologies.

OMG- Dink- I am at a loss for words. Know that you are loved here, we in this house morn with you.

Massive hugs, Dinky.

He was beautiful, smart, a real wise-ass. Heart of purest gold. Sacrificed everything at the drop of a hat for everyone in need.

He helped me raise my son at a critical point in his young life, and filled in the necessary position of positive male role model. My son has so many of his mannerisms.

His wife was his life-long love, and seeing them together was breathtaking in the scope of how truly perfect it was. His daughter was the apple of his eye. His stepson was his son in his heart, truly loved.

Everyone who ever met him loved him.

My Mother fought so hard to bring him into this world, and my Daddy worked so hard to rebuild trust lost when my parents divorced.

My sister lost her best friend. They were inseparable, even when thousand miles divided them.

I'm dealing with it one day at a time. And it hurts.

This gaping hole in my heart...

Dink- exactly what happened?

Oh geez..... A death in the family is never easy to deal with. Especially someone close.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Sgt. Howard wrote:Dink- exactly what happened?

That's just it. We don't know. He was fine the day before, the day of, he said he was taking a nap, my sister-in-law came home, and he was gone.

Oh, heavens - hugs, condolences, and shoulder rubs in any order and as often as necessary.

A sudden, intimate loss is always devastating. When the world stops spinning so quickly, may you find something to hold on to for a bit. Good luck and peace to you!

Tomorrow- go make your favorite drip style coffee, grind up two heaping tablespoonfulls (two wedges) of 'Abuelita' Mexican chocolate and throw that in there... then sit down and indulge, knowing that Annie and I are thinking of you

I have enough strength to lend you some. We're all chipping in.

Take what you need, bank the rest for later.

TazManiac wrote:I have enough strength to lend you some. We're all chipping in.

Take what you need, bank the rest for later.

Can I just send it all to my sister-in-law? She's the one who needs it most. I hated having to leave, knowing she's gotta go it without her lifemate. I've seldom seen anyone with such a strong bond as they had.
My tiny niece asks frequently when he's coming home, and my heart breaks all over again.

I am so so sorry. Add me to the ones sending you and your family strength.

Whatever we can do, we will.

I've never had any siblings, but I've been in the same general sort of situation myself at times. Time never seems to really make things "better", but it does gradually push the negative to the background and let you remember the positive times more easily. So does being with other family and friends, so you can all help each other.

I hope that all goes as well as can be, especially for the kids.

Well, the gofundme has raised just barely enough to cover the funeral, so there's silver linings.

My brother-in-law is doing some ridiculous things as stretch goals.

I'm plotting more goals for him, as my brother would have found it highly amusing.

Trying to not turtle up is a daily challenge.

I'm supposed to be strong for everyone, but I wanna have a day to myself to breakdown, but I know it's stupidly selfish.

Thanks for the well-wishes.

I'm supposed to be strong for everyone, but I wanna have a day to myself to breakdown, but I know it's stupidly selfish.

Dinky... walk into this {makes slapping motions a couple yards in front of her face}

Now get that nonsense out of your head. You can't take proper care of THEM if you don't spend a certain amount of time and energy taking care of YOU. So tell 'em you're going to be unavailable for a day, then go find a friend whose shoulder you can cry on. And do a thorough job of it.

Always a dry shoulder here that needs watering...

DinkyInky wrote:Trying to not turtle up is a daily challenge.

I'm supposed to be strong for everyone, but I wanna have a day to myself to breakdown, but I know it's stupidly selfish.

Not. Not even slightly.

It's good that you're trying to be strong for the others in your family.

But, being strong for others takes energy, and strength, and focus. The fact that it needs to be done, and that you're willing to do it, doesn't mean that it magically costs nothing. The price doesn't just go away.

And, of course, your body and spirit have their own healing that has to be done. When you're "being there" for others, all of your own mourning and grieving and need-to-heal gets put "on hold". It doesn't magically go away, either... it just build up. It's another price that you must pay... and you can either pay it now, or pay it later, with compound interest.

If there had been a fire, and a bunch of people in your family were suffering from burns... would it be "stupidly selfish" for you to have your own burns dressed and bandaged, and take a day or so to get over the worst of the physical shock?

This is really no different. You're "walking wounded" at the moment, dear lady, just as truly as if you had been in a fire or a bus wreck. Please, do listen to what your body and spirit are telling you, and take the "down time" you need. Everyone in your family will be better for it. Just let 'em know you need a day to yourself... I really do think they'll understand.

(I got a stern warning about this sort of stuff when I took CERT training, some years ago. One thing I was told, was that if we were involved in handling any sort of major crisis situation involving injuries or loss of life, there would be an official debrief afterwards, and that the city/county would probably offer us a chance to talk with a counselor about our experience. "If this happens," said our instructor, "say Yes. I mean it.")