Bad Jokes II

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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard »

How do you tell a drunk from a stoner at a stop sign?

Drunk blows right through it.

Stoner stops and waits for it to change to green.
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
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TazManiac
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by TazManiac »

Iz OK I post some George Carlin?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
'Where's the self-help section?'

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
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jwhouk
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by jwhouk »

"And as George Carlin once said, 'You should never trust quotes found on the internet'." - Abraham Lincoln
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin
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Atomic
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Atomic »

Image
Don't let other peoples limitations become your constraints!

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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler »

Found this on someone's imgur blog:
i9AbYZr.jpg
i9AbYZr.jpg (40.43 KiB) Viewed 11556 times
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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave »

"New math!" :lol:
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Just Old Al
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Just Old Al »

Dave wrote:"New math!" :lol:

You can't take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the tens place.
Now that's really four tens,
So you make it three tens,
Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones,
And you add them to the two and get twelve,
And you take away three, that's nine.
Is that clear?

Tom Lehrer - New Math
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard »

Edgar Allen Poe's "the Raven" condensed to a limerick
by Gregory F. Howard

(clears throat)

A man in a cold and dark room
saw an ebony vision of gloom
when asked of 'Lenore'
it croaked 'nevermore'

....so he beat it to death with a broom...


...thank you...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by GlytchMeister »

...ugh... You... You did NOT just limerick The Raven... Ugh... You did... Bleargh... I think I'm gonna be sick...
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
Typeminer
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Typeminer »

I was corrupted by the illustrated version, from those raven maniacs at Mad, and never could take that Poe boy seriously again. :mrgreen:
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.
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Dave
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Dave »

Would you prefer haiku?

Black bird taps window.
December night, full of loss.
Love comes nevermore.
Warrl
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Warrl »

I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.
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GlytchMeister
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by GlytchMeister »

I have a crowbar. I sharpened it for purposes of combat, long story, anyway: after a while, somebody went and carved "Nevermore" into the shaft.

So now it's no longer a crowbar. We call it the Raven. (Unique crowbar, +3 blunt and sharp damage, -1 initiative, +2 fear, +1 to grapple checks)
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
Typeminer
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Typeminer »

Warrl wrote:I figured that if I somehow acquired a pet raven (unlikely as I don't want one), I'd name it Quoth.
Well done.

About 15 years ago, a crow, who was obviously used to people, started showing up at my house in the morning. My ex would give the squirrels peanuts, and the crow wanted in on the action. We always had NPR on when we were getting ready to go to work, too. So we named that corvid Coleman.
Saccharomyces cerevisiae is the linchpin of civilization.
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Atomic
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Atomic »

Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?
A Winter Haiku:
  • Oh, I am cold now!
    Fresh snow has gone all slushy
    and my socks are wet.
Thank you, thank you, try the fish.
Don't let other peoples limitations become your constraints!

My Deviant Art scribbles
The Atomic Guide to Basic GIMP Stuff
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Hansontoons
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Hansontoons »

A Crow flies into a bar, lands in front of the barkeep, and says "Caww?"

Barkeep replies, "Not for another hour."

Crow says, "Awright, a cowd taww one, pwease."

'Toons ducks the first two empty beer bottles winged his way, deftly snags the third one that is almost full... "Score!" thinks he.
ShneekeyTheLost
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by ShneekeyTheLost »

Atomic wrote:
Dave wrote:Would you prefer haiku?
A Winter Haiku:
  • Oh, I am cold now!
    Fresh snow has gone all slushy
    and my socks are wet.
Thank you, thank you, try the fish.
Oh, you wanna do Haiku, do you?
  • You have made a chair
    that into which I can fit
    Therefore, do I sit
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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard »

Haiku is a form
of poetry that does not
rhyme in any way
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
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lake_wrangler
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by lake_wrangler »

Still it's great to read
lovely examples of it
on a good forum
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Sgt. Howard
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Re: Bad Jokes II

Post by Sgt. Howard »

-Somewhere in the afterlife there is a Haiku master screaming in agony over what us 'big nose round eye GAIJUNS' have done to his art form!!!


.... or laughing hysterically, I'm not sure...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
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