Nudge was bored. Horribly bored. Even her most devious pranks held no appeal. She actually went to the 'Input" pile to see if there was anything interesting there, an act that she would normally lift her nose at, were it suggested as an alleviation of boredom.
There on top of the pile was a 'Victoria's Secret' catalogue- intrigued, she started leafing through the pages... thus exposing herself to a selection of skimpy little 'nothing' items precariously draped on svelte, silicon-enhanced Ladies in provocative poses with 'apex predator' levels of desire shining from each face. She found this quite... alluring... without understanding (or even wondering) why this might be the case. Immediately, she struck out for the nearest bathroom and reduced to her human form.
Looking at the reflection in the mirror and comparing it to the images in the catalogue, the contrast couldn't be more depressing- the models were megaton-rated weapons of mass seduction, photoshopped to perfection by the finest professionals the trade had to offer- Nudge came off as lukewarm oatmeal by comparison. The models sizzled with sex- nudge was plain. A high standard of standardness. She turned to show her body profile- yes, there were lady bits and they were all present and accounted for- they were where they needed to be, and were of reasonable proportions. She was, by all accounts, an Irish Catholic graduated Schoolgirl with curly brown hair, brown eyes, fair skin and freckles, standing 5'5". There was just enough belly to say that it existed, with a slight measure of charity added to the bust and butt. Cute. Cuddly. Not at all in the same class as the fare offered by the catalogue.
"Well... shit..." she muttered as she appraised her human form- "... I will have to DO something about that..."
Perusing a myriad of women's magazines left Nudge thoroughly confused- THIS one stated that her ass was too fat- THAT one assured her it was too skinny. Then there was the articles about hair... have it long, have it short, dye it fuchsia, shave it all off... and it didn't matter if they meant the top of her head or... whatever... and BOOBS! BOOBS are EVERYTHING!!! or NOTHING!!! Go braless, go topless, wear an underwire 'A' cup on 'C' cup boobs, wear your bra over your shirt... everything but wear it backwards, it seemed. The more she looked for a pattern, the less sense it made...
… and being who she was no there was no close friend to guide her. For the number of stunts she had pulled over the eons, she would suspect retribution to be a factor in any advice she got. She then considered- what result does she want? Does she WANT guys drooling over her?
OH YES!!! But only if they never find out who she is... THAT would be fun! But how to do this? More research is clearly in order...
.......................................------------
(several weeks later)
Neil came home from his teaching position to his loving wife and grumpy cublet- (who was teething)-
Kissing her in their kitchen, he started snuzzeling her neck- she responded by softly pushing his advances aside and intoning, "I need you to behave for a moment."
"I am behaving- I am behaving as your husband." he saucily replied.
"I am serious- there's something going on and I need your analysis of the matter."
He became quite sober and attentive- "What has you so worried?"
"Not really worried, I think- well, yes- worried- but only because I can make no sense of it." she turned directly to her husband- "I saw Nudge, in her human form, wearing make-up this afternoon."
There was a brief pause... "... Make-up, you say?... my word... Dearheart, I think she's old enough to be dating..."
"You don't understand! Why now? What could she possibly want to wear make-up for?"
"I... think you might need to ask HER that question... I don't have the slightest idea... seriously, why is this even an issue?"
"I don't trust her!"
"You've never forgiven her for that shotgun episode, have you?"
"Forgiven, yes... forgotten, never. The idea that she might be attempting to seduce a mortal has me VERY concerned!"
"My dear sweet Phix- has she EVER fully 'gotten away' with ANYTHING? Her worst stunts tend to backfire on herself. Whatever she is involving herself in, the one at greatest risk is herself. I am not interested enough in her affairs to want to strike that tar baby- and you would be wise to follow suit. Now, as I recall, I was busy attempting to molest you when this topic came up..."
.........................................................
The makeup didn't last long- all she got were strange looks. Either she had botched the effort, or too many people recognized her and thought it odd. Off it came, and a new angle was devised- she would change her glamour into something 'smoking hot'. Something where make-up was unnecessary.
Pouring through the glamour spell book, particularly the sections on 'modifications', Nudge was comparing the spell commentaries with a few Vogue Magazine images. She could emulate on herself nearly any image she was presented with... but which one, and what combination of assets did she want to portray? It was most confusing.
Basically, too many choices.
Then the idea hit her- certainly, there are websites where males could use computer programming to 'construct' an image of their ideal, perfectly stunning beauty- and as these ideas are based on actual male phantasy, there ought to be SOME valid level of appeal! Possibly perusing the forum of such a site would be worth the effort.
Finding such sites was child's play. Logging in was even less effort.
Making sense of what she found was another matter entirely.
Most of the images showed women who needed a wheelbarrow to carry their boobs. Some even had a matching butt. Perusing the images until she found some that looked ... realistic... she saw several common denominators:
1) at LEAST 'D' cup boobs
2) tight waist
3) round butt
4) fair complexion
5) full lips
6) small nose
She also noted that the majority of these 'realistic' ones were either blond or redheaded, with blue or green eyes. Using her bogus ID (alias "Big Richard"), she started 'crafting' her own variant to see what manner of feedback she got. it only took her fifteen minutes to throw together a 5'5" fair-skinned bimbo with curly red hair, green eyes, D-cups, bubble-butted with an angelic face. Throwing it up on the forum, she figured she would check in a week to see if anybody...
"BODIP!" went the computer as a 'thumbs up' appeared. "BODIP! BODIP! BODIP! BODIP! BODIP!...."
Messages started appearing. 'Likes' were 'bodipping' almost continuously. All comments seemed VERY positive. One fellow confessed to a nosebleed! Things like "I would take THAT home to meet Mom!", "DAYUM! I think I KNOW that girl!", "HOOOBOY! I would drink her bathwater!"... and some that were explicit. VERY explicit!
Astonished, Nudge closed out of the site after saving the images she created. These she printed out and promptly erased from the computer. She then picked up the spell book that showed how to create what she wanted.
"Paydirt!!!" she muttered to herself as she scampered back to her lair.
Lipstick on a goat
Moderators: Bookworm, starkruzr, MrFireDragon, PrettyPrincess, Wapsi
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Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3336
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Lipstick on a goat
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
-
Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3336
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Lipstick on a goat
Phix noted the newcomer almost immediately- a petite redhead with extravagant curves, wearing a low-cut peasant blouse and bright red miniskirt. She walked with a familiarity of the place, even though Phix knew she had never seen her before. Silently hovering over this girl, she noticed the 'glamour' effect- a paranormal disguised as a human, no doubt- probably trying a new look. Such did not warrant a challenge, so she winged her way back to the balcony she was watching from.
Nudge felt the draft of wings and saw the shadow on the floor- relieved that she was not confronted, she continued on her 'mission', to see how effective this appearance might be.
Nicodemus was comparing scrolls in Assyrian with clay tablets in Cuneiform when Nudge approached him to ask, "Where might I find sagas in Irish Kelt?"
"Irish Kelt, you say? I suspect they might be ..." he came to a halt as he looked up at her.
He did not know this person, but understood he was not looking at her exactly- he was looking at a glamor. A very nicely done glamor, but a glamor nonetheless.
"Have we... met... before?" he asked as he tried to figure her identity.
"No, at least I don't think so..." she replied, getting a bit worried, "why do you ask?"
"Your human impression is not necessary here... in fact, were it my decision it would be discouraged. Regardless, two stacks over, roughly eye level on your left about halfway down you should find them." and he returned to his scrolls.
"Dammit!" she mentally cursed herself, "Who knew that old goat could spot a glamor spell?!?... hmmm... there won't be many humans here... or even fewer paras in human guise... I need to try something different..." and with that she turned around and found the exit.
.........
Greg and Brian were sitting at a window seat in 'Mucho Mocha' that afternoon, reminiscing over more than a few wild misadventures of their past as they nursed their coffees. A few patrons were happily eavesdropping on the many remarkable tales as the retired gentlemen laughed at time past and glories shared... when the conversation went dead silent.
A bright, tight-waisted twenty-something with curly red mane that almost touched her shoulders while framing a light complexion, endowed with a fine superstructure and bountiful fanny passed by the window and entered the front door. Between a peasant blouse all ruffled at a deep scoop and a black mini skirt that barely covered to the crease of her butt-cheeks, there was not much left to the imagination. All eyes were on her. All other conversation stopped. Greg and Brian swiveled their heads as she walked by and approached the sales counter- when Greg noticed, to his astonishment, the scowl on Tina's face.
Their conversation was very quiet, but their body language was quite plain- Tina did not approve of the newcomer, and the newcomer was a bit surprised at this. What's more, Tina seemed to ... intimidate... the newcomer. How very odd...
"I don't remember them looking like that in High School," Brian quietly quipped to Greg.
"Huh?" Greg responded, "... Beej, there's something... odd... going on here..."
"Huh- Greg, that's called an 'erection'... I know you have difficulties along those lines and have probably forgotten..." Brian wisecracked back.
"No, you jackwad! Tina doesn't like that girl... as in REALLY doesn't like that girl... I've never seen her react this way before."
"NO woman would like that girl, Greg- unless they're into girls... she's a level of unfair competition that very few would tolerate..."
To everyone's astonishment, Tina pointed at the door with a broad sweeping gesture.
"Out. Now." was all that anyone heard.
Dejected, the newcomer slouched out the same door she entered, looking totally crushed. Greg looked at Tina- Tina was still following her with her eyes when she noticed Greg's questioning look. Looking directly at Greg without turning her head, she closed her left eye and touched her nose with her right index finger- whatever was going on, Greg knew he would get a full explanation.
Just then, a fellow from the back stood up and sauntered out the front door- when he crossed Tina's vision, Tina abruptly changed her focus. Her expression went to alarm- she now turned her head at Greg and nodded towards the fellow as the door closed.
Greg did not hesitate. Brian had caught this interplay and asked, "Need a backup?"
"You gotta permit here?"
"Yup- and I have the shopkeeper on me."
"Let's go,"
Nudge felt the draft of wings and saw the shadow on the floor- relieved that she was not confronted, she continued on her 'mission', to see how effective this appearance might be.
Nicodemus was comparing scrolls in Assyrian with clay tablets in Cuneiform when Nudge approached him to ask, "Where might I find sagas in Irish Kelt?"
"Irish Kelt, you say? I suspect they might be ..." he came to a halt as he looked up at her.
He did not know this person, but understood he was not looking at her exactly- he was looking at a glamor. A very nicely done glamor, but a glamor nonetheless.
"Have we... met... before?" he asked as he tried to figure her identity.
"No, at least I don't think so..." she replied, getting a bit worried, "why do you ask?"
"Your human impression is not necessary here... in fact, were it my decision it would be discouraged. Regardless, two stacks over, roughly eye level on your left about halfway down you should find them." and he returned to his scrolls.
"Dammit!" she mentally cursed herself, "Who knew that old goat could spot a glamor spell?!?... hmmm... there won't be many humans here... or even fewer paras in human guise... I need to try something different..." and with that she turned around and found the exit.
.........
Greg and Brian were sitting at a window seat in 'Mucho Mocha' that afternoon, reminiscing over more than a few wild misadventures of their past as they nursed their coffees. A few patrons were happily eavesdropping on the many remarkable tales as the retired gentlemen laughed at time past and glories shared... when the conversation went dead silent.
A bright, tight-waisted twenty-something with curly red mane that almost touched her shoulders while framing a light complexion, endowed with a fine superstructure and bountiful fanny passed by the window and entered the front door. Between a peasant blouse all ruffled at a deep scoop and a black mini skirt that barely covered to the crease of her butt-cheeks, there was not much left to the imagination. All eyes were on her. All other conversation stopped. Greg and Brian swiveled their heads as she walked by and approached the sales counter- when Greg noticed, to his astonishment, the scowl on Tina's face.
Their conversation was very quiet, but their body language was quite plain- Tina did not approve of the newcomer, and the newcomer was a bit surprised at this. What's more, Tina seemed to ... intimidate... the newcomer. How very odd...
"I don't remember them looking like that in High School," Brian quietly quipped to Greg.
"Huh?" Greg responded, "... Beej, there's something... odd... going on here..."
"Huh- Greg, that's called an 'erection'... I know you have difficulties along those lines and have probably forgotten..." Brian wisecracked back.
"No, you jackwad! Tina doesn't like that girl... as in REALLY doesn't like that girl... I've never seen her react this way before."
"NO woman would like that girl, Greg- unless they're into girls... she's a level of unfair competition that very few would tolerate..."
To everyone's astonishment, Tina pointed at the door with a broad sweeping gesture.
"Out. Now." was all that anyone heard.
Dejected, the newcomer slouched out the same door she entered, looking totally crushed. Greg looked at Tina- Tina was still following her with her eyes when she noticed Greg's questioning look. Looking directly at Greg without turning her head, she closed her left eye and touched her nose with her right index finger- whatever was going on, Greg knew he would get a full explanation.
Just then, a fellow from the back stood up and sauntered out the front door- when he crossed Tina's vision, Tina abruptly changed her focus. Her expression went to alarm- she now turned her head at Greg and nodded towards the fellow as the door closed.
Greg did not hesitate. Brian had caught this interplay and asked, "Need a backup?"
"You gotta permit here?"
"Yup- and I have the shopkeeper on me."
"Let's go,"
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
-
Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3336
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Lipstick on a goat
The two men bombed out of the coffeeteria and turned left, as that was the direction that both the redhead and the problem took. The sidewalk ahead was clear, so they made a beeline towards an alleyway opening that was half-way down the block. Greg led the way, being in much finer trim than the portly Brian.
Making the corner, he saw exactly what he expected- the girl on the ground with a fresh facial strike and the man hovering over her in a menacing manner.
Pulling his 1911 and cocking it, Greg bellowed out, "BACK OFF, MAGGOT!"
Before Greg could bring his own gun to bear, Brian's short-barreled Peacemaker was at aim and the signature four clicks of full cock had sounded.
"Mighty damn slow with that thing there, Brother," Brian snidely commented as he framed the far side of the alley.
Caught in a potential cross-fire, the miscreant put his hands up and stepped away from the girl.
"Alright- step over to the far side of the alley." He did. "Lay down on your belly." He did. "Keep your hands outstretched and cross your feet at the ankles." He did.
"Beej, if he attempts to get up... get creative..." that last part was in an evil, hoarse voice.
Brian responded with a ghoulish chortle.
Throwing the safety on his pistol, Greg cautiously approached the young lady- "Are you alright, Miss? Well, other than where that shitpile hit you?
The left side of her face was beginning to swell as she tried to focus on her rescuer- "... what the fuck is WRONG with that asshole?!? Is he still here? I swear, I have some TRICKS for his ass... "
"Easy now, easy- I assume he blindsided you?"
"Spun me around and WHAM!!! I WILL TIE HIS COCK IN A MONKEY'S FIST!!!"
"STUPID BITCH WANTED TOO MUCH MONEY FOR A BLOWJOB!!!" blurted out the idiot on the ground.
"WHAT?!? GODDAMMIT TO HELL!!! I"M GONNA BLOW HIS HEAD UP HIS ..."
"EASY NOW! Easy... the situation is well under control; we can have the law here momentarily and... "
"NO! Do NOT involve the police! Don't!" she yelped.
"Two-bit fuckin' hooker... took a swing at me and..."
"Greg, can I get 'creative' just because he annoys me?" Brian asks.
"Ain't you two plainscloths supposed to read me my rights?" the jerk demanded.
"Beej- read him his rights," Greg replied.
"Yea, whatever- You have the right to SHUT UP, because if you continue to piss me off, I will have a valid excuse to VENTILATE your mangy ass. You have the right to STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, because if you try to escape, my partner and I will WHITTLE YOU DOWN AS ARTISTICALLY AS POSSIBLE. You also have the right to continue breathing, unless you choose to forfeit your rights. Do you understand your rights?"
"I STILL want his ass!!!"
"Can you explain to me why the cops shouldn't be involved?" Greg asked.
The redhead finally looked at Greg with a snarl, intending to give a scathing reply... and then recognition sunk in. The snarl went away and the eyes (well, ONE of them) got big.
"... Sargent ... Howard... damn... this is ... awkward..."
"Do I know you?"
"I'm... I'm Nudge..."
"Nudge?" Greg asked.
"Nudge?" Brian repeated.
"Nudge?" the trashpile joined in, "Who the Hell names their child 'Nudge'?"
"Aw... c'mon, Greg, i REALLY want to SHOOT THIS GUY!!!"
Greg looked at the situation and contemplated possible resolutions... of which there were several, but the correct one seemed a bit elusive.
"OK, kid- I think we need intervention here. And a clean-up crew. We need some damage control, serious damage control." with a sigh, Greg pulled out his phone.
"You're not calling the cops, are you?" Nudge worried.
"No- MIB. This is their bailiwick. I have no clue what you're doing in that get-up, and in truth, I don't care- but THIS inbred," he pointed his thumb at the assailant, "needs to be booked and I doubt you have valid ID, am I correct?"
Her downcast eyes gave her reply. Then she looked up- "Is your partner...?"
"Para-aware? Yes, why?"
"Do you remember me handling security at Brian Wahnee's auto shop?"
It took Greg a moment- then he snorted a chuckle. Brian searched his memory- "I... seem to recall something about that, but you never gave me the details."
"She proved rather ... resourceful... (turning back to Nudge) ... here, let me help you up," Greg offered. Turning back to Brian he said, "Beej, I think the little lady can take it from here,"
"What the Hell is going on?!?" demanded the assailant.
"Oh, I guess it's your lucky day," replied Greg, "we're booking out of here. You get her all to yourself. Have a good time..."he sing-songed as he tucked the 1911 back in it's rig.
Brian de-cocked the short-barreled 1873 and holstered it, looking somewhat dubious but following Greg's lead. At the entrance to the alley, they stopped and looked both ways.
"Road's clear- have at it. We'll stand by." Greg called back.
"Try to keep it down," Brian cautioned.
"What the Hell?!?" the fellow asked one more time- then he looked at the girl.
Except, she wasn't a girl- well, she wasn't a human girl anyways.
She was HUGE. She was a HALF-GOAT with HORNS. She grabbed him with one massive hand and lifted him off the ground, then proceeded to SLAP HIM AROUND with the other hand.
Out on the sidewalk, Brian asked Greg, "What was that nonsense about a 'monkey's fist'? I really didn't catch that."
Greg chuckled- "When she was pulling security against assassins, it seems she was often attacked by would-be rapists- she had taught herself a spell that can literally tie a man's penis into a knot."
Brian paled. "I assume that's what's going to happen to... 'lover boy'... after she's done slapping some sense into him?" he asked.
"I wouldn't rule it out."
Making the corner, he saw exactly what he expected- the girl on the ground with a fresh facial strike and the man hovering over her in a menacing manner.
Pulling his 1911 and cocking it, Greg bellowed out, "BACK OFF, MAGGOT!"
Before Greg could bring his own gun to bear, Brian's short-barreled Peacemaker was at aim and the signature four clicks of full cock had sounded.
"Mighty damn slow with that thing there, Brother," Brian snidely commented as he framed the far side of the alley.
Caught in a potential cross-fire, the miscreant put his hands up and stepped away from the girl.
"Alright- step over to the far side of the alley." He did. "Lay down on your belly." He did. "Keep your hands outstretched and cross your feet at the ankles." He did.
"Beej, if he attempts to get up... get creative..." that last part was in an evil, hoarse voice.
Brian responded with a ghoulish chortle.
Throwing the safety on his pistol, Greg cautiously approached the young lady- "Are you alright, Miss? Well, other than where that shitpile hit you?
The left side of her face was beginning to swell as she tried to focus on her rescuer- "... what the fuck is WRONG with that asshole?!? Is he still here? I swear, I have some TRICKS for his ass... "
"Easy now, easy- I assume he blindsided you?"
"Spun me around and WHAM!!! I WILL TIE HIS COCK IN A MONKEY'S FIST!!!"
"STUPID BITCH WANTED TOO MUCH MONEY FOR A BLOWJOB!!!" blurted out the idiot on the ground.
"WHAT?!? GODDAMMIT TO HELL!!! I"M GONNA BLOW HIS HEAD UP HIS ..."
"EASY NOW! Easy... the situation is well under control; we can have the law here momentarily and... "
"NO! Do NOT involve the police! Don't!" she yelped.
"Two-bit fuckin' hooker... took a swing at me and..."
"Greg, can I get 'creative' just because he annoys me?" Brian asks.
"Ain't you two plainscloths supposed to read me my rights?" the jerk demanded.
"Beej- read him his rights," Greg replied.
"Yea, whatever- You have the right to SHUT UP, because if you continue to piss me off, I will have a valid excuse to VENTILATE your mangy ass. You have the right to STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, because if you try to escape, my partner and I will WHITTLE YOU DOWN AS ARTISTICALLY AS POSSIBLE. You also have the right to continue breathing, unless you choose to forfeit your rights. Do you understand your rights?"
"I STILL want his ass!!!"
"Can you explain to me why the cops shouldn't be involved?" Greg asked.
The redhead finally looked at Greg with a snarl, intending to give a scathing reply... and then recognition sunk in. The snarl went away and the eyes (well, ONE of them) got big.
"... Sargent ... Howard... damn... this is ... awkward..."
"Do I know you?"
"I'm... I'm Nudge..."
"Nudge?" Greg asked.
"Nudge?" Brian repeated.
"Nudge?" the trashpile joined in, "Who the Hell names their child 'Nudge'?"
"Aw... c'mon, Greg, i REALLY want to SHOOT THIS GUY!!!"
Greg looked at the situation and contemplated possible resolutions... of which there were several, but the correct one seemed a bit elusive.
"OK, kid- I think we need intervention here. And a clean-up crew. We need some damage control, serious damage control." with a sigh, Greg pulled out his phone.
"You're not calling the cops, are you?" Nudge worried.
"No- MIB. This is their bailiwick. I have no clue what you're doing in that get-up, and in truth, I don't care- but THIS inbred," he pointed his thumb at the assailant, "needs to be booked and I doubt you have valid ID, am I correct?"
Her downcast eyes gave her reply. Then she looked up- "Is your partner...?"
"Para-aware? Yes, why?"
"Do you remember me handling security at Brian Wahnee's auto shop?"
It took Greg a moment- then he snorted a chuckle. Brian searched his memory- "I... seem to recall something about that, but you never gave me the details."
"She proved rather ... resourceful... (turning back to Nudge) ... here, let me help you up," Greg offered. Turning back to Brian he said, "Beej, I think the little lady can take it from here,"
"What the Hell is going on?!?" demanded the assailant.
"Oh, I guess it's your lucky day," replied Greg, "we're booking out of here. You get her all to yourself. Have a good time..."he sing-songed as he tucked the 1911 back in it's rig.
Brian de-cocked the short-barreled 1873 and holstered it, looking somewhat dubious but following Greg's lead. At the entrance to the alley, they stopped and looked both ways.
"Road's clear- have at it. We'll stand by." Greg called back.
"Try to keep it down," Brian cautioned.
"What the Hell?!?" the fellow asked one more time- then he looked at the girl.
Except, she wasn't a girl- well, she wasn't a human girl anyways.
She was HUGE. She was a HALF-GOAT with HORNS. She grabbed him with one massive hand and lifted him off the ground, then proceeded to SLAP HIM AROUND with the other hand.
Out on the sidewalk, Brian asked Greg, "What was that nonsense about a 'monkey's fist'? I really didn't catch that."
Greg chuckled- "When she was pulling security against assassins, it seems she was often attacked by would-be rapists- she had taught herself a spell that can literally tie a man's penis into a knot."
Brian paled. "I assume that's what's going to happen to... 'lover boy'... after she's done slapping some sense into him?" he asked.
"I wouldn't rule it out."
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
-
Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3336
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Lipstick on a goat
Dr. David Cummings had just finished the debridement of a fellow who had 'kissed the windshield' in a head-on collision when they brought the screamer in.
"Doctor," bellowed the intern, "...you've got to see this! I honestly don't know what I am looking at!"
"Never say that out loud," he hissed, " ... now let me..."
The patient was laterally recumbent on the gurney in full fetal position, rocking and screaming in agony... which was something impressive given the level of facial fractures that were near life threatening. Lafort level 3.5 at least. Bleeding seemed moderate, limited to the nose, mouth and ears.
The patient was holding his crotch and didn't seem concerned over anything else.
"DAMMIT! IS #7 OPEN?" he bellowed.
"Just finished it up now, Sir," Housekeeping stated as he wheeled his bucket and mop out.
"I need four strong guys, a 20cc syringe of KY and a dull 18gauge needle, STAT! I also want an IV started with a 1.3 cc bolus of fentanyl- get Robbins in here for anesthesia, tell him 'facial fractures'. Nurse Parks- two small bags of ice as soon as you can, please."
"Does that KY have to be sterile?"
"No- and notify the 23rd precinct that we might have a 'person of interest' for them."
Into trauma 7, each of the four fellows grabbed a limb and yanked the man spread eagle. Randy Robbins came in and slipped a full-face mask over the traumatized nasopharynx- in very short order, the patient went down... and the room went silent.
His penis was in a full figure eight knot and was turning black.
Working quickly, Dave squirted the KY into the folds of the knot and gingerly worked the knot loose. Once completed, he ice-packed the area to reduce trauma, but not enough to restrict blood return... it was a delicate balance.
Once he figured he could do no more, he walked off, shaking his head.
The intern caught up with him- "Dave," he whispered, "what does this mean?"
"It means she's back, Tim- it means she's back..."
"Doctor," bellowed the intern, "...you've got to see this! I honestly don't know what I am looking at!"
"Never say that out loud," he hissed, " ... now let me..."
The patient was laterally recumbent on the gurney in full fetal position, rocking and screaming in agony... which was something impressive given the level of facial fractures that were near life threatening. Lafort level 3.5 at least. Bleeding seemed moderate, limited to the nose, mouth and ears.
The patient was holding his crotch and didn't seem concerned over anything else.
"DAMMIT! IS #7 OPEN?" he bellowed.
"Just finished it up now, Sir," Housekeeping stated as he wheeled his bucket and mop out.
"I need four strong guys, a 20cc syringe of KY and a dull 18gauge needle, STAT! I also want an IV started with a 1.3 cc bolus of fentanyl- get Robbins in here for anesthesia, tell him 'facial fractures'. Nurse Parks- two small bags of ice as soon as you can, please."
"Does that KY have to be sterile?"
"No- and notify the 23rd precinct that we might have a 'person of interest' for them."
Into trauma 7, each of the four fellows grabbed a limb and yanked the man spread eagle. Randy Robbins came in and slipped a full-face mask over the traumatized nasopharynx- in very short order, the patient went down... and the room went silent.
His penis was in a full figure eight knot and was turning black.
Working quickly, Dave squirted the KY into the folds of the knot and gingerly worked the knot loose. Once completed, he ice-packed the area to reduce trauma, but not enough to restrict blood return... it was a delicate balance.
Once he figured he could do no more, he walked off, shaking his head.
The intern caught up with him- "Dave," he whispered, "what does this mean?"
"It means she's back, Tim- it means she's back..."
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
-
Sgt. Howard
- Posts: 3336
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:54 pm
- Location: Malott, Washington
Re: Lipstick on a goat
The boys in blue at the 23rd precinct did in fact make an appearance- and, of course, the fellow in question was 'a person of interest' in several incidents of violent rape. DNA testing was very conclusive- what's more, he was identified by four victims in a line-up.
Two of those were 12 years old at the time of assault. He was looking at life without parole. If put in the general population, it would be a short sentence.
Nudge, meanwhile, had another court to answer to, her jury consisting of Brian and Greg, her judge being Phix...
"Alright," Phix started, "Why do we have a masquerade breech just outside of 'Mucho Mocha?"
"Didn't they tell you?" Nudge asked in exasperated tone (the left side of her face was still fairly swollen, and her left eye couldn't fully open), "... it was an attempted RAPE! I would have dealt with it myself, but when Sarge Howard and B.J. showed up, I didn't know who they were immediately, so I kept my glamor."
"Why did you not recognize them?"
"I had been caught by surprise and knocked to the ground. Asshole hit me so hard, my eyes went out of focus."
"Any idea why he targeted you?"
"I," here Nudge stumbled over her own words a bit, "I... I was using a glamor other than... my... normal... human guise... I was trying something ...new."
"Please demonstrate."
She did- Phix's eyes went wide.
"Well... this IS something new... it would seem you deliberately crafted a human form for maximum attraction? Really?" Phix levelled the question like a prosecuting attorney.
"Well... yea... I just didn't see where I was doing anything wrong..."
"Whatever inspired you? Seriously, where did you get the idea that such was necessary?"
"... well... there's a... catalogue that came to my inbox..."
"Your inbox? You looked into your inbox? This IS something new indeed!"
"I was BORED, OK!? ... anyways, there was a 'Victoria's secret' catalogue that was delivered to me..."
"OH BUGGER!!!" The normally pristine Phix cut her off right there with a vulgar exclamation and facepalmed. Both men snorted in surprise. There was several minutes muffled laughter. Then Phix started shaking. Nudge had no idea what was going on and started to REALLY worry. At that point, Greg let rip with a burst of loud laughter. Then Phix stomped her foot, snorted and began to bust into more loud laughter. Her howls of merriment echoed loudly through the library, joined by Brian's addition to the chorus.
Nudge was insulted and annoyed. "Phix? Madam Librarian? You guys? What is so damn..."
"Give us... a... moment..." Greg managed to squeak out before resuming.
The usually formal and composed chief authority of the library had lost all dignity as the ludicrous nature of the issue hit home. Finally, after several false starts, she managed to recompose herself (somewhat) and directed Nudge to retrieve said periodical.
She then sent word to her husband to fetch a quick list of individuals on the hope that they could muster on short notice.
"THIS will be enlightening... AND entertaining... " she muttered to herself with a giggle as she set other things in motion.
Neil, Alan, Jin, Justin, Shelly, Atsali, Nadine, Monica, Georgette, Kevin, Bud and Mayahul all congregated at Neil's bidding at a point on the main dais where a dressing screen had been placed opposite. It was very clear that a person was behind said dressing screen by the motion of shadows on it, but said person was not visible to the lot. who were amused and confused by the situation.
"Your attention please," Phix stated "I need your blunt and honest opinions here- you need not worry about hurting anybody's feelings, as what you are about to see is in fact 'glamor' and nothing else... but there is a point to be made. Some of you already know who the individual actually is (she said, looking at Brian and Greg)- I ask that you not divulge that or let it interfere with your reply to questions. Are we clear?"
Several replies to the positive bubbled from the group.
"Alright then- 'Subject A' please, if you would be so kind... please step out."
A tight-waisted, bubble butted, well-endowed curly redhead with pale complexion and full lips stepped out nervously in front of the men- the only difference was that she hid her facial injury. Greg and Brian snorted and turned away, as they needed to check their laughter. The rest of the men let out with soft whistles, quiet mutterings or similar indications of surprise.
"Now people- do you find her attractive? Be honest."
There were many comments to the positive. Greg let rip with a wolf whistle. Brian snickered. The girl looked back in surprise, then had the decency to blush.
"Next question- Men, or women who are so inclined, if you were single, would you try to chat her up a bit?"
Both 'Jett and Monica seemed amicable to the idea, nodding their heads (and immediately giving each other odd looks), Justin, Alan and Kevin gave affirmative noises (to which Shelly, Jin and Bud gave sour looks)- Neil knitted his eyebrows at the question.
"She is 'stunning, yes..." he replied, "... but 'high maintenance' comes to mind immediately. I would proceed with caution- such women tend to be VERY aware of their beauty, and feel they deserve more than their lot- at least, that has been MY experience in the matter."
"MISTER ANTONIA! Are you insinuating that I am 'high maintenance', hmmm...?' Phix attempted to sound offended.
"First of all," Neil rejoined, " I didn't understand it was a 'courtship' until AFTER it happened. Secondly, the fact that you are stunning just happened to be to my good fortune. And finally, I am not insinuating anything- I am stating FLAT OUT that you are VERY HIGH MAINTENANCE! YOU ARE A SPHINX! YOU COULD NEVER BE ANYTHING LESS!"- this last bit in an exaggeratedly exasperated tone.
Phix eyebrows shot up as high as they could go- "Well! We shall discuss this later, Mr. Antonia." again with attempted offended manner.
"Indeed, we shall, Mrs. Antonia." with a high level of formality.
Phix raised her hand to her mouth to giggle while Neil simply snorted a laugh.
Greg and Brian burst into laughter.
"Sooo... what do you mean, 'high maintenance'?" the girl asked.
Shelly giggled with a slight blush, cleared her throat and began a smoky, Alto rendition of-
"Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight"
She added quite a bit of 'hootchy-cootchy' wriggle and strut as she did this.
Brian started a verbal bass riff "Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, badum-badum-badum"
Greg added some slow "hambone" percussion off his belly and thighs.
"Santa baby, a '54 convertible too
Light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight"
The girl looked shocked at what was being implied- "You mean, like, a GOLD-DIGGER?!?"
"Not a 100% accurate assessment, Greg replied, "but remarkably pretty women tend to KNOW they are remarkably pretty... and tend to expect MORE out of whoever they partner with."
"All except THIS one," Nadine giggled while pointing her thumb at Atsali.
"Who are you talking about?" Atsali asked.
If eyerolls could be heard...
"Very well- please, then, may we see 'Subject 'B', please?" Phix asked of the girl.
She went behind the screen and came back as the brown-haired, freckled, modestly proportioned 'graduated Catholic schoolgirl' that everybody knew as 'Nudge'.
Two of those were 12 years old at the time of assault. He was looking at life without parole. If put in the general population, it would be a short sentence.
Nudge, meanwhile, had another court to answer to, her jury consisting of Brian and Greg, her judge being Phix...
"Alright," Phix started, "Why do we have a masquerade breech just outside of 'Mucho Mocha?"
"Didn't they tell you?" Nudge asked in exasperated tone (the left side of her face was still fairly swollen, and her left eye couldn't fully open), "... it was an attempted RAPE! I would have dealt with it myself, but when Sarge Howard and B.J. showed up, I didn't know who they were immediately, so I kept my glamor."
"Why did you not recognize them?"
"I had been caught by surprise and knocked to the ground. Asshole hit me so hard, my eyes went out of focus."
"Any idea why he targeted you?"
"I," here Nudge stumbled over her own words a bit, "I... I was using a glamor other than... my... normal... human guise... I was trying something ...new."
"Please demonstrate."
She did- Phix's eyes went wide.
"Well... this IS something new... it would seem you deliberately crafted a human form for maximum attraction? Really?" Phix levelled the question like a prosecuting attorney.
"Well... yea... I just didn't see where I was doing anything wrong..."
"Whatever inspired you? Seriously, where did you get the idea that such was necessary?"
"... well... there's a... catalogue that came to my inbox..."
"Your inbox? You looked into your inbox? This IS something new indeed!"
"I was BORED, OK!? ... anyways, there was a 'Victoria's secret' catalogue that was delivered to me..."
"OH BUGGER!!!" The normally pristine Phix cut her off right there with a vulgar exclamation and facepalmed. Both men snorted in surprise. There was several minutes muffled laughter. Then Phix started shaking. Nudge had no idea what was going on and started to REALLY worry. At that point, Greg let rip with a burst of loud laughter. Then Phix stomped her foot, snorted and began to bust into more loud laughter. Her howls of merriment echoed loudly through the library, joined by Brian's addition to the chorus.
Nudge was insulted and annoyed. "Phix? Madam Librarian? You guys? What is so damn..."
"Give us... a... moment..." Greg managed to squeak out before resuming.
The usually formal and composed chief authority of the library had lost all dignity as the ludicrous nature of the issue hit home. Finally, after several false starts, she managed to recompose herself (somewhat) and directed Nudge to retrieve said periodical.
She then sent word to her husband to fetch a quick list of individuals on the hope that they could muster on short notice.
"THIS will be enlightening... AND entertaining... " she muttered to herself with a giggle as she set other things in motion.
Neil, Alan, Jin, Justin, Shelly, Atsali, Nadine, Monica, Georgette, Kevin, Bud and Mayahul all congregated at Neil's bidding at a point on the main dais where a dressing screen had been placed opposite. It was very clear that a person was behind said dressing screen by the motion of shadows on it, but said person was not visible to the lot. who were amused and confused by the situation.
"Your attention please," Phix stated "I need your blunt and honest opinions here- you need not worry about hurting anybody's feelings, as what you are about to see is in fact 'glamor' and nothing else... but there is a point to be made. Some of you already know who the individual actually is (she said, looking at Brian and Greg)- I ask that you not divulge that or let it interfere with your reply to questions. Are we clear?"
Several replies to the positive bubbled from the group.
"Alright then- 'Subject A' please, if you would be so kind... please step out."
A tight-waisted, bubble butted, well-endowed curly redhead with pale complexion and full lips stepped out nervously in front of the men- the only difference was that she hid her facial injury. Greg and Brian snorted and turned away, as they needed to check their laughter. The rest of the men let out with soft whistles, quiet mutterings or similar indications of surprise.
"Now people- do you find her attractive? Be honest."
There were many comments to the positive. Greg let rip with a wolf whistle. Brian snickered. The girl looked back in surprise, then had the decency to blush.
"Next question- Men, or women who are so inclined, if you were single, would you try to chat her up a bit?"
Both 'Jett and Monica seemed amicable to the idea, nodding their heads (and immediately giving each other odd looks), Justin, Alan and Kevin gave affirmative noises (to which Shelly, Jin and Bud gave sour looks)- Neil knitted his eyebrows at the question.
"She is 'stunning, yes..." he replied, "... but 'high maintenance' comes to mind immediately. I would proceed with caution- such women tend to be VERY aware of their beauty, and feel they deserve more than their lot- at least, that has been MY experience in the matter."
"MISTER ANTONIA! Are you insinuating that I am 'high maintenance', hmmm...?' Phix attempted to sound offended.
"First of all," Neil rejoined, " I didn't understand it was a 'courtship' until AFTER it happened. Secondly, the fact that you are stunning just happened to be to my good fortune. And finally, I am not insinuating anything- I am stating FLAT OUT that you are VERY HIGH MAINTENANCE! YOU ARE A SPHINX! YOU COULD NEVER BE ANYTHING LESS!"- this last bit in an exaggeratedly exasperated tone.
Phix eyebrows shot up as high as they could go- "Well! We shall discuss this later, Mr. Antonia." again with attempted offended manner.
"Indeed, we shall, Mrs. Antonia." with a high level of formality.
Phix raised her hand to her mouth to giggle while Neil simply snorted a laugh.
Greg and Brian burst into laughter.
"Sooo... what do you mean, 'high maintenance'?" the girl asked.
Shelly giggled with a slight blush, cleared her throat and began a smoky, Alto rendition of-
"Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight"
She added quite a bit of 'hootchy-cootchy' wriggle and strut as she did this.
Brian started a verbal bass riff "Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, badum-badum-badum"
Greg added some slow "hambone" percussion off his belly and thighs.
"Santa baby, a '54 convertible too
Light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight"
The girl looked shocked at what was being implied- "You mean, like, a GOLD-DIGGER?!?"
"Not a 100% accurate assessment, Greg replied, "but remarkably pretty women tend to KNOW they are remarkably pretty... and tend to expect MORE out of whoever they partner with."
"All except THIS one," Nadine giggled while pointing her thumb at Atsali.
"Who are you talking about?" Atsali asked.
If eyerolls could be heard...
"Very well- please, then, may we see 'Subject 'B', please?" Phix asked of the girl.
She went behind the screen and came back as the brown-haired, freckled, modestly proportioned 'graduated Catholic schoolgirl' that everybody knew as 'Nudge'.
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.