Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

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jwhouk
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Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by jwhouk »

Sometime in the nearer future...

Phix had officially reached her patience's limit.

The incident at the dinner party celebrating the move into the newly-renovated Alexander home was only the beginning.

Her little bundle of fur, Aeternia "Dixie" Antonia, had learned how to fly - and she was being more of a terror than a bull in a china shop.

What was made worse was that she was also cutting in her incisors, which meant she was wailing and screaming even as she was flying around like a swarm of killer bees - and annoying the entire patronage of the Library.

Even Nicodemus, usually unflappable, was getting annoyed at the little flying furball.

Without anywhere else to go - even Nudge was given to wearing a football helmet while wandering the stacks - she decided it was time to seek out unconventional ideas.

She picked up her phone and pressed the speed dial.

"Thank you for calling Richer Engineering! If you know your party's extension, please enter it at any time..."
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by jwhouk »

(Opening credits roll)

A Sargent-Major-Wapsi Production

Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

(Overhead view of downtown Minneapolis runs in the background...)

Starring

(The camera does a "flyover" of various familiar sights: the skyline of Minneapolis, the new US Bank Stadium, Target Field...)

Phix Antonia
Neil Antonia

(The camera then swoops over to the Minneapolis Institute of Art, over some familiar landmarks: the old Abbott Apartments, the exterior of Mucho Mocha, Uptown Minneapolis at Calhoun Square, the shoreline of Lake Calhoun...)

Alan Richer
Greg Howard

(The camera then glides over to the Mall of America, where it takes a curving turn and picks up speed...)

Arania Wardoff
"Glytch"

(The camera finally reaches the outskirts of Minnetonka, where it swoops around the exterior of the Alexander Harvester International corporate offices...)

and, in her first (true) starring role...

Aeterna "Dixie" Antonia

(Finally, the camera lights on the old Building #2, swerving around as a white Mustang GT can be seen pulling up to the gates...)

Executive Producer: Joseph Houk
Director: Alan Richer
Assistant Director: Greg Howard
Special Effects: Glytchmeister Studios, Peoria, IL

(The camera watches as the car pulls into the old factory building, and dissolves to a busy scene of the shop inside - all of the mechanics working on the various cars and trucks in for repairs.)

Based on the Wapsi Square webcomic by Paul Taylor

(A brief glimpse of a dark haired woman rising out of the Mustang, waving at the workers as she winds her way up to a set of offices against the one wall.)

(CUT SCENE: The camera follows her into the door of one of the offices - then pans over to another door, which is partially ajar. SOUND fades in on a conversation...)
Last edited by jwhouk on Fri Mar 04, 2016 9:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Just Old Al »

AN: Sarge and I on this one - though ideas and feedback came from all of us. This bit is going to be very co-operative.

Greg was in the main office with Al discussing a recent find. Cups of coffee in hand, both lounged in chairs at the small conference table and toyed with biscuits as they chatted.

"I'm telling you Al- that thing had a cockpit, not a driver's seat- just because we don't know how it flew doesn't mean it can't!"

"And I am telling you that until we have empirical evidence that it can fly, we will make no such assumptions! For all you or I know, that thing was an amusement at a coin arcade! We never know with these damned Lanthians what in Hades they are thinking when they designed things, as that infernal rabbit involved more engineering than the so-called Manhattan Project!!! Until we can accurately replicate whatever power source they worked with, we have to keep our minds open and our mouths shut! Am I clear?
"
"Al?" Ari interrupted, " If you two are done with your... assessment... of the find, I have the Librarian on line one,"

“Oh, dear – must be important – Phix never calls. Hold that thought and don’t push any buttons – I’ll be right back.”

Al strode over to his desk, Greg following. Al picked up the handset and pushed the connect button, announcing “Madame Librarian – good to hear from you!”

“Al – I have a serious problem – I need whatever help I can get on it. It’s literally a matter of life and death.”
Al’s demeanor changed, concern showing in his face. Greg picked up on it immediately, as Al pushed the button on his phone for the conference function and returned the receiver to the cradle.

“Phix, I’ve put you on conference, and Greg is here as well. Please do tell – what is the problem?

“Al, I’m going to kill the little monster, I swear. I’m at my wit’s end.”

“Little monster? What’s gone wrong? What little monster?” Greg and Al looked at each other, mystified.

“Aeternia. She’s driving me insane. I can’t find anyone to take her off my hands for a while because she wants to stay feral – and getting her medallion on her is a fight and doesn’t last more than a few minutes.

There are no other toddlers for her to play with because, well there aren’t. She is cranky, she’s teething, and I can’t manage to get her attention and absorb her in anything. She’s driving me nuts!”

Greg asked “What can we do for you? I am certainly not going to babysit if this is why you’re asking…”

“No – I can’t leave her with squishies – it would be bad for all of you.”

“Can’t you just put her out in the garden and let her entertain herself?” Al didn’t quite understand the magnitude of the problem.

“Tried that – much to the damage to the local vermin population. After that, she wouldn’t eat her dinner, and had AWFUL hairballs the next day from…well, you know.”

Al and Greg both shuddered – the “you know” part of that filled their minds with a picture of something the size of an ocelot horking half-digested squirrels onto the carpet.

“I say again – what can we do?”

“I need a toy. Something sturdy, something that will take little input from me, and something that will capture her attention.

You are the most imaginative people I know. If you can’t come up with something…well, I don’t know who can.”

Greg and Al looked at each other, then back at the phone. Neither thought of themselves as toy designers – but they’d certainly give it a try.

“Phix, not sure what we can do here, but hell, we’ll try. God knows we can at least do that.” Greg said, the certainty in his voice belied by the look on his face. Al added, “Indeed. Let us consult on it, and we’ll get back to you if we can come up with something.”

Connection closed, each looked at the other with an “OK, NOW what?” expression.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Dave »

Just Old Al wrote:Greg and Al looked at each other, then back at the phone. Neither thought of themselves as toy designers – but they’d certainly give it a try.

“Phix, not sure what we can do here, but hell, we’ll try. God knows we can at least do that.” Greg said, the certainty in his voice belied by the look on his face. Al added, “Indeed. Let us consult on it, and we’ll get back to you if we can come up with something.”

Connection closed, each looked at the other with an “OK, NOW what?” expression.
"♫ Oh, Glytchieeee... ♫"
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by DinkyInky »

Dave wrote:
Just Old Al wrote:Greg and Al looked at each other, then back at the phone. Neither thought of themselves as toy designers – but they’d certainly give it a try.

“Phix, not sure what we can do here, but hell, we’ll try. God knows we can at least do that.” Greg said, the certainty in his voice belied by the look on his face. Al added, “Indeed. Let us consult on it, and we’ll get back to you if we can come up with something.”

Connection closed, each looked at the other with an “OK, NOW what?” expression.
"♫ Oh, Glytchieeee... ♫"
You're not cute, or Elf enough to get away with that one.
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Dave »

As I am neither, you're probably right. :lol:

Unfortunately I couldn't find Unicode characters for an annotation which implies that the musical notes are in a synthesized, earth-shaking deep bass, carrying with them a sense of earthquakes arriving and dread consequences rearing upwards towards a darkening sky

I mean, Dixie might survive exposure to a Glytch-designed toy just fine... sphinxes are tough... but I'm not sure the world as a whole would come through unscathed. That young man has some scary ideas about what constitutes "fun" and "play".
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Just Old Al »

Dave wrote: I mean, Dixie might survive exposure to a Glytch-designed toy just fine... sphinxes are tough... but I'm not sure the world as a whole would come through unscathed. That young man has some scary ideas about what constitutes "fun" and "play".
Considering that you basically have a team primarily used to industrial and weapons design putting together a toy....be afraid. be VERY afraid.
"The Empire was founded on cups of tea, mate, and if you think I am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken."
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by DinkyInky »

Just Old Al wrote:
Dave wrote: I mean, Dixie might survive exposure to a Glytch-designed toy just fine... sphinxes are tough... but I'm not sure the world as a whole would come through unscathed. That young man has some scary ideas about what constitutes "fun" and "play".
Considering that you basically have a team primarily used to industrial and weapons design putting together a toy....be afraid. be VERY afraid.
*gracefully lifts hand to chin*

Mwahahahahahahaaaaa!
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
--Safyr Drathmir
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Dave »

DinkyInky wrote:*gracefully lifts hand to chin*

Mwahahahahahahaaaaa!
That's a fine talent you have there, young lady! :)
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by DinkyInky »

Dave wrote:
DinkyInky wrote:*gracefully lifts hand to chin*

Mwahahahahahahaaaaa!
That's a fine talent you have there, young lady! :)
I am the terror that laughs in the night! I am the rain that falls on your parade. I am...

...running now before my eleven year old catches me for doing this.

*cue it up*
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
--Safyr Drathmir
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Sgt. Howard »

Mah parson'l fa-vo-ryte fer travlin' moosic-

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I speak fluent Limrick-
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by DinkyInky »

Sgt. Howard wrote:Mah parson'l fa-vo-ryte fer travlin' moosic-

I totally forgot Martin could pickit with the best. Thanks. There's a few reasons "That damned tune" is my running muzak...but I like your choice.
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
--Safyr Drathmir
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by GlytchMeister »

Dave wrote:As I am neither, you're probably right. :lol:

Unfortunately I couldn't find Unicode characters for an annotation which implies that the musical notes are in a synthesized, earth-shaking deep bass, carrying with them a sense of earthquakes arriving and dread consequences rearing upwards towards a darkening sky

I mean, Dixie might survive exposure to a Glytch-designed toy just fine... sphinxes are tough... but I'm not sure the world as a whole would come through unscathed. That young man has some scary ideas about what constitutes "fun" and "play".
Nah, if Glytch is making a toy for a kid, he probably won't create anything too close to a doomsday machine.

Just about anything else, yeah. But he can usually keep any incidental Armageddon-O-Trons from going off before he can dismantle them and rethink his design... And if they do activate, he's usually smart enough to keep it from actually ending the world.
Just Old Al wrote:Considering that you basically have a team primarily used to industrial and weapons design putting together a toy....be afraid. be VERY afraid.
NO permanent psychological trauma! Glytch has had enough of that. :P No need to go and deep-fry some poor kid's brain too.
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by GlytchMeister »

Deep within the bowels of building 2, Glytch was rather busy with his latest DEMP generator design, a man-portable shoulder-mounted cannon design - he still hadn't figured out how to replicate the spatial warping of Eme's Bag of Tricks, so the smallest Glytch could get was the size of an average kitchen garbage can. This design utilized a bank of the best capacitors Glytch could get his hands on... Their power density at full charge was five times that of the capacitors he raided from AHI's research and development facility before the Battle. It also made use of a new magnetic metamaterial lens in addition to the faraday dish... Hopefully, the device would produce a highly focused, perfectly cylindrical beam of electromagnetic energy, allowing for precision strikes... With enough calibration, Glytch hoped to get the beam as tight as 30 centimeters.

Hopefully.

Several layered walls consisting of layers of lead, tin, and copper with steel structural supports and military-grade hardened and reinforced concrete had been erected to contain the situation should something go wrong- all electrical devices where removed from the vicinity, with the exception of shielded camera and measuring equipment, several trashy electrically animated toys scattered here and there to see about 'collateral damage' and the target...

which was a large boombox playing Justin Beiber.

Glytch made one last check to ensure all of the radiation and faraday shielding was sealed. Then he stuck in a pair of high-protection earplugs and donned an extraordinarily heavy lead/tin/copper-lined radiation suit, a faraday suit, and finally a hilariously ugly combination of a football helmet and welding mask.

Finally, he picked up the DEMP Cannon (grunting under the weight of everything - totaling at about 200 pounds), took aim, opened his mouth, and pulled the trigger.

KAK-BOOM

Glytch was hurled back fifteen feet from where he stood as an amazingly straight bolt of lightning arced from the DEMP Cannon to the boombox. The boombox was thoroughly cooked, and several of the collateral damage toys had stopped functioning. The DEMP Cannon was thankfully unharmed aside from a little frying and melting of the muzzle.

Glytch took a moment to thank Faraday and whoever had the brilliant idea of using lead and other metals to block radiation for their contributions to science, engineering, and safety before exiting the test chamber to look at the high speed camera footage. On the way, he stripped off all of the safety clothing and checked his radiation badge, which was thankfully showing no signs of exposure.

He came face to face with Sarge and Al just as he exited the final outer blast door. "Oh, hey guys. I'm about to check out the high speed. I think I used too many capacitors... I really wasn't expecting a lightning bolt this time."
The two men exchanged nervous glances before following Glytch. "I hope you used all of the safety equipment, right?" Sarge rumbled.
"Oh, yeah. Good thing, too. That was a big 'un. Threw me back quite a ways." Glytch bent down to examine the footage, joined by Al and Sarge.
"What's that blue glow right before the bolt happens?" Sarge pointed at the screen.
Al shook his head. "Pre-ionization. The energy of the beam ionized the atmosphere-"
Glytch jumped in, his voice a mixture of excitement and frustration. "Lowering the electrical resistance, allowing the bank to dump the charge as a bolt rather than as a beam. Damnit. Useful for replicating solar plasma, bad for DEMP's." He shrugged. "Still, this is cool to know. Might prove useful for those blokes in Germany trying to make a fusion reactor." The hooded young man straightened and faced his patrons. "So, what's up?"

Al grinned. "Phix has a project for us."
He's mister GlytchMeister, he's mister code
He's mister exploiter, he's mister ones and zeros
They call me GlytchMeister, whatever I touch
Starts to glitch in my clutch!
I'm too much!
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by jwhouk »

(Blame Al for this one...)

---

I hung up the phone after listening to the voicemail, while Sarah went to start putting away the groceries we had just bought.

"I should have guessed, coming from the 612 area code," I said with a sigh. "It was a message from Phix, wondering if we'd be interested in – get this – babysitting."

"Oooh, you mean watching Dixie?" Sarah said with a bit-too-eager look toward me.

I gave her a look back. "First of all – her name's Aeternia. Second of all – NO."

"But why?" She went to move our cat out of the way – who promptly ran off into the bedroom. "It would be fun! She's such a cute little furball, just like Kasi!"

"No. HELL no. Abso-LUTELY no."

"What, you don't want to change her diaper?"

"Sarah – she can open an armored truck with her TEETH."

"Okay, you're exaggerating. She's what, not even two years old?"

"I am not exaggerating. She's a sphinx cub. She can wrestle a bear – and probably WIN. WOLVES are intimidated by her! She has a thirteen pound solid brass teething ring – that she's ALREADY bitten in two! She not only chases cars, she catches them and brings them to a halt!"

"Really?"

"Last time we were at Tina's? Shelly showed me the rear taillight from a VW that 'cute little furball' nearly chewed the back bumper off of!"

"I thought that was some hockey thing she was showing you… but what harm could it be?"

"Sarah, State Farm doesn't sell Sphinx insurance. If we were to watch her, she'd destroy the apartment building. And Kasi would be her mid-afternoon snack!"

"Did Phix say she wanted us to call her back?"

I sighed. "Yeah, but I'm gonna have to tell her no way. We don't have a playpen large enough for her." I thought for a moment. "Come to think of it, I don't think even that new stadium they're building for the Vikings would be a large enough playpen for her…"
"Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
"You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you give them power." - Jin
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by DinkyInky »

Just Old Al wrote:
Dave wrote: I mean, Dixie might survive exposure to a Glytch-designed toy just fine... sphinxes are tough... but I'm not sure the world as a whole would come through unscathed. That young man has some scary ideas about what constitutes "fun" and "play".
Considering that you basically have a team primarily used to industrial and weapons design putting together a toy....be afraid. be VERY afraid.
*SNERK*
Yanno how some people have Angels/Devils for a conscience? I have a Dark Elf ShadowKnight and a Half Elf Ranger for mine. The really bad part is when they agree on something.

Aphyon chu kissa whol l'jaed.
--Safyr Drathmir
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by AmriloJim »

"It takes a village to raise a child", and apparently this village has three i... er, influential members.
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Sgt. Howard »

(the three of us have been hammering this one)

Back in the office in front of the whiteboard, Greg, Glytch and Al ruminated.

“What do Sphinxes DO – other than kill and eat people? I can’t say I’ve studied them extensively – even the Para 101 classes Daisy made me take at Gryphon Night didn’t mention a lot on them.

They have wings, claws, teeth and are hunters – with a spiked tail. Formidable, intelligent predators – with very little discrimination at that age.”

Greg shrugged. “Let’s look at the problem in non-para terms. What you’ve got there is a sentient cat that flies. What do cats do? Cats hunt. So, you have a flying hunter.”

“What about playing with a ball? Tough balls can be had – throw them around and Dixie gets to beat them up, problem solved.” Glytch tossed this out as a leader question – not because he thought it was an answer, but as a thought experiment.

“No real challenge – throw a ball and it hits the grass – done. Sphinx is going to be too smart to play with a ball just to play with a ball. Anyway, she’ll probably eat the damn thing – then it will be off to the para hospital to get it removed from her esophagus.”

“Laser pointer? We could rig it to a gimbal mount and just let her chase the beam around.”

“That’s got possibilities – but there’s no reward. Anyway, to work outdoors at any range that laser would have to have some serious power – and getting anti-flash goggles on the little predator isn’t going to work. Anyway, the laser would only show up on surfaces – so no good for midair. Same with a holo projector – no good outdoors.”

Greg spoke up. “Flying predator – maybe we’re taking the wrong model. Instead of a flying cat – let’s look at other predators that fly – raptors. How would you entertain a falcon – or a hawk?”

Glytch excitedly said,”TREATS! You throw treats and play catch – the reward for catching it is eating it. Hunting behavior.

Can we rig a skeet bird thrower to throw steaks?”

“You, lad, are on to something….but throwing something that floppy is going to be a problem….PATTIES!”

“Patties of what?”

“Hamburgers. Mould small two-ounce patties, little but thick. Freeze them hard, separated. Barring that freeze a cylinder of hamburger and slice it up on a meat saw or something – any way you look at it you end up with a hard little puck that will take the acceleration.

Stock skeet thrower will be too big – need something light and powerful to give this thing some velocity.”

Greg eagerly added, “And we could rig it on gimbals – this way it can pitch in different directions and heights. A commercial machine would have a wobbler rig, but we can do better, I think.”

The excitement was infectious. Glytch added “Drunkard’s walk! Use a microcontroller to vary the pitches – simple and cheap and I know Al has a batch of them here with servo controllers and feedscrews to move things. Easy to write a simple program to vary the location – keep the pitch power the same and the burger size to get good pitches.

I can knock that out in a half-hour – the C used in these controllers is trivial to work with.”

“So far so good – but how do you keep it clean? There are going to be misfires….and that will get messy.”

Greg waved his hand at that. “Simple – quick connect and the pitching arm comes off – right into the dishwasher when done. Same with the feed tube and the feed vane – a minute’s work and they’re off and washable.”

“Gentlemen – I think we have something here.” Al started to sketch on the whiteboard, and the design of the machine rapidly took shape.

"Well naow," Greg started slipping into his drawl, " These things normly use a 12 volt motor t' cock th' arm against a spraing, but I 'spect if we use a gas cylinder/piston combination, one t' fire an' one t' recock, we kin git hella power 'hind that puck,"
Glytch whispered to Al, "When did we go South of the Mason Dixon? Or is he being possessed by his belt buckle?"
"It happens when he gets exited- pay it no mind- Greg, what about a rotary engine?"
Greg stopped and looked at the possibility- "Full circle? Hmmm- yup, thayt maht work easier... use a servo catch t' halt it for the next load... fahr the gas... thru a "D" valve, juss lahk onna low-pressure steam engine, th' cylinder takes pressure on either side, dependin' whar th' valve is sitten... but the return feed needs be reduced so's t' slow th' spin when it comes back home, utherwise th' stop wouldn't last mor'n a few hits... HAH! One solid burst o' air, it flings, comes back, picks up a meatie an' waits! MUCH faster 'n anna 'mercial claymaster!"
Al noticed the strained look on Glytch's face- "Too simplistic? Or do you require a translator?"
"No... I used to be fluent in Mountain Man and Deep South, it's just been a while... but he's using 19th century steam technology modified to handle compressed gas? Will that work?"
"I think so- Greg, what sort of pressure are we talking here? And how will this be supplied?"
"Ah'm thinkin' 30-35 PSI ought do it- jes use a small shop pony tank, they hold as much,"
"This... would actually be fairly lightweight... hmm... will this thing be able to alter it's aim?"
"Th' 'mercial units use a 'wobble plate' to change th' direction- it juss oscillates back n' forth, or has anuther t' go up n' daown- figger 10 t' 50 degrees elevation,"
"They do this, how?" Al asked.
"Gear-down motors, pivots n' gimbals- y' hides th' unit so's th' shooter doan see whar it's aimed at."
"My ideas on control would work perfectly on this- AND... as I see it, upgrading to bigger gear as she gets older is very simple..."
To all without addressing anyone, he said, "I really think we ought to get started,"
"I concur- Greg, get onto your power system right ASAP- everything hinges on thayt... oh, bugger... right... Glytch, start with some basic controls and programs- we'll need 40 degrees elevation differential and I suspect 30 degrees azmith. I need to start playing with frozen meat in a windtunnel- ON TO IT NOW!"
"I wonder if I can hook it up to a joystick for manual operation... Or maybe cannibalize a stick from a game controller and put it on a little TV remote... Hmm... I like that idea... OOH the little sticks from a PSP! Yes, that'll be PERFECT!" Glytch pulled out his phone. "Where's the nearest videogame store? Aha!"
*VORP*
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I speak fluent Limrick-
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Dave »

GlytchMeister wrote:NO permanent psychological trauma! Glytch has had enough of that. :P No need to go and deep-fry some poor kid's brain too.
Good. That rules out inventing any more of those damned animatronic purple dinosaurs, then.

The Internet hasn't forgiven him for the first one.
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Re: Bringing Up a Baby Sphinx

Post by Sgt. Howard »

Dave wrote:
GlytchMeister wrote:NO permanent psychological trauma! Glytch has had enough of that. :P No need to go and deep-fry some poor kid's brain too.
Good. That rules out inventing any more of those damned animatronic purple dinosaurs, then.

The Internet hasn't forgiven him for the first one.
... but... they make lovely targets...
Rule 17 of the Bombay Golf Course- "You shall play the ball where the monkey drops it,"
I speak fluent Limrick-
the Old Sgt.
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