Wapsi Square Forum

How do you tell a drunk from a stoner at a stop sign?

Drunk blows right through it.

Stoner stops and waits for it to change to green.

Iz OK I post some George Carlin?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
'Where's the self-help section?'

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin

"And as George Carlin once said, 'You should never trust quotes found on the internet'." - Abraham Lincoln

Found this on someone's imgur blog:

"New math!"

Dave wrote:"New math!"

You can't take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the tens place.
Now that's really four tens,
So you make it three tens,
Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones,
And you add them to the two and get twelve,
And you take away three, that's nine.
Is that clear?

Tom Lehrer - New Math

Edgar Allen Poe's "the Raven" condensed to a limerick
by Gregory F. Howard

(clears throat)

A man in a cold and dark room
saw an ebony vision of gloom
when asked of 'Lenore'
it croaked 'nevermore'

....so he beat it to death with a broom...


...thank you...

...ugh... You... You did NOT just limerick The Raven... Ugh... You did... Bleargh... I think I'm gonna be sick...

I was corrupted by the illustrated version, from those raven maniacs at Mad, and never could take that Poe boy seriously again.

Would you prefer haiku?

Black bird taps window.
December night, full of loss.
Love comes nevermore.

I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.

I have a crowbar. I sharpened it for purposes of combat, long story, anyway: after a while, somebody went and carved "Nevermore" into the shaft.

So now it's no longer a crowbar. We call it the Raven. (Unique crowbar, +3 blunt and sharp damage, -1 initiative, +2 fear, +1 to grapple checks)

Warrl wrote:I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.

Well done.

About 15 years ago, a crow, who was obviously used to people, started showing up at my house in the morning. My ex would give the squirrels peanuts, and the crow wanted in on the action. We always had NPR on when we were getting ready to go to work, too. So we named that corvid Coleman.

Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?

A Winter Haiku:

• Oh, I am cold now!
  Fresh snow has gone all slushy
  and my socks are wet.

Thank you, thank you, try the fish.

A Crow flies into a bar, lands in front of the barkeep, and says "Caww?"

Barkeep replies, "Not for another hour."

Crow says, "Awright, a cowd taww one, pwease."

'Toons ducks the first two empty beer bottles winged his way, deftly snags the third one that is almost full... "Score!" thinks he.

Atomic wrote:

Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?

A Winter Haiku:

• Oh, I am cold now!
  Fresh snow has gone all slushy
  and my socks are wet.

Thank you, thank you, try the fish.

Oh, you wanna do Haiku, do you?

• You have made a chair
  that into which I can fit
  Therefore, do I sit

Haiku is a form
of poetry that does not
rhyme in any way

Still it's great to read
lovely examples of it
on a good forum

-Somewhere in the afterlife there is a Haiku master screaming in agony over what us 'big nose round eye GAIJUNS' have done to his art form!!!


.... or laughing hysterically, I'm not sure...