Schtupid Email Scams

[lake_wrangler]

a free 8-track razor.

I think if they keep this up, the razor manufacturers are going to reinvent the venetian blind...

I'm pretty sure I saw a parody, somewhere, about an infinity bladed razor, or some such...

[lake_wrangler]

I'm on someone's Amazon Scam list, because I'm up past 10 "Your Amazon Account has been frozen due to....." wasp invasion, narwhal vomit, irregular purchases, restricted zoning rights for marsupials, 14th Amendment violations, etc etc etc.

I just keep forwarding them to the Report Spam address at Amazon. I'm sure they're tickled pink.

I keep getting scammy "Your email account needs to be validated/upgraded/malware-scanned or it will be closed/locked/messages-lost/eaten-by-rabid-mink so Click Here" messages from my domain's email team.

I know they're scammy, because I own my own domain and run my own email servers... I am my email team.

I'm certain that if I were going to bother to send myself a message about this sort of thing, I would make fewer grammatical and punctuation errors.

Well, perhaps you suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder, and were not aware of it... have you ever asked yourself that question, just to be safe?

[Atomic]

Well, perhaps you suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder, and were not aware of it... have you ever asked yourself that question, just to be safe?

I think I remember doing that, but it was voted down by committee, which then recommended forgetting it. At least, that's what is said on the sticky note I found on my dresser this morning. I haven't finished reading the others yet.

[Dave]

Well, perhaps you suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder, and were not aware of it... have you ever asked yourself that question, just to be safe?

Oh, no, of course not. My day job is in computer security implementation. I'm well trained in the whole subject of information containment ("don't share secrets with those who don't have a real need-to-know") and so I would never ask myself that sort of question. It wouldn't be fair or proper to ask myself to disclose that sort of critical information to me. I might tell myself, and who knows where it would go from there?

[lake_wrangler]

This was shared with me on Facebook, and it seems rather à propos...

To avoid putting a link towards Facebook (although I'm not sure why I don't want to link directly to it), I am uploading it here directly.

Self_Employed_Talking.jpg (36.31 KiB) Viewed 45450 times

[Warrl]

Every good fiction writer gets into arguments with their own characters... and usually loses.

A writer at one SF con recommended that writers should wear bluetooth earpieces for their phones - really conspicuous ones. That way people will think they're on the phone, rather than arguing with themselves.

[lake_wrangler]

I was starting to go through my spam folder on gmail, and noticed one that started with something like "I was at the bar one hot day, and you were incredibly beautiful..." (the email subject line was something like "Do you want to have sex with me?" with some extra characters inserted here and there, presumably to avoid getting filtered away...)

I didn't even bother opening the email, so I don't know what it was about, or what kind of scam they were trying to pull...

How do I know it was a scam? I don't frequent bars. (I'm also definitely not "incredibly beautiful", even taking into account the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"...)

And while I was typing the above sentence, it also occurred to me that a stranger seeing me at a bar would not have my email address, either...

[Atomic]

The daughter of a Nigerian prince, no doubt. You caught her eye, and her daddy could use your help with a financial transaction...

[FreeFlier]

I got a pair of spam calls today, purporting to be from Apple . . .

Since I own exactly no Apple computing products, this was a non-starter.

Like when I got calls and emails about my Key Bank account being frozen . . . the only business dealings I've ever had with Key Bank was trying to collect a bad check from one of their customers, and that was 40 years ago, nor did Key Bank have my contact information.

--FreeFlier

[TazManiac]

Man, are they still getting traction with this crap?
===============

I'M AT EL PASO AIRPORT

Attention beneficiary

I am a Diplomat named Richard Douglas, I am presently at El Paso
International Airport Texas mandated to deliver your inheritance to
you in your country of residence. The funds total US$3.6 Million and
you were made the beneficiary of these funds by a benefactor whose
details will be revealed to you after handing over the funds to you in
accordance with the Agreement I signed with the benefactor when he
enlisted my assistance in delivering the funds to you.

I am presently at El Paso International Airport here in Texas United
States of America and before I can deliver the package (funds) to you,
you have to reconfirm the following information so as to ensure that I
am dealing with the right person.

1. Full Name:
2. Residential Address:
3. Age:
4. Occupation:
5. Direct Telephone Numbers:
6. A Copy of Your Identification:

After verification of the information with what I have on file, I
shall contact you so that we can make arrangements on the exact time I
will be bringing your package to your residential address. Send the
requested information so that we can proceed.

Regards
Diplomat Richard Douglas
Tel: ( +1 ) 915 229 xxxx

=============

The email it's coming from isn't the name presented, but I suppose 1 in a thousand is worth it...

[TazManiac]

--- This one's a beaut. btw- Spelling & punctuation are the author's (captjoh@exo...) ---



My name is John White and I am among American troops currently deployed in Syria, my rank is a captain.
the reason for contacting you through your email is that I have a proposal for you and I got your email address when I was seeking on the internet to see if I can find someone I can share this with and come across your email address.
I urgently need to safeguard some amount of money I have here in my possession which is worth the sum of eleven million five hundred thousand US Dollars (11.5 Million)
I came across this cash while on operation three days ago, as we were on the massive attack against the ISIS terrorist and nobody else knows that I have this money here with me because I still hide it somewhere.
my colleagues here did not know about this money because I hide it out of other items that were confiscated from the ISIS hideout.
I deemed it necessary to look out for somebody that will keep this money for me until I complete my duty here in about 6 months' time, I want to know if you are willing to do that and I am going to share this money 40/60 with you.
I am still an active soldier and I personally did not want anyone to know about this and my plans of moving this money to you will be through a delivery cargo company that delivers food and medicine here.
I am going to reply back to you tomorrow if you agree with my proposal.
note that you can only communicate with me through my private email address at: johnwhit<address-munged>oo.com and I will be wait for your reply.
thank you
John White

[Warrl]

I would say to forward this to your local military recruiter, with a note saying something on the order of "on the off chance that this person actually is in the US military, an investigation may be called for".

[FreeFlier]

Not likely . . . someone who was actually in the service would probably have enough buddies who would help for a cut and would be much more trustworthy than some random civvie.

--FreeFlier

[lake_wrangler]

Just got this text message today:

[wad of cash icon/image]You're about to get your lucky break, Claude Doucet. You WON our raffle draw in and you will be one out of the 10 lucky players in your city who will receive our $1000 BONUS OFFER. Use your cash prize to play to your heart's content and WIN more prizes! As much as $500,923 are at stake today!!! If offer is unclaimed within 1 hour, we'll have to give it away to the next winner on the list so please don't delay: [link redacted][wad of cash icon/image]

Interestingly, there are hardly any grammar mistakes in this message...

Too bad I "waited too long", and they'll "have" to give it away to the next winner...

[TazManiac]

Below is an almost exact copy/paste of a SPAM email I've recently rec'd. I've removed links to external places, & my own email address which they added as a BCC:, but please note the refinement of the syntax/punctuation.

This not some Sir or Madam, tis' no mere Nigerian Prince. Nay, tis' one Mrs. Ruth Curley herself who doh correspond with oneself directly.

The honor is almost too much to endure.

btw- I've bolded the parts I find high-larious...


Oct 22 at 7:43 AM

Mrs Ruth Curley <infodes334@g -mung'd email address

Bcc: <_my_ email address>


We have programmed an ATM MASTER CARD with your name and uploaded your
total fund of ($9.8 Million) in the Card so that you will be
withdrawing with it in any ATM MACHINE. The ATM MASTER CARD works
worldwide and the daily amount WITHDRAW according to our programming
system is(US$15,000.00) Fifteen Thousand Dollars only.

I, Mrs. Ruth Curley, have made the delivery arrangement with DHL
DELIVERY COMPANY Cape Verde that will carry on the delivery to your
given address and the Director told me that Delivery of the ATM MASTER
CARD to your house will be smooth without delay.

He assured me that their Company takes good 2-days to complete any
delivery registered with an accurate address. So you are advised to
send your full address such as

Full Name:______
Home Address:___

Country:____
State:____

City:_____
Zip code:____
Telephone Number:___

Regard
Mrs. Ruth Curley
--

PS- I am willing to sell my my stake in this venture for 50 cents on the dollar...

[TazManiac]

Looking For a Man to Spend Weekend Together


Hi there!! I’m Sophie, 32 years old; I need a hookup with a humble guy, who won’t mind some love pleasure, relationship, and fun times together. I stay in nearby.I prefer a single guy however a wedded guy is also good. I wanna meet up with a appealing man, and very good when it comes to love pleasure. .

[Bookworm]

All I keep getting is stuff like this.

It’s the Blessed Month of Ramadan! May Allah Shower His Mercy, Grant You Forgiveness, and Bless You & Your Family with Health, Wealth, & Happiness!
Avail Import LC, SBLC, and Bank Guarantees from European Banks at ZERO Cash Margin

I wanted to follow up on my previous email and see if you have time for a quick chat to explore if an HR outsourcing solution known as a PEO is beneficial for your company. We provide a free service to analyze the market and often find significant savings for our clients with equal or better benefits. PEOs also protect your company from costly compliance missteps, offer an online platform for HR services, and often provide more robust benefits for a lower cost.

I'd love to have a quick conversation, feel free to email me back or set up a time directly on my calendar at

(calendly calendar)

And even this

Hey, I'm Tommy Chong

If there’s one thing people know about me, it’s that I love pot, right?
But almost 20 years ago, I quit, cold turkey.
(More on that in a second...)
Alternate text

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Never getting a decent night’s sleep.

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I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.

Then, I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer...

At first, I was terrified, but now I see that my diagnosis actually saved my life...

>> Click Here To see How I was Able to Completely Turn My Health Around and Start Feeling Better Than I had in 30 YEARS