Bad Jokes II

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Thu Nov 17, 2016 7:19 pm

Sgt. Howard wrote:-Somewhere in the afterlife there is a Haiku master screaming in agony over what us 'big nose round eye GAIJUNS' have done to his art form!!!


.... or laughing hysterically, I'm not sure...
You mean...

In the afterlife
Haiku masters suffer for
our desecration?

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TazManiac
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by TazManiac » Sun Nov 20, 2016 6:36 pm

So, its 5 - 7 - 5 syllables then?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku Huh, OK- so May, Maybe Not...

btw- (from the song 'Vicki Waiting'...)

The phone rings, it's Vicki callin'
She wants me to come to the crib
She says conversation's better than being lonely
So I try my best to ad lib
I told the joke about the woman
Who asked her lover "Why is your organ so small?"
He replied "I didn't know, I was playin', in a cathedral..
."
Vicki didn't laugh at all.

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Dave
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The Memorial

Post by Dave » Sat Dec 03, 2016 8:02 pm

Suleiman ibn Qutulmish founded the Sultanate of Rûm in the year 1077, seceding from the Great Seljuk Empire and founding a new state in Anatolia (a central part of Turkey today). Shortly thereafter, he sealed his victory by marrying Fatima, the daughter of one of the senior nobles of the conquered city of İznik. Although this was a political marriage, he soon fell deeply in love with Fatima for her kind nature, sharp intelligence, quirky wit, and (perhaps not least) her great beauty.

He was crushed when she passed away less than a year later from a sudden fever. Seeking to commemorate his lost wife, he called upon the services of his childhood friend and companion Pasha Amir Bey. He implored Bey to create a memorial for Fatima that would never be forgotten.

Bey dedicated his life to this task for over three years - leaving his home and living at the palace, dealing with architects and builders, planning ceremonies, and consulting with Suleiman regularly to discern his slightest wish concerning the monumental tomb. He drove himself mercilessly in his desire to honor his Sultan's request, often going without sleep for days at a time.

The unveiling of the monument was a great success... stunning architecture. beautiful art, moving speeches, readings of poetry written to recount Fatima's life and character, and performances of newly-commissioned music. Guests were invited from all of Asia Minor and beyond. The Pasha brought in cooks expert in all of the regional specialties, to serve the Sultan's guests properly. He even went to the expense of hiring a brewer of koumiss from the mountains in the east, although as a good Muslim the Pasha could not indulge in alcoholic beverages himself.

The Sultan got his wish: the monument, ceremony and banquet were so impressive that the tale of them spread across most of the world, and is remembered even today in a folk-song:

Oh what a beautiful mourning,
Oh what a dutiful Bey.
Amir is willing to feed you
Cheese curds and fermented whey.


This is, unfortunately, almost all that remains today of Suleiman's empire. His Sultanate was among the many conquered by the Mongol invaders two centuries later, and the last male in Suleiman's line died in battle with a fierce Mongol warlord (ref: Fletcher Pratt's monograph "Io Aho and the battle of Rûm", Hyboria Press, 1955).

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AmriloJim
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Re: The Memorial

Post by AmriloJim » Sat Dec 03, 2016 8:52 pm

Dave wrote:Oh what a beautiful mourning,
Oh what a dutiful Bey.
Amir is willing to feed you
Cheese curds and fermented whey.
A quadrapastis, for sure!
Pun ranking system --
Monopastis -- basic, change of spelling or pronunciation
Duopastis -- contrived, includes second meaning
Tetrapastis -- true double entendre
Qudrapastis -- artfully crafted pun, highest ranking awarded by a single reviewer
Pentapastis -- promotion to fifth rank requires concurrence by two additional reviewers

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TazManiac
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by TazManiac » Sun Dec 04, 2016 11:39 pm

Well, I hereby Canonize the thing, or what ever it is that elevates it to the next level...

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Sun Dec 04, 2016 11:49 pm

TazManiac wrote:Well, I hereby Canonize the thing, or what ever it is that elevates it to the next level...
For that, according to AmariloJim, you need one more reviewer to concur.

Therefore I, being a second additional reviewer, hereby acknowledge the Pentapastis status of the afore-posted pun.

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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons » Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:38 am

lake_wrangler wrote:
TazManiac wrote:Well, I hereby Canonize the thing, or what ever it is that elevates it to the next level...
For that, according to AmariloJim, you need one more reviewer to concur.

Therefore I, being a second additional reviewer, hereby acknowledge the Pentapastis status of the afore-posted pun.
What cinches it up for me is the book title at the end. If today had been Talk Like a Pirate Day, Dave would have achieved sainthood.

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TazManiac
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by TazManiac » Mon Dec 05, 2016 11:04 am

*aarrrrh*

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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard » Mon Dec 05, 2016 1:28 pm

A man walks into a crowded bar brandishing a pistol- "I have a 1911 with seven rounds in the magazine and one in the tube- and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!!!"

From somewhere in the back, a voice pipes up, "Yer gonna need more ammo!"
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.

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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave » Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:31 pm

lake_wrangler wrote:Therefore I, being a second additional reviewer, hereby acknowledge the Pentapastis status of the afore-posted pun.
You do me too much honor, my friends.

I mean that quite seriously. The last couple of people to be awarded a Pentapastis, ended up having their homes burned to the ground by mobs of enraged linguists and editors. If a trophy comes along with this, I think I'll have to ask that it be shipped elsewhere... possibly Chernobyl or Love Canal.

As it is, I've got this big Rat kicking on my front door, screaming something about "Spoiling the Intertubes for the next hundred years." There's just no pleasing some people.

Arrr... :D

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Mon Dec 05, 2016 6:40 pm

Just so long as no one comes after the "electors", as well... ;)

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Just Old Al
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Just Old Al » Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:57 pm

lake_wrangler wrote:Just so long as no one comes after the "electors", as well... ;)
They might be torn limb from limb - then they would have to be reassembled - an electoral collage, so to speak.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."

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GlytchMeister
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by GlytchMeister » Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:30 pm

Just Old Al wrote:
lake_wrangler wrote:Just so long as no one comes after the "electors", as well... ;)
They might be torn limb from limb - then they would have to be reassembled - an electoral collage, so to speak.
Ugh...
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!

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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave » Mon Dec 05, 2016 9:42 pm

Just Old Al wrote:
lake_wrangler wrote:Just so long as no one comes after the "electors", as well... ;)
They might be torn limb from limb - then they would have to be reassembled - an electoral collage, so to speak.
Dave winces with admiration.
GlytchMeister wrote:Ugh...
Poor GlytchMeister. Fortunately, there's help available.

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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons » Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:36 pm

Dave wrote:As it is, I've got this big Rat kicking on my front door, screaming something about "Spoiling the Intertubes for the next hundred years." There's just no pleasing some people.

Arrr... :D
A Giant Rat of Sumatra???

Chock full o' Puns!

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Mon Dec 05, 2016 11:30 pm

Rodents of unusual size? I don't believe they exist...

What? Did I just set myself up for something?

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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons » Tue Dec 06, 2016 6:36 am

lake_wrangler wrote:Rodents of unusual size? I don't believe they exist...

What? Did I just set myself up for something?
Haha! No setup, just a little Firesign Theater reference for Dave. He and I (and others around here) are fans. One of their albums is called "The Tale of the Giant Rat of Sumatra", a parody of Sherlock Holmes stories. The main character is Hemlock Stones, with his patient doctor and biographer Dr. Flotsam. It is full of puns and word-play, right up Dave's alley! And I find it darn funny too!

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Tue Dec 06, 2016 9:59 am

Actually, it's much simpler than that, for me: your giant rat reference made me think of the Rodents Of Unusual Size from the Princess Bride movie, hence the first line of my post. The second line of my post was almost " *Gets attacked by a ROUS...* ", until I replaced it with the "Did I just set myself up" statement, expecting someone else to complete the scene instead...

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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Typeminer » Tue Dec 06, 2016 1:27 pm

"Frigate!"

"Stones!"

:mrgreen:
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.

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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons » Tue Dec 06, 2016 1:42 pm

lake_wrangler wrote:Actually, it's much simpler than that, for me: your giant rat reference made me think of the Rodents Of Unusual Size from the Princess Bride movie, hence the first line of my post. The second line of my post was almost " *Gets attacked by a ROUS...* ", until I replaced it with the "Did I just set myself up" statement, expecting someone else to complete the scene instead...
Aha! Not ever having seen The Princess Bride, your reference was WAY over my head!

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