A Review of Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales

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ShneekeyTheLost
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A Review of Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Post by ShneekeyTheLost »

First off, I've been a fan of the series ever since it first came out, although we all had a good laugh with the line "Orlando Bloom as the pretty boy on a ship full of undead... didn't we already do this in Return of the King?". And by and large, I've enjoyed the series. But I also think that they would be wise to not follow it up with another one.

Now, I enjoyed the movie. I guess. At least it was worth the price of admission. It isn't a bad movie, for what it is: an action/adventure special effects blockbuster. It doesn't really need much of a plot to hold that together, just lots of really flashy things. And it pretty much lives up to it. But, unlike previous offerings from the series, it doesn't go beyond that. It is a bog-standard staple action/adventure flick, just like any of the other mindless movies in the genre that are coming out, but with slightly fewer explosions and slightly more zombie sharks.

But I think either the writer, the director, the actors, or all of the above are just getting... tired of it. I mean, the actors all did their bang-up job. Jack was a dishonest rogue with a heart of... er... well, maybe not gold, but maybe a heart of rum? We had some new leads which were properly introduced, but... eh, I just didn't really feel it. It is time to end this series before you make a real stinker that taints the entire franchise. Right now, Pirates is one of the few franchises that can honestly claim to have no 'bad' movies in it. Do not ruin that, please.

I mean, part of it seems to be the unwavering march of the Age of Reason and the dispelling of the old myths, legends, and curses, or at least that was the feel I've had over the past few movies as an overarching theme. The era of the wind and sail is going to come to an end soon, and with it, comes the end of the tale.

If they wanted to do one final movie on this topic, wherein the last of the legends and myths retired and let the age of reason show up, with maybe a final cutscene to Will's kid reading a story to his kid about Davy Jones and the Dutchman, and the kid not believing it because it is scientifically impossible, to which the parent sighs and nods, closing the book "That's right, it cannot happen anymore. Now get some sleep, you have class in the morning." One final tug of the heartstrings to send off the series... I could see. But I'm dreadfully afraid they're going to try to end it 'on a bang' and wind up ending it on a sour note.

The Pirates franchise has been a great ride, and part of me will be sad to see it go. We've had some great times, but as with all tales... it has an end, and I believe we have reached it. Please, for the love of rum, don't drag this out and beat the dead horse until you ruin the franchise's IP. You've got a marketing gold mine here that will last generations.

I give the movie an above average score, but I'm dreadfully afraid that if they push it, their bubble is going to burst.
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TazManiac
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Re: A Review of Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Post by TazManiac »

Thx for that. I can understand your POV; this is one of four films currently out there still on the big screen that I'd wan''t to see in a Theater;

Fate of the Furious (truly an Escapist/Diverting use of time), 'Alien:Covenant' (Is Noomi Rapace actually _in_ this film?), & the 2nd 'Guardians of the Galaxy' (although these guys aren't _really_ the Guardians of the Galaxy, not without Adam Warlock in here..., let alone the Imperial Guard. ahem).

Last 'Big Movies' I saw at the multiplex where the remake of the anime 'Ghost in the Machine' w/ Scarlett Johansson (yea for Scarlett, booooo for Director/Producer/Screenwriter Implementation) & 'Logan'; which was half-way decent (and thats from a very nit-picky, fanboi sensibility).

'Dead Men Tell No Tales' might be one of those slipped-into-another-film type situations.... (did I really type that outloud?...)
ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: A Review of Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Post by ShneekeyTheLost »

I would say that if you plan on seeing it, definitely see it in the movie theater where you can take advantage of the big screen and the surround sound more effectively than at home. After all, what is the point of big explosions if you don't get to truly experience them?

Fan of the series: It wasn't as bad as the last one, so go see it to redeem the series for yourself. Just don't expect too much deep thought or plot twists.

To people people who are wanting a summer blockbuster with lots of flashy explosions and SFX: This is right up your alley.

To people hoping for a more involved storyline: Er... I don't want to spoil anything, but don't get your hopes up...
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DinkyInky
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Re: A Review of Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Post by DinkyInky »

I LOVED it. I love swashbuckling high seas adventures.

I agree they need to end it on a high note seeing as how they're entering the Age of Reason, but I liked the storyline and well, everything else.

I utterly loathed On Stranger Tides...pretty much everything about it except Blackbeard and Jack.

I want to see it at least a dozen more times on the big screen. I cannot watch 3D movies, but if you can, I recommend seeing it in IMAX 3D and dBox for the full epic level experience because the soundtrack and sights is brilliant.

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Atomic
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Re: A Review of Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Post by Atomic »

One of the glories of the the revitalized Pirate Adventure genre brought about by the POTC series is the fresh look at lots of pirate tropes, and the fun stuff you could do with them. And part of the reason it was fresh was because there had been no (decent) pirate movies in the several years previous (Cutthroat Island? Pah!)

And so with digital effects you could now see credible - very credible - visualizations of pirate story telling fare for the new generation of movie fans. And I don't mean Cinema Buffs (tea sipping cravat wearing vegan snobs who are disappointed in the appearance of actual weapons in War movies (really!)), I mean Movie Fans -- the popcorn munching peanut gallery types who want to ohhh and ah! and growl at the Bad Guy on the screen.

So a quick trip down Pirate memory lane? Moonlit skeletons. The missing coin in the pile of gold treasure cave. Fire all silverware! The walking fishy dead. Sea battles galore. "He's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen!" And on and on.

And the most original scene for me, the ship scuttling along on the backs of crabs in Sparrow's nightmare. The only thing I could hold close to that innovative visual would be The Adventures of Baron Munchausen scene of the twilight ship in starlight gliding across the water, then to be seen moving through wet sand as the sun rises.

And of course, Depp's portrayal of an erratic, often drunken megalomaniac with ADD falling into situations, making them worse, then somehow escaping through sheer luck and comedic timing. It's a bit like why Ghostbusters was a comedy because, according to Bill Murray, it would have been too scary to play straight.

But then comes the time where things get overplayed.

<< Spoilers -- Skip the rest if you haven't seen it >>

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Comedy is situation, timing, and background. Screw up one and you weaken the joke. Screw up two or more and it fails.

Suspension of disbelief works when you're in the game with the players on the screen, so you can laugh along with them. When the plot takes you somewhere beyond ridiculous, you can follow or get disconnected. I got disconnected by a few too many Reality Doesn't Work Like That At All moments.

The worst of them was the Captain Salazar backstory where he's chasing Sparrow across the high seas into a dangerous looking island of pointy rocks thing. Of course Sparrow manages to pull a last minute change of direction to avoid the evil nasty pointy while Salazar plunges dead ahead and is trapped in the conveniently ship sized cave hidden therein.

Bull.

Ok, rah rah chase scene, dramatic emoting, ships captain vowing vengeance, Now I've Got You, Sparrow! Mwuahahah.... And, oh by the way, I'm going to follow your 100 foot long two masted brig with my 200 foot long three masted ship of the line into a two car garage. Only two ship lengths away.

Oh, darn, it's a tight fit. Phooie, now we're stuck.

Bull.

Sorry, but this well scripted, dramatically shot, and cleverly crafted scene ejected me from the movie. Having done a small amount of sailing, It Just Plain Don't Work Like That.

Yes, the rest of the movie had a bunch of over-the-top events, well played for comedy, and entirely silly. But this was one of those "Whatever you do, Billy, don't touch the Red Button!" "You mean this one? (click)" Maybe the writers had a good idea here that fit with the mythos and magic environment, but the execution really, really, ... really ... well... It didn't work for me. Sorry.

The point is if they have to pull stuff like that and more for the next movie (ok, the water wheel sword fight was clever, if a bit forced), the series is going down the drain.

Not everything has to be a home run. I rather enjoyed seeing Sparrow the megalomaniac run out of people to adore him, and so face his own limitations. Stuff like that adds to the character and portrayal and environment. But pulling Deus ex Machina because you can't fix a plot line is just plain weak sauce.

My two cents. I do want to see more of the series, and I did enjoy most of the movie. I hope they can do better the next time around.
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Dave
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Re: A Review of Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Post by Dave »

DinkyInky wrote:I utterly loathed On Stranger Tides...pretty much everything about it except Blackbeard and Jack.
I thought the Tim Powers novel on which it was partially based, hung together a great deal better than the PotC adaptation.
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