Porch Pirates, Beware!

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TazManiac
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Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by TazManiac » Mon Dec 17, 2018 10:59 pm

The dude in this YouTube Video seems like a real life guy from the world of 'the Big bang Theory' (he's got stuff roving around on Another Planet...)




"And Over-Engineer the Crap Out of It!...)

My kind of people. Now, I gotta go back and finish the last half...

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Dave
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Dave » Mon Dec 17, 2018 11:58 pm

Gawd... I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long!! :lol: :lol:

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Bookworm
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Bookworm » Tue Dec 18, 2018 1:32 am

I wonder how many people he managed to get charged with trespassing and theft. I mean, he DID Manage to get it back every time, apparently - with fingerprints and all.
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Alkarii
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Alkarii » Tue Dec 18, 2018 6:42 pm

Too bad they can't legalize breaking a person's fingers for stealing.
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by GlytchMeister » Tue Dec 18, 2018 9:12 pm

Someone else used a delayed explosive charge packed inside a load of dog poo. It went off in the thief’s car, and they IMMEDIATELY pulled over and chucked it out the window.

Another company makes one that uses a blank shotgun shell to scare the thief as soon as they pick it up.

Me?

Glitter is a good idea... bleach is tempting, too. Stink bombs are a good idea as well.

But me? I would go full-on eldritch abomination.

Small explosive charge to paint the entire area in glitter-impregnated, thioacetone-laced, blue-staining/dying Mobility Denial Slime.

So they will be covered in glittery goo that makes them smell like hell and permanently stains everything it touches. They won’t be able to easily wash the slime off, the smell, which will induce vomiting for miles, will not go away for a very long time (it ain’t called the Freiburg Horror for nothin’), they’ll be as blue as a smurf, and covered in glitter in every crack and crevice.

They will likely need intensive therapy to overcome a debilitating fear of cardboard boxes afterwards.
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Bookworm
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Bookworm » Wed Dec 19, 2018 2:12 am

GlytchMeister wrote:
Tue Dec 18, 2018 9:12 pm
So they will be covered in glittery goo that makes them smell like hell and permanently stains everything it touches. They won’t be able to easily wash the slime off, the smell, which will induce vomiting for miles, will not go away for a very long time (it ain’t called the Freiburg Horror for nothin’), they’ll be as blue as a smurf, and covered in glitter in every crack and crevice.

They will likely need intensive therapy to overcome a debilitating fear of cardboard boxes afterwards.
However, you have to be ready for retaliation, if you're going to do that. Those people don't have any ethics, so they consider that YOU did THEM wrong - completely ignoring the fact that they were stealing from you. So, you'll have to be prepared for vandalism and even assault.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

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Bookworm
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Bookworm » Wed Dec 19, 2018 2:19 am

Butanethiol, or butyl mercaptan, would probably be simpler to get and use for the odor. Thioacetone doesn't like to exist on its own, so I'm reading.
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Warrl
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Warrl » Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:05 pm

You may also want to check with local police to make sure your trap doesn't go over the line and get you arrested for assault. (And yes, some of these thieves are stupid enough to file a criminal complaint - they'd get arrested and you might be put in the next cell.)

I would think you'd be in the clear with glitter and fart spray - not so sure about stuff that stains the skin or causes the person to have a long-lasting bad odor. (One involving firearms with live ammo is definitely over the line, but I haven't heard anyone - here or elsewhere - discussing that sort of idea in a long time.)

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TazManiac
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by TazManiac » Wed Dec 19, 2018 9:13 pm

There is a lot of effort into the making of this particular thing, including the 'upload video to 'the Cloud'. That way there is evidence, even if the unit isn't recovered.

Also helps if there is any attempt at retaliation on the part of the original perpetrators.

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GlytchMeister
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by GlytchMeister » Thu Dec 20, 2018 3:41 am

Warrl wrote:
Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:05 pm
You may also want to check with local police to make sure your trap doesn't go over the line and get you arrested for assault. (And yes, some of these thieves are stupid enough to file a criminal complaint - they'd get arrested and you might be put in the next cell.)

I would think you'd be in the clear with glitter and fart spray - not so sure about stuff that stains the skin or causes the person to have a long-lasting bad odor. (One involving firearms with live ammo is definitely over the line, but I haven't heard anyone - here or elsewhere - discussing that sort of idea in a long time.)
Thieves of this caliber are a cowardly bunch, generally speaking. This is a greater concern than retaliatory actions including assault... though that can be partially defended against with cameras like the system used in the video; “I have your face and address and/or license plate, you won’t get away with it”

Dye is precedented, though something as hideous as thioacetone is definitely not. It might qualify as a chemical weapon.

I suppose from a realistic standpoint, I’d probably use thiols, like those found in skunk spray. Not ACTUAL skunk spray, as that would possibly quality as a bio weapon.

Also hydrogen sulfide.
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
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I'm too much!

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Dave
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Dave » Thu Dec 20, 2018 1:06 pm

GlytchMeister wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 3:41 am
I suppose from a realistic standpoint, I’d probably use thiols, like those found in skunk spray. Not ACTUAL skunk spray, as that would possibly quality as a bio weapon.

Also hydrogen sulfide.
Consider the benefits of putrescine and cadaverine, which smell like... well, the names give it away, don't they?

The starting materials are easily available (purified amino acids from a health-food store should work), the decarboxylization procedure sounds quite simple, and there would be something appropriate about leaving a thief's car smelling like six-days-in-the-sun roadkill.

The stench would probably draw flies.

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Atomic
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Atomic » Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:37 pm

How about the trusty old Lemon Juice, Vinegar, and Baking Soda trick? Less damaging (by comparison) than unleashing a can of spray foam gap filler.

Froth, ahoy!
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Re: Porch Pirates, Beware!

Post by Bookworm » Thu Dec 20, 2018 10:48 pm

You can get hydrogen sulfide glass capsules - they're sold at novelty/joke stores. (or were). With that, all you'd have to have is a rolling weight. The thief picks up the package with a brick and ball bearing in it, turns it over, and *crack* - one smashed glass rotten egg pellet. Just make sure the package has LOTS of holes.

I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

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