Wapsi Square Forum

I forgot something- this guy might be the Mighty Mac and the end result might just work out, how am I to tell?

Filtered through my Internet Acquaintance's perception ('my sister' is a power filter...).

For all I know it might turn out OK...

Honey?, I got you something for your Birthday...

Mighty Mac? Doesn't ring a bell.

But the thing is, I read the message threads, and he made it sound like he was interested in having sex with this other woman before introducing her to his wife. Oh, and this woman isn't single. And I thought I had mentioned that this woman is not the same woman mentioned on Sunday, but that must have been on another forum somewhere. I learned of the new one earlier today.

Yeah, this is one of those things where I have to vent multiple times. It's situations lime this that made me wish I wasn't too lazy to go to the liquor store and get some booze. But, meh, alcohol will probably make me more introspective and depressed because for some reason, everyone who knows me says I'm a great guy, but women have this irritating tendency to prefer guys who treat them like crap, or are married, or lesbian, or just not looking right now because they'd been hurt too many times.

But whatever. Being unemployed again, I'm not in any position to even bother with just looking at women right now.

TazManiac wrote:- I can not see how you might intercede, unless you really intercede- and that takes commitment, not only for your own actions and the results, but also for the simple and human reaction where the Boy Scout Coming to the Rescue gets all the blame.

Yup. There's a very real risk of that in any situation like this, and especially since it's your brother involved. You've got one set of loyalties to your brother, another to your sister-in-law, you've got your own feelings about the situation getting mixed in. It could very easily turn into a terrible mess if you let yourself get pulled into it.

My wife's a psychotherapist / marriage counselor (retired), and from what she's said I've learned that it's critically important for the person who is trying to help a couple be "disinterested"... independent, with no prior relationship with either party and no stake in the possible outcome. You aren't in that position.

Ultimately, it's their marriage, their relationship, and thus it's up to them to deal with it... whatever covert stuff has occurred so far, and whatever results when the secrecy is lost (as now seems to be the case).

For your own sake (and theirs too, in the end) I'd suggest that you "step back". Tell your sister-in-law that you can't play an active part in the situation from now on. Don't work on behalf of either of them, in this matter... and don't let either of them turn you into a "bearer of secrets" where they disclose things to you that they then ask you not to tell to the other. That's neither fair nor good for anybody involved.

Well, see, she wanted me to know about it in case he tried denying it, but it turned out not to be necessary after all. He knew he'd been caught.

The thing is, I'd rather not have my brother go through another divorce because he can't stay faithful. It ended his first marriage, and I'd told him more than once not to cheat on his new wife. So far, I think it was just talk and pictures, but it shouldn't have gone that far.

The fact that he would attempt it, after telling both of us he'd never cheat again, is pretty damn insulting. Granted, I really hate when people pull me into these kinds of situations, but at the same time, I can't not help, even if that is just offering advice. I hate that we had to resort to spying on him, but he did prove he can't be trusted, which removes a little bit of the sting that I had spied on him like that.

What all the folks above said. You're playing hot potato with a live bomb here, and it's unfair of brother and SIL to drag you into it.

They need to work their way out of this swamp themselves.

Yeah, I know. But at any rate, she's already confronted him about it, and I doubt I'll be asked to take part in the matter any further. Like I said, I was just supposed to be a witness in case he tried denying it. I'd seen the pictures the other woman sent him, and the picture of his wife that he forwarded to her. Didn't realize it was her at first, but I got embarrassed when I did. I told her I didn't, though... I was too embarrassed about it.

I feel bad for her, too. She's asked me if there's something wrong with her, because he isn't the first guy to cheat on her, and both of the women he was trying to get with are much less attractive than she is, which has to make it hurt eve worse. What I don't get is, if I were with her, I wouldn't have had reason to wander. Hell, he doesn't keep his hands to himself unless our parents or her parents might see.

But then, like I said, he should have waited until his wife was comfortable with another woman in the relationship before trying to bed the other woman. Granted, the one I learned about today seemed very interested in getting with both of them. That wouldn't have been that bad, except she's also married, according to her Facebook.

Either way, it's much more complicated than I'd like. I still haven't been comfortable enough with a woman to ask if it's okay to try to kiss her.

Yea, cross-relationship relationships are ALWAYS a challenge. I've seen ONE work, most of the others generally fall due to drama.

The key is being completely open and honest with all partners and partners of partners if they are not mutually partners. Communication is essential. There will be issues and problems and drama. You have to talk through it all and bring a resolution to it or it WILL destroy all relationships involved.

Alkarii wrote: I still haven't been comfortable enough with a woman to ask if it's okay to try to kiss her.

Put up a serious firewall between you and their marriage. Period. Regarding a woman's kiss.. if you think it worth your while, just stare at her lips as you speak. Subconsciously, she will get the message... or she will notice and ask why you are looking at her mouth.
"Sorry... heh... just wondering what your lips might taste like..." Act a bit embarrassed- probably won't be acting, she caught you.
If she is anywhere near interested, you might get a slight touch of lip on lip right then and there. Don't push it. Let it happen, let her decide. If she laughs it off, back off and be a gentleman.
Thus you have asked without too much risk.

Well, I tried to say something generally supportive and to provide my own experiences, but in typing it out (several times), I eventually realized my relationship with my screwy family is so twisted I honestly have nothing useful to tell you.

Sorry. Uh...

I hope things work out in a mutually beneficial way for the innocents and I hope the wrongdoers get appropriate comeuppance and learn their lessons.

Good luck?

Well, apparently they argued for a while, then she did three shots of whiskey and wouldn't talk to him for a bit. He later apologized, so maybe he'll learn to not do this kind of thing again.

Alkarii wrote:Well, apparently they argued for a while, then she did three shots of whiskey and wouldn't talk to him for a bit. He later apologized, so maybe he'll learn to not do this kind of thing again.

2 to 1 the record will skip at the same scratch in the groove...

Sgt. Howard wrote:

Alkarii wrote:Well, apparently they argued for a while, then she did three shots of whiskey and wouldn't talk to him for a bit. He later apologized, so maybe he'll learn to not do this kind of thing again.

2 to 1 the record will skip at the same scratch in the groove...

Vegas just called. Bets are off.

Yeah, I'm concerned he will, myself.

Still, he hasn't actually cheated on her, only tried setting it up.

Alkarii wrote:Yeah, I'm concerned he will, myself.

Still, he hasn't actually cheated on her, only tried setting it up.

The problem is that he intended to. Without a change in attitude... that's not a good sign. The only way an open or poly relationship can work is if every party is completely open and honest. It's extremely difficult to maintain. I'd quietly distance yourself from this eventual drama sh*tstorm.

My 2 cents worth on this is that if he had that plotline in mind, it's still in his mind. I have a little experience with...alternative...relationships and if you don't go into them with complete and utter gold star honesty and communication, it will fail. The human mind is too frail and full of trip mines, real and imagined, to do it any other way. To introduce something as game changing as another partner to you and your SOs sex life is not the sort of thing to throw open the bedroom door and spring on your naked partner. She should have been involved in every step of this process starting at 'Honey, I was thinking...' The fact that he was setting this up may be marked down to good concept bad execution. But to set up a meeting for an intimate physical encounter without her knowledge is flat out cheating. You can argue whether it's actually cheating to get that far and stop because you got caught...

Again, my feelings. Your mileage may vary.

They had talked about it for a while, but the thing is, he didn't tell her that he found a willing participant. What he should have done, before ever sending any risqué pictures back and forth, was send a SFW picture first, then tell his wife he found someone who is interested. From there, they could have discussed it and made plans. I'm guessing he never thought that surprising her with a new partner like that would cause a problem.

In other news, there's a chance I may get my job back. From what my dad just told me earlier, it's very likely there will be at least one opening in the detail department pretty soon over something that happened just before I left, and may be connected to two of the used cars disappearing, one of which was found by the police, damaged, locked, and before it was reported missing. When they finally got it open, there was a bag of weed in it. The key to the other car, which hasn't been located, was taken out of the key tracker by one of the guys in detail, and he performed an illegal removal. This happens either by telling the system you're checking keys in, then removing one, or when checking keys out and removing one not on your list.

Also, the guy who removed that key? He has a criminal record, and if they find his prints in the car that was found, he's getting arrested.

I'd say there's a good chance they'll want you back the week after next, if not sooner.

Puzzle picture:

Okay, kiddies: What's wrong with this "promoted content" clickbait ad?

Wrong Barb.

GlytchMeister wrote:Wrong Barb.

Yup.