Clueless Enough 2015-06-22

[Thor]

Also don't call me kid, I'm 34.

To a large number of us here, being 34 is a kid.

[AnotherFairportfan]

Yeah. Just barely more than half my age.

[BlackFulcrum]

Also don't call me kid, I'm 34.

To a large number of us here, being 34 is a kid.

Yeah. Just barely more than half my age.

Lol, last time I checked that still made me an adult, unless we've suddenly turned into slow aging, long living elves, then yes, anyone under at least 50 is a kid.

But if you old timers insist on calling me a kid, so be it.

[AnotherFairportfan]

Personally, i'm inclined to regard the majority of the regulars as kids or young adults at most, based on what i'm recalling from the age thread...

[lake_wrangler]

Personally, i'm inclined to regard the majority of the regulars as kids or young adults at most, based on what i'm recalling from the age thread...

You mean, this thread?

Yeah, looking at it, I think you'll find that 34 is on the young side of the bell curve...

Though admittedly, I'm not yet at the shaking-the-cane-while-shouting-at-those-young-whippersnappers-to-get-off-my-lawn stage, yet...

Another thought came to me, BlackFulcrum: you may want to check with DinkyInky to make sure, but I'm pretty certain that calling someone "kid" in the context of that sentence is actually a colloquialism, and not meant as derogatory. I can't quite be certain, seeing as English is not my first language, but I'm pretty sure that's the case. It would imply, as used, that you are indeed younger than the person talking, and usually, more than just by a few years, and that you may not have had as much life experience, as well. It's very much a comparative term, as far as I know.

But like I said, you may want to ask DinkyInky directly, as to how she meant it, though I'm sure, from seeing her previous interactions with everyone, that she meant no disrespect by it, as she is generally quite polite.

[Opus the Poet]

Also don't call me kid, I'm 34.

To a large number of us here, being 34 is a kid.

My youngest just turned 34 in February, kid My oldest is 37. I'm freaking OLD!

[DinkyInky]

Personally, i'm inclined to regard the majority of the regulars as kids or young adults at most, based on what i'm recalling from the age thread...

You mean, this thread?

Yeah, looking at it, I think you'll find that 34 is on the young side of the bell curve...

Though admittedly, I'm not yet at the shaking-the-cane-while-shouting-at-those-young-whippersnappers-to-get-off-my-lawn stage, yet...

Another thought came to me, BlackFulcrum: you may want to check with DinkyInky to make sure, but I'm pretty certain that calling someone "kid" in the context of that sentence is actually a colloquialism, and not meant as derogatory. I can't quite be certain, seeing as English is not my first language, but I'm pretty sure that's the case. It would imply, as used, that you are indeed younger than the person talking, and usually, more than just by a few years, and that you may not have had as much life experience, as well. It's very much a comparative term, as far as I know.

But like I said, you may want to ask DinkyInky directly, as to how she meant it, though I'm sure, from seeing her previous interactions with everyone, that she meant no disrespect by it, as she is generally quite polite.

Thanks for your kindness. I have even called my older friends 'kid' when frazzled, so pretty much this. Consider it my filter not being on, so many apologies as it was unintended.
I'm also in a bit of a mood because a doctor who seemed about a decade younger than I told me in a letter I've been denied. In person during the eval, he said he was doing a courtesy. Also, he said girls don't get Autism(like it's a disease), and I'm once again appealing the decision of some so called expert that thinks Autism can be cured(it cannot, but it can be managed through therapy and education), and because I'm not a male, and do not share 100% of his checklist, I must be some moneygrubbing...gah!
I've already been through YEARS of therapy out of my pocket just to survive, and I don't need the worthless opinions, just an unbiased diagnosis.
I just want to get back into therapy so I can deal with all these huge changes I made to mine and my son's lives. Change and I are not friends...period. A year later, and I'm still a wreck.
Being told that only their official diagnosis counts and I'm not going to get one hurts.

For the regulars, this is mainly why I'm not here in as big a presense as often. That, and trying to help my son deal with the very same changes I'm not able to, and you have a mountain of stressors. Still unpacking in more ways than just boxes, especially when each box is full of reminders of changes.

For BlackFulcrum, I was unofficially diagnosed(only because he was technically evaluating my son) with Asperger's Syndrome, probably PDD-NOS when I was either 36 or 37. I'm in my 40's now. He recommended therapy, which I did while waiting for my official turn. I moved before he got to do so, and without the official paperwork, I'm relegated to appealing...and waiting.

I've had decades, including time before this was even a known thing, of having to try and deal with it. It wasn't lack of brains, it was how they were trying to teach the lessons. They told my parents to put me in an ARC facility(Association for Retarded Citizens). My parents denied it, and the rest I've prolly mentioned here and elsewhere over the years. Let us just say briefly they were stricter than most, and after millions of times of saying it while I observed it, I got it right three in ten. After therapy, I now get it right seven out of ten times. I still get called a retard for it too. Those people are the arserags.
Thankfully, the schools my son has been in talks to me when there are issues. My way of explaining how to do say, math, is very different. His brain can sometimes process how I learned it vs. the standardised way better. They use it to incorporate their lesson in.
Autism is a broad spectrum disorder, and as such, some specialists like to throw in fancy words when they get stuck. Using them perpetuates the misunderstandings. In trying to understand me, I took psychology courses. It helped with some things, and not others, but I titalky understand when a dctir is giving me the "quack speech". I guess what I am saying is, if you must talk about Autism, use your own personal knowledge of it from you and from friends or family with it. The experts are not always experts. When I speak of Autism, I do so from my experiences, and those observations of my child, my friend's children, classmates of my child, etcetera.

I would strongly suggest you do the therapy, from the experience of someone who has been there. Being a loner is perfectly fine. I still am. Even though I do have friends, I often prefer to be alone. It's a defining trait of mine, which can be difficult when you have a child who wants to play chess when you want to hide. That's still something I have to rein in a lot. Learning social emotional skills so people don't automatically discount you is priceless.
It's not about meeting new people. It's everything about being able to handle things most can and do accomplish without thinking, like "Thanks for your help," when someone helps you, and not automatically thinking they want something and leaving in silence, which may give the wrong impression. Yeah, this was one of mine for a while.
Social skills will also help in getting/keeping a job, as knowing for example, how to handle an irate customer who may just have had a bad day, and took it out wrongly on you. Before therapy, I'd run inside and cry in the bathroom thinking I'd be fired, or get worked up until I actually was.

It's not perfect as you saw yesterday, but in general, I try to compartmentalise it, and think about it at home, then file it away for reference. This I credit to some great therapists. Give it a thought, or even a chance. Oh, and sorry if calling you a kid upset you. I'm used to being the oldest, if not one of the oldest, so my filter isn't always on in the forums. I'm in my 40's, and a few here have called me a kid. I still shake a stick at them and tell them to geroff mah lawn.

[BlackFulcrum]

Thanks for your kindness. I have even called my older friends 'kid' when frazzled, so pretty much this. Consider it my filter not being on, so many apologies as it was unintended.
I'm also in a bit of a mood because a doctor who seemed about a decade younger than I told me in a letter I've been denied. In person during the eval, he said he was doing a courtesy. Also, he said girls don't get Autism(like it's a disease), and I'm once again appealing the decision of some so called expert that thinks Autism can be cured(it cannot, but it can be managed through therapy and education), and because I'm not a male, and do not share 100% of his checklist, I must be some moneygrubbing...gah!
I've already been through YEARS of therapy out of my pocket just to survive, and I don't need the worthless opinions, just an unbiased diagnosis.
I just want to get back into therapy so I can deal with all these huge changes I made to mine and my son's lives. Change and I are not friends...period. A year later, and I'm still a wreck.
Being told that only their official diagnosis counts and I'm not going to get one hurts.

For the regulars, this is mainly why I'm not here in as big a presense as often. That, and trying to help my son deal with the very same changes I'm not able to, and you have a mountain of stressors. Still unpacking in more ways than just boxes, especially when each box is full of reminders of changes.

For BlackFulcrum, I was unofficially diagnosed(only because he was technically evaluating my son) with Asperger's Syndrome, probably PDD-NOS when I was either 36 or 37. I'm in my 40's now. He recommended therapy, which I did while waiting for my official turn. I moved before he got to do so, and without the official paperwork, I'm relegated to appealing...and waiting.

I've had decades, including time before this was even a known thing, of having to try and deal with it. It wasn't lack of brains, it was how they were trying to teach the lessons. They told my parents to put me in an ARC facility(Association for Retarded Citizens). My parents denied it, and the rest I've prolly mentioned here and elsewhere over the years. Let us just say briefly they were stricter than most, and after millions of times of saying it while I observed it, I got it right three in ten. After therapy, I now get it right seven out of ten times. I still get called a retard for it too. Those people are the arserags.
Thankfully, the schools my son has been in talks to me when there are issues. My way of explaining how to do say, math, is very different. His brain can sometimes process how I learned it vs. the standardised way better. They use it to incorporate their lesson in.
Autism is a broad spectrum disorder, and as such, some specialists like to throw in fancy words when they get stuck. Using them perpetuates the misunderstandings. In trying to understand me, I took psychology courses. It helped with some things, and not others, but I titalky understand when a dctir is giving me the "quack speech". I guess what I am saying is, if you must talk about Autism, use your own personal knowledge of it from you and from friends or family with it. The experts are not always experts. When I speak of Autism, I do so from my experiences, and those observations of my child, my friend's children, classmates of my child, etcetera.

I would strongly suggest you do the therapy, from the experience of someone who has been there. Being a loner is perfectly fine. I still am. Even though I do have friends, I often prefer to be alone. It's a defining trait of mine, which can be difficult when you have a child who wants to play chess when you want to hide. That's still something I have to rein in a lot. Learning social emotional skills so people don't automatically discount you is priceless.
It's not about meeting new people. It's everything about being able to handle things most can and do accomplish without thinking, like "Thanks for your help," when someone helps you, and not automatically thinking they want something and leaving in silence, which may give the wrong impression. Yeah, this was one of mine for a while.
Social skills will also help in getting/keeping a job, as knowing for example, how to handle an irate customer who may just have had a bad day, and took it out wrongly on you. Before therapy, I'd run inside and cry in the bathroom thinking I'd be fired, or get worked up until I actually was.

It's not perfect as you saw yesterday, but in general, I try to compartmentalise it, and think about it at home, then file it away for reference. This I credit to some great therapists. Give it a thought, or even a chance. Oh, and sorry if calling you a kid upset you. I'm used to being the oldest, if not one of the oldest, so my filter isn't always on in the forums. I'm in my 40's, and a few here have called me a kid. I still shake a stick at them and tell them to geroff mah lawn.

No apology necessary, I think the "Kid" part just touched a nerve with me, I'm from the Netherlands, I'm 5'7" in a country where the average male height is 6' (and up), so I'm short, I apparently also look young, people mistake me for being in my mid to late 20's rather then my mid 30's, and that's with a beard and glasses which make me look somewhat older, remove those I'd probably look like I'm in my early 20's, sometimes I feel people don't take me serious because of it, not to mention the endless shorty jokes.

As for your bad experience, I've got something similar too, tho thankfully not as bad.
Now here in The Netherlands we have several forms/tiers/levels of High School , mostly based on how well you do in elementary school, basically it spans from the lowest level with a more practical education for the *ahem* not so bright kids, to the highest level which is for kids that tend to go to University, usually they're grouped in separate buildings, so kids from the lowest tiers don't even meet kids from the middle and higher tiers during school hours.
Now since my Aspergers wasn't identified, I often drifted off into my own little world, maybe because the teaching didn't click, or the subject was outside my interests/facinations, this was seen as "concentration issues",
Besides Aspergers I also have Dyscalculia (for those unfamiliar with the word, think Dyslexia with numbers), although the word wasn't common then and was noted as "problems with Arithmetic".
Anyway the advice of the elementary school I went to was, that I'd probably be suited to the lowest tier high school, now my parents were very opposed to this, my dad especially, as they knew I was quite bright, he suggested to send me to a specialized middle tier high school for kids with learning and developmental issues, the elementary school was opposed, and not because they thought the other school was better, no because sending kids to that kind of specialized school puts a mark on the school record, as "student not sent on to regular secondary education"
Sadly for them, it's the parents and the high school that make that decision, the elementary school advice only provide a guide to which tier a student should possibly go to, the results are of course more important to the high school if a student can handle their material.
So I got sent to the Special needs school, with class of maximum 12 students, a lot of individual attention from the teachers, and 1 year extra of high school (instead of 4 years, it takes 5), I had a great time there, and save for Maths and Physics I pretty much breezed trough the material, and I graduated at a higher level then I would have if I'd gone by the elementary school advice, and eventually (tho not without it's hiccups), I graduated the lowest of 3 the higher tiers two years later, so that was me mentally giving a to my elementary school's advice.
Sadly this was the early 90's, Autism wasn't widely looked or tested for, even there, so I still went undiagnosed.

My way of explaining how to do say, math, is very different. His brain can sometimes process how I learned it vs. the standardised way better. They use it to incorporate their lesson in.

This bit you say here is so important, my therapist had a little poster in her office that read: "Autism: I'm not different. I think different", I use that a lot now when I'm trying to explain myself and my Aspergers to anyone

[Atomic]

DinkyInky - Consider yourself hugged!

And BlackFulcrum - Congrats on the hard work paying off. May things get easier as you go!

[Dave]

DinkyInky - Consider yourself hugged!

And BlackFulcrum - Congrats on the hard work paying off. May things get easier as you go!

++! to both sentiments!

And all of this confirms my impression that the people who hang around this Forum are a thoroughly exceptional bunch of folks, in a whole lot of good and amazing ways. I'm proud and pleased to have had the chance to make your acquaintance in this little corner of cyberspace, guys and gals!

[TazManiac]

Coming from such differing origins, coming through so many differing experiences, bringing to the table such unique selves and yet we are together, at this crossroads of sorts.

From here to where, who can say, but I like knowing you knuckleheads anyway.

And Tina...

[GlytchMeister]

I agree. 99% of the users here are awesome. I'm amazed it's such a high percentage, too. Much better ratio than what is generally seen on the Wild Wild Web.
Did I just make my first pun?
I don't know if it's because the average age of active users here is way higher than www average, causing higher rates of wisdom and maturity, good moderators, or because Wapsi attracts the good kind of people. Maybe all three, or more.
*shrug* Still, y'all'r pretty cool.
As for experience with The Spectrum... Mine is limited at best. I had a friend in high school who might (Not a Doc, so can't say for certain) have had Asberger's. He was definitely wired different from most people. We at the Outcast table were better equipped to relate with him. One had a brother who was... Really autistic? (I don't know the proper, nice terms. I try to keep up) Basically, he wasn't uh, socially functional.
Then there was a guy who was just so weird and open-minded and stuff he had no problem being friends with someone with an unusual way of thinking.
As for me, I'm already fairly seriously ADHD/ADD/Whatever, and I had a knack for following the strange, convoluted paths this kid's mind tended to take. I could understand most of the connections he would make that baffled other people. That, and my mom worked with people with all kinds of mental stuff, and I guess some of that rubbed off on me.
He was a good kid. Friggin genius, too. I'm no slouch with math and science (ACT Composite 28), but this bloke could mop the floor with me.

[Atomic]

ADHD is ADD in High Definition!