stuck in a rut... possible way out...

[MrFireDragon]

first of all, sorry for posting this here, but I really need help today... and yesterday's post relating to being stuck in a rut kinda hit me somehow.

To tell all in a short story: I work on my own business, but I also work in the family company, my father is the hardest SOB to work with and I'm the buffer between most of the employees and him, the company is up for sale for almost a year now, we had a serious buyer that could close the deal on this month or early next one, during that time I had a job offer to move from Guadalajara, Mexico... to Bristol, UK and I was kinda excited to take the offer, but now the buy offer is off, no real buyers on sight, the market here is crumbling thanks to China, and my job offer is still good and valid. Here on the family business I do feel stuck in a rut, not moving at all and my business is also suffering from it, but I can't deny that the money from the family business helps a lot. There is also family, no family support on the UK, and my daughter is very close with her grandparents on both sides.... so it is difficult to decide, stay here and continue in my rut in a stressful environment with a person that, although my father, I find it very hard every day to gather the strength and patience to deal with him...or should I take a plunge and go for the job on the UK on a new environment, new people, new house, new everything and leave everything behind, but with the promise of working on what I love.


So family and loyalty vs my own dreams and happiness...... tough choice and I sincerely do not know what the hell to do....


I do no expect to find an answer here, but perhaps some opinions from a fresh perspective can help me decide on what to do, perhaps I could find an option 3.... I don't know, but any comment will be greatly appreciated.

Best regards to all


Erick aka MrFireDragon

[jwhouk]

First things first - you DO know about the temperature difference, right?

[Bathorys Daughter]

The bad news about your situation is that you will have to move so far away from your family. The good news is that you will have to move so far away from your family. It's tough in that your parents are important to at least some of your family and, apparently, family support is important to you. The thing is, you have to do what is best for your little part of that family. Such a move to a far away location does have it's good points, however. Family support is often outweighed by family meddling. Being away from it all tends to eliminate that aspect so you are free to make your own decisions without so much guilt. As it is now, it seems you are only delaying the inevitable by staying. Who knows when such an opportunity may come again for you. Yes, the kid will be really hard hit, not to mention the culture shock she will have to endure, but that's life. She WILL get over it. The fact that she will experience a different country will be good for her in the long run. Keep in mind you will still have family wherever you go. You're taking it with you. And you will make new friends who will become a part of your new "family." They will help to provide with needed support. People are infinitely adaptable. We have to be. So too will you and yours be.

The dangers are, of course, also manifold. The taxes are really high there. They might not be so bad on an ex-pat, however. What if the new job falls apart? What will you do as a stranger in a strange land? At least they speak a language you speak so that helps. Plus you will be making valuable business contacts who can help locate another job, either there or another country. Or, for that matter, an even better job. Basically, you will never know if you don't try. Worse comes to worse, you go back home and eat crow. So what. At least you have somewhere to bail to. However, the new possibilities which will open to you will likely far outweigh the dangers. I don't know what sort of education your daughter is getting in Guadalajara, but the one in Bristol may be better as well.

The only option 3 I can think of would be to concentrate on what it would take to grow the family business, despite China. Get beyond the day to day operations and dig deep to come up with ways to expand and make the business worth the effort in the long run. Make your job more exciting by forging new ways of doing it. Of course since Dad is the owner, that may be a hard sell as he is probably set in his ways.

Dad will be mad and hurt. Thing is, it aint his life. It's yours. You've been mostly living his life up til now. It's time you started living yours. I say go for it. Grab this ring while you can or suffer "what could have been" regrets.

[PrettyPrincess]

New is scary, but isn't always bad. On the other hand, family is very important. For me, I think the deciding factor would be this: Would I still be able to visit my family for big events, funerals, holidays? Or would the new situation be a complete break?

If the new job would pay enough for you to live comfortably, provide for your family, and still have a little leeway for trips back home, then it's something to consider. Teach your parents how to Skype, so that your daughter still has contact with those she loves, and plan lots of fun and involved trips to visit family.

[Jabberwonky]

I think Bathory and Princess both said it far better than I could, but I will add that spending time in another country will change your perspective far more than you expect it would. And that's a good thing.
My advice is to go for it, you have to consider your happiness and sanity. No one else will care as much about it as you do.

[MrFireDragon]

Thank you all for your replies, I really do appreciate them all, and have all helped.

I do want to keep my sanity, I am aware of the climate change from Mexico to UK.... I will miss my family no matter how mad my father drives me sometimes. Yes he loves to manage the company on his own terms and anything else is just plain junk, so even when I present with very creative ways to drive the business out of the ditch, he finds a way to dismiss them and stop them. So, there is little I will be able to help if this goes on.

But I think I may have come up with a door number 3, yes it is moving, but not so far away plus helping the family business enter other markets. I am thinking about searching for a job in Florida, mainly in Orlando. I've always been a theme park enthusiast and I love Orlando, I have a 5 year old girl that will adore me for life by moving close to Disneyworld. I have a dream of finding a job in Orlando in a company in particular and if I am being called for a company in the UK, then what is to stop me from getting one in the company I've always dreamed of working for? right? so, I'm preparing my stuff to present it to several options in Orlando.

Plus I will be able to be on field to promote the family business and try to gain more clients with our neighbor, so, I guess it could be a win/win situation, and still not so far away from Mexico and would be able to visit at least 3 times per year, contrary to the UK where I think we would only be able to visit once a year or once every two years.

I still have 3 more months before starting all the paperwork with the UK company, so that gives me time to find something in Orlando... and I'll just the the plunge and see what comes out of it. I am thinking of getting a loan on my house in Mexico, rent it out while we are out and with that rent pay the loan, so we could have somewhere to return to if things don't go so well, and the money will help us get a place in either option and perhaps get a better price if paid in full.

I think I will be able to work this out for the best.... what do you think of my door number 3?

Thanks guys I really do appreciate it very much!

Erick

[Bathorys Daughter]

Excellent plan! Now that you have a good plan, you will feel better about everything. Excited even.

[PrettyPrincess]

Sounds like a fine plan - in particular I agree with renting out your house, as opposed to selling. Real estate is always a good back up plan (you can be brave knowing that you always have a home SOMEWHERE). And if you have a dream (cue Tangled soundtrack), then by all means pursue it! And if nothing comes of job searching in Orlando, you still have the UK option.

[Jabberwonky]

That sounds like a great plan, I'll send some good thought towards you through the ether.

[MrFireDragon]

thanks you guys! you all rock!