The occasional senseless tragedies of life

[Dave]

I learned something on Sunday which left me shaken up, and rather depressed.

A few weeks ago, police in a mid-state community were called to the scene of an auto accident... a truck driven off the road and into a creek. The driver was found nearby, sporting some facial injuries. When an officer asked about them, the guy tried to grab the officer's pistol. The officer drew his Taser and took the driver into custody. On further searching, the driver's wife was found lying in a field nearby, dead - apparently of a deliberate blunt-force injury with a tool, which was found in the truck. The driver has been charged with homicide.

It would seem like a sadly-all-too-common ordinary case of domestic violence, but the family said this was unprecedented - the couple were close, they never fought, there was no history of prior violence. Both of them were well-liked in the community, and their family farm was a local "success story" which had won them recognition by the area's civic association. The children are stunned by what has happened.

It turns out that the man suffered a stroke at the beginning of this year. His recovery wasn't going well - he still had significant impairment, was afraid he wouldn't be able to continue working, was taking a lot of prescribed medications, and people now report that they'd sensed something "off" about him in recent months. It seems quite possible that his stroke had caused some sort of personality or behavioral change which led to, or triggered violent behavior. Whether that possibility will come up at trial, or affect the results, won't be known for months.

These reports struck me kinda hard, because I'm acquainted with the family. They've been regular vendors at my city's weekly farmer's market for years, and I've been a regular customer since I first tried one of their apples. I've chatted with him and her occasionally, and with many of their children every week when I bought fruit and honey. Without exception they've always come across as friendly, pleasant, responsible folks who enjoyed the work they did. Their success in business has been an example of the American Dream at its best.

And now it has exploded... for no good reason at all.

Mental illness and incapacity is just about the scariest thing I know of.

I don't know how this will all turn out when the legal wheels finish turning... but no matter how the criminal case goes, the tragedy remains. Real life doesn't have an "Undo" button or a backspace key.

[DinkyInky]

Hugs will continue until morale improves.

That's all I currently have to offer, and a prayer or two if it suits you.

[TazManiac]

I am at a loss as to the appropriate thing to express, other than, well; we love you man.

[shadowinthelight]

Even removing the personal aspect this is an awful subject. How does one deal with an individual who may not be in complete control of themselves but still needs to be held accountable, who is both villain and victim? I'm sorry that people you know, or anyone, has to go through this.

[GlytchMeister]

It's frightening to think something happening to the brain... Anything... Even a minor thing... Can turn the owner into a completely different person. That a person can be changed so thoroughly and completely that even their most core values and aspects are unrecognizeable. A monk can be made into a monster...

My grandmother had a stroke, and it made her Alzheimer's worse... But the most disconcerting part was how it changed her patience. She used to be the most patient person in the world... Not even the most bratty, nasty, annoying toddler in the heat of a nuclear tantrum could so much as ruffle Granma's figurative feathers.

But after the stroke, she was very easily annoyed, quick to anger, and quite touchy.

In situations like this, I force myself to think of the person as entirely new... Like I've never met them before in my life. I learned it when Granma had her stroke... It was hard, because I knew her my whole life, but that's what taught me that way of approaching people after brain injuries and whatnot. I remind myself that I don't know them, and I work to get to know who they are now, after the stroke or brain injury or whatever.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Dave... tangentially or not. I don't know if what I said here helps or anything, It's just how I relate.
...I hope it did help, somehow. I don't know... But anyway; I, and I'm pretty sure a lot of the other people here, have your back.

[Sgt. Howard]

Were any of his medications of the selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor variety? These are anti- depressants that are routinely part of the pharmacopeia of mass shooters. Prozac was the first- came out in 1985. First mass school shooter was 1987- a Prozac patient.

[Warrl]

With a stroke already in the equation, there isn't a real need for a serotonin problem to explain the situation.

But from what I've seen of *mild* serotonin overloads, a serotonin problem definitely *could* be all or a significant part of the problem.

[Sgt. Howard]

It's the trendy stuff to prescribe these days- and strokes have seldom been associated with violent behavior

[Julie]

How horrible! I'm so sorry that you and those in your community are having to deal with this. *hugs*

[Jabberwonky]

I agree with Glytch about how scary easy it is to throw a monkey-wrench in the gears of your mind.
If that's what happened to him. The closest person I know to suffer a major stroke, not that any is minor, was perfectly fine mentally. But, over time, the frustration of living in a vessel that didn't work right made him angrier and angrier. The one time professor, electronic hobbyist, and mentor to several people became a grouchy man that was not fun to be around. I've lost touch with him and his wife since moving to Houston.

I think I'll see if I still have their phone number.

[Dave]

Thanks, guys - I really appreciate your feedback and support. DinkyInky, a prayer or two for the family would certainly be appreciated!

I think you've collectively seen what troubles me the most about this sort of situation... how a stroke, or other mental illness can potentially turn any of us into someone very different. It can be anywhere from very subtle, to the terrible. In extreme cases, it's as if the person who was, is no more. The body's still there, the memories may still be there, but the personality can be radically changed. When it happens suddenly, as the result of accident or illness, and the person loses control as a result... there's just no good solution, just "awful necessity".

[DinkyInky]

It's the trendy stuff to prescribe these days- and strokes have seldom been associated with violent behavior

We shall have to agree to disagree on that one. I've seen nouveau riche spoiled kids take rhem as a way to cheat(ADD/HD meds like Adderall), or to get high while drinking. I'm on about 5-10mg of Celexa, and it was about the only thing that kept me from coming unhinged during the last year I was in Indiana. It was like every stupid, suicidal moron decided to shake their hand in a tank with frenzied bullsharks after poking it a few dozen times with a straightpin, then sloshing it around in a chum bucket.
There were dozens of incidents... worst one was when I had to get shrink wrap, packing tape, sharpies and blank labels for clearing out the house during my first disastrous attempt at moving.
My son was with me, as I was a single Mother, and had to barter for help packing up my Mother's things, so usually on our own.
Anyway, she called 911 and had the police stop me because she was convinced I had kidnapped my own son and was going to hurt him because I bought moving supplies.
We were laughing, playing, really happy...I just bought him a happy meal before we got there, and a new toy. We were going to visit my Father the next day. We were just being goofy, silly...yanno, family. I still to this day have no clue what I did to make her think I'd be a danger to my child.

When they surrounded my car and she started screaming to save the boy, Celexa was the only thing that kept me from reaching back, grabbing my hair sticks and stabbing her...which would have gotten me shot.
My son kept shouting at her to leave me alone. I refused to let anyone touch him without talking reasonably. She kept trying to dodge the police and "save" him herself.
When one of the idiots finally bothered to understand that my son was an ASpie and looked at mine and his ID cards(idiots like this is why my son has a registered ten card and scannable ID), they realised I was his Mother. She claimed I was deranged.

For patients with real depression(whether or not they are on the spectrum), SSRI's like Celexa can improve quality of life. During the nice weather, I get SAD(which is insane for the time of year, as most get it during Winter). When I finally realised the pattern, I went and found a therapist. She recommended I try the Celexa. When the Physician she had to use(clinic affiliation)tried to prescribe me a very high dose for an undefined timeframe, she told me she disagreed and asked to call my Physician. He set me up with the low dose, as he learned which SSRI, and that it was an as needed medication.

I also disagree with the stroke assessment, but from personal observations over a few decades, not popular media or studies. I have an old friend who had a stroke at a young age. He was rather unpredictable violent until his memory returned. I had a relative that had a female surgery, then a stroke. She also was violent. Neither were on medications for depression or anticonvulsion, as the reasons for the stroke were not epileptic in nature(and they really only just started doing that). I've also seen a lot of irrational, violent reactions in stroke patients I've visited or cleaned for.

[DinkyInky]

Thanks, guys - I really appreciate your feedback and support. DinkyInky, a prayer or two for the family would certainly be appreciated!

I think you've collectively seen what troubles me the most about this sort of situation... how a stroke, or other mental illness can potentially turn any of us into someone very different. It can be anywhere from very subtle, to the terrible. In extreme cases, it's as if the person who was, is no more. The body's still there, the memories may still be there, but the personality can be radically changed. When it happens suddenly, as the result of accident or illness, and the person loses control as a result... there's just no good solution, just "awful necessity".

Done, and as before...hugs will continue until morale improves. Bless you.

[Sgt. Howard]

It's the trendy stuff to prescribe these days- and strokes have seldom been associated with violent behavior

We shall have to agree to disagree on that one. [/color]
For patients with real depression(whether or not they are on the spectrum), SSRI's like Celexa can improve quality of life.

I also disagree with the stroke assessment,

I agree that my assessment is rather broad- and I know many on SSRIs that have experienced a dramatic improvement in life. I have also seen violent stroke patients- they do happen... but my experience tells me they are rare... for that matter, violent SSRI reactions are rare... but for every stroke patient, you easily have 2 to 3 thousand SSRI patients, many of whom are not well supervised as they adapt to the drug.
THAT is why I immediately suspect the drug.

Dave, my sincere condolences on your pain and loss. The mind is indeed a scary landscape at times, and we primitive humans are still only slightly removed from snake oil and straightjackets in dealing with it. I wish I had better answers, but I do have a sympathetic ear. I need to get off my soapbox on occasion and remember to be a friend.
the Old Sgt.