Schtupid Email Scams

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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby DinkyInky » Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:07 pm

Cocoa cola for those cold days...
Coca cola wants you...to drink Pepsi...
Cuckoo cola wants you to go cuckoo for....naw, I just can't do it...
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Sgt. Howard » Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:19 pm

DinkyInky wrote:Cocoa cola for those cold days...
Coca cola wants you...to drink Pepsi...
Cuckoo cola wants you to go cuckoo for....naw, I just can't do it...


DO IT!!!
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Catawampus » Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:49 pm

Jabberwonky wrote:What? What did you win? What was the donation Coco-Cola gave you?


All the Coke that he can snort!
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Sgt. Howard » Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:58 pm

Catawampus wrote:
Jabberwonky wrote:What? What did you win? What was the donation Coco-Cola gave you?


All the Coke that he can snort!


GAH!! SPLUTTERKACKCOUGH!!! GAH!!! I HATE FIZZY STUFF UP MY NOSE!!!
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Catawampus » Tue Oct 06, 2015 3:12 pm

Sgt. Howard wrote:
Catawampus wrote:
Jabberwonky wrote:What? What did you win? What was the donation Coco-Cola gave you?


All the Coke that he can snort!


GAH!! SPLUTTERKACKCOUGH!!! GAH!!! I HATE FIZZY STUFF UP MY NOSE!!!


Don't fret, it's the non-calorie non-caffeine non-flavour type, so your nose won't get fat.
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Sgt. Howard » Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:47 pm

Catawampus wrote:Don't fret, it's the non-calorie non-caffeine non-flavour type, so your nose won't get fat.


No.... but it will bubble and fart for the next five minutes...
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby DinkyInky » Tue Oct 06, 2015 5:49 pm

*Impression of a certain dandily dressed clown prince:"Hello kiddies and Costumed Buffoons!
I have an announcement from Cuckoo Cola:
'Cuckoo Cola is the refreshingly irritating beverage, reminiscent of your annoying fourth grade teacher standing on the milk crate making screeching, scratching with the chalk on the board. One sip, and you'll be crazy for more. I'm a fan, and you can be one too. Just sign up now at nevergonnagiveyouup dot com for more details.

(insert many repeated spam calls to his phone with imaginative comebacks by said clown here)

*Pulls out hand cannon and shoots his phone*

That's Cuckoo Cola, kiddies. Irritating. Refreshing. Hopefully paying me big bucks if they know what's good for them."


*[Insert insane laugh of a certain clown prince of crime here]*
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Jabberwonky » Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:34 pm

DinkyInky wrote:*Impression of a certain dandily dressed clown prince:"Hello kiddies and Costumed Buffoons!
I have an announcement from Cuckoo Cola:
'Cuckoo Cola is the refreshingly irritating beverage, reminiscent of your annoying fourth grade teacher standing on the milk crate making screeching, scratching with the chalk on the board. One sip, and you'll be crazy for more. I'm a fan, and you can be one too. Just sign up now at nevergonnagiveyouup dot com for more details.

(insert many repeated spam calls to his phone with imaginative comebacks by said clown here)

*Pulls out hand cannon and shoots his phone*

That's Cuckoo Cola, kiddies. Irritating. Refreshing. Hopefully paying me big bucks if they know what's good for them."


*[Insert insane laugh of a certain clown prince of crime here]*

And it read in the fabulous voice from the Animated Series... XD
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby TazManiac » Wed Oct 11, 2017 3:14 pm

Here is a new one I got today...

Thank you for responding to my email. I apologize to encroach into your privacy in this manner, I got your contact from a directory on the Internet here in Afghanistan. I find it pleasurable to offer you my partnership in business and I pray at this time that, your e-mail contact address is still valid. I know you don't know me but I meant no harm sending you this note, just that I don't have anyone out there to talk to, as I lost my parents in a car Accident, when I was 11 year old, I was raise up by my adopted parents, but they died years ago, the relatives of my adopted Parents throw me out of the house saying that I was not their real daughter. I know you can handle this money for me on till I come over to meet with you, we can also build friendship with this transaction. I lived in Lake Jackson, Texas before joining the Force.

You may be wondering why I choose to trust a delicate matter like this in the care of a stranger, but this is the best I can do in my present situation and I would have trusted this kind of project in the hands of my Husband who was my closest confidant, but I lost him to cancer on 22nd April, 2006 5 months after we got married, and my only brother has ruined his life with hard drugs, hence my decision to work with a neutral person if we can establish some trust between ourselves instead of confiding in my buddies back home so that this little secret can be preserved.

Let me start by introducing my self. My names are Sgt. Monica L. Brown, I am assigned to 782nd Brigade Support Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division[3]. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $10,500,000.00 (Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.

SOURCE OF MONEY:

I and some other high ranking Officers made some deal on oil business over there in Afghanistan before my exit to Iraq. The deal worth $132 Million United States Dollars and after we have all share the money I later realize $10.5 Million US DOLLARS which is my personal share of the deal, due to my status as a US Sergeant, I can not be able to move this huge funds to my account in United States to avoid further interrogation or face any kind of probation by the U.S government and I packaged my own share in a briefcase and have sent it to the Red-Cross society, because there is no other way out to keep it with me here, so with the help of a German contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, as I have deposited the consignment as a family treasure. Your acceptance to this would encourage me to send further information for us to proceed.

Furthermore, If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. I believe that such opportunities only come ones way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by. For once I find myself in total control of my destiny. This chance won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. If you give me positive signals, I will give you the relevant details and initiate this process towards a conclusion. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Do not betray my confidence.

If you wish to proceed with this, please get back to me.

Regards,
Sgt. Monica L. Brown
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby ShneekeyTheLost » Wed Oct 11, 2017 4:13 pm

Hooooo boy, where do I begin about the level of fail in that email?

First off, my brother was in the 82nd before transferring to 1st Air Cav, so yea... that kinda ruins it, doesn't it?

Anyway, no General is going to be making any 'oil deals' in Afghanistan, and they certainly wouldn't be including random Sergeants in the deal if they did.
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Dave » Wed Oct 11, 2017 5:06 pm

Well, it's at least somewhat better written than many of the usual Spanish Prisoner scams. The author seems to have exhausted "her" supply of obvious grammatical errors before even starting to write!

I suppose a merciful thing to do would be to ship him/her an emergency care package of misspellings.
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby TazManiac » Wed Oct 11, 2017 5:28 pm

Now that you mention it, I'm tempted to reply w/ a plea, heartfelt and dire, to the affect that I would be more than happy to help out, but the situation here requires me to request a starter package of dollar bills to lubricate the proceedings....

i mean after all, the crik' done rose and the dog ate my homework and everything.
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby lake_wrangler » Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:50 am

TazManiac wrote:i mean after all, the crik' done rose and the dog ate my homework and everything.
Is that all? I mean, come on: she lost her husband to cancer, lost her adoptive parents, was kicked out by the rest of the relatives, lost her real parents to a car Accident (let's not forget to capitalize the 'A'...) The least you can do, is to have had as much hardship as she has had, if you want to elicit some sympathy from her...

So, what, your house burned down in the recent wild fires, and this was after your car was taken away by a tornado? What else can we come up with...You can't rebuild yet, because your land is still soggy from the floodings of the last hurricanes...

I'm sure you can come up with more... :P :lol:
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby Atomic » Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:17 pm

Not to mention the flooding hasn't cleared after the EPA knocked down the cofferdam surrounding the toxic waste dump....
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby lake_wrangler » Fri Oct 20, 2017 8:21 pm

There you go, that's the spirit... :lol:
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby lake_wrangler » Fri Oct 20, 2017 8:27 pm

Meanwhile, a couple of months ago, I received a text message from a cell phone number in Nova Scotia, telling me that "BMO has suspended your account due to unverified bank information. Please login and verify your identity to enable access", followed by a link to follow...

The problem is that besides it following typical Phishing scam message patterns, I do not have any account with BMO (Bank of Montreal)... :roll:
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby ShneekeyTheLost » Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:37 am

lake_wrangler wrote:Meanwhile, a couple of months ago, I received a text message from a cell phone number in Nova Scotia, telling me that "BMO has suspended your account due to unverified bank information. Please login and verify your identity to enable access", followed by a link to follow...

The problem is that besides it following typical Phishing scam message patterns, I do not have any account with BMO (Bank of Montreal)... :roll:


That would've been extra difficult for me, since I have a non-smart phone and can't follow links to anywhere from text messages...
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby DinkyInky » Sat Oct 21, 2017 11:59 am

ShneekeyTheLost wrote:
lake_wrangler wrote:Meanwhile, a couple of months ago, I received a text message from a cell phone number in Nova Scotia, telling me that "BMO has suspended your account due to unverified bank information. Please login and verify your identity to enable access", followed by a link to follow...

The problem is that besides it following typical Phishing scam message patterns, I do not have any account with BMO (Bank of Montreal)... :roll:


That would've been extra difficult for me, since I have a non-smart phone and can't follow links to anywhere from text messages...
Ditto.

Viva la dumbphone!

(I shall spare you all the filk that sprung to mind with the above statement)
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
--Safyr Drathmir
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby TazManiac » Sun Oct 22, 2017 10:06 pm

TazManiac wrote:
i mean after all, the crik' done rose and the dog ate my homework and everything...



And the Meth-heads came up from the city and raided my unattended Pot Patch, which I couldn't get back to due to the Sherrif's not seeing me in the same category as the Vintners, and, and, the recent Meteor Showers fell all around us and ran the car off the road, down a ravine, and into a Skull & Bones conclave...

I tells ya, if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have none at all...
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Re: Schtupid Email Scams

Postby GlytchMeister » Sun Oct 22, 2017 10:35 pm

TazManiac wrote:
TazManiac wrote:
i mean after all, the crik' done rose and the dog ate my homework and everything...



And the Meth-heads came up from the city and raided my unattended Pot Patch, which I couldn't get back to due to the Sherrif's not seeing me in the same category as the Vintners, and, and, the recent Meteor Showers fell all around us and ran the car off the road, down a ravine, and into a Skull & Bones conclave...

I tells ya, if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have none at all...



Sheeeiiit, you got meth-head problems, just give Sarge and I a call. I'm retired from that but I have a successor, she can get someone out there nice and quick. Your suburbs oughta be cleared up by the next week. Three days if you don't mind a little bit of a fireworks show and a hearty dose of theatricality. Criminals such are a cowardly, superstitious lot.
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