Bad Jokes II

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jwhouk
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by jwhouk » Sun May 12, 2019 6:06 pm

Never underestimate the resourcefulness of New Yorkers:

Image
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin

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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons » Tue May 14, 2019 6:25 am

jwhouk wrote:
Sun May 12, 2019 6:06 pm
Never underestimate the resourcefulness of New Yorkers:

Image
Brilliant! Self-propelled bags that if well trained will follow you anywhere!

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TazManiac
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by TazManiac » Tue May 14, 2019 12:50 pm

Additional benefit: Less Likely to find Landmines on the Platform. (There are still other perpetrators, not yet enclosed in bags, to deal with...)

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Bookworm
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Bookworm » Wed May 15, 2019 2:49 pm

Hansontoons wrote:
Wed May 08, 2019 8:40 pm
The "J" is putting up with inner-loop life in Houston the best she can. Her previous life at the Casa de Inundación was rather different. it's been a year since we moved and she has accepted her current lot in life- as long as rawhide chews are on hand. The area we have available for walks consists of several blocks of surface streets with a mix of single family homes from the 40's/50's and much newer townhomes. She does have preferences for where to go- it depends on if there is an annoying barky dog behind a fence or gate. We cross side to side at her discretion. There are canine friendly establishments within easy walking distance, and she knows them well. One even provides tasty biscuits to four-legged visitors. Needless to say, that one is a favorite.

Sounds like you either live near the Heights, or in my neighborhood.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons » Fri May 17, 2019 7:28 am

Bookworm wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 2:49 pm
Hansontoons wrote:
Wed May 08, 2019 8:40 pm
The "J" is putting up with inner-loop life in Houston the best she can. Her previous life at the Casa de Inundación was rather different. it's been a year since we moved and she has accepted her current lot in life- as long as rawhide chews are on hand. The area we have available for walks consists of several blocks of surface streets with a mix of single family homes from the 40's/50's and much newer townhomes. She does have preferences for where to go- it depends on if there is an annoying barky dog behind a fence or gate. We cross side to side at her discretion. There are canine friendly establishments within easy walking distance, and she knows them well. One even provides tasty biscuits to four-legged visitors. Needless to say, that one is a favorite.

Sounds like you either live near the Heights, or in my neighborhood.
Shady Acres, south of 610 off Ella.

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Bookworm
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Bookworm » Fri May 17, 2019 3:39 pm

Hansontoons wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 7:28 am
Bookworm wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 2:49 pm
Hansontoons wrote:
Wed May 08, 2019 8:40 pm
The "J" is putting up with inner-loop life in Houston the best she can. Her previous life at the Casa de Inundación was rather different. it's been a year since we moved and she has accepted her current lot in life- as long as rawhide chews are on hand. The area we have available for walks consists of several blocks of surface streets with a mix of single family homes from the 40's/50's and much newer townhomes. She does have preferences for where to go- it depends on if there is an annoying barky dog behind a fence or gate. We cross side to side at her discretion. There are canine friendly establishments within easy walking distance, and she knows them well. One even provides tasty biscuits to four-legged visitors. Needless to say, that one is a favorite.

Sounds like you either live near the Heights, or in my neighborhood.
Shady Acres, south of 610 off Ella.
Yup - I drive through there up to five times a week. I'm in Lindale Park - Cavalcade and 610.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

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jwhouk
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by jwhouk » Fri May 17, 2019 8:02 pm

You know you live in a really big city when you tell people what freeway exit you live nearest.
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin

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GlytchMeister
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by GlytchMeister » Sat May 18, 2019 11:58 pm

jwhouk wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 8:02 pm
You know you live in a really big city when you tell people what freeway exit you live nearest.
You also know you live in a really big city when, in describing where you live to a native, you have to say which little sub city you live in.

“Hey where do you live?”

Me, in another state, not knowing they are a Chicago native: “Oh, uh... Illinois.”

“Oh cool, me too! Where at?”

Me, hoping to maintain some vagueness: “Oh, ok. Chicago.”

“Psh, yeah, ok. Where at, though? Really?”

Me, dying a little on the inside: “uh, I live near Elgin right now.”

“Oh really? I know some kids who go to that community college. Near Elgin, huh? So, what, Bartlett?”

Me, realizing this random person is going to know where I live to within a 5 mile radius because politeness demands it and I can’t afford to be rude: “N-no, Streamwood, actually.”

“Oooooh, ok.”

*siiigh*
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!

Warrl
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Warrl » Sun May 19, 2019 11:27 am

We've had the same thing happen in regard to Seattle suburbs...

... in a twenty-space RV park in Texas.

(Except we're full-time RVers so it doesn't really matter if someone knows where we used to live.)

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:41 am

Heard on the Laugh Again podcast, a quote of a joke told by George Verwer (sp?):

Did you hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging into one big time-wasting website? It's going to be called "YouTwitFace"!

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:37 pm

"Singing in the shower is all fun and game, until you get shampoo in your mouth... Then it becomes a soap opera..." - Phil Callaway (Laugh Again Ministries...)

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Sun Aug 18, 2019 9:22 am

Here's more from the Laugh Again Ministries with Phil Callaway, on their August 7 podcast:
"A friend said to me: I just found out today that I'm color-blind. The news came to me totally out of the green."

"My uncle once gambled away his car in Las Vegas. I tell you, the rental company was furious!"

"I enjoyed puns as a child, but that was uPun a time. There are days when I consider Punching people who Punctuate their Punchlines with puns, but that would be Punkind..."

"A good pun is its own re-word..."

"A friend tries to annoy me with bird puns, I remind him that two-can play that game..."
"He says that the only people who dislike puns, are those who are laughtose intolerent..."

The winners of this month's Laugh Again contest:
"My doctor says my obsession with puns is just a phrase I'm going through..."
"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left hand? Don't worry, he's all right, now..."
"I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I just don't know 'Y'..."
"What do you call a dinosaur with poor vision? A 'doyouthinkhesaurus'..."
"There was a kidnapping at school, yesterday... Don't worry, he woke up..."
"What kind of short do clouds wear? Thunderwear..."
"Did you hear about the soldier who survived pepper spray? He's a seasoned veteran..."
"What should you call an average potato? A commontater..."
"About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in grease. After that, he went downhill fast..."
"If you're thinking of singing karaoke with a friend, just duet..."
"I wanted to be an astronaut, when I was a kid, but my parents told me the sky's the limit..."
"They're finally making a movie about clocks. It's about time..."
"Bad spellers of the world untie!"
"A sign said that falling rocks. So I tried it, and it doesn't."
"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble! You have my Word!"
"Fred Allen once said: Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns... He should be drawn and quoted..."
"I'd like to tell you a pun about a sick bird, but it's ill eagle..."

Typeminer
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Typeminer » Sun Aug 18, 2019 6:24 pm

Some of the information signs on the Pennsylvania Turnpike are inconsistent from section to section. Brother and I have been arguing for decades over whether it's really necessary to be a lert, or if it's sufficient to just keep one in the trunk.

*Hits the gas toward the next exit.* :mrgreen:
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.

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Bookworm
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Bookworm » Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:54 pm

Typeminer wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 6:24 pm
Some of the information signs on the Pennsylvania Turnpike are inconsistent from section to section. Brother and I have been arguing for decades over whether it's really necessary to be a lert, or if it's sufficient to just keep one in the trunk.

*Hits the gas toward the next exit.* :mrgreen:
I keep wondering why people insist on advertising to all drivers that their children are mentally handicapped. They keep saying "SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY".
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:20 am

Bookworm wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:54 pm
I keep wondering why people insist on advertising to all drivers that their children are mentally handicapped. They keep saying "SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY".
Or how about advertising loose morals? I've seen signs that tell people to slow down, as the child they see might be theirs.

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Just Old Al
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Just Old Al » Mon Aug 19, 2019 6:48 pm

Bookworm wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:54 pm

I keep wondering why people insist on advertising to all drivers that their children are mentally handicapped. They keep saying "SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY".
Or what happens when they grow up - SLOW MEN WORKING.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."

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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave » Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:28 pm

Just Old Al wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 6:48 pm
Bookworm wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:54 pm

I keep wondering why people insist on advertising to all drivers that their children are mentally handicapped. They keep saying "SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY".
Or what happens when they grow up - SLOW MEN WORKING.
Truth in advertising?

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Bookworm
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Bookworm » Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:43 pm

lake_wrangler wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:20 am
Bookworm wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:54 pm
I keep wondering why people insist on advertising to all drivers that their children are mentally handicapped. They keep saying "SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY".
Or how about advertising loose morals? I've seen signs that tell people to slow down, as the child they see might be theirs.
Is that like "Fallen Rock Ahead"? I mean, I _really_ don't care about its sex life.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler » Sun Aug 25, 2019 6:06 am

Looking for a sample of the road sign I was talking about, I found this:

Image

I don't know what's more disturbing: the poor grammar (Watch out for OUR children, IT could be yours), the disturbing imagery, or how badly bent the sign is... :roll:

Image credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/myutopian/24078123465

Here's a cleaner view of the sign:

Image
Notice the torn shirt but bloodless body (unless that's blood, and not hair, under the head), the misshapened fingers (particularly as you go towards the pinky...), the misshapened leg, the shoe with no sock on the right foot, and the torn sock with no show on the left foot... :roll: :P
(Was someone in a hurry, when they made that sign?)

Image credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lea-kim/8579403346

Incidentally, one of the first things I found, when looking for the road sign, was a blog page that also included Bookworm's sign...
(DIsclaimer: don't care much for the person's opinion, but I found amusing that the first two signs that have been mentioned here happened to be on that page...)

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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave » Sun Aug 25, 2019 10:12 am

Having had to make a penny-related contribution to the Pun Jar recently, I was reminded of the time I stopped into a church in a small town. The congregation was small and the church had clearly fallen on hard times. When they passed around a collection dish for offerings, I could immediately see that it was a Tupperware knock-off... and by the time it reached me I could see that it was nickel-plated.

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