Wapsi Held Hostage - Day 14 (was Castela Notice 2015-07-05)

[GlytchMeister]

Perhaps I should have a ... friendly... little chat with the cable people- I am sure we can come to a ... reasonable... understanding...

Bravo Base, this is Bravo Charley- will send co-ordinants for primary target to Bravo Delta and Bravo Echo- as soon as registered, have standby for fire for effect, over,

You and I are on the same page.

[AmriloJim]

On second thought, let's just call Mediacom an ISp - lowercase 'p' stands for 'preventer'.

[jwhouk]

Mediocre-commies, sounds more like it.

[Sgt. Howard]

Perhaps I should have a ... friendly... little chat with the cable people- I am sure we can come to a ... reasonable... understanding...

Bravo Base, this is Bravo Charley- will send co-ordinants for primary target to Bravo Delta and Bravo Echo- as soon as registered, have standby for fire for effect, over,

The convoy consisted of sixty-four five-ton trucks, sixteen of which were pulling M-777 Howitzers... four batteries total. Enough to create a wall of 'marching artillery' a half-mile wide. Batteries Echo, Foxtrot, Golf and Hotel of the 347th Heavy Artillery Battalion had been given their marching orders earlier that morning, mobilized by 1100 that morning and rolling ever since. As usual, only a handful of upper ranks knew the co-ordinates of the target, but troop scuttlebutt kept making referances to an 'inadequate internet provider' that was preventing vital information from reaching it's intended recipiants.

... moral was unusually high- the attitude was, "... well it's about time SOMEBODY did something about it..."

[themadkansan]

Thread TL;DR Question:

...We can haz wapsi nao? plz?

[jwhouk]

Advise Bravo Base that coordinates are North 41point 58603, West 93 point 64757.

Thread TL;DR Question:

...We can haz wapsi nao? plz?

We need to bombard their e-mail support.

[oldmanmickey]

well if nothing else he can always do hughes net. its not the best but it does work

[Sgt. Howard]

Advise Bravo Base that coordinates are North 41point 58603, West 93 point 64757.

Thread TL;DR Question:

...We can haz wapsi nao? plz?

We need to bombard their e-mail support.

Copy that N-41.58603 W-93.64757 fed into master plotter will be setting up Batteries Echo and Foxtrot 35 klicks south, Batteries Golf and Hotel 25 Klicks east. Big red one will do ground support and I believe there's a flight of A-10s on standby.

Nothing major- we just want to get their attention...

[oldmanmickey]

If this means the end of waspi then i have no problems with the idea of applying the plan we had when i was USAF. Liberally apply radiation till their skeletal remains illuminates with the essence of phosphorus, in other words nuke'em till they glow!

[GlytchMeister]

The End of Wapsi?
Glytch's head snapped up, and he paused mid-stroke with his sharpening stone. "Well, now... We can't have that." His voice was suddenly deep and quiet, and his face betrayed no emotion. His eyes, however, seemed to sink into his skull, and they all but disappeared in shadow as he drew up his hood.
He calmly but quickly packed a few choice items in his small pack and approached Greg with long, quick strides. "I need a parachute, a pilot, and a plane to fly me over the target area."
Greg stared at him, completely taken aback. "I'd advise against skydiving into a killbox, boy."
Glytch smiled. "Then don't shoot until I leave. I'm going in to make a different sort of... Impression." The hooded youth twisted and pulled a white feather from his pack. "Ring any bells?" His mouth twisted with a lopsided smirk.

[themadkansan]

Advise Bravo Base that coordinates are North 41point 58603, West 93 point 64757.

Thread TL;DR Question:

...We can haz wapsi nao? plz?

We need to bombard their e-mail support.

Copy that N-41.58603 W-93.64757 fed into master plotter will be setting up Batteries Echo and Foxtrot 35 klicks south, Batteries Golf and Hotel 25 Klicks east. Big red one will do ground support and I believe there's a flight of A-10s on standby.

Nothing major- we just want to get their attention...

...In a darkened bunker, a light flares out as a six-foot-thick plascrete blast door slides out of battery and retracts. Footsteps sound flatly on a tile floor, stopping in front of a door labelled "Orbital Command". Lights come on as the door opens, and several banks of electronic equipment begin stirring to life. A screen flickers, and the words "Insert Command Key" appear. A piece of ceramic material, roughly Ipod-sized, is placed into its awaiting slot. "Processing Key... Complete."

A retinal scanner slides up out of a cabinet next to the screen: "Awaiting Retinal Scan." An eye is scanned, and "Scan Complete. Initiating Full System Start" appears on the screen.

In Geosynchronous orbit, twenty-four large automated platforms receive a signal, and a plethora of fusion pylons are lit. Automated checklists run, and one-by-one the platforms report back functional.

"System Initiated. Ready for operational input. Activating holographic interface." A globe made of glowing vector lines appears over a circular cabinet to the right, and a trackball snaps up out of a pocket in the table. Around the globe are 24 dots with status info listed beside each.


...Right. You've got a choice of Plasma Lances, grav-drive mass missiles, or Conversion Warheads. The gravitonic and warp-warheads are for space-based targets only.

[Sgt. Howard]

I just had a delightful mental image of some ubergeek, totally devoid of imagination, working for the offending company, reading these messages...



...And shitting his pants...

[AmriloJim]

I just had a delightful mental image of some ubergeek, totally devoid of imagination, working for the offending company, reading these messages...



...And shitting his pants...

[DilyV]

Like umm... Bad Grandpa?

[DilyV]

SECTION!!!! Fire for effect!!! Three rounds!!! HE Quick!!! Charge seven!!! Deflection, 2781!!! Elevation 0893!!! Fire when ready!!!

[oldmanmickey]

DilyV?
You know that light at the end of the tunnel?

Yeah... it's a bullet. Sorry.

umm you seem to have confused bullets with artillery shells.

[Sgt. Howard]

SECTION!!!! Fire for effect!!! Three rounds!!! HE Quick!!! Charge seven!!! Deflection, 2781!!! Elevation 0893!!! Fire when ready!!!

WHO GAVE THAT ORDER?

[GlytchMeister]

SECTION!!!! Fire for effect!!! Three rounds!!! HE Quick!!! Charge seven!!! Deflection, 2781!!! Elevation 0893!!! Fire when ready!!!

WHO GAVE THAT ORDER?

Oh snap!

[Captain Barbossa]NAY, belay that! ... Do something else![/Captain Barbossa]

[themadkansan]

SECTION!!!! Fire for effect!!! Three rounds!!! HE Quick!!! Charge seven!!! Deflection, 2781!!! Elevation 0893!!! Fire when ready!!!

A voice emanates from what seems like all directions at once: "Commander, I am detecting artillery fire in close proximity to the command bunker. Shall I initiate counterbattery?"

"Nono, someone's just having a problem with being patient, nevermind checking their targets; besides, they're gonna hafta knock a LOT harder than that before we take them seriously."

"Understood. Maintaining neutral posture."

[Sgt. Howard]

The End of Wapsi?
Glytch's head snapped up, and he paused mid-stroke with his sharpening stone. "Well, now... We can't have that." His voice was suddenly deep and quiet, and his face betrayed no emotion. His eyes, however, seemed to sink into his skull, and they all but disappeared in shadow as he drew up his hood.
He calmly but quickly packed a few choice items in his small pack and approached Greg with long, quick strides. "I need a parachute, a pilot, and a plane to fly me over the target area."
Greg stared at him, completely taken aback. "I'd advise against skydiving into a killbox, boy."
Glytch smiled. "Then don't shoot until I leave. I'm going in to make a different sort of... Impression." The hooded youth twisted and pulled a white feather from his pack. "Ring any bells?" His mouth twisted with a lopsided smirk.

"Son, you might want an experianced fellow on 'point'- I know I am a bit long of tooth, but the old skills are still there- do you know how to handle a square 'chute?"
"Uh... no..."
" 'Round will get you down but square will get you there'- heh- no worries, but I think we want to do a mild 'halo' on this... and I know a square rigger that is user-friendly to a beginner. Jump at twelve, open at half and hit the target from eight miles lateral- that way the bird is not precieved as a threat. Not high enough to ABSOLUTLY need oxygen, but we don't want to linger at altitude,"
"Jump at...what?"
"Twelve thousand feet, open at five hundred- four thousand five hundred feet of free-fall. You can 'bullet', right?"
"Bullet?"
"... have you ever jumped?"
"Uh... no..."
There was a bit of a pause-
"Well then- I have less than no time to turn you into an 'airborn'... yes... I've handled worse... c'mon son, we've got some training to do-"
Greg looked Glytch up and down to get some vital measurements- then he reached inside his overalls and pulled out an empty folded dufflebag.
Unfolding the bag, he started pulling out a set of woodland cammo BDU's, a pair of jump boots, socks, an M17 Gas mask, an old steel pot helmet, a web belt with suspension... right on down the line... everything looked brand-new and about Glytch's size.
"We ARE going to do this RIGHT, of course,"