Okay, a few notes for our young author
1) We were all young authors once. You're allowed to make mistakes - and we point them out so that hopefully over time you'll make fewer. (While we continue to occasionally make mistakes. When you're done learning, they'll bury you.)
2) On this forum (and most online forums) please put a blank line at a paragraph break.
3) Still need some practice on grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and the like. Don't completely trust computerized spelling/grammar/etc. checkers but do
consider their suggestions.
4) Careful with names. Avoid having two important characters with similar names unless there's a very good in-story reason for them to have similar names (we had Patricia and Pauline, aka Dusk and Dawn, identical twin sisters - and promptly killed one of them, before the other was introduced). Even more, avoid having two important characters with the same name. Giving one of them a unique nickname and almost-exclusively using that, is perfectly acceptable. The Extended Wapsiverse already has a John, and from what I've seen so far I don't think your John is the same person. (Oh, and spell Neil's name correctly.)
(Probably not relevant here, but give your aliens names your human characters can pronounce; use nicknames if necessary. Another story has a prominent alien with a name that sounds like a dozen pebbles in a blender - nicknamed Kirk)
5) It took me a bit to realize that Charles is a horse.
6) Run-on sentences too. Example:
Tiberius walked around the library he narrowly avoided a flying kick by Dixie as she vaulted from an upper level.
Here are a few rewrites:
Tiberius walked around the library. He narrowly avoided a flying kick by Dixie as she vaulted from an upper level.
Tiberius walked around the library; he narrowly avoided a flying kick by Dixie as she vaulted from an upper level.
Tiberius walked around the library, narrowly avoiding a flying kick by Dixie as she vaulted from an upper level.
The first one can easily be read as two things happening
in sequence - walk around, then avoid the kick - with maybe some unmentioned things happening in between. Or it can be vague. The third, the kick avoidance explicitly happened
during the walking-around. The second is sort of in between - if the two things were in sequence, one was right after the other. Each is preferable under certain circumstances, and sometimes it won't really matter which you choose. (And there are no doubt other ways of saying the same thing.)